Month: April 2024

Have you struggled to let things go? Have you felt great injustices that you keep reliving? I certainly have.

It’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot for the last few weeks – this unwillingness to release these ghosts.

To be free, you cannot be hindered, weighed down or angry. Just won’t work.

I’m seeing a new therapist today and I will certainly be discussing this with her.

Letting go doesn’t just refer to heart aches, it can also be hard to let go of plans that changed, outcomes not being as you expected.

It’s something challenging but essential to embrace the transience of life. Go with the flow, be free as a bird!

There are times you have to abandon your perfectionism.

There are times you have to abandon the regrets you have over your past.

There are times when you have to let go of what is no more and start living your life.

If you feel like life is unfair, always remember that you have air in your lungs and each breath you take means you can do great things in your life.

Stop beating yourself up.

Start getting stronger.

And remember you can always ask for help when you need it!

Breaking the mould and being yourself means unlearning much of the conditioning you’ve experienced and gone along with.

Having said this, if you’re going to live peacefully you have to separate the wheat from the chaff and admit that you may have gotten certain things wrong.

I don’t believe in mistakes. At whatever point you make a decision you only know what you know right then. Looking back at the past and saying you made mistakes or have regrets is so pointless because it’s all done. To restate it, you only know what you know now.

Stop beating yourself up and remember that it’s okay to change your mind, to rethink what you’ve done and to make decisions that serve you better for the rest of your life.

You’ve always got time to be the best version of yourself.

PRINCIPLES = ALL!

For a rule to work, it has to be observed by all. Do you notice that happening? That would be a No!

Principles are what build great nations. Freedom, property rights, freedom of association and exchange.

You’re contribution? Get out there and let people know how you’ve overcome struggles in your life.

Simple!

Why?

When you say no, which is essential to living honestly, you dare peoples’ disapproval. Anything can fly at you and it’s stressful.

It’s honestly why I talk about resilience.

I have lost track of how many times I have bowed down to people to ‘keep the peace’ or to have an ‘easy life’.

But how you do anything is how you do everything. Avoidance is far more common than you might believe.

And believe me, this isn’t an overnight job. You don’t just magically become the best version of yourself by making once decision.

Step by step, day by day. Do things in your own way.

AKA The Age of the Puritan!

Do you just want to look good or do you actually want to help people?

Social Media is rife with the approved, ‘correct’ current thing.

It was (and still is) climate change.

It’s Covid.

It’s Ukraine (and the world against Russia)

But there’s no thought in any of it. People update their bios with emojis and flags but don’t actually have a clue what they’re supporting.

In a sea of conformity, be a mighty wave of “WAKE THE FUCK UP!”

Putting yourself out there is nerve-wracking, frightening.

But the truth is you have two options, hide or show yourself. You can have the very best offer, skills on the table, expertise but it means nothing if you don’t share it.

Technology makes this so easy now, you simply have to put in the hours.

You have something to offer, probably many things, and so do I.

Let’s start spreading the word.

You never know what adventures you can have!

Believe you can do things on your own? Nope.

If you want a successful business, you need customers.

If you want a successful relationship, you need someone you share values with.

If you want strong mental health, you need people to talk with.

When you ask for help, you admit your vulnerability and people are terrified to do it! Pride comes before a fall.

There is nothing wrong with mentorship.

There is nothing wrong with therapy.

There is nothing wrong with asking for help.

Avoidance is a defence mechanism but a destructive one.

If you believe you can avoid unresolved trauma, you’re wrong. It always comes out in the worst ways you can imagine!

There is nothing wrong with admitting you need help. We all live in the world and there are people out there who actually care.

In order to continue, you have to go through.

Lean into the discomfort. It’s something I’m practising at the moment. The answers may not be pleasant but they will set you free.

Break the mould – be brave.

Notice how people shrink from living their lives?

Cancel Netflix.

I won’t do that course.

I can’t afford that meal.

I won’t see the therapist that’ll help me the most.

Life is a series of decisions.

Even if you’re avoiding and shrinking from something that is a decision! It’s always your choice. Believe me, I am not minimising the fact that it can be scary, you can feel yourself breathing shallowly, thinking “Oh, I don’t need that.”

When you’re scared, the best solution is to go THROUGH.

I’ve encountered this today. I e-mailed a new therapist after parting ways with my last one and she charges a lot more than what I was previously paying. 

Hoo, hoo, hoo, hee, hee, hee. Sharp intake of breath my friend! Nerve-racking! Not gonna lie!

Book the session with her, I will but this is a reminder to you….

NOT to shrink from your greatness but….

TO grow into your greatness.

Be honest about what you need and want.

Be adaptable.

KEEP GOING!

Everyone has an orthodoxy.

Everybody has their own delusion.

Everybody has their own dissonance.

Reality can be hard to deal with!

Do you like to believe you are the arbiter of truth? That you say the real deal? I certainly do. We all do. Wouldn’t it be so much simpler if everyone just agreed with you? 

Unfortunately, that makes you a tyrant!

The other day, someone responded to a YouTube comment I left eons ago about the Brexit Debate. I said to him that I knew I done the right thing by voting in favour of leaving the EU. I believe I’m right, you may believe that to be wildly abhorrent!

To break the spell of ‘the current narrative’, you have to first accept you believe what you believe. Accept it for the time being. I am a big questioner and skeptic but you’re living in delusion if you deny what you believe. You have good reasons for believing what you believe, because of your background, your circumstances. 

There is no one on the planet who holds to their beliefs randomly. I’ve never believed in coincidence. We live in cause and effect. 

Stop wasting time trying to get people to believe different things. Most are not capable of it. You need to have intelligence for that and there are many stupid people. Agree or disagree with me, that’s your business.

You have to live your life inside out. Start focusing on getting stronger, more resilient and, most importantly, not giving a fuck about what others think of you or what they believe.

Simples!

Animal or thinker? Which one are we?

You know me, I talk about ‘both’ thinking rather than either or.

The rational and the feral fight within us all, that’s the war. 

You think that war happens outside of you. Ha ha, child! Why no, it begins in you, in your heart, in your head, in your loins.

We want sex. There are cocktails called Orgasms, desserts called Knickerbocker Glory that we literally describe as sinful.

Honest to God, I feel ridiculous a lot of the time.

Despite knowing that my ex-boyfriend and I were totally wrong for each other, I still occasionally think of how imposing and impressive he was. How he had a massive cock and that we had incredible sex together.

The crazy thing is, if we devoted even half the amount of time to meaningful activities like reading or building businesses that we devote to doom scrolling on Instagram or watching porn, there would be a lot more balanced and happy people.

We’re all subject to our desires. That won’t change.

What do you do with your time? That’s what will make your life different!

Ever found that people try to mould you to make their lives easier?

Have you always been a questioner and seen people shift and feel awkward around you?

Ever wanted to break free from the tyranny of others’ expectations?

Yep, me too, and that’s where understanding your own nature comes in.

You are universes of potential, you have it within you and, as time has passed, your unique gifts have been covered and covered and diminished and trampled.

Understanding your own nature means to accept and embrace you have your own will, your own desires and your own space. Don’t be frightened to take up room and let people know who you are and what your boundaries are.

Leave yourself completely open and people will try in their droves to take advantage of you and judge you for things they simply don’t understand.

Ask yourself real questions and leave yourself the time and space to get the true answers.

What do you love?

What makes you feel peaceful?

What do you enjoy going out to do?

How long does it take you to absorb new things?

Write down all the questions you’d love to ask yourself, meditate on them, think about them when you’re out and about.

Always remember, it’s your life and you get to live it your way!

People don’t know the difference between an order and a request.

Neither do they know the difference between an order and a suggestion.

Do this, do that, eat this, don’t eat that.

Look at any post online and the vast majority of the time you’ll see people searching for authority but not respect.

Giving advice is largely wasted because people are going to do what they’re going to do anyway.

Share what you’ve experienced, share what you’ve overcome, share how your life is better – that’s the best thing to do online.

Ever heard people say you or they are victims of circumstance? Yeah, passive. Don’t let that shit invade your brain.

The great heroes of our culture always triumphed OVER adversity. They didn’t let the status quo affect them, they did not topple to howling wind of misfortune.

Will power is rare because so few are decisive in their own interest. 

I’ve just been watching a podcast about a particular doctor who spoke out against the medical tyranny of the plandemic and even he got jabbed and then complained about it afterwards.

Thinking and, most importantly, behaving independently is the most decisive thing you’ll do and it’s brave.

However bad you believe your circumstances are, you can be stronger. 

Here’s the truth, most people don’t accept themselves, so how can you expect them to accept you?

People are full of doubts and questions and are so wrapped up in trying to make it through their days, there isn’t any room left for anything else.

People pleasing is probably the world’s biggest actual pandemic. Racing around, trying to be liked, trying to be seen, trying to be accepted.

STOP!

If you’re looking to be accepted, it means you’re masking your own feelings of inadequacy. You believe there’s something hideously wrong with you.

Stop and ask yourself seriously, is there anything genuinely wrong with me? Are you totally unnecessarily beating yourself up? Likely yes!

Make your first step today to just accept where you are, give yourself time and let all the issues come to the surface, only then decide how to continue living your life!

I’m an observer of human nature, some may say nosy, some may say voyeuristic but the truth is, I like to know where I am with people.

The rush judgements I’ve made in the past mean I’ve left myself open to manipulation. There’s no other way of putting it.

The reason you have to trust yourself first is manipulation happens when you doubt yourself, you don’t trust the evidence of your own eyes and, most dangerously, you’ll blame yourself and make excuses for other peoples’ behaviour, no matter how destructive it is.

Standing up for yourself can feel exceptionally awkward and you’d be surprised how common peoples’ feelings of guilt can surface.

Throw that out of the window.

You have to trust yourself before you can trust other people. Why? Because life is inside out. You have unique needs and unique gifts, that’s the way it is for everyone. You have your perspective, you have your preferences and that is good.

Once you trust yourself, you can meet people evenly and calmly.

Sounds good to me, sound good to you?

Every day is a new opportunity to stand up for yourself.

Every day is a chance to be stronger and more principled.

Every day is your decision to not be pushed around.

Live your life.

You feel hopeless.

You feel like no understands.

Finding good people seems very difficult.

If you’re doing anything significant, honestly, it feels like you’re screaming at an empty hall most of the time.

Been there my friend. And much of the time, I feel the same.

Remember, there are people out there who care.

I promise, you are not alone.

You have a history.

I have a history.

We all of us have histories.

When you think back, do you remember getting the stuff you needed?

Affection

Encouragement

Support

Fun

Laughter

Education & Wisdom

Feel free to add your own to the list, there’s a lot and the likelihood, at best, is that you got some but felt lacking elsewhere. It’s life.

I debate in my head the idea of ‘everyone tried(s) their best’ – I think it’s probably true. It’s the optimist in me.

But when you reach adulthood (the arbitrary figure of 18 in a lot of cases), there’s stuff you simply don’t know. It’s okay to be unsure. It’s okay to try things and so-called making it up as you go. 

To take responsibility means you have to give yourself some of the stuff you need and you can figure out how to give it to yourself. No one else actually knows how to do that for you. They try and help but they don’t have all the answers either. 

Beware anyone who tells you they know it all. That usually means they just want you to agree with all the ways they want to do it.

I say it often and I will say it again now.

It’s your life and you live it.

Taking responsibility means you decide how and what to get that you need but it also means taking control for yourself.

Be strong and keep going.

There are times I have no idea what I’m doing.

I wonder if I’ll ever be able to break through and achieve what my heart desires.

I get confused.

I get anxious.

I get angry.

And often it feels like nobody cares. – Because they don’t.

If you’re going to achieve anything, it has to be down to you and that, my friend, can feel incredibly lonely.

I find it hard to be around people. I actually find it quite stressful at times.

The honest truth is you have to stand strong in your…….

Routines

Desires

Ability to say no – the most important!

Don’t give up.

Keep going!

Oh my goodness! The Ego Is Firing UP!

Am I going to admit this shit to you (I mean, yes, but still! EEEEEEK!)

I had my parents to stay the last week.

It was fabulous. Peaceful, enjoyable, open.

BUT!

A couple of moments – YES! Okay. – moments of ME recoiling.

It’s hard to be peaceful and take advice at the same time.

We all of us want to be in the right.

We all of us want to control EVERYTHING!

We hate being wrong.

I’m lucky. I have a lovely family.

(Again) BUT!

I am impatient.

I am sensitive.

I feel like I’m always being criticised.

Listening is hard.

Understanding human nature at all, it’s agony leaving people to say what they want to say knowing how they’ve behaved.

I can’t stand it sometimes.

Nice week and when they’re leaving a laundry list of things that are ‘wrong’. Can’t deny it, it pisses me off but I know that’s an area to work on.

Peace is the goal.

Abundance is the goal.

Joy and Happiness are the goal!

Always remember that!

Life unfurls largely in mystery.

You cannot know everything and, like yesterday as I talked about adventure, mystery can be a great way to drive progress – if you allow yourself to be curious and inquisitive and learn.

This is where stillness makes such an enormous difference. Stress never got anyone anywhere positive.

You don’t have to know everything, not all at once.

Take the first step, then the next!

Observe most peoples’ lives. 

Safe

Monotonous

Do they enjoy it?

I like an adventure, a bit of drama. It keeps life interesting.

We none of us know all the answers, it satisfies the curiosity in you.

Search, yes.

Play? Most definitely.

The effects, not that big a deal.

The consequences, oh those make you so much stronger!

Very little actually matters.

Be who you are.

And enjoy it!

If you wait for people to behave in exactly the way you want, you’ll be waiting a lifetime.

Anxiety is the gap between expectation and reality. You’re always going to suffer if you don’t accept the way things are.

The biggest shift I’ve experienced in the last few months (yes, from doing therapy at the top of the list) is being more decisive and more confident.

Just get things done.

You can’t plan for everything.

You can’t mould the world into perfection.

The things you are most scared of are actually the best blessings in disguise.

You can’t control what happens outside of you but you can always choose how you react.

Remember, it’s always your choice.

You think you’ve have it bad.

Until!

You hear stories of other peoples’ lives!

Mate, you have it easy.

You waste your time thinking how hard done by you are!

Nope.

No excuses!

People say they want others to ‘be all right’ – they don’t. They want you angry but offer no solutions.

Don’t fall for any of it.

Find the positives, they are always there.

Life is not about adding loads of new stuff in.

No, no.

It’s about peeling the onion and greeting the new day fresh and full of enthusiasm for the handful of things that really matter to you.

I’m reading a great book at the moment by a Danish philosopher called Soren Kierkegaard. It’s called “Purity of Heart is to Will One Thing.”

What matters to you?

What do you love?

Establish that and immerse yourself in it, do not medicate or dull the feeling of power or of progress.

Wake up feeling lucky to be alive – because you are.

I’ve written a lot about confusion recently. It’s a feeling that has followed me for much of my life.

Maybe this has always been the case, I don’t know, but it seems especially now that we have to know the answers to absolutely everything and God forbid that you don’t lest you be hounded and shouted at for not having a perfectly formed stance on every issue.

Certain things are obvious.

Certain things require more patience.

Trying to make sense of things seems impossible because there’s so much noise. I often feel the pressure on my head trying to establish exactly what I want to do with my life but then I remind myself of this…..

Focus on the positive things you’re already doing. Very simple. Every day take a step, build things that matter to you – and only you. It can feel lonely but you have to start giving yourself props for the work you’re doing. Congratulate yourself, feel good about yourself.

It may seem impossible because you have big dreams but keep on going!

I got a lovely suggestion the other day from a follower of mine on YouTube. In reply to one of his comments, I asked him what videos he’d like to see and he said,

“Honestly I would love to see a video about you and how you got to be the person who you are now.”

I had a very confusing upbringing. What I noticed is something I still see today. What people say and what people do rarely matches. For all the talk of wanting peace, people relentlessly argue with reality and end up miserable, angry too.

I think from the earliest of times, I wanted to be authentic, I wanted to say what I do and do what I say. Not saying that’s easy of course and plans in your head often work very differently in reality.

But I like to think I’m honest enough to give things my best shot and admit when things don’t work out exactly as I might like. We’ve become so afraid of what people might think but hardly anything that you think matters really does.

Character is born through facing life’s challenges and doing so willingly. Most people, and I hate to say it, just want to fight, so their lives are a fight. 

I didn’t want that.

I’ve always been an optimist and I’ve always believed I am lucky. It’s seen me through many a tough time. That’s what I mean by a consistent character. I’ve focused on what I want my life to be and my current stage of development is to be more resolute and confident about it – and to find the positive in everything I do.