Month: January 2025

I always loved the scene in the Lion King where Mufasa’s Sky-bound Spirit visits Simba in the wilderness.

“You have forgotten me and you have forgotten who you are.” We have a legacy that we are born into.

The ideal is that we leave the world better than how we arrived in it. We all have a unique mission and life is discovering what that is and living it.

I believe I am here to spread optimism and creativity. I am deeply committed to beauty, it’s an intrinsic part of me. And it sounds really grand talking about beauty. It’s wanting harmony and attractive things around you at all times.

You can choose, at any moment, to find what is sacred, beautiful and noble, whichever situation you find yourself in.

I believe this is what memory is all about, coming back to who you are and, in small or big ways, showing people what is possible.

There are temptations abound everywhere and they’re super available.

People don’t want to be exposed to it, so they want it gone.

Amazingly, no one’s learned that banning things only pushes them underground and makes them far more dangerous.

We want our impulses doused by the state or institutions and removed but what do we lose by that rationale?

We lose the ability to rise above temptations and have the strength of character to say my favourite word.

No.

Yes, I could regret many things in my life. I see a lot of you do.

My ex also. Repeatedly telling the same stories, over and over and over and over and over some more and over again and then over some more and again some more (you get the idea!), unsympathetic as it sounds, so fucking borrrrrring!

What was going to happen was going to happen, absolutely inevitable that we would split and that, this time, I wouldn’t get back in contact. As they say, I really was a moth to the old flame. Thinking I could make it work, desperately, my oh my, needy dear!

However many breakups it was, they were necessary. I have truly learned my lesson the power of no, the magic of it is inexplicable!

No is a border, it’s a standard, it’s a principle.

What you’re willing to put up with and what you’re not. 

Of course, one must be decisive. When I was with him, how decisive he was did actually impress me in a weird way, it was just unfortunate I allowed myself to be ignored and I mean completely ignored.

Learn No. It means you’ll get what you want and deserve.

I know, I want it all now too.

It’s overwhelming knowing what you can do and what you need to get done. Mountains spring to mind, Grand Canyon levels of effort.

It’s big. It’s massive. Or so it seems.

There is a pace to the unfurling of things. I am convinced.

Of course you and I can set the pace in terms of workload but force things we cannot do.

I remember learning from my sister of a new practice of working called “agile”, which basically means that people complete tasks with no consideration of related moving parts, most inefficient and lots of waiting around and, as an ultimate consequence, many fires being created (i.e. people complaining) totally unnecessarily.

We do this to ourselves a lot of the time, something else I am convinced of.

We are piecing things together all the time, or at least we want to. We want to make sense of the WORLD but often we hit brick walls. We can only figure out what we have done, how we fit into various scenarios and do better – FOR OURSELVES – from this point on.

Start seeing yourself as more capable.

Start liking yourself more.

Start taking steps.

I talk a lot about establishing what it is that you can do.

Taking charge of your life.

Ignoring the naysayers.

Believing in yourself.

Obviously though,

It’s frustrating,

Confusing,

Scary.

But!

If everything feels like it’s upside down it’s because you’ve tipped the scales in your favour and, with time and patience, you can learn how to be calmer and more resilient.

None of it is easy.

Some days you get everything done.

Other days you wonder what the point of it all is.

Yes, you focus on your goals and dreams and fantasise about what it will be like to live those realities.

I think a lot of people forget about this but it also helps to remember how you will FEEL on a daily basis.

For some reason, I see hyper-stoicism, everything devoid of emotion, dry, struggle. There is absolutely room for joy and optimism and excitement. It’s all an adventure after all, make it enjoyable as much as you humanly can.

Don’t worry if you feel like everything is chaotic, that means you’re shaking things up and escaping your old paradigm and creating a fabulous one.

It is, indeed, all in your hands.

I am quoting a fabulous guest on the James Delingpole Podcast here, the comedienne Tania Edwards.

The statement struck me.

The truth is people will be part of something that even they don’t agree with just to ‘fit in’.

We don’t like being isolated. Apparently.

That is not my focus right now. I realise just how much I need to be on my own at the moment. To get my head straight, to hone in on exactly what I want, to establish what my purpose is.

Alone, isolated, lonely, on your own – there all states of mind really, and have solitude in common.

There’s nothing wrong with you, you simply have destructive impulses. Very different.

Start valuing the position you’re in and figure out what you want your life to be.

We all have ‘those’ times.

Nothing feels right.

You’re pissed off, restless.

Life feels pointless and you want things to be different.

Now, patronising as it sounds, breathing is such a superpower.

When you’re in this mood, you’re moving far too fast. You’re not noticing what’s going on, you’re living out of time, no gratitude, no peace.

I’m learning to absorb moods, accept that it’s happening. Adding in judgement to an already bad mood is a recipe for disaster. The only place you want to compound is interest in your bank account.

I’ve come to accept that discomfort is a sign of growth. If you’re in weird moods it means you’re encountering new experiences, so rather than endlessly beating yourself up, be proud that you’re out there in the world, interacting and adding new tools under your belt.

We use words but often don’t really know what they mean.

Case in point, Sense.

We think it means intelligence, maybe that’s part of it but if you actually look at the word, it means of your senses.

What actually happened in your past?

What sense can you make out of it so you can behave better in the future?

Whatever happened, it’s down to you to be stronger and you can make the decision to do so.

And opportunities too my friend.

I see bleakness in people. A lack of optimism. 

Yes, things feel like a mess, we are in a particularly turbulent period of history no doubt.

Trump’s been re-elected (or re-installed).

Nigel Farage really wants to be Prime Minister now.

So too does Andrew Tate of the BRUV party.

Anyone has a chance.

But I don’t put my faith in these people, they’re all media players and if you can’t see that, I doubt there’s hope for you.

I think people believe so in politics and want politicians to do the work because they themselves don’t want to do the work. “Oh, I’ve done my bit and put the cross in the box for the next five years.” Is what they’ll likely think.

But, of course, it’s hollow.

The positive forces out there for you are those that can actually use your help and wisdom. I scrolled through my follower list on Twitter yesterday and was pleasantly surprised to see that a majority where real people who’s tweets I had previously seen. A great network of people to communicate with.

All this requires that you yourself step up to the challenge. I often feel like I am not doing enough, maybe I am, maybe I’m not. But I write every day, I do my video content, I cook great food, I get out for my walks whether long or short, regular or new.

Keep going and trust yourself.

I haven’t been on a aeroplane since 2016 (I think). I was visiting a friend in Spain (he lived in Tarragona at the time – along the coast from Barcelona) but we were Girona bound. I’m not a particular fan of España but Girona was, in fact, quite refined and surrounded by fabulous scenery.

I have a big vision for my life, I know you do too but so often, it’s easy to get drawn in by people, demanding things of you, wanting to know everything.

We don’t value privacy like we used to, so….

You have to make the decision for yourself. People hate being left out and they believe prying will get them some sense of security.

“I want to know where you are all the time” sort of thing.

You’ll have probably guessed that bringing it local in this post means making things more individual.

What are YOU going to do with your day?

What do YOU give yourself permission for?

How do YOU want to structure your day? Do you even want to? Do you want to be free-flowing today and see where your feet take you?

That’s right, your choice. Make it about you.

It’s easy to crucify yourself.

Wanting things to be different.

So desperate to prove yourself right.

Sabotaging your spirit just to prove people wrong.

I want peace – not everyone else does.

How you do things really does matter.

Short-term gratification comes at a price, it means stress, panic and hiding from what you really need to sort out.

It’s understandable to want all the answers, to solve all your problems immediately if not sooner. We all have pains that we want to avoid but they will always come back to you if you don’t work through them properly.

There are times I sometimes wish to recreate but you and I both know that’s not possible.

What is possible is to create the best circumstances for yourself now.

It’s all gone, make the most fulfilling ‘now’.

There’s a ‘great’ event happening today. You might have heard of it.

It’s the moment you realise what’s pushed is a pantomime.

And here was you thinking I was talking about Trump’s inauguration.

In my time, I bought into the charade. If only this person would get in and those others were vanquished.

It’s such a lie that people believe so wholeheartedly that it makes madmen of them.

Not only do we want to belong, we (ourselves and ourselves alone) want to be right. Winning for the sake of winning rather than winning for the sake of goodness.

Trump won’t save you.

Kier Starmer won’t save you.

Sadiq Khan won’t save you either.

You know who will (and don’t be passive about it).

I need a lot of variety.

I find it almost impossible to just sit down and relax.

I always feel like I should be doing something meaningful.

Of course, it means burnout is inevitable.

Of course, it means there are a million and one thoughts in my head.

At the moment, it’s taking me a while to get to sleep because I have to bring myself down from the day and, if you read this, you’ll know there have been quite a few big changes that’ve happened over the course of the last year and a half.

What to do about it?

I’m figuring that out, frankly but certainly, slowing the pace down a little, consciously breathing and starting to understand that things fall into place.

Oh and therapy, of course.

I’m doing a lot of crying at the moment. There I said it.

Breakups are never easy and it’s only been about three months since the split.

I’m also sorting out my life and there’s a lot of mess to deal with. The perfectionist, the tidier in me enjoys some of the process but when I let sleep patterns get fucked up, I feel guilty.

Any great endeavour will involve unexpected surprises. You can’t plan for everything.

If you can embrace the mess, you’ll be ahead of most because people get stuck quite easily. I see anger abound on social media and I have sympathy but it gets you nowhere.

In every ounce of chaos, are many opportunities.

Go with it!

I write this as I wait for an engineer to upgrade my internet connection. I’m going full speed fibre optic, don’t you know!

Perfectionism is the killer of dreams.

There’ll never be the perfect time (except right now) to get the work done.

Don’t wait. 

Your dreams won’t build themselves, they’ll only stay dreams.

Like it or not, we’re all in the emotional and psychological positions we’re in. Try and escape it if you will but pay close attention to how well that works out!

Here’s the truth about me – when I have a really great day or couple of consecutive days, I get incredibly wired! It’s not an intrinsically unpleasant feeling but it does have some profound after-effects (many of which I am currently working on).

The main after-effect – burnout. My brain sort of short-circuits and says “No, you need to sleep now.” and watch a lot of trash YouTube, full confession.

The reason for being a conscious and responsible man is to be able to manage, shun and prioritise behaviours so you can be ever-ready to deal with life confidently as it arises. And not just confidently, gracefully too.

If you think of your favourite people, they do not fly off the handle. They are strong, focused and dignified. We don’t really praise the ‘shouters’ or the ‘brawlers’. We either secretly or openly acknowledge that we don’t want to resort to violence or thuggery. 

We hope that we can ‘do better than that.’

All you really have to do is look at the consequences of those that fall to base level and think “is that how I want to live my life?” The answer’s usually a resounding No!

Oh how we do like to dress our windows!

Superficial

Surface

Pretty

All trying to draw people in.

All performing but not producing.

There’s very little substance out there.

I contacted a fabulous coach of mine yesterday, asking him what he charged for his first clients, how much he has made through coaching, discussed a bit of strategy. Most uplifting.

Really, all business is conversation, one to one, one to many. A combination of both is fabulous.

I don’t believe in soulless distinctions. 

Are you a teacher or a student? Well, obviously, you are both.

Are you a consumer of a producer? Well, clearly, you are both.

People will ask questions not looking for answers and solutions but for validation or engagement. But not real engagement, again, superficial, non-committal. There are accounts on social media with hundreds of thousands of followers but the owners aren’t making a bean and likewise with small accounts making a killing.

Most of what you see online is politics and propaganda. Don’t be fooled by it and, for goodness sake, don’t care.

What do you have to offer? Figure that out first.

Who do you want to work with? Have a good idea of that.

Put out your message in your own words – that way you’ll stand out.

Then, my dear friend, be patient AND consistent and watch the rewards flow in.

There are certain things we want to do that feel like such risks! Standing out is one of them. History shows us that the ones who stood out, were the ones denigrated and, quite frequently, had their heads chopped off. It’s instinctive in us.

Truth is though, there’s a lot of ‘beige’ on Twitter. It’s really very, very boring.

There is a particular person who comments on quite a lot of my posts and I am grateful for the interaction but, and I am sorry for saying this, I often think “meh” when I get it. I get the same feeling when I visit said person’s profile.

Do forgive me, it is ungenerous but I like what I like, you will understand this.

Standing out means certain things.

You have something to say.

You say it in a colourful way.

You’re not afraid to have people disagree.

You make a principled stand for you and for me.

My theme for today is beauty.

Infuse your work with personality, some grace yet also some assertiveness. 

Get people thinking.

There was a handful of phrases that my ex used that, frankly, drove me mad. I lost track of how many times he used them.

One of them! – What’s wrong with that?

Now, this is what he said. What did he actually mean?

I had to google but, allegedly, Tom Bilyeu (a fairly decent American YouTuber) said humans are ‘meaning making machines’. Tim hasn’t been around for that long and when I read his name, I thought it was unlikely he had originated the term, true to form, a couple of hits below, Victor Frankl was referenced as having discussed such themes in human behaviour.

This is kind of the same point. We believe we are confronted with information and leanings people have but I know part of my irritation with the above phrase my ex used was what he really meant.

What’s wrong with that, in practice,becomes what’s wrong with doing it my way?

Assume everyone thinks they’re right. I do, you do, your family does, your colleagues do, even your dog. The hideous option is to silence yourself, to not stand up for yourself. That’s what I did ’to keep the peace.’ But, of course, you don’t keep the peace for yourself.

I silenced myself because I couldn’t be arsed, at the time, to have the discussion or to listen to more whining or criticism. Sarcasm too, I’ve experienced quite a lot of that.

It’s why, at the moment, I am relishing my solitude. Sorting my head out.

Pay attention to when people in your life include you in this ‘we’ bollocks. 

It’s also worth assuming that people want approval, so they’ll include you in ‘we’ because strength in numbers right? There are hidden messages (and often cries for help) in what people say because they speak in code rather than just flatly saying what they mean.

The bubble finally burst with me and my ex, all my past relationships basically, because I wanted to do things my way without the stress and childish behaviour.

It can be very hard to stay levelheaded in these situations but rather than create more anxiety, breathe, reboot and seriously ask the question,

Is this how I really want to live?

I must.

I have to.

What’s wrong with this?

All phrases I have heard so many thousands of times and all irrelevant.

If you want to understand human nature, understand that people want to fit in – even those that appear to be on the edge.

Within groups, there is the most amount of difference.

How many comments to write on Twitter daily to grow your account, how much to post, what to post.

It’s all very contradictory and confusing.

The ‘successful’, whether you like their methods or not, all keep things very, very, very simple and, I believe, they think and behave long-term.

They’re not in a hurry, they’re not panicked.

They are strategic, they cross the Ts and dot all their Is.

When you hear “should” from anyone, invert it and ask “should I actually do that?” 

If you’re doing the work, you have to do it in a way that works for (drumroll) – YOU!

Whenever I’m doing regular things like washing up, washing my hands, dancing around the flat….

If I pivot to one side, I’ll practice on the opposing side. Notice how you roll the soap in your hands when you’re cleaning them. You’ll use your dominant hand (in my case the right). Do it with the left.

Challenge yourself to create balance in your life and to maximise your skills.

The competitive edge comes when you can be resilient, adaptable to any situation and prepare yourself for scenarios you can’t predict.

Maybe you’re more capable than you realise?

Maybe you’re overcomplicating things?

Maybe you could make life simpler?

Choose regret if you want.

Choose to say you’ve made mistakes.

Choose to say you should have acted sooner.

Yep, great. Fact is, though, you’ve done it all, it’s all gone, all you can do is learn from it.

Each experience is a gift when you extract the wisdom from it, refuse to consciously make destructive decisions and get on with life.

In today’s world, it can be very hard to drown out noise. It’s why I love getting out for walks to be at one with my thoughts, my feelings and my aspirations.

Get things on their feet.

Move them around.

See which layout you like.

Experiment with schedules.

Find the times and methods you like.

You’re going to have to do the work, you have to find the ways that make that work.

You’ve already been blessed a million times and one, start acknowledging, being grateful and using the skills and wisdom you already have.

I’ve just seen something that made me, all at once, wince, laugh and roll my eyes.

I’m currently a member of just two telegram groups and in one of them, a lady replied to a post with,

“ty vm…” i.e. Thank you very much.

I honestly thought “Oh, come on. How lazy.”

We can always do better in the progress-sense but there are some basics that really shouldn’t need explaining.

Whether you like it or not, people are either consciously or subliminally checking this stuff out.

If you’re seen to not give a shit, people will not bother investing their time and money with you.

As clichéd as it sounds, you really can do better.

Talk is cheap. You know this.

The truth is, it’s only a handful that are really out there doing things.

It’s up to you to decide how useful they really are.

What are you doing?

To me, the only thing that really fosters community is business – people working directly together for mutual benefit.

Anything else is too far away, too unreliable, too unjust.

In history, people have risen up and stormed the Bastille but the aftereffects have lead to more tyranny anyway. 

I don’t know who it was but someone was fairly recently asked whether The American Revolution had been successful, he replied that it was too soon to tell.

Local, bring things in closer. 

Networks have always been the clincher. Start making great connections with people who you can talk with and do things with.

Okay, I’m going to do it!

I’m going to quote Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City.

“I’m in this relationship too! I am a person in this relationship! Do you have any idea what it’s been like for me here?”

I am not asking for violins, I am not asking for you to pity or feel sorry for me, I’m really not but this is what the majority of my relationships have been like. Friends, intimate, I’ve let it happen. It seemed to me, for the longest time, that please people was easier than saying No and standing up for myself.

Of course, you can’t hold the ball under water forever. Eventually it will bob up right back at ya and you’ll feel the effects.

That’s where I am right now.

Less than two and a half months ago, I split with my ex and at the moment, I am having rather dark feels of dread about the situation. I’m getting into bed, I wonder if I’ll ever stop thinking about him and plenty of other things that have happened.

I get angry, I get upset, I feel irritated and pissed off. It passes and I fall asleep, eventually. It’s a process and whether it’s happened days, weeks, months or years ago, you need to release the ghosts. You have to learn the lessons.

You have to take the responsibility that you, in fact, made every step, made every decision and own the fact.

You feel what you feel, you’re in the situation you’re in. You can try and deny or ignore it but see how well that goes.

You know how that goes!

Make this year the year to face it.

You exist.

You’re alive.

You can make things better.

We assume things are correct either because we want to be right or we’ve unquestioningly believed what we’ve been told.

The people I watch most often are those that are willing to go against the mainstream narrative, to stand up and say “what if I could do things differently? SEE things differently?”

For the whole of human history it has got people into various forms of strife and trouble but we’re not here to live small.

Men can be women and vice versa.

The Earth is boiling to death (funnily enough it was freezing to death earlier in my lifetime!)

The ozone layer has sealed up again.

War was to defend our borders.

It’s all bollocks and we know it.

What to do with your day?

Make yourself stronger, fitter, healthier and wiser.

That’s what I say.

We all have hopes, dreams, wishes, desires.

It makes us human to long for things, we have foresight, we understand there are things to come and things that have been.

All the time though, of course, we operate under our current thinking. We believe ourselves to be above base instinct and immediate gratification but we’re not, now, are we?

Each time we make a decision, it will always, in part, be dictated by the conditioning we are yet to undo, those aspects of our characters and personalities that have, as yet, gone unquestioned.

I am obsessed by questioning, so much so, I’ve spent huge amounts of time trying to figure other people out and not myself.

They don’t know.

How the hell can I know?

Plans are one thing, execution quite another.

What if you don’t know what to do?

How’s about this?

Chill the fuck out!

A recurring theme of podcasts I’ve watched recently is allowing yourself to be bored, fritter a bit of time away. 

Stare, gaze, smell the flowers, BE WHERE YOU REALLY ARE.

Beauty is not over the horizon but right in front of you.

Success is not years away, it has already happened.

Freedom is not depend on other people, it is in your hands.

IF!……..

You have the eyes to see and the ears to hear.

Don’t know? WHAT AN ADVENTURE!!!

At various stages of my life, I’ve reached a point of thinking “I haven’t got a fucking clue what to do.” This time is such a point.

But it’s not a problem, more an opportunity.

Play

Ask questions

Be willing to keep walking.

I think I may have used this title, or something similar, before. Last night, I did another training session with my home gym equipment.

Having not drunk any alcohol for over a month now, the amount of money I’ve saved and the increased energy I have, I’m developing some wonderful plans for new equipment in my garage. It’s most exciting.

Truth is, it’s a relief to wake up and know I got the session in yesterday, it’s progress and it’s proof that when I put my mind to the work, I can get it done.

I feel childish talking about this as a 43-year old but there it is. I need to remind myself, at any age, that there are options, opportunities and capabilities.

Not drinking = good.

More energy = good.

A new year with fresh vigour = good.

Having the work done means I’m a doer. And I carry on.

I wish the same for 2025 to you.

It’s a brand New Year, chaps!

2025 is a nice, round number. Every single year holds its promises, its challenges, it’s opportunities.

Much of the time, I think and feel that what I do isn’t good enough. I replay experiences and events from my past quite a bit, all the time, though, looking for lessons to use.

Escaping shadows requires you admit that every decision was yours. There’s no other way, unless you want to be passive and victimised.

Ghosts are not unfriendly or unwelcome, they’re reminders of what you’ve done, what you are and what you could be.