Month: August 2024

You know the Yoda line, “Do or do not, there is no try.”

Trouble is, you’re afraid of doing it ‘wrong’ or ‘badly’. Might make a fool of yourself.

You’re a divine spark of brilliance my friend and you know it but you’re afraid to shine a light because “what will people think of me?!”

I’m going to be the one to say it, give yourself a fucking break.

Not only is 100% of your worry not important, it’s totally meaningless, what matters is stepping out there, sharing stories and the wisdom you’ve learnt and making something of your life.

Don’t try, do – and accept it.

There are those people you just love to watch. 

You might agree with them, disagree with some of the stuff they say, but you simply can’t get enough of them.

Why?

Really.

Why do you like them? Is it what they say? Do you feel clever for being agreed with? Do they make things clearer for you?

No, I honestly believe it’s HOW they do it.

They’re entertaining.

They animate stories beautifully.

Big one – they aren’t scared nor do they bother over what people think of them.

They’re witty.

They’re confident.

They ooze charisma.

Here’s my question for you today. 

How can you bring your sparky personality to the table and leave no money on it?

Why are so many so embarrassed?

So secretive about inconsequential details?

Afraid to say what they’re doing for fear of reproach?

Every single person on Earth is ‘figuring things out’ as they go. No one can see all the way into the future.

We act in the present to create the life we want.

Guess what, people don’t care as much about what you say as you think.

No, people just want to hear honesty and clarity.

Do that and you’re a million miles ahead of most people.

Chaos

Drama

Confusion

Heartache

Resentment

OR

Joy

Peace

Wonder

Fulfilment

Satisfaction

Everyday you’re making decisions, whether you realise it or not.

From what I’ve observed, most people choose oblivion. Yeah, yeah. Dramatic I know. They have jobs they hate, or at least don’t like. They don’t see any other way and that seems to be the norm. 

Just because you haven’t chosen what you really want yet, doesn’t mean it’s too late.

I’m no longer in my 20s or 30s. In fact, I’m at the end of my early 40s. You can have what you want, you just need to do the work for it.

It’s a long, winding road, unforeseen bumps, uphill climbs and downward descents. You don’t know exactly what surprises are in store but keep coming back for more.

What you’re creating is how your life is going to be in perpetuity.

Make it fabulous!

I’m an idealist at heart.

And I have a massive streak of unbridled perfectionism in my personality. It’s something I am now reining in as much as possible.

It’s very easy to romanticise the past, to rewrite history even! It’s so tempting to remember the good (and why you won’t let go of things) and ignore the negative aspects of what you believe you want.

There is no ‘ideal’ because people want different things and, many times, we have to muck in with other people (or at least respect their boundaries) to keep the peace.

Being so sensitive in my life, I’ve hated people treading on my turf but priorities are the name of the game. What really matters?

Why say, then, that it could never been that way? Rewriting history means, in your mind, you could go back and make things different. 

Hindsight is a trap!

You are where you are.

You’ve done what you’ve done.

All you can do is behave better from here. 

Better? More peaceful, more productive, more principled.

I’ve lived life quite timidly.

I’ve lived gorgeously, wildly and flamboyantly too.

Looking at all the stages of my life, it’s all been necessary.

But growing balls for the next chapters, a necessity.

It’s scary getting specific but to have an impact and take action, you must.

I see so many terrified of making decisions – don’t want to miss out, agonising over the ‘right’ way, wanting everything to be perfect/just so.

Yeah, fuck that my love!

Growing balls = making decisions, following through and living in the wonderful flow of life.

It’s all fine.

You know, it’s time!

Everyone has an opinion. You do, I do, everyone does. No point denying it.

When people say “isn’t it a shame.” – it usually means one of two things.

It doesn’t fit in with their worldview.

They can’t let go.

To live a good life, I believe it’s essential to make everything as simple as possible and also to have priorities.

Take it from someone who knows, it’s impossible to be peaceful and productive if you’re flailing and flapping around trying to do a million things at once.

Believe me, there’s no shame in admitting there are things that aren’t your business or in your control.

There’s also no point in denying reality.

Start living your life.

Make things happen.

You know what this feels like.

I’ve had great trouble from holding onto so many destructive memories. I’ve held resentments, slights, traumas for many, many years, decades even. I’ve tried to figure people out.

Waste of time.

I’ve complimented myself for having a great memory and while that’s true (and useful in certain contexts), it’s also been a permanent dagger in my side.

Guess what I’ve done!

Let go – certainly!

Stopped cherishing certain ideas that boost my ego.

Increasingly (and this is a work in progress we all face) leaving people to their business.

Focusing on what matters – the beautiful connections with fellow human beings.

It doesn’t take much to clog your brain with bullshit. Take it from someone who knows!

I’ve described crazy outbursts when I’ve been so overwhelmed as ‘emotional epilepsy’.

I want peace. I also want productivity.

How?

Focusing on what I really want, figuring out the strategies and, with greater investment and immersion,

Doing the thing.

We all want to be right. You know you need to admit it.

When you observe the language people use, even when they don’t know what they’re talking about, you’ll realise just how much people want to be right and, from the outside, appear to want to attack.

Most people are living in houses built on sand. Their foundations are not solid because, frankly, they’ve believed what they’ve been taught, totally unquestioningly.

And remember, this can be big and small stuff.

I’m giving you permission to assume, when you speak with anyone assume they’re not really having a conversation with you, they’re biding time to get their point in.

It’s why self-assurance is vital, the more confident I am and the more peaceful I feel, it’s far more enjoyable to listen to other people, to learn and, frankly, support people.

Believe me, the temptation is real to block people when they say ‘hurtful’ things but, actually, it’s really good fun to not block and realise it doesn’t matter.

More power to you.

YOU’RE NOT SPECIAL, IN THAT WAY.

You’re surprised by this title!

Everyone wants a title or syndrome these days.

“As a lactose-intolerant man……” (I actually got this other day).

“I am autistic.”

“I have ADHD.”

“I’m fat and ugly but I’m going to call myself non-binary instead.”

No no, you don’t have an enzyme (just like tens of millions of other people in your country), no you’re not autistic, your friends are just shit, you’re severely bored listening to a crap teacher.

You want titles for victimhood? What a way to build a fulfilling life.

No, the only things that will make you special (stand out) will be to make a valid and truthful contribution. 

And, you know, I used to think that anyone could do this, nah, very few will actually do it. Probably more are capable but it will never happen because the drive and the work ethic aren’t there and too much fear too.

If you’re reading this, be honest with yourself.

How much do you really want it?

Oh so very frightening!

Not knowing the answers.

Not having every detail battened down.

Not knowing where you’ll be if you don’t succeed.

All sounds like wonderful excuse-making for procrastination!

No, my friend, start. Honestly, I wish I had but we don’t live in regret.

We get going.

Start.

I’ve talked a lot about control and responsibility recently.

I’ve made some very humbling discoveries in the last few weeks but I’m grateful for them. 

We all want to live better lives.

Knowing what you’re in control of and what you’re not is crucial if you’re going to let go of the things holding you back.

If you don’t let go you will never…….

Have good relationships.

Forgive yourself for past impulses.

Have the presence of mind to focus on what matters.

What’s done is done and cannot be undone

BUT

It can be a valuable lesson learned.

If you won’t let go, it means you’re….

Beating yourself up – That’s going to work!

Divided about which way to move.

It’s the past, get present!

Well, very little actually!

We’re told to zoom out and look at the big picture, fair point, but many take this to extremes believing they have influence over things that are so far removed from their lives they may as well be on another planet.

No, local is good.

People obsessed with going on holiday yet saying it wasn’t long enough when they return home.

Focusing on politics they have no control over.

Despairing at tragedies in the world that have already happened.

We haven’t invented time-travel yet? Ha! Many are perfectly happy to try and rewrite past events in their lives and in other peoples’.

Human connections – those are what really matter!

Helping people who want to help themselves – those count.

Joy, being in the real world, beautiful adventures – fan-bloody-tastic!

My blog post subjects are very spontaneous. Whatever I’m thinking on the day, that’s what I write.

I know many will read this in the future and think “why did he not talk about this event or that tragedy or whatever political movement?”

No control. No interest. I am for peace.

If you believe that electing in or ousting out a politician will improve your life, you have so much to learn. Your politicians and so-called leaders have already been selected and you endorse the illusion of voting them in. The most recent three Prime Minsters here in England weren’t actually voted in by the people. 

You have enough to contend with in your life and doing what you can do.

Start embracing the flux of the pantomime of society.

What are you doing with YOUR day that makes a genuine, positive difference?

Aren’t people ever so confused why they’re not granted admittance to stuff!

I used to devour several peoples’ content, longing for it, waiting for the next instalment until I realised this…….

They just want the attention, even though they say they don’t. It’s not to say they don’t have noble intentions as well. They do, they’re good people but they have massive egos too.

So when they complain that they won’t be ‘platformed’ by various outfits, I can only think, “well, if you were in their position, you’d do the same.”

Always cognisant that life is inside-out, you have to take responsibility for yourself and the doors will open. It’s very simple but nigh on impossible for people to do, why?

Most people want to ‘right’, not peaceful.

If you constantly feel like an outsider, remember to ask yourself, am I being reasonable first.

YOU KNOW.

You know what you’re doing.

You know what you’re avoiding.

You know that you can be better.

You know you can do better.

The real question is this, what are you willing to sacrifice to make your life actually be rather than how you imagine it?

Self-discovery is an experiment. It’s an adventure.

You will never know exactly what you’ll find. You won’t know everything you’ll change your mind about.

It’s actually not about ‘creating’ a self. It’s embracing yourself.

The truth. That’s the name of the game. Who are you really? How do you want to live your life?

I’ll tell you something, you’ll never live your best life by lying to yourself. If the truth is the name of the game, then authenticity is your middle name and bravery your surname.

Switch the light on, start letting yourself see…..

Yourself

Your Mission

Your unique Message.

‘TRYING’ IS OH SO TRYING!

I went into the local shop on my way home yesterday.

A mother was with her two daughters, one was acting out to her mild annoyance.

She was being quite vocal about it (the mother).

Daughter was quite loud too!

“You’re acting like you’ve never been in this shop before.”

“You’re bugging me.”

What’s the truth, huh? We don’t like being shown up!

The little girl wasn’t doing anything particularly naughty or out of the ordinary. Her mum just didn’t agree.

Parents don’t dislike their children. Yeah, yeah. We believe parent and child relationships are pure. Yeah, yeah. Grow up my dear, wake up and smell the coffee.

In my slightly pessimistic way, I could only think two things.

1) The ‘damage’ is being done to that child – already her enthusiasm is being dampened.

2) The way the mother was behaving, in such a public place and in such a public way was embarrassing. Referring to her daughter like she wasn’t there to the rest of us in the shop, when her daughter was at her side.

It’s oh so trying what you try and make anything situation something it isn’t.

A multitude of questions always run through my head in these situations, in many situations!

Take Twitter as another example. I see so many people tweeting trying to sound clever but they misuse words because they don’t actually know their meanings. And call me grammar nazi or call me annoying but it’s my job to point this out.

If someone doesn’t know what they’re talking about, I now say it.

The truth and beauty of language are what matter to me.

Prend Gard a toi! (Look this up if you don’t know what this means).

Everything you do becomes a part of you.

They are recorded, illustrated and downloaded into your soul.

Inescapable, irrefutable, internalised.

The same goes for that wee small voice of the child you started out as.

We neglect this child at our peril.

Your inner child wants to be heard, nourished, appreciated and protected. Now, ideally, that happens with your family but parents are people too and everyone has some story of how they feel hurt or neglected by their parents or other close relatives.

It’s my firm belief that most ‘adults’ are simply teenagers (at best!) in grown-up bodies. They don’t progress beyond the ‘why can’t I just have this’ stage.

If you want to be a powerful and positive person, you need to look after your inner child by being…….

Lively

Playful

Curious

Nurturing

Energetic

Inquisitive

Unapologetically You!

Call me childish if you like.

Call me naive or foolish.

But you know I’m right.

Standards are judges.

We all have urges but we always have to deal with the consequences of what we’ve done.

The title of this post is inspired by a snippet of a dream I had last night. Funnily enough, I was discussing Eurovision with a famous Women’s rights activist in the dream and I woke up with the title in my head. 

Maybe, you’re going to call me woo woo.

Maybe, you’ll think this man is airy-fairy

Even writing it, I question myself (but I write my thoughts anyway)

I know that my life is better when I focus on certain things. I’ve always been positive, I’ve always been optimistic and, to some degree, I’ve always been grateful – in light and dark times. I believe it’s my character.

But recently, I’ve started developing a different dynamic that ‘everything should sing together.’

What springs to mind when you hear the word ‘unity’?

Does it sound flowery or flimsy?

Do you think of the culture wars and ‘inclusivity’?

Or, can you allow yourself to associate it with traits such as integrity or solidity?

I definitely see it as the latter.

Will everyone agree on everything? No, definitely not, that’s not how the world works. Often people disagreeing with you can be an incredible bonus – to enlighten you and see how you can live better. Yes?

United we stand, divided we fall. Do you apply this principle to yourself?

From what I can see, many people are at war with themselves and they have a desire for external war as it fits with their world view. Believe me, I’ve been at war with myself many a time but I’ve always ultimately recognised it and thrown that shit out of the window.

Life is meant to be uplifting. I said it.

We’re not meant to be rummaging around in despair and destruction. We’re meant to be creating beautiful things, experiencing love and connection with other humans. Will we get on with everybody? No, we won’t but we can still wish people well.

Ask yourself this – do you feel good when you don’t feel good for other people. Radical acceptance allows you to walk away from those who don’t want good for others but wishing good for them means you feel good and you spread that.

Are you choosing love?

Or are you choosing division?

We all have a need to belong.

I’ve been back in my hometown now for almost a year and I’m not going to lie, when I first arrived here, I felt rather out of place. Pleased! Most definitely because everything was the same, basically 

BUT

Everything was different. I am different. Living somewhere totally new and different for over 20 years will have that effect.

There are still things that I love now about where I grew up that I loved back then but there are new things that I want as well, naturally. I was a teenager when I left, now I’m in my 40s.

You are always in some kind of gap, a transitional period. I mention my 40s. Next year I turn 44, which is the first year of Mid-40s. You might be in your 20s, reading this, your 30s, 40s, 50s, even older. 

First you notice where you are.

Then you acknowledge (a sound that you’ve heard what’s going on)

Finally, you admit what you want. 

It’s a brave path to negotiate because in what you want, you admit there are new things you will have to do that you’ve been avoiding.

It’s not a hardship, it’s an adventure. If you choose to see it that way.

What can you control?

What can’t you control?

Answering these two questions will unlock a world of freedom. You’ll realise there is very little you can control. It’s a good thing.

Many confuse talking about with doing something about.

Speaking satisfies the need of the ego to have an opinion.

Doing satisfies the need of soul to be free.

What actually are you doing?

What is your unique purpose?

What are you called to do in life?

What difference can you actually make?

Remember that whoever you meet wants you, deep down, to agree and contribute to ‘their thing’. Sometimes you can (when it aligns with your values), most often you can’t (because it won’t make a positive difference).

Learn to be discerning.

Learn to be sophisticated.

Learn, fundamentally, to let go.

The need to speak is strong in all of us. 

There is so much to say.

We often fell left out, unheard, irrelevant.

But is it true? You have to ask yourself this!

Remember, everything is a mirror. If you need listening to, others do as well. Do you understand?

The truth is, you know what you think. You think it all day, every day.

The great advantage of listening, actually listening, is your nearest and dearest, in fact total strangers too, will likely feed back issues and problems and challenges they have that will match your own and when you think to yourself “how would I solve this?”, you ultimate get the answers you need.

Believe me, I’ve overthought and over-analysed so much! Relentlessly, that it’s been a very covert form of procrastination.

Your need to speak is because you want to be accepted by others. Wrong way to start. Start accepting yourself, let go of what you couldn’t change or influence and be there for people. 

That generous energy will automatically transform you.

Death!

War!

Torture!

Illness!

Riots!

Aren’t people drawn to the most bizarre of things, maudlin and sinister ideas.

It’s so baaaaad for the soul.

How often do you pay attention to the…….

Joy of living?

Beauty of the world?

The kindnesses you witness?

The free and liberated decisions you make?

The potential and boundless opportunity of your life?

Likely not as often as you should.

Find goodness in people.

Find goodness in random acts of kindness.

Congratulate and appreciate those near and dear to you and, above all, treat strangers as friends you haven’t yet met.

We’re supposed to be together – you make the first move.

And it’s even more incredible what we believe about ourselves.

I am absolutely convinced that there is nobody in your life that beats yourself up more than you do.

It sounds so clichéd, you’ve probably heard it a thousand times but would you say the things you think about yourself to someone else? Would you?

I realise I’ve been incredibly impatient with myself, so therefore others. Most behaviour and belief is projection. We try to see things from other peoples’ point of view but it’s very difficult.

Self-improvement is popular because, deep down, we want to do better and get on with things more easily, more simply, but that’s very difficult too. It’s a massive process, lifelong frankly which is why you need to be invested in the process.

A big mission for me right now, the only one frankly, is to be more relaxed, more patient and more forgiving (of myself and others).

What’s done is done.

Start focusing on what you can do now.

I’m here if you need a helping hand.

Spontaneity is a beautiful thing.

Freedom means to make choices for yourself and enjoy the results of your decisions.

I live very close to the famous Peak District Market Town, Bakewell – home of the famous Bakewell Tart (though I am the Bakewell tart, he he!). I took myself there yesterday, on the bus.

After getting some things I needed (and wanted), there was a little wait ’til the bus home. So I took myself to a beautiful corner cafe (with an equally charming gift shop attached to it) and had a delicious double espresso.

As I sat and watched the world go by out the window, I felt incredibly lucky and despite the act being a simple one, I sipped my drink with glee. It was so exciting (to quote The Sound of Music) to be out in the world, to be free.

What the world is and how you respond to it is entirely your choice. There will be people you follow on Social Media or culture whom you consume and consume, over and over until you realise that it’s down to you to shape the course of your life.

Any state, misery, frustration, excitement, hope is down to you. You have to invest your time and energy in what really matters, what you are actually able to control. Wherever you are, whatever you’re doing, find the joy and excitement in it. What you focus on multiples and you’ll be amazed at the rewards come your way. 

Do this today!

I’ve wasted so much time trying to figure out other people.

What is he thinking?

Why did she do that?

What are they thinking about me? – big one!

Where are YOU in the equation?

Are your needs being met?

How are you interacting with other people?

Are you getting things right?

Always remember though, it’s your life, you can have what you want 

BUT

Are you willing to drop your ego and admit that, indeed, you fucked up just as much as those you accuse?

What do you want?

Are you working towards it?

Are you offering anything special?

Truth is, you know what you want. That’s not the issue.

You’ve ‘tried’ things but you know what works for you.

Stepping out is the key.

Easy? Not necessarily.

But yesterday, I took myself to Sheffield, the city I spent most of my childhood in (dad worked there) and I had a wonderful time, filling the well, wandering around, people watching, having tea and coffee, did little bits of shopping.

Simple things, mundane things but eminently satisfying.

On the way back, recorded my video, got home, uploaded the video.

GETTING STUFF DONE, finishing.

I’ve started and stopped many times because I have great instincts but have lacked the follow through to let things go. Funnily enough, I was contacted by an old friend from a business course I did in London years and years ago, who is now promoting another affiliate programme and, to be honest, it made me shudder.

For me, winning at life is creating new things.

Ask yourself honestly, what is it for you? Go out and do it.

Yesterday, I spoke about being ‘ready’, which, of course, is a state you never get to.

We have so many thoughts that are not are own, yet we endorse them at our peril.

Remember, people plant seeds wherever they go as they want their own way. It’s very simple and obvious.

We wait for permission.

We wait for acceptance.

We wait for things to be perfect.

All code for fear.

Please observe the people around you, every single one. How many of them ask for your permission to take action?

Yes, that’s right, none.

Throw yourself in, do things your way, figure it out as you go.

It’s Your Life.

There’s no doubt about it, life can be very scary.

You may want to avoid and procrastinate and leave things ’til tomorrow but yesterday’s tomorrow becomes a new day and most will keep shirking. I’ve done it myself.

What I’ve learnt is to trust the scary things, they’re signals to living a better life and a more peaceful one. The agony of hanging around is far worse than the relief of being honest.

Being ready is just code for perfectionism. 

The point of life is to enjoy yourself AND to be brave.

Accept you’ll never have all the answers in place but, instead, that you have enough to get going and you’ll understand more as you go.

…..What you want?

What you have to offer?

Where you’re going in life?

The true nature of your character?

I will hold my hands up to say, yes, I have been a massive hypocrite. I’ve misread signals, I’ve rejected things that would have helped me, made quite a lot of excuses and, generally, been rather flaky.

BUT! 

Do you also know it’s never too late?

Never too late to learn the lessons.

Never too late to be humble and admit you ‘got it wrong’

Never too late to turn your life around and make it fucking fabulous!

Your mission for today, should you choose to accept it, is to take stock of your life, decide the direction for your life and take the first step you’ve been avoiding to 

MAKE THINGS HAPPEN!