Month: October 2023

Let’s face it, being a human being is a complex thing.

Man, traditionally, are strong.

They have a mind.

They have a dick that we like to fuck with and wank too (yes, yes, whether it’s right or wrong, we do it)

We have aspirations.

We like to build walls and have borders.

But, let’s be honest, in the last 50 years at least, we’ve not had the easiest time of being healthy.

Pubs were taken over by women.

Gyms were taken over by women.

Politics has been taken over by women.

Public life has been taken over by women.

The office has been taken over by women.

Are we any happier?

Do you struggle to establish your own identity? I certainly do.

If you want to do anything significant, it seems you’ll always be at odds with some in your life.

Admitting where you are can sometimes be a massive ego death. What you’ve done, what you haven’t done, wishing things were different, unable to accept what you fear the most.

After finally being forced to accept that a particular relationship simply won’t work, I am confronted with a thought and feeling you and many will have faced……

Having to start all over again. Feels like that doesn’t it.

Feeling rudderless and directionless is terrifying, no getting away from it. I’ve decided that I need some help. 

Some like the idea of therapy, others ridicule it. I’m happy to give it a proper go and see what insights come from it – with the understand that there is no perfect solution to anything, just going with your gut feeling.

No matter how much you try, you’ll never just paper over the cracks and expect everything to hold together.

You need support, I need support, we all do. No denying that either.

And for different people, that person will come in a different form. A coach, a therapist, a trainer, a doctor, a friend, a family member. Whoever.

Making your own way means just that, going with what you’re drawn to, immersing yourself in the process, being patient with it, being open.

Are you open to being helped?

Are you open to getting better?

Answer these questions today.

We have this idea in our minds that when a bell rings, we are duty bound to answer it.

Demands are made.

People lay their cards on the table.

Does the answer always have to be yes?

No, I don’t think so.

But sometimes, it’s hard to know anything for sure. Sometimes, it’s very difficult to trust people and things don’t make sense. 

Do you feel confused? I certainly do.

After a certain point, if something is going to work it will and, of course, some will not.

The decision to abandon people, places and projects can be very guilt-ridden but living life honestly is more important, no matter the pains.

I remain an optimist, that things will fall into their proper places.

Do you?

Are you okay now?

Without your thoughts – regrets of the past, fears of the future – are you actually doing okay?

Grief is a weird thing. Necessary but weird.

Grief, regret, sorrow are all ways you fool yourself into believing you can change the past.

Everything happens based on reality, there are things you love, you hate, that irritate you, that bring you joy and fulfilment.

You pay close attention to the 1% of things that have gone against your wishes, yet ignore the vast, vast, vast majority of things that have gone right.

Gratitude is one thing but don’t let the myriad worries you have dictate how you live your life.

Let grief be a releasing process, letting go of what you thought you wanted but didn’t actually serve you.

Your life is meant to be lived, not endured.

Do you see animals debating the meaning or nature of the universe? 

No.

Do you see animals analysing the state of their relationships, like we do?

No.

Do you see animals tormenting themselves over past decisions?

No.

You are a meaning-maker, you establish the validity of engaging or disengaging based on what value you will accrue, if it will enrich or enhance your life, if it will make your life easier, freer, etc.

Relationships are really fucking difficult, they require that two people come together and make sacrifices and hardly anybody wants to and even fewer achieve it.

You will generally see one person being more dominant and the other adopting a more submissive role – it’s just easier that way. Understand?

Resignation is far more common than you’d think. For the easier life, so many will simply submit because they don’t want to fight but here’s the thing, it always comes out eventually, you will eventually explode and it’s why you should ask questions as soon as possible and say no way more.

If you can’t say no safely and simply, the relationship is doomed. Doomed and dead on arrival.

The big lesson that most struggle to learn is this…..

You can disagree (say no) peacefully. It’s very hard but it is possible.

Say what you mean, mean what you say and do it straight away.

I’m writing this post very late in the day but I’ll do it anyway.

Isn’t life confusing?

Isn’t life frightening?

Isn’t life an opportunity?

Write this blog post minutes from Midnight.

Wake the up the man who wrote it rather than say “tomorrow, I’ll pick it up tomorrow.”

Now, all you have.

We all do. We love it.

Religious people love to stress.

Atheists love to stress.

Old and Young love to stress.

It’s everywhere. Someone always wants to sell you the solution.

Where does stress come from? Letting someone else take the responsibility for your solutions.

Can’t do it. Won’t work. Never has. Never will.

It’s always down to you. Leave people to themselves.

I like me a dramatic title! This one’s a bit tongue in cheek.

How many people do you know who want to be everything to everyone? People pleasers get flappy and stressed and the saying used to go everyone is suffering in silence, guess what, they ain’t doing it so silently!

I left London because I eventually had enough of the homeless and drug addicts, the ridiculous cyclists, the police and ambulance sirens incessantly passing where I lived.

Enough! Enough. There are the crucial times in life when you have to decide what it is you want and go for it. As I said in my last post, no perfect system. There are risks and rewards, there are advantages and sacrifices.

In the scant three weeks up in my native countryside hometown, there have been moments where I’ve sightly missed my experience of London. I lived in a fantastic area and was able to walk to all the major sites that draw millions of people from the four corners of the world to visit and spend their time and money.

The moments of missing London are few and far between and incredibly fleeting. Why?

No peace.

No camaraderie.

Increasingly, no beauty.

It’s one thing to witness people being confused and confrontational, it’s another when you allow it to wear off them and onto you.

Nope, do not want to be part of anyone else’s existential angst, ta very much. You have to leave people to it. People have the free will to do what they want but they have no right to infringe on your life.

People may say I’m in an existential crisis by having no friends. Let ‘em think it. I simply see myself as very clear about what I want and don’t want around me and I struck gold with my boyfriend. Truly. Frankly, the only thing truly gay about us is that we fuck (and shop a bit).

Being open does not mean you have to say yes to everything. Do not confuse being easy going with being a doormat.

Focus on your influence.

Have you wasted vast amounts of time trying to get everything perfect?

Have you found yourself saying you’ll do something when the circumstances have been exactly right?

I know I have.

I’ve said it many a time, life is messy and getting anything meaningful done requires you to embrace the imperfection of it all.

Why? Because, usually, doing anything significant will involve other people and, here’s the truth…

No one wants what you want as much as you want it yourself. They just don’t.

I’ve taken to accepting that when I feel nervous or anxious or worried, it means something is worth doing and worth doing sooner rather than later.

Easy? No.

Worthwhile? Yes. Definitely!

Sounds like a good way to fuck, right?

I knew what you were thinking when you read that title, dirty cunt.

Everyone wants a piece of you.

Everyone thinks they know best.

What do YOU want?

Remember that!

Words don’t embody their meaning anymore.

In the States, Democrat means communist, Liberal means fascist. No joke.

In the whole of the Western World, Diversity means replacement, Inclusion means censorship, Equity means annihilation.

Again, I am not kidding.

Every breath you take, means someone is trying to get something out of you.

You have to learn to say no to those who do not care about you.

I’m lucky. I have a pretty good idea of what people intend and I am learning to say no but it’s hard sometimes.

Growing up a people pleaser means I feel guilty about saying no, I feel embarrassed, often, by what I feel and fulfilling my needs can be a real fucking struggle.

Learn to have a tight group of people you trust, who want the best for you and vice versa. I have a beautiful boyfriend who does this, again, lucky!

Start to be more confident with your language, say what you mean and mean what you say.

Two weeks I’ve been back Up North after leaving London. Started at a new gym yesterday, second consecutive day today.

BOSCH!

WHOOSH!

THUD!

I am struggling to keep my eyes open at the moment but write this post anyway I will.

We humans are shit at predicting things, try anyway though, we do.

You can only learn through experience.

It will be messy and some days will be better, and more productive, than others.

Key aim – get stuff done.

Always talking about where you want to be?

Yeah, how about where you are?

Be honest.

Be truthful.

Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt, honey!

If you’re any age, you’re going to have ingrained personality traits you need to deal with – just deal with them.

Don’t spend so long on the whys, focus on what you need to do with your spiralling emotions, your anxieties and, yep…

Don’t let life get the better of you, get on with your life.

Everything has to be amplified these days.

It’s not enough to have peace and joy in your life.

You’re pulled in a million different directions all at once and it gets to the point you think,

“What the fuck is going on?”

Focus, my friend focus. You need to hone in on what counts – that will be different for everyone in small and big ways.

Gratitude is one thing, and very important, but purpose is also key.

Why are you here?

Who really are you?

What can you contribute?

How can you be greater in your pursuits?

Where are you falling short and how can you improve?

Be honest about your gifts. Invest your effort and energy in them.

I’m very happy.

After months of hanging in London Limbo, I’ve officially escaped to the country. 

Being back in my native Derbyshire, in the village I spent most of my childhood in makes me realise just how fucking crazy England’s capital is.

Here, the air is clear, the people are relaxed and friendly, they’re NORMAL!

Of course, nothing is ideal, nothing is perfect and within several days of being here, other residents of the block I live in were making veiled demands of me.

Life happens.

People happen.

There will always be those nipping at your feet. This is where the Peace Test comes in.

You have a choice of what you allow into your life.

You have a choice of how you behave.

No matter what age people are, they want attention, they want to be heard (whether for the right or destructive reasons). Don’t fall.

I learnt a phrase years ago from Tim Ferriss when he described dealing with Internet Trolls – starve them of oxygen (metaphorically speaking of course!). He also said to assume that such people have way more free (i.e. useless) time to spare on negative behaviour.

Accept it, move on, be peaceful.

You can do better than them.