Month: June 2024

Everything is a process of becoming.

Go into everything knowing you can put everything in its place. Yes, things look chaotic or disorganised but don’t let yourself be passive. 

People talk about being out of the woods but you never fully know what’s around the corner. They’ll say “take care” or “be safe.”

Be BASED! 

Bold

Adventurous

Strong

Energetic

Determined

There are always going to be people who see the world differently than you. They have different principles (or actually no principles at all!), different wants and needs, different priorities.

You have to learn to leave them to it.

Put your own life together. 

Control only what you can control.

Eventually, the jigsaw comes together.

Bizarre as it sounds, gratitude can be very challenging at times!

The Christian message is that life is suffering. I have difficulty with this but there’s no doubt that endurance and perseverance are noble traits.

Can you honestly stare evil in the face and say you’re glad for it? Tough!

But if you can stand strong in the face of the lashing winds, you have every chance and hope of overcoming any hardship.

One step at a time is what I said yesterday, life gets messy and you have to pick up the pieces and march on.

Be glad for the harder times as well as the sweet times. Guess what it makes you – unstoppable!

There are some days where everything feels like an effort.

Hard work, people are piling down on you, no time to pause and take everything in.

One more step. That’s all you have to do.

Get a small job done.

Get a big job done. 

Finish what you’ve started.

Once you make that step you acknowledge that you can, that things are not as difficult as you thought, that you’re able, that you’re accomplished.

Building momentum in a positive direction is the key, that’s the goal. There’s so much stuff happening all the time, leave it to its business.

Just one more step, everyday, you’ll make your way.

I’ve been on the planet for well over four decades now! Incredible! Still here, people, still here.

I have hopes and dreams, aspirations, really irritating things I’ve been through, still here, people, still here.

There are many moments where I just want to scream. There is plenty of stuff that riles and annoys me. Not going to lie.

I’m probably a massive neat freak, I can stand mess, people pushing in queues (very English!), people dropping litter, cyclists! And, honestly, I just don’t get it. 

BUT!

You get to be the one to sort these things out. Yes, we pay taxes to employ people to do this stuff and when they don’t it you are perfectly entitled to think what the fuck! But what’s the outcome, what’s the result?

I know if I pick up the rubbish and put in the bin like a proper person, I’ve made the world more beautiful.

You can never force anyone to do anything, pointless even thinking it. People are trapped in their thinking and their shortcomings. That’s the life they’ve chosen.

If you’re still here – be the one to make the difference.

In my time, I’ve pondered the idea of permission a lot.

Always asking permission

Not wanting to bother people

Not wanting to ‘get in the way’

They’ve actually been huge, recurring themes and, I have to admit, ridiculous sources of stress.

You’ll hear people say “Oh! You can’t do that” and variants of it, including the oft used “what gives YOU the right?”

Another persistent theme I observe is those that make demands are the least likely to discuss or negotiate anything (and the most fucking annoying!).

I believe there are inherited ideas in all of us that ‘the powers that be’ or the ‘they’ people, the overlords, the cabal, the new world order, whatever you call them, that the overarching spectre wants us SMALLER. We, somehow, want to tow the line, not draw attention to ourselves, that we want to be ‘good, little boys and girls.’

Stay in your lane.

Who do you think YOU are?

Who made you judge and jury?

I remember a teacher of mine telling me not to be so ‘self-satisfied’ when I had done well in a piece of work.

You’ve heard it all too, just like me.

Sometimes, certain things you want to say just seem really scary. Pushing the send button on that e-mail letting someone know your feelings can feel unimaginably daunting but regardless…

Give yourself the permission.

I’ve avoided a lot of strengthening decisions because I didn’t want to land someone else in ‘trouble’ or discomfort. You can’t live that way because you’ll live your own life. You have to leave other peoples’ lives to themselves.

If it’s scary, that’s normally a great sign to jump in!

So, my friend, you CAN do that!

“You’re a loser.”

“You’re pathetic.”

“You’ve achieved nothing.”

“You’ll never amount to anything.”

The fucking things we say about people, honestly.

Everyone feels slapped by reality and we wonder why men get lost in things like video games – there is a sense of satisfaction, achievement and mental accomplishment.

Are we so cruel that we can’t see how people are struggling?!

And the people who make demands of what we should be doing – is there any willingness to discuss anything? No.

You know the tune – “It’s my party and I’ll blog if I want to, you’d write blogs too if shit happened to you!”

Yep, I turn 43 today. I am spending it, physically, on my own but you know what, you’re never really alone.

You have memories to reflect on.

Pondering what you’ve done in the last year and what you still aim to do.

You might feel a bit ‘older’ – a little more tired.

Yes to some of this for me, no to the rest.

We all go through adventures and challenges. Life would be tremendously boring otherwise. And while I know it’s not traditional to make resolutions at Birthday (wishes are the order for going ‘up’ a year) but I know what I want.

More peace.

More positivity.

More productivity.

Here endeth the post, I am going back to drinking my champagne!

There are great days and there are harder days.

The secret – keep going. This time too shall pass and there are brighter moments to enjoy.

You can do it!

Yep, Nigel Farage is going to save Britain, singlehandedly, because he has that power.

The urge, the powerful, irrepressible urge to believe that he’s the answer. That Trump is the answer. That, even as a Brexiteer myself, leaving the EU will be the answer. Yes, they’re probably steps in the right direction but no one or no thing is coming to save you.

It’s all various forms of paradigm thinking, of status quo up-propping, of believing what you’ve been told as gospel truth.

Divide and rule

Bread and circuses

Diversion and subversion

I’m not here to announce that you’re the Messiah, that you’re going to be the one to make the ultimate difference.

BUT

To quote Michael Jackson, “I’m starting with the Man in the Mirror.”

Expect nothing from anyone, they’re too busy trying to make their own way through.

Yes, my friend, it has to start with you.

Scratch that itch.

Want to start a mini project? Do it. 

I watch so many interviews and podcasts and read so many different articles and the common denominator is that people don’t regret the stuff they HAVE done but that which they haven’t.

Funnily enough, I started watching an Andrew Tate podcast yesterday and it was all shouting and ‘you’re a loser’ and to, fine, if you’re into perpetual ‘fight’ and ‘attack’, you go for it but when you’re so obsessive that you can’t actually appreciate anything or have gratitude, then it’s not for me.

Dream, build, have fun, do the stuff that brings you joy and peace!

Most of the peoples of the world are followers. I’m not saying this as a criticism nor a judgement, it’s just an observable fact.

I think a lot of people live in fantasy worlds of their own making, wanting to build something, propping up the status quo by believing they’re oh so virtuous and original, day dreaming about a life they will probably never live.

Harsh, Martin! Harsh. Okay.

You may want to build but are you captain of your own ship, creating a culture and a fresh vision of how the world, even in a small way, could be better?

It’s really important to dig deep in yourself and ask what truly motivates you.

I’ve been through peaks and troughs, highs and lows, periods of great productivity and times I’ve needed to cocoon myself and get crazy amounts of sleep – I sometimes laugh at myself because I am turning 43 in a matter of days and I still feel like a teenager. I think it’s quite a common thing to feel lesser than your years. Ask most and they’ll tell you they still think and feel like they’re young.

I believe being captain of your own ship means a couple of things.

One, that you’re the one in control, responsible for making the decisions, whether minor or major.

Two, that you embrace the adventure – and certainly this, for me, means that you learn to have fun with it, no matter what’s happening. Seeing everything as a gift that propels you forward and a sign that you’re resilient as fuck. Unstoppable. This is a word that echoes in my head frequently. I try to be as determined as I can be, as much of the time as possible. Not always easy and it’s not 100% of the time.

In one way or another, we’re always navigating through some kind of uncertainty, stormy waters, feeling directionless, lacking purpose. But it passes. The realities of life are never quite as bad as you contemplate them in your mind’s eye.

Laugh your way through, find the joy wherever and whenever you are. Keep on keeping on.

Some days are better than others, you’ve been through it.

I like to get to my post out as early in the day as I can but sometimes it doesn’t work out that way.

Like today.

Today my body needed rest, A LOT of rest and I gave myself that gift.

Now I am writing this and it will go out – getting the work done is the most important thing.

When unusual circumstances hit – keep going!

You’ve got it in you.

Fears are so much worse in your head.

Whatever you’re facing is never, ever as bad as you THINK it is.

I’ve read so many books, watched so many podcasts, read so many tweets and posts all over the internet and everyone who goes through hard times (and there is some serious shit that people have been through), they are always grateful to have experienced the hardest of times.

There is adventure everywhere and, if you grow a set, you can use whatever happens to your advantage……

To be stronger

To be more stoic and philosophical

To be unstoppable!

Carry yourself with dignity and poise and face the adventure head on.

Everyone wants their own way AND everyone believes that their position is the right one.

It goes for everything, people are tied to their jobs, their personal lives, their political opinions, their food habits, exercise preferences.

And believe me, I understand that it’s all for serious reasons. Nothing’s random.

Always remember though, that just because the wind howls, you don’t have to fall!

Most often, I have a title for these posts that springs into my head and I think to myself ‘Yes! That’s a great topic.’

Sometimes, though, it doesn’t happen that way. 

‘I don’t know what to write today.’ – which obviously we know is bollocks because we have universes of info to impart!

In a recent encounter, someone asked me ‘what do you want to do?’ and I responded, very sincerely, that I didn’t know. The man laughed, not nastily, but I genuinely think he was surprised to hear someone being so honest.

Don’t be afraid to admit the truth.

We none of us has all the answers. It’s a great place to start and progress by asking great questions.

If I had been given £1 every time I have heard this question asked, I would be a very rich man by now.

Sorry though friends, people ask the wrong questions.

When you hear someone ask “can I trust you?”, they’re not asking about your trustworthiness, it’s code……for will you AGREE with them.

Here’s why. 

The way most people live is outside in, they believe there are external forces responsible for their lives, they search out rather than look in for the inspiration they need. They also believe that the world is someone else’s fault or job to deal with.

Nope.

I will offer this small defence that people also ask this question because they are frightened of the outcomes of their actions and interactions. They lack self-belief because they focus on other peoples’ movements.

Learn to trust yourself.

You know, I write these posts on a daily basis and I put them on my website, as a post on YouTube, Facebook/Instagram and Twitter.

Even for people who read them, they don’t really read them. It’s all very cursory and surface level interaction.

From such, turn away.

Today marks the 138th Anniversary of my idol’s – King Ludwig II of Bavaria – death. He was fabulous, most notable for building Schloss Neuschwanstein in the Bavarian Alps, model for the Disney castle. He also enabled Wagner to get all his operas out.

Ludwig was not average. He dreamed crazy dreams and did stuff.

I am not average, I still have ways to go but have already done much stuff.

And there’s You. Don’t be average, be awesome.

Read the posts properly, take your time and don’t just like them because you want something out of some body.

Learn from every experience. Therein lies the path to greatness!

I had a very feminised upbringing. 

Being surrounded by women all the time, things were rather chaotic.

The biggest lesson I’m learning now is to say ‘No’ – to define boundaries and stick to them – I’ll be honest, I find it very, very difficult.

So, I often feel rather trapped and neurotic, anxious too.

It’s all a process of unlearning for me. Getting stronger (i.e. being more decisive and feeling GOOD about it) and, frankly, feeling like I’m doing it all alone is very tough and slow and laborious.

Because of all this, I have subjected myself to………

Massive over-analysis

Feeling paranoid much of the time

Pretty much constantly scanning for ‘threats’

Thinking of, and actually referring to, myself as ‘the crazy ex-girlfriend!’

Welcome to the true insights of my discombobulated mental state, people. I’m not going to hide it nor will I sugarcoat it.

We all have our hangups.

We’re all fucked up in one way or another.

My current method is to isolate myself from people which I know is not a viable, longterm strategy. I am aware of it and I’d like to get out there more with other people, honestly though, I retreat from it because, right now, I find most people just too irritating to talk with and spend time with. I feel my blood boiling most of the time.

So, with this post, I am not going to offer the solutions I normally would, I’m just detailing the lay of the land for you.

Do remember this though, if any of what I’ve said even slightly resonates, you are not alone.

That’s right, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask.

Is it possible that people have forgotten how to communicate properly?

Is it possible you don’t know how to ask a question anymore?

So many I encounter now, simply make assumptions.

Please stop it.

Maybe it’s laziness?

Maybe people aren’t actually bothered?

But if you want to have good relations with people, ask about them.

To be interesting, be interested.

And when I say you get to have things your way, I mean it.

I’ve spent a lifetime not wanting to get in the way, not wanting to bother people.

It’s about respect you see, people will tell you that you can’t do things but then proceed to do whatever the hell they like.

Sure, they object.

Sure, they seem annoyed.

Sure, they will paint their own picture of the situation.

But it ain’t your problem.

Go out there and be bold.

Define your own parameters.

Define your own strong borders.

Define what you will accept and what you’ll reject.

Maybe I sound like a broken record BUT it truly is your life.

Be honest.

Be hot and spicy!

Be your own person. 

Live your own life, it’s yours to live!

That’s right folks, I’m cocooning right now.

Being close to turning 43 this month, I’m just starting to fully realise just how much bullshit I’ve put up with from people and not just that but make excuses for them.

Time to drop that.

I am all for people leading their own lives.

I’m leading mine too.

People always seem very judgmental when I tell them I have no friends but I would far rather strength myself and attract the best possible allies to me than put up with selfish people who don’t care about me in return.

Adopt the powerful stance.

I’m learning to unlearn. It’s bloody difficult but it’s funny.

I often feel like I’m some mad, crazy character from a cartoon, I honestly do but it keeps life interesting.

Here’s what I’m currently unlearning…..

Guilt

Anxiety

Perfectionism

Not wanting to bother people/asking permission

That there’s a way I should behave at any given age.

Not exhaustive but the main things.

Honestly, learn to laugh at the so-called madness.

For fuck’s sake, put things in perspective.

Be kinder to yourself.

Be calmer.

My darlings, it’s all a game!

Your life is always shifting, everyone’s is. It’s why things can seem so fucking confusing!

It’s all part of the process.

I often think I’m a totally crazy bitch! I do things that I reflect on in the aftermath,

“Martin, you are so impulse!”

Truth is though, an enormous part of my conditioning is feeling guilty, as a result of living most my life as a people-pleaser and peacemaker, neglecting my own needs. When I step out boldly, which I am making more common, these feels still surface.

An important lesson is to stop justifying yourself all the time. I struggle enormously with this, with time I know it will get better.

Observe other peoples’ behaviour, how often do they ask permission? That’s right, very little. Give people a dose of their own medicine, that’s the stage I’m at now.

Extrapolate out the logical conclusion of their thinking for them – show them what they’re doing, hold a mirror up to them. You’ll find they don’t like that very much, usually because they want their own way, all the time. I don’t blame such behaviour, people are so indoctrinated and conditioned.

BUT!

Don’t let it make your life smaller, make your life bigger and better. It may always seem like chaos but that’s because you’re expanding (in a good way, don’t get lumpy and lard-arsed!) and you’re exposing yourself to new ways of being.

It’s good.

It’s great, actually.

But it’s unfamiliar – more good, more great!

You may think that by the way I talk, I’ve got my shit together!

I’m doing pretty well but believe me, I do not have all the answers, I do not live my life in complete peace, there are things I enjoy and things that piss me off. Human being here, in flux, figuring things out.

I’ve got a thing going on right now where I am contacting/people are contacting me from my past. Last night I got a a reply on Facebook from a chap I went out with 2014/2015 kind of time. I messaged him about a month ago.

We are having a proper chat very shortly but last night we exchanged text messages on WhatsApp and I just found myself offloading about various things that are going on.

You can’t repress everything that’s happened in your life, that you’re struggling with, that you want to be better without severe consequences coming your way.

They say when the student is ready, the teacher will appear.

Let it flow from you, the fear of being vulnerability will be enormously quelled when you surrender yourself to it.

And, always remember, when you need it, you can ask for help, explore the ways that work for YOU.

It’s a beautiful weather day today.

It’s warm, lovely comforting breeze, bright. The river and the trees look wonderful. Fabulous!

Some days, you will not feel this way.

It is crucial you remember that, in darker times, you can recall the better days to know that whatever you’re going through, this too shall pass.

We live in flux.

We live in uncertainty.

We live in light and dark.

Let your light shine out, no matter what the circumstances, you are living your life!

You’re making a cup of tea, or coffee perhaps. For the sake of this example, you take either with sugar and milk. Everything goes into the cup, you boil the water, you mix everything up.

What does the initial mixture look like? 

Well, at first it’s a bit of a mess, yet it forms beautiful swirly patterns, the dark brown becomes caramel-coloured, and, with the same ingredients, you stir and stir until it all comes together.

Such is life.

There are so many ingredients, so many influences and every time you add the same contents, you will get a slightly different version each time.

It’s okay. You can’t control all the aspects, maybe one day you have a slightly sweeter tooth and you add more sugar, maybe another day you want it stronger so you add a double dose of tea/coffee or less milk.

Learn to be flexible, everything is coming together, you just need to do your part and keep stirring until you get to your desired stage.

You’re figuring things out – give yourself a break – a tea or a coffee break!

Tired of hearing people say

“Yes, we’ll look into that.” 

Or

“Absolutely, we can do a consultation.”

Or

“We can ask ‘him’ about it.”

Yep, me too. Sometimes you just have to make the decision and deal with peoples’ disapproval. Most love the idea of things, of talking about them, or wishing for certain outcomes but never do anything about it. 

The longer you leave things to fester, unchanged and inconvenient, the harder it will be to break free from the monotony of it all.

Grab life by the balls. Temporary discomfort always passes more quickly than you fear.

There are so many things we believe matter. There’s a computer game I play, a full motion video interactive experience and many of the characters are German.

It always reminds me of when I studied German at school and the teacher pulled me aside to tell me, “Martin, if you really revise, you can get an A!” Even at the time, it didn’t particularly bother me and now, I realise it doesn’t matter at all.

Much of what we learn is pointless, no, really. All those maths lessons you poured over and learning dates and events of so-called history, continental shift in Geography, how much of it have you actually used or has proved to bolster you as a human being?

That’s right, very little.

What matters, you’ll release as you get older, is integrity, being true to your own path, understanding there are so many more ways of achieving your most heartfelt desires other than the prescribed method.

Just, as I often say, keep going. There’s still plenty of time AND you can still win!

Hold up your principles, get down to work. This is the way.

I’m at the stage of life where I don’t want to waste any time and where I certainly want peace and focus. 

You have to immerse yourself in the right kind of energy. And the friend that I’ve been mentioning, have a guess, it’s descended again into the same old backbiting and insult hurling. Not only am I not surprised, I’m actually pleased that I stood up for myself, and let the criticisms roll of my back like a duck in water.

It’s up to you how brilliant you want to be (and you can be brilliant by the way!).

It’s down to you to keep your feet planted firmly on the ground.

You know, deep down, that it’s always your choice and when people yell at you what they resent in themselves, yeah, it feels a bit unpleasant but allow it to stop you? Neh.

Keep going my friend and stick to your principles, you deserve good friends, you deserve a good life.

It’s all up and down to you, my friend.