Month: August 2023

Have you noticed people demanding/expecting/feeling entitled to have their life choices accepted? It’s a sorry state of affairs when grown adults (at least in age) still need to be validated by not just one but all.

“I’m trans and you will accept me.” Uhm, no. Real adults respond to requests, not orders.

I’ve had many people, some incredibly close to me, demanding that I do what they say and for a long time I did. Not anymore. I’ve had them tell me that I MUST listen to them. Again, no. Respect is not automatically granted, it is earned.

Do you acquiesce to peoples’ demands ahead of your own boundaries? Understand, I ask this at the same time as knowing that saying no is difficult for most.

You have to establish what is your business and when to tell other people, in the politest possible way, to go fuck themselves. I can’t remember who said this but I heard recently that a famous person’s biggest unfulfilled wish was to tell people to fuck off more.

Quite right.

A couple of nights ago, I dreamt of telling a relatively close family member to do one.

If you’re going to achieve anything, you’re gonna have to develop a backbone. You’re not limpid, you’re human and you have a human heritage stretching back however many thousands or millions of years.

Do stuff today, and every day, that’d make your ancestors proud.

Yep folks, last night I was screaming. In my dream.

I told a very close family member to fuck off.

I was invaded at my dining table by a mad woman screaming.

I was walking around barefoot on wet cobbles.

Eye-opening dream.

Let’s face it, every one, inside, is screaming.

Are you too thinking “what the fuck is going on?”

Why can’t people ‘human’ anymore?

Simple stuff, made frustrating.

And the truth, it’s why I’m leaving the open asylum that London has become. Everything is surface, no one can communicate properly anymore. There’s a malaise in people that’s preventing them from getting serious stuff done and being able to see what’s actually going on.

We’re being squeezed.

Slowly being banned from our cars.

Travelling around is becoming more and more difficult.

People aren’t able to understand nuanced and familiar language.

Stop the screaming, let’s find the freedom!

We use words but often don’t know the true meaning.

Simple = stop overcomplicating things, take the most direct route.

Straightforward = well, what are you doing? You’re moving onwards. In other words, you’re taking action.

Nothing will get itself done.

The key to simplicity is confidence. Nothing is perfect and you will stumble, it doesn’t matter, it’s only an issue if you care about what people think.

Wake up, get up, keep on keeping on.

I was walking past St. James’s Palace yesterday. It’s one of the oldest Royal residences in England. An entrance was formed by a very solid door on the outer most section of protective wall. Do you think just anyone is allowed to use said entrance? Hmmmmm!

Now, my title is a little misleading, I’ll admit.

What do you observe when you visit such special places? They are protected to the gills by walls and security guards and cameras. They are impenetrable. 

What do you also observe? Well, you observe that all the people living behind these walls and in gated communities tell you that we need to bring borders DOWN not put them up.

My boyfriend and I recently visited a very beautiful castle complex in Sussex called Arundel Castle. It’s owned by one of the most illustrious aristocratic families in the country – The Dukes of Norfolk. We were constantly reminded, during our trip, of which areas were open and which were private. In the Castle Keep (many, many centuries old), we were constantly reminded of the portcullis.

BRING UP THE DRAWBRIDGE!

What is the point of what I’m saying?

You have the right to privacy.

You have the right to share and NOT share what you wish.

Learn to establish your Yeses and Nos and learn to say No a lot more.

You are allowed to close doors to principles you don’t agree with.

You are allowed to be friends with who you wish.

As my boyfriend says, earn your ground.

………And they are many.

You’ll have encountered it.

The right way to exercise.

The right way to eat.

The right way to vote.

The right way to do the washing up.

The right way to speak.

Everything scrutinised.

I saw a clip on YouTube the other day about the right way to drink water. For fuck’s sake, just leave us alone.

Observe, all the people proffering the advice. 

Do they look happy?

Do they look at peace?

Are they understanding or judgemental?

How well do their lives turn out? Really!

I’ve seen it over and over again. They pontificate, they tell you you’re doing things incorrectly. They all die of heart attacks in their 50s and 60s, they end up alone or doing the podcast circuit. It’s so incestuous.

When you free yourself of the latest trends, fads and fashions, you can go back to normal and more importantly…….

Listening to your own body.

One diet does not fit all.

People are different.

You are unique.

Thrust not what others should do for themselves.

Share your experience in whatever way you like and you will help some people help themselves.

Simple.

The universe has a rhythm, a pace. 

Guess what though? Don’t rest on your laurels.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, getting stuff done is the only thing that makes a difference. And there’s plenty of stuff to do that’s nerve racking. Truly.

Ask yourself this question, who do I want to be?

Do you want to be the person that shirks your responsibilities?

Do you want to be the person that squanders your potential?

Do you want to be where you are now in five or ten years time?

No.

You’ve heard this before as well, do something today that your future self will thank you for.

Build strong associations of success, of getting things done, of being in the right frame of mind by acknowledging your accomplishments.

Yes, it can be scary but scary is good. Scary means you’re growing and guess what growing means – getting stronger, being more productive, feeling genuinely good about yourself, solid.

Decide the one major thing you need to get done today and do it.

How hard are you on yourself?

Do you waste time wishing that things could be so different?

Are you grateful for the things that have happened to you?

I know a lot of people talk a great talk about wanting to improve their lives but starkly few actually do anything.

I have just spent two glorious days away from London with my man (a taste of things to come as I prepare to leave London for good).

You cannot change the past.

You can learn the lessons to act better from here on in.

The choice is yours.

Dear Lord in Heaven above (I’m moving back Up North soon, so say above with a u not an o).

When did we become so doubtful, so untrusting?

My life has got so much better by simply getting on with stuff. Packing up my flat to move out makes me realise, I’ll find everything when I get to my new home, it doesn’t really matter what goes in which bag.

I’ve always described the people I’ve known as “killing it with questions.”

What’s happening there?

Why you doing it like this?

What do you think will happen with that?

I don’t know and it’s great. That means it’s an adventure.

Human beings? Neh, let’s start being Human DOINGS! 

In two days time, I hand over the keys of the apartment I’ve lived in for almost 22 years! 

I’ve been thinking of moving for years and years, long before the lockdowns.

Life is not a journey to figure out everything outside of you, it’s about finding out what your niche in life is.

The path can be treacherous, confusing, disorientating but it can also be exciting, challenging and fulfilling. It’s up to you how you walk it.

Don’t second guess what really motivates you. Trust your instincts, make decisions that enrich you, make you stronger and more free-flowing.

This world is meant to be enjoyed, to be explored and to help you be the most authentic version of yourself.

Dream big, shiny, golden dreams and bring them to life. That’s what you were born for.

We’re so fucking conditioned!

So desperate are we to know the answers to everything, immediately if not sooner – we ignore the evidence of our senses and even our better intuition.

Saying I don’t know is seen as such a bad thing.

Why don’t you know? Are you stupid?

In the face of conflicting evidence, never trust anyone who blindly says they have the answers to life’s most complicated questions.

To assume is to make an ass of you and me. I definitely believe that things come at the right time, I also believe in learning yourself out of destructive behaviour. Don’t make the same blunders over and over. That really does make you stupid.

When you say I don’t know, you leave space for the right answers to flood in and cast necessary light on any situation.

Confidence means with faith. Have faith.

What are you really afraid of?

Looking stupid?

Doing things messily?

Not having all the answers?

Yeah, fuck that shit.

Take the penis, it’s marvellous. It hangs out, it makes people, going to the toilet is really easy. Instantly accessible. Fun to play with.

STOP trying to get things ‘right’ all the time.

START getting things done.

The idea we can predict the future and know exactly how life will turn out is delusional, controlling and pointless.

Let the spirit guide you!

AND make sure it’s your thing!

People want stuff out of you. We all have an enormous capacity to control how things turn out and, make no mistake, that applies to the people around you.

No two people will ever, in principle, agree on absolutely everything. Communication is key. Being confident is key.

I’ve grown up feeling bad about expressing what I really want. It still makes me feel rather guilty shutting down some of the stuff that people say but it’s essential.

You can’t please all the people all the time and saying no is crucial to getting your own things done.

As you do it more, it’s likely you will experience more hostility from other people. 

They don’t understand exactly what it is that you want, nor do you of them. It’s just the way it is. I’ve experienced a lot of pushback when I’ve been honest with people and often, it’s taken far more than a couple of times refusing to budge on particular issues. It can be incredibly tiresome but do it anyway.

I’ve lost count of the amount of times I’ve said to myself and others “it’s my life.” Have you found the same? You have to learn when it’s time and where it’s necessary to build walls. You’re simply protecting yourself from undue influence, don’t feel bad, feel empowered.

It’s only when you’ve learnt to ‘earn your ground’ as my boyfriend wisely says, that you can take the necessary steps to achieve your ambitions, one step at a step, in the way and with the pace that you want.

Once again, always remember it’s your life.

Being a people-pleaser makes you weak. We all know it, we feel it.

Of course, there is nothing wrong with finding out how different people do things, there will be stuff to learn but, ultimately, it’s down to you to understand your unique skills and approach to life to be your own person.

Trust the gut, they say. There is no right or wrong way, there is only your way. We are individuals.

Learn to trust yourself.

Gratitude is important, most definitely. Acknowledging the great things in your life will make you a more satisfied and present person.

There’s something, though, that most people miss.

Listening.

Yesterday, my man and I visited a different area of London and had a massive dessert splurge of sweet treats from his native land. Delish! We’re cramming in lots of things in London before I leave for the magical countryside of Northern England.

In the past, I’ve tried to impose my will way too much. It made my life very narrow. If you’re going to have any kind of relationship, you have to be able and willing to listen. You’re not going to understand absolutely everything necessarily but’s not about that.

If someone is important to you, they have to feel acknowledged as well, otherwise what’s the point?

Every single person that has ever existed wants to feel listened to and finding people you can do that with can be very, very difficult, can’t lie.

Magic comes when you open yourself to being challenged, to accepting that you might at times be wrong and having the openness to trying things you would sometimes dismiss off the bat.

Give it a go!

You know it.

And I know it.

Everyone in the whole world knows it…

No one is coming to save you.

You can seek advice.

You can seek encouragement.

You can seek the necessary confidence.

But only you can make a difference in your life.

If you want to rearrange your room so it’s more conducive to work, do it.

If you want to have the transformational, uncomfortable conversations, do that too.

If you want to change your results, change your behaviour, get on with it!

I wish I could tell you it’s easy but I’d be lying.

Can I tell you it’s worth it? Abso-fucking-lutely it is.

Yes, YOU!

Not what your family wants.

Not what your friends want.

Not what your colleagues want.

Not what you believe the world wants.

What does YOUR best life look like?

Breaking the Control Matrix of what you believe others want for you is the single best way to free yourself.

Your prison is what you believe are other peoples’ demands.

The beauty of Western Civilisation is it focuses on individuals.

If you’re not hurting other people, what is wrong with you living your best life?

WHY, my friend, are you hurting yourself? 

I’ve got a bookmarked YouTube video, it’s called “how I stopped being broke.”

I am intrigued to watch but note this – learn to switch your thinking by starting to use affirmative language.

Instead of “stopped being broke.” we use “started being wealthy.”

Thoughts create feelings and feelings create actions. Actions produce results.

This works both ways – your language makes you either passive and weak or active and strong.

Start to value yourself.

Acknowledge wins.

Accept defeats.

What has passed has passed.

What’s been done cannot be undone.

You’ve experienced and achieved more than you think.

It’s incredibly easy to get bogged down in the mire. Trying to figure out everything single reason why things have happened. Make no mistake, you don’t want to be repeating the same destructive behaviour over and over again but trying to divine what other people have done, why you settled for certain scenarios, ultimately gets you no where.

Are you relentlessly chasing shadows?

Do you feel regretful or angry for things you can’t change?

Are you living life resentfully?

Wouldn’t you rather live life abundantly and peacefully.

The truth is, I am leaving London for serenity, to be around normal people. I could berate myself for not making the decision earlier. Instead, I am imagining my new life and the things I will achieve for being in a setting that really suits me.

There are more options available to you than you think 

AND

If you’ve been on the planet for any length of time, you’ve accomplished things you can be grateful for. Right now!

Let the past go. It’s dead and that version of you can die with it.

Be the confident man you were born to be.

Tempus fugit.

Time flies.

The world keeps on turning (though not according to flat earthers)

Each day, get one thing done that will make you a…

Better man

More active man

More competent man

Man that people will look up to.

You do not have to be perfect.

Let me repeat that.

You do not have to be perfect.

Simply keep moving.

Stress is the enemy of success.

You know, and I know, that there are unique gifts we both have that need to be developed.

It’s all very well talking about fulfilling your potential but it doesn’t mean anything unless you invest your energies in the things you love and that will help you develop transferrable skills, as well as resilience, in other areas.

I’ve talked about Minimum Effective Dose – what do you need to be doing on a daily basis to help you improve?

I will admit, I set a list a short while ago of things to do daily but I have fallen short of that but we don’t strive for perfection do we! We strive for progress. 

Whether it takes you 1, 2, 5 or 10 years to accomplish something, everything has its pace and, as we both know by now, the journey is just as important as the destination (I don’t believe in one being better than the other). 

Accomplishment and satisfaction come from completing things and there’s nothing wrong with that.

I am lucky to have someone in my life who recognises my abilities and encourages (not pressurises) me to do and be my best. He wouldn’t do it if I was not capable.

Hopefully you have such a person around you but if you don’t, start to imagine what you’re life would look like if you committed to your development and start taking SMALL steps to your goal(s).

It’s all within you.

Have a fabulous weekend.

So obsessed are we with trying to get things right.

So perfectionistic.

Wasting time trying to control everything.

What is is. Simple, can’t fight reality.

What are you doing today?

What risks are you taking, small or large?

Are you confident?

Are you scared?

Yep, my friend, get it done.

You think that everyone lives on the same planet.

We really don’t.

London has become a crazy place to live because in the same few square feet of pavement, you have practically every culture ‘doing their thing’ in the same place.

I am doing my level best in my last few weeks here, weaving and winding my way through the people.

I am reminded of the line early on in Titanic. “There’s truth but no logic.”

At least there is no coherent sense of logic. People walk on the left, on the right, single file, side by side taking over the whole pavement. It’s a mess.

Obviously, there are political reasons for all of this. I am choosing to free myself, get back to the countryside amongst normal people. I yearn for the true greenery that makes England a uniquely beautiful place – no one does greenery like England – it is grand and majestic yet dignified and ‘cute’.

Do I get angry at times at what has happened to London, singularly the best city that has ever existed? Yes, occasionally, but no way near as much as I used to. 

The question is this – when you’re complaining about the way things are, what are you actually doing about it? Many think just talking about these things will make a difference. Nope. I went on the lockdown/jab marches and I felt better about myself and the world but it didn’t actually do anything.

Resisting the tyranny doesn’t really work either.

Mankind attempts to figure out ways of doing things, we are a tool oriented species after all and the best system yet is Capitalism. Is any system corruptible, yes, obviously but the quest for perfectionism also gets you nowhere.

I write my blog.

I do my videos.

I visit stately homes that I love.

Spend quality time with my boyfriend.

I am redeveloping the habit of playing my piano and singing again.

When each individual does their best I believe that has an effect. People will respond positively to you when you’re living in flow with nature and that will cast ripples in the ether.

Honest truth: We’re all figuring it out as we go.

Nothing replaces getting out there and getting stuff done.

On Tuesday night, I really didn’t feel well. Life throws stuff at you to see what sticks.

I’ve said everything is a choice.

That means to have a great life you have to make decisions. Decide, like any word that ends in ‘cide’ – that means death.

Kill off doubt.

Kill off indecision.

Kill off perfection and procrastination.

Imagine what you’d miss if you let lesser or darker thoughts corrupt your soul.

Get out and do, only way!

…It is beautiful though.

When you’re a truth-seeker, you’re going to encounter the good, the bad and the ugly. Inevitable.

I find it so hilarious when watching my favourite podcasters and seeing such comments as,

“This guy is a joke, you’re so gullible for getting him on.”

“Boring.”

“12 minutes in, am I staying? Erm…..no.”

An intrinsic part of beauty is humility. Yes, you read that correctly.

In order to appreciate beauty, you have to understand that there is something greater than you. Despair is the last refuge of the ego. You cannot see beauty when you are in despair. You cannot see beauty when you are angry.

Shit happens. It’s difficult sometimes to stay positive, to find the positive. We are all subjects of our physicality but there is a higher plain to dwell on and that is peace – that is love.

Be motivated by love and great things happen. Embrace the mess and make beauty of it.