Month: May 2025

To do what most won’t, you have to behave in ways that most are willing to.

Remember the prime motivator of the masses is security. Most want safety!

And make no mistake, we all want that on some level but to do something ‘other’, there are certain things we must embrace.

Unfamiliarity for one.

Uncertainty

Seeing things for the adventure they can be.

It’s bewildering

Overwhelming

But shirking from it is the worst thing you can do.

There’s no doubt in my mind that people are making things up as they go along, there’s no neatness to any of this and I’ll be honest, sometimes it does feel like my brain’s shutting down with the heaviness of it all.

But those are the moments you’ll look back on and thank yourself for keeping going, for believing in yourself, for trusting the process. It’s okay to not know every step you’re going to take.

You can do it.

Get to the bottom of it.

I’ve encountered so many people hostile to curiosity. 

“Too many questions, lol.” They don’t like it and it’s LOL! Naughty, naughty. Just like it’s 100K not 100k. Look at now lovely that capital K looks!

Be curious.

Be inquisitive.

Ask good questions.

Then you’ll get good answers.

It’s a great gauge for solid relationships to see if people are willing to be questioned. My ex hated it (being asked that is, perfectly fine for him to do it whenever he liked). You see? Reciprocity.

Nothing is ever completely equal but respect matters. Find out about people. So you know if you’re investing your time wisely or not.

Find out about yourself.

Ask yourself pertinent questions – so you can break free from any thought traps and limiting beliefs!

Find out.

There is The Truth. I have no doubt.

Of course, whether you like it or not, people see things differently.

If you want to get into endless arguments (as many do), it is very easy to to and fro over what you believe to be true.

We each have a unique perspective.

No one sees the world as you do and you are not capable of seeing the world as others do.

There’s a joke that it would be interesting to spend a day in someone else’s brain but it would blow your circuitry! Everything would be, at best, inverted, at worst, a totally disorienting head fuck!

Empathy is the ability to attempt to feel what others feel.

Intellect is the ability to attempt to see things how others see.

It’s educated guesswork.

The point is to focus on what you can achieve, encourage people to question things for themselves.

A couple of months ago, I had a great discovery call for a potential coaching client. It was a very uplifting and edifying experience.

We didn’t take up sessions with each other but last night, I messaged him to check in on how he was doing.

Turns out, he’s in the same position but when it’s a no, it’s a no and when it’s a yes, it’s a yes.

Your role?

Keep investing. Follow up (that’s where the success is, right?!), be interested. Keep the doors open and the windows too.

Also, as I write this, I am sat topless after a really satisfying gym session, the weight went up, the reps were strong (as was I!), more determined and focused. Fantastic! Wonderful.

Curiously too, I am in the middle of a conversation with a new Twitter friend and he’s not the only one to say that he doesn’t check DMs that often. It’s so strange to me. Leave no money on the table, chaps! You never know what interactions you have and connections you make could bring.

The world is full of opportunity, be consistent, invest in getting stronger and more agile.

Win!

Hold on! Wait.

Before you knee-jerk respond with “you just want to be lazy.”

No, no, no, no, no.

Relax! Calm down.

Relaxation is an action AND an approach. No matter who you are, you need to recharge your batteries.

No matter who you are, I’ve seen numerous examples of pulling the all-nighters and eventually they all crash and burnout. Some of them are brave enough to admit this publicly.

I am repelled by programmes I used to watch like Strictly Come Dancing, game shows, politics programmes (like Question Time) – a) because it’s all just fighting and no solutions and b) it’s all filmed in such an invasive and stressful style. There’s no substance to it and, increasingly, very little style.

It’s interesting, my parents visited me recently and when they left, my mum borrowed a beautiful book that I had found on Amazon of my local favourite spot Chatsworth.

It is a history reference book as well as a beautiful visual illustration of the house itself (both public spaces and behind-the-scenes private parts of the stately home) and my mum and I both agreed it is a very calming, relaxing book. The colours are ever so slightly muted, not high gloss but still very colourful.

It’s what I want.

Honest representations, dignified reproduction, fabulous works of creativity and composition. Much work has been invested in them but have no need to shout it out, they are more refined and more engaging.

Relaxation does not mean inactive.

It means a nonchalant focus, the difference between running and walking. They have uses but walking is more sustainable and fosters greater long term results and consistency.

Great food is made with love and people can taste the love and devotion that’s been baked in.

An open consideration……. 

No one likes a desperate man.

I doubt I am the only man in the world who feels like I’m trying to spin a hundred plates all at once.

Who are you trying to please?

Who are you trying to appease?

Who are you trying to prove a point to?

I realise that a big part of my problem has not been what I’ve been saying but how I’ve been saying it.

You’ll never get your point across confidently if you’re meek, shy or belittling yourself.

Directness is a key component of simplicity.

No hesitation.

You’re clear on what you mean.

You’re willing to put your point across.

Simple!

It’s why confidence is more important than what you’re doing.

Make your message land. Be a man.

Whoever the politician, public figure, celebrity, influencer, they will never give a straight answer to the questions you really want answered.

Why?

They don’t want to be boxed in.

They don’t want you to know the plan.

They don’t want to get in trouble and have their lives ruined.

It’s very simple.

None of them will save you. Not one.

This is disappointing to most.

Let it be liberating.

No waiting for a hero.

No procrastination over which ‘side’ to pick.

Rely on what you alone can do to make things better.

There is all the freedom of the world in that, make your own answers.

I want definitive answers. I am a truth-seeker.

Of course, some information is buried far deeper than most.

The proliferation of internet/social media means there is so much noise that when many possibilities present themselves (many contradictory), the brain shuts down and you think fuck it.

Oh so much noise.

I am increasingly convinced that no one really knows the definitive answers. There are fragments that we bring together and share amongst each other.

The only thing I believe works in reality is giving things a go. The ‘I don’t know’ mind is often the most innocent thus, therefore, the least fucked up.

I see so much purity signalling, it’s so pretentious and so destructive because it stultifies activity.

If you are motivated by goodness and industrious, you are onto a winner. 

Sound out the noise, figure out the instinctive ways, for you, to do this. Advice is often heartfelt but largely useless as we each have our individual ways to The Truth.

If you want endorsement or approval, you’re likely to have a long, if not endless, wait.

Start now, learn as you go, use your innate freedom to find the answers.

Here’s a qualifier for you….

You aren’t what you do, you are what you repeatedly do.

I had a great day yesterday but it will all be as naught if I do nothing today and the following day.

Building things takes time, Rome was not built in a day as they say.

You can have what you want and you deserve to have what you want.

You just have to do the work.

Don’t worry, I am talking to myself too.

I’ve just finished watching a great podcast with host Tucker Carlson and guest Dave Smith (Comedian/Libertarian commentator). The latter has recently come to increased prominence after his ‘debate’ with the generally ridiculed Douglas Murray on the Joe Rogan Experience.

I’ve quoted a touching phrase from the interview as the title, it really moved me. We like to think we are oh-so-very rational and able to perfectly weather every storm but, deep down, we all know that whatever age we are, there are those moments where we are reduced to mush, we can’t articulate what we really want to say properly and we’re rendered that angry child that doesn’t get its way.

We never fully stop being any past age we’ve been.

We never stop growing up.

In fact, we probably never fully reach adulthood.

We have ideas in our heads of appropriate behaviour at various epochs and we have an innate sense of what’s suitable in given situations but I remember hearing aeons ago that no has ever actually counted a so-called centipede with 100 legs. It’s always something like 97 or 86 or 92. Never perfect but perfectly fine as it is.

This is the point of the quote. Not even that we’re flawed or prone to bouts of silly behaviour. We’re human (we forget this often). I have my conditioning, you have yours.

It’s always made me laugh that most of the stuff we’re blamed for is never our responsibility. I’ve frequently been described as naive or spoilt because I came from a wealthy family. Spend five minutes with my dad and understand he won’t sit still (particularly in his working days!) and you’ll realise why he was successful – an enviable mix of clever, dedicated and industrious.

No family is perfect.

No person is perfect.

Things in a state of becoming are changeable.

It all sounds obvious in theory but in practice, we’re making it up as we go along.

When you’re motivated by doing ‘good’, stop hating yourself (because there are elements where you do!). Do you hate a 3-year-old for spilling milk or bashing itself? No, you don’t. So stop mentally wrecking yourself.

I urge you to read the title again.

Figuring out how you do things also doesn’t require you have to take everyone’s word as gospel.

So many men passing orders, ‘debunking’, ugh!

I saw a chap today say “you don’t need to network.”

Many others say you don’t need to engage on Twitter, or any social network. The clue is there in the name.

This post isn’t advocating for any kind of activity in particular. 

Don’t let yourself be lead away from anything that may be YOUR THING.

Also remember (this is less generously spirited), that people may be discouraging you from certain behaviours because they’re rubbish at them and don’t want to offer advantages to the competition.

Those you admire are always very encouraging when there’s a bigger difference between your and their follower counts! Okay, stingy, but you know what I mean.

We all have different aptitudes and methods. Give things a go.

And I’ll be at one with everything. Sounds like a great fantasy doesn’t it.

And it is. For now.

We cannot delude ourselves that we are perfectly pure, rational and capable of dealing with all human frailty at once.

I’m reminded of the joke where the buddhist monk walks up to the Hot Dog Man and says “make me one with everything.”

So simple sounding, so tricky to achieve.

My parents have just stayed for a few days. They left yesterday.

During their visit, everything else is dropped.

I didn’t write, I didn’t record my videos, I spent no time on Twitter and while it feels like a holiday, I am also aware that I don’t really like the lack of focus. 

I want to be my own man, wholly.

Isn’t it funny that, despite the different spelling, wholly sounds the same as ‘holy’ – a deep connection to the power greater than us all (by the way, we all have a ‘God’, we just have different names for the same thing). 

It would be so great to just accept the way people behave and not get over-emotionally involved. 

See/Feel, observe, react calmly, ahhhhhh – lovely!

Not a pipe dream, not a million miles away, but not 100% there yet. Never will be. We have different world views, we have different talents and temperaments, we do some stuff easily, other endeavours feel beyond our current reach.

Oneness with all comes when we have nothing to prove.

Show people the results, take time and patience in achieving these things. I hate hurry but I dislike procrastination.

There is a middle group (a way through) that is your true path. Resistance is futile, learn to be in flow by breathing your way through the chaos – realising you will not change people by getting angry. You will not ‘change’ yourself either, you will discover.

We are no blank slate, gentlemen.

We have inbuilt principles. Stand up for them.

I am thirsty for knowledge. Hungry, insatiable frankly.

I’ve also had massive demands placed on me to provide answers when I haven’t had them myself.

So the two of those combined has been a massive headfuck!

Things don’t seem to land.

When asked the question “what do you want?”, I have often said I don’t know but people haven’t dropped it.

Maybe they want to help.

Maybe they’re just nosey. 

I don’t know.

But a perennial theme for myself has been to have things that are mine. It’s felt scarce.

What I want.

In my own time.

For the reasons that matter to me.

Those are some good answers to have – for you.

You know what, my friend?

I have such long lists of things I want to achieve. I really do. It’s overwhelming.

Places to go.

People to do.

Houses to buy and build.

Stacks and stacks of it and my head sometimes feels about to explode. Honestly!

People label things as

Depression

Anxiety

Overhelm

ADHD

Austism

Burnout

99.9% of these diagnoses are totally bullshit. Truly.

Getting out of planning and intellectualising and into really doing is difficult, clearly, so few pursue their dreams.

I have periods of great productivity then I retreat. It’s a boom and bust cycle. At least, that’s what it feels like.

I know the best things to keep the pace going are talking with people, getting outdoors, moving the body. Getting proper rest, eating well. It can feel like a rigorous balancing act squeezing everything in.

All I can say right now – keep going.

I often wonder if I show signs of schizophrenia with my post titles (obviously I am kidding). They jump up in my mind and I sometimes think they’re not that consistent.

But here’s the thing.

The reason I go to therapy is to sort out all the crap in my head. I find it very helpful, having an objective person to talk with who has nothing to do with my previous life. I realise plenty hate the idea of therapy.

I wonder that it’s because of not wanting help.

I wonder it’s because we genuinely like chaos and drama.

I remember my ex telling me “he went to therapy because of me” (this, by the way, during a split!). Needless to say, he didn’t address any of the real issues. He went to torment the therapist that our relationship was so successful and enjoyed watching the therapist squirm in confusion. Such a joke.

No, the purpose of any kind of help is to make things simple and get rid of drama and excuses. Freeing up energy and space to get the important things done.

I’ve wrangled over schedules and the best ways of getting stuff done but things evolve. How we behave over time changes once we’ve thrown ourselves into activity and figured out the necessary as we go.

The desire for perfect answers is the most perfect way to procrastinate and end up in the same position as where we started.

This conception of simplicity is not meek, it is not lacking, it is not defeatist.

My conception of simplicity is efficiency, purposeful, embodying a total lack of bullshit.

Okay, I know we’re not supposed to compare.

But guess what, the fact that people talk about it all the time says one thing “we’re all thinking the same thing”.

Last night, I was watching yet another fabulous Katie Hopkins video of her breaking into farmland where a mound of solar panels were about to replace the vandalised English countryside. 

I watched astounded, constantly thinking to myself “what am I doing?”, “I need to get out there.”

We all have our paths, we all have the things we’re great at. Let’s face it, no one knows how to strike a pose like Ms. Hopkins. It’s why she now has 1.3m Twitter follows, over half a million YouTube subscribers, a similar amount on Instagram.

The lesson, she didn’t stop.

She was not intimidated.

She was open, honest and authentic.

And she’s evolved over time.

Smiling all the way through it. Incredible.

We get things wrong about other people.

We get things wrong about ourselves. We don’t have to be doing the same things but the spirit in which we approach them is a game-changer.

I have always optimistic, so much so that I’ve made allowances when I should have said no.

Who knows what each of us is capable of?

With time, investment and the knowledge we can succeed, we can do great things.

Bravery is making the decision, making the choice to live as big as possible.

She does.

I can.

So can you.

Don’t we just love some mental gymnastics?

Yesterday, I finally cleared a backlog of comments left on my YouTube videos. The earliest ones were from almost a year ago!

This morning I received another reply from a chap who retorted

“I believe in myself very deeply. But allowing myself to be forgiven is rough.”

What did I say? “Those two don’t work together. You need to pick one.”

I know for myself, I’ve always wanted to cushion the blow of admitting certain things.

I’ve minimised.

I’ve shrugged things off.

I’ve denied numerous feelings out of nervousness.

Here’s the truth though, the times I’ve shifted the most are as a result of hearing the things I’ve avoided. We don’t really want to hear the truth but we know it’s good for us. Eventually!

I could have pussyfooted around and been all soft and sympathetic but I went for the direct, succinct approach and planted my reply. The philosophy graduate in me knows you can’t live well and simultaneously accept blatant contradictions.

Show me someone who tries to get away with such behaviour and I will show you someone who’s stuck. He even admits it without admitting it.

And, believe me, I am not standing in hostility and ridicule. It is rough owning up to one’s own responsibility.

I chose to behave as I did with my ex.

This chap chose to behave in the way he did, whatever his circumstances.

Don’t let yourself off the hook. There’s no virtue in that.

Instead, own up and start to inhabit your own strength.