Month: December 2023

If you are truly a grateful person, you can’t just appreciate the ‘good’ stuff.

No, if you are truly grateful, you find the necessary lessons housed within your struggles, falls, challenges and heartaches.

Is it nice? Like fuck is it!

It is brutal, painful, like trudging through treacle with no end in sight.

The key? Time, patience, understanding AND…

Asking for help.

Nobody actually does anything on their own. You need people, even if it is only a select few.

But guess what, they are out there and, uniquely in history, they are so easy to find if…

You want to be better. Do you?

You know, right? 

You know what you want.

That’s not the problem.

The problem is wanting it. Why do you feel like you shouldn’t get it? Why do you feel like you don’t deserve it? Why do you believe that other people should get what they want but not you?

HMMM!!!

Why do you have one rule for the world but not for you?

Likely (almost guaranteed frankly), you’ve been taught to please other people to get what you want.

BOLLOCKS!

We’re going into a New Year, please start here – go into everything assuming you can make it a success, that you deserve it when you do the work, that you deserve to have the life that YOU want.

Everyone has their coffee differently.

Some in small ways, some in big, some don’t have it at all.

There is something uniquely satisfying about food preparation, seeing a collection of ingredients laid out on a work surface, mixing them together and experiencing the magic when it’s done.

Some like it sweet.

Some like it bitter.

Strong, weak, with ice.

Meet people where they are.

If they’re a genuine dick, walk away, don’t try and change ‘em!

Have a plan, execute it and see the results.

Focus on being…

A Profit-Producer.

Peaceful.

Productive NOT consumptive.

Your Own Person.

Purposeful.

Many, many, many moons ago, I started building an internet marketing business, met a lot of people, I don’t know those people anymore.

I’ve tried so hard to ‘make things work!’ and wasted a lot of my time, energy and emotion. I’ve allowed myself to be taken over by emotional vampires.

The current challenge is letting go of my ex-boyfriend, I allowed him (even further) to infiltrate my thought process, taken on board his criticisms and endless prodding and questioning.

Learn to ask the right questions, start establishing yourself as an individual, instead of remembering the criticisms of others, start affirming that you know what ways of behaving suit you.

“This is how Martin does it and I love Martin Pavey.”

It sounds naff, it sounds grandiose but all you’re doing is programming your brain to start being your own person.

Be You To Free You.

Do you live in your head all the time?

Do you have aspirations that you do nothing about?

Do you want everything to be perfect?

That’s why you’re reading this because you know you aren’t where you could be.

Throw yourself in.

Knowing WHAT you want is essential but you will discover the HOWS when you get your hands dirty.

Go on! It’s fun and a bit frightening!

Every second is a decision.

Every word is meaningful.

Peace is always possible.

It’s up to you.

Your choice.

You’re always been prepared for something.

People will try and mould you so they can get their way.

Predictive programming is everywhere.

Confidence (With Faith) comes from knowing that you’re allowed to focus on your own ambitions and preferences.

No one else will do it for you.

It has to be YOU!

There are so many questions to ask!

Questions of life, of relationships, the nature of reality, what are we doing here, why are we here?

And please observe how people can violently disagree, fall out or agree wholeheartedly.

We all believe we have the answers.

We say we’ve failed when reality doesn’t meet our expectations. We feel bad when we are shocked and cling desperately to what we should let go of.

When something is unbelievable to you, what you’re saying is that it’s out of your control, that it’s too big to handle (or that you’re too small to deal with it).

Bollocks.

Within your pain and suffering is the key to unlock your potential. 

Don’t go round or over or under, go through what you fear most.

We all want the same things.

Deep down, we all have the same needs and desires.

Uhm, yeah, not really.

I’ve stopped paying attention to what people say.

I’ve started paying attention solely to what people do.

You’ll see it. The words and the actions don’t match.

“You need to start compromising.” – translation, you don’t do what I say.

“You need to stop being selfish.” – translation, I’m not getting what I want out of you or, more crucially, you’re highlighting my selfish behaviour.

As a gargantuan people-pleaser, I totally ignored what I wanted, I set no boundaries of my own, I said yes to everything.

Saying no is verboten in our society. Look what happens when you do. 

You’re called an anti-vaxxer, you’re called a conspiracy theorist, you’re called a fascist, you’re called a nazi, a climate-change denier and you know what all these labels really mean…..

You don’t believe the current thing and that makes you a baaaaaaaad person.

Right now, I am steadfastly single, of course I think about my ex-boyfriend but I learn more and more every day that the level of dysfunction would never have made me happy or peaceful. I allowed him, and many others (frankly everybody), to infiltrate my system, to set the terms of engagement and to walk over me.

I allowed it. Me.

You do too, in one way or another.

STOP!

Please God, just stop doing it.

The vast majority of people want war, observe what they do. They don’t want peace, they don’t want freedom, they don’t want discussion. They take every single side imaginable except their own and wind up angry. Very, VERY angry. Observe it.

Socrates (allegedly) said, “The beginning of wisdom is the naming of terms.” – start being honest about what you want and start working towards it.

Away from – anger.

Towards – joy.

Perhaps the biggest addiction of all is drama!

You crave the excitement, stimulation and immediacy of a good stress, a hot outburst.

Tell you what though, gets in the way of joy.

There are always good solutions.

Put yourself in the path of righteousness.

Everyone has an opinion.

Everyone, deep down, believes they can dictate the terms of service.

Everyone believes they can tell you what to do.

Pay not attention to what people say.

Pay attention only to what people do.

Your part, live your life.

Never complain because it’s always about stuff that has happened and cannot be changed.

Never explain because justifying yourself to others never changes anything.

Find solutions, that’s how you gain true influence and how you actually change things for the better, even if it’s in tiny ways.

Remember, it’s the small stuff that counts – kindnesses, understanding, supporting. Tiny in themselves, huge in impact.

Be consistent.

Be brave.

Be You.

Permission, permission, permission.

I’ve spent a lifetime asking for permission to live my own life.

Have you too?

Here’s what I observe, that everyone else feels perfectly entitled to behave in whatever way they want but bristle at the idea of anyone else doing things differently.

Start to get confident.

Start to assert yourself.

Start to be your own person.

Let’s face it, we’re all putting our stuff out on social media, wanting to be seen. It’s a scant few that genuinely don’t participate.

Whenever you meet someone always assume they want ‘their way’ to be the ‘right way’. Let experience dictate the reality. 

Don’t be prejudiced they say, well, you’re going to do it anyway. You have a worldview, you have preferences and biases. Get over it, it doesn’t actually matter as much as people say.

It’s why things ultimately failed with my boyfriend because I simply wouldn’t accept his hypocrisy anymore, saying he believed one thing but blatantly behaving oppositely.

Start to be around people that you can be honest with. You’ll find it’s very few you can!

Oh, and start seeing yourself first before needing others to do it for you!

Got a massive long list of things to do?

Stressed, tired, fucked off?

Feel like you’re a visitor in your own life?

Sounds familiar right.

Here’s the first thing you need to do.

STOP!

Nothing great was ever achieved in stress or anger, I guarantee you.

Here’s the next thing you need to do.

Think of things you love. And they don’t need to be MAAAAASSIVE! Tiny little things that make you smile. Teeny things that put a spring in your step.

For example,

2024 is a very neat year because it starts on a Monday, I love things like that. Monday 1st January, feels like how it’s meant to be, d’ya get me?

Growing up with everyone around me saying “oh, we must do that.” or “all this stuff we’re going to have to do.” Fuck that for a bucket of frogs.

What do YOU WANT to do? And remember to feel good about doing it and feel good about yourself. Guilt and inferiority are terrible thieves of joy.

Start doing lovely things!