Month: January 2025

I’m doing a lot of crying at the moment. There I said it.

Breakups are never easy and it’s only been about three months since the split.

I’m also sorting out my life and there’s a lot of mess to deal with. The perfectionist, the tidier in me enjoys some of the process but when I let sleep patterns get fucked up, I feel guilty.

Any great endeavour will involve unexpected surprises. You can’t plan for everything.

If you can embrace the mess, you’ll be ahead of most because people get stuck quite easily. I see anger abound on social media and I have sympathy but it gets you nowhere.

In every ounce of chaos, are many opportunities.

Go with it!

I write this as I wait for an engineer to upgrade my internet connection. I’m going full speed fibre optic, don’t you know!

Perfectionism is the killer of dreams.

There’ll never be the perfect time (except right now) to get the work done.

Don’t wait. 

Your dreams won’t build themselves, they’ll only stay dreams.

Like it or not, we’re all in the emotional and psychological positions we’re in. Try and escape it if you will but pay close attention to how well that works out!

Here’s the truth about me – when I have a really great day or couple of consecutive days, I get incredibly wired! It’s not an intrinsically unpleasant feeling but it does have some profound after-effects (many of which I am currently working on).

The main after-effect – burnout. My brain sort of short-circuits and says “No, you need to sleep now.” and watch a lot of trash YouTube, full confession.

The reason for being a conscious and responsible man is to be able to manage, shun and prioritise behaviours so you can be ever-ready to deal with life confidently as it arises. And not just confidently, gracefully too.

If you think of your favourite people, they do not fly off the handle. They are strong, focused and dignified. We don’t really praise the ‘shouters’ or the ‘brawlers’. We either secretly or openly acknowledge that we don’t want to resort to violence or thuggery. 

We hope that we can ‘do better than that.’

All you really have to do is look at the consequences of those that fall to base level and think “is that how I want to live my life?” The answer’s usually a resounding No!

Oh how we do like to dress our windows!

Superficial

Surface

Pretty

All trying to draw people in.

All performing but not producing.

There’s very little substance out there.

I contacted a fabulous coach of mine yesterday, asking him what he charged for his first clients, how much he has made through coaching, discussed a bit of strategy. Most uplifting.

Really, all business is conversation, one to one, one to many. A combination of both is fabulous.

I don’t believe in soulless distinctions. 

Are you a teacher or a student? Well, obviously, you are both.

Are you a consumer of a producer? Well, clearly, you are both.

People will ask questions not looking for answers and solutions but for validation or engagement. But not real engagement, again, superficial, non-committal. There are accounts on social media with hundreds of thousands of followers but the owners aren’t making a bean and likewise with small accounts making a killing.

Most of what you see online is politics and propaganda. Don’t be fooled by it and, for goodness sake, don’t care.

What do you have to offer? Figure that out first.

Who do you want to work with? Have a good idea of that.

Put out your message in your own words – that way you’ll stand out.

Then, my dear friend, be patient AND consistent and watch the rewards flow in.

There are certain things we want to do that feel like such risks! Standing out is one of them. History shows us that the ones who stood out, were the ones denigrated and, quite frequently, had their heads chopped off. It’s instinctive in us.

Truth is though, there’s a lot of ‘beige’ on Twitter. It’s really very, very boring.

There is a particular person who comments on quite a lot of my posts and I am grateful for the interaction but, and I am sorry for saying this, I often think “meh” when I get it. I get the same feeling when I visit said person’s profile.

Do forgive me, it is ungenerous but I like what I like, you will understand this.

Standing out means certain things.

You have something to say.

You say it in a colourful way.

You’re not afraid to have people disagree.

You make a principled stand for you and for me.

My theme for today is beauty.

Infuse your work with personality, some grace yet also some assertiveness. 

Get people thinking.

There was a handful of phrases that my ex used that, frankly, drove me mad. I lost track of how many times he used them.

One of them! – What’s wrong with that?

Now, this is what he said. What did he actually mean?

I had to google but, allegedly, Tom Bilyeu (a fairly decent American YouTuber) said humans are ‘meaning making machines’. Tim hasn’t been around for that long and when I read his name, I thought it was unlikely he had originated the term, true to form, a couple of hits below, Victor Frankl was referenced as having discussed such themes in human behaviour.

This is kind of the same point. We believe we are confronted with information and leanings people have but I know part of my irritation with the above phrase my ex used was what he really meant.

What’s wrong with that, in practice,becomes what’s wrong with doing it my way?

Assume everyone thinks they’re right. I do, you do, your family does, your colleagues do, even your dog. The hideous option is to silence yourself, to not stand up for yourself. That’s what I did ’to keep the peace.’ But, of course, you don’t keep the peace for yourself.

I silenced myself because I couldn’t be arsed, at the time, to have the discussion or to listen to more whining or criticism. Sarcasm too, I’ve experienced quite a lot of that.

It’s why, at the moment, I am relishing my solitude. Sorting my head out.

Pay attention to when people in your life include you in this ‘we’ bollocks. 

It’s also worth assuming that people want approval, so they’ll include you in ‘we’ because strength in numbers right? There are hidden messages (and often cries for help) in what people say because they speak in code rather than just flatly saying what they mean.

The bubble finally burst with me and my ex, all my past relationships basically, because I wanted to do things my way without the stress and childish behaviour.

It can be very hard to stay levelheaded in these situations but rather than create more anxiety, breathe, reboot and seriously ask the question,

Is this how I really want to live?

I must.

I have to.

What’s wrong with this?

All phrases I have heard so many thousands of times and all irrelevant.

If you want to understand human nature, understand that people want to fit in – even those that appear to be on the edge.

Within groups, there is the most amount of difference.

How many comments to write on Twitter daily to grow your account, how much to post, what to post.

It’s all very contradictory and confusing.

The ‘successful’, whether you like their methods or not, all keep things very, very, very simple and, I believe, they think and behave long-term.

They’re not in a hurry, they’re not panicked.

They are strategic, they cross the Ts and dot all their Is.

When you hear “should” from anyone, invert it and ask “should I actually do that?” 

If you’re doing the work, you have to do it in a way that works for (drumroll) – YOU!

Whenever I’m doing regular things like washing up, washing my hands, dancing around the flat….

If I pivot to one side, I’ll practice on the opposing side. Notice how you roll the soap in your hands when you’re cleaning them. You’ll use your dominant hand (in my case the right). Do it with the left.

Challenge yourself to create balance in your life and to maximise your skills.

The competitive edge comes when you can be resilient, adaptable to any situation and prepare yourself for scenarios you can’t predict.

Maybe you’re more capable than you realise?

Maybe you’re overcomplicating things?

Maybe you could make life simpler?

Choose regret if you want.

Choose to say you’ve made mistakes.

Choose to say you should have acted sooner.

Yep, great. Fact is, though, you’ve done it all, it’s all gone, all you can do is learn from it.

Each experience is a gift when you extract the wisdom from it, refuse to consciously make destructive decisions and get on with life.

In today’s world, it can be very hard to drown out noise. It’s why I love getting out for walks to be at one with my thoughts, my feelings and my aspirations.

Get things on their feet.

Move them around.

See which layout you like.

Experiment with schedules.

Find the times and methods you like.

You’re going to have to do the work, you have to find the ways that make that work.

You’ve already been blessed a million times and one, start acknowledging, being grateful and using the skills and wisdom you already have.

I’ve just seen something that made me, all at once, wince, laugh and roll my eyes.

I’m currently a member of just two telegram groups and in one of them, a lady replied to a post with,

“ty vm…” i.e. Thank you very much.

I honestly thought “Oh, come on. How lazy.”

We can always do better in the progress-sense but there are some basics that really shouldn’t need explaining.

Whether you like it or not, people are either consciously or subliminally checking this stuff out.

If you’re seen to not give a shit, people will not bother investing their time and money with you.

As clichéd as it sounds, you really can do better.

Talk is cheap. You know this.

The truth is, it’s only a handful that are really out there doing things.

It’s up to you to decide how useful they really are.

What are you doing?

To me, the only thing that really fosters community is business – people working directly together for mutual benefit.

Anything else is too far away, too unreliable, too unjust.

In history, people have risen up and stormed the Bastille but the aftereffects have lead to more tyranny anyway. 

I don’t know who it was but someone was fairly recently asked whether The American Revolution had been successful, he replied that it was too soon to tell.

Local, bring things in closer. 

Networks have always been the clincher. Start making great connections with people who you can talk with and do things with.

Okay, I’m going to do it!

I’m going to quote Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City.

“I’m in this relationship too! I am a person in this relationship! Do you have any idea what it’s been like for me here?”

I am not asking for violins, I am not asking for you to pity or feel sorry for me, I’m really not but this is what the majority of my relationships have been like. Friends, intimate, I’ve let it happen. It seemed to me, for the longest time, that please people was easier than saying No and standing up for myself.

Of course, you can’t hold the ball under water forever. Eventually it will bob up right back at ya and you’ll feel the effects.

That’s where I am right now.

Less than two and a half months ago, I split with my ex and at the moment, I am having rather dark feels of dread about the situation. I’m getting into bed, I wonder if I’ll ever stop thinking about him and plenty of other things that have happened.

I get angry, I get upset, I feel irritated and pissed off. It passes and I fall asleep, eventually. It’s a process and whether it’s happened days, weeks, months or years ago, you need to release the ghosts. You have to learn the lessons.

You have to take the responsibility that you, in fact, made every step, made every decision and own the fact.

You feel what you feel, you’re in the situation you’re in. You can try and deny or ignore it but see how well that goes.

You know how that goes!

Make this year the year to face it.

You exist.

You’re alive.

You can make things better.

We assume things are correct either because we want to be right or we’ve unquestioningly believed what we’ve been told.

The people I watch most often are those that are willing to go against the mainstream narrative, to stand up and say “what if I could do things differently? SEE things differently?”

For the whole of human history it has got people into various forms of strife and trouble but we’re not here to live small.

Men can be women and vice versa.

The Earth is boiling to death (funnily enough it was freezing to death earlier in my lifetime!)

The ozone layer has sealed up again.

War was to defend our borders.

It’s all bollocks and we know it.

What to do with your day?

Make yourself stronger, fitter, healthier and wiser.

That’s what I say.

We all have hopes, dreams, wishes, desires.

It makes us human to long for things, we have foresight, we understand there are things to come and things that have been.

All the time though, of course, we operate under our current thinking. We believe ourselves to be above base instinct and immediate gratification but we’re not, now, are we?

Each time we make a decision, it will always, in part, be dictated by the conditioning we are yet to undo, those aspects of our characters and personalities that have, as yet, gone unquestioned.

I am obsessed by questioning, so much so, I’ve spent huge amounts of time trying to figure other people out and not myself.

They don’t know.

How the hell can I know?

Plans are one thing, execution quite another.

What if you don’t know what to do?

How’s about this?

Chill the fuck out!

A recurring theme of podcasts I’ve watched recently is allowing yourself to be bored, fritter a bit of time away. 

Stare, gaze, smell the flowers, BE WHERE YOU REALLY ARE.

Beauty is not over the horizon but right in front of you.

Success is not years away, it has already happened.

Freedom is not depend on other people, it is in your hands.

IF!……..

You have the eyes to see and the ears to hear.

Don’t know? WHAT AN ADVENTURE!!!

At various stages of my life, I’ve reached a point of thinking “I haven’t got a fucking clue what to do.” This time is such a point.

But it’s not a problem, more an opportunity.

Play

Ask questions

Be willing to keep walking.

I think I may have used this title, or something similar, before. Last night, I did another training session with my home gym equipment.

Having not drunk any alcohol for over a month now, the amount of money I’ve saved and the increased energy I have, I’m developing some wonderful plans for new equipment in my garage. It’s most exciting.

Truth is, it’s a relief to wake up and know I got the session in yesterday, it’s progress and it’s proof that when I put my mind to the work, I can get it done.

I feel childish talking about this as a 43-year old but there it is. I need to remind myself, at any age, that there are options, opportunities and capabilities.

Not drinking = good.

More energy = good.

A new year with fresh vigour = good.

Having the work done means I’m a doer. And I carry on.

I wish the same for 2025 to you.

It’s a brand New Year, chaps!

2025 is a nice, round number. Every single year holds its promises, its challenges, it’s opportunities.

Much of the time, I think and feel that what I do isn’t good enough. I replay experiences and events from my past quite a bit, all the time, though, looking for lessons to use.

Escaping shadows requires you admit that every decision was yours. There’s no other way, unless you want to be passive and victimised.

Ghosts are not unfriendly or unwelcome, they’re reminders of what you’ve done, what you are and what you could be.