Month: June 2025

We want to fit in and it’s not just education.

It goes back generations, millennia, aeons ago.

But my goodness, the amount of rage porn that’s been going on with Glastonbury, politics, wars, all of it.

We’re all stuck in one loop or another (MANY!) and all that I am actually interested in now is solutions.

That’s it.

And guess what, that usually puts you in a minority of one!

There are any number of reasons why you’ve developed the thought traps and resistant behaviours you have. They were protection when you very, very, very young.

Look at the average person online, what they’re talking about, how they’re talking and you’ll see it’s reactive, it’s passive, there’s a lack of personal accountability. It takes a bold leap to achieve self-mastery.

What got you here, pleasing various people, will not get you to where you want to go. It won’t.

You have to start trusting yourself.

You have to start believing in yourself.

You have to value what you have to offer.

To this point, no matter how old you are, you’ve largely been given instructions and you’ve followed.

A leader this does not make. And a leader doesn’t have to be this massive, earth-shattering thing no, no. It just means you lead where your inclinations, abilities and heart lead you. YOU. What you’ve always wanted.

Learn to remember what you dreamt of before you tried to fit in. That’s the real you.

I’ve just seen a chap slagging off cardio saying it sucks!

Now, he’s in great shape, really great. His account is all about men getting fit and ripped, etc, etc, etc.

Fine. Absolutely fine.

Here’s the thing though.

I don’t believe in the false dichotomy of mind and body. Each is entirely dependent on the other to exist.

And I’ll tell you. Some of my absolute best times have been out on my long walks, in nature, experiencing the natural beauty of the world. 

When you go for impact for its own sake, it often necessitates radical oversimplifications. Many fitness guys go as far as recommending entire food groups, negating the need for cardio, extreme workouts that (I’ve seen many time) lead to often serious or irreparable damage.

Drastic. It’s so desperate. All for impact.

I also recently saw a YouTube Short of someone explain how to walk in sets, down to distances and timing and everything. So prescriptive. I find it so bossy.

We know they want attention but, alas, many will fall for their advice and tie themselves in knots.

Life is simpler than you think and most drama is not encountered, it is created. By You.

You may not garner as big a following, you might not have quite as much interest but you’ll be offering solutions – noble.

More and more evidence that people love the rage porn.

It’s the truth.

People are so angry with whatever’s going on in politics, their entire feeds are showing just how pissed off they are with politicians, billionaires, WEF people. They like it, they love showing just how principled they are by filling their feeds with bilge.

Still surprised and outraged that politicians lie? Please. And this isn’t just young people, it’s old, old, old men, behaving like teenagers sharing unfavourable screenshots of people they don’t like. It’s so childish and so vulgar.

AND!

What is it doing? What is it achieving? If people haven’t figured out yet that politicians lie every time they open their mouths, there is no hope for them. We know this but most still believe that public outrage is the way to make things better.

As I’ve said before, you’re just picking which person you want whipping you when you side with one party/politician over another.

Most stick with the paradigm and try to make the best of that, some of us see past it and use our brain power to think of better ways.

And maybe it sounds like a low-bar but even the capacity to see you could say “No” is a start. The ability to see that there are possible other ways to live life puts you at a massive head-start to probably 90% of people, at least!

Getting angry at these people provides no solutions. Let’s be honest. It just makes you angry and totally impotent to sort anything out.

See past it, there’s the real world beyond it.

It’s a strange thing to me but every now and then, I go back to the hookup app where I met my ex. I don’t really know why I do it. Force of habit I suppose.

Occasionally, I will get chatting with someone.

Last night and this morning, I chatted with a chap who listed his age as 98. Obviously this wasn’t his real age (it’s actually 74). His photos too were largely out of date. I advised him to update his age so it was accurate and to do the same with his pictures.

It’s a funny thing that people will report they don’t get much interest when they are intentionally lying. They don’t want to reveal the truth and own where they are in life.

No honesty means no connection.

I realise this is where my ex and I went wrong. He wasn’t invested in me, I idealised him. I didn’t want to see, neither did he. You can’t live your life properly if you’re hiding behind the sofa trying to shield yourself from a horror film.

The same goes with admitting the stage of life you’re at. You are the age you are. You’re in the condition you’re in. Your business is producing (or not) the results it deserves.

Honesty first.

Strategy later.

Live not by lies.

It’s easy to think you’ve done nothing – because you’re not paying attention to what you’ve accomplished.

It just doesn’t feel like much because there is a burning desire you are yet to fulfil.

I think about my longest job that ended over a decade ago and I still wonder how on earth I managed to put up with the work, my colleagues, the lack of freedom. Bonkers!

Now that I am days off seven months without alcohol, I wonder how I managed to afford the amount that I’ve saved (one has a spreadsheet charting the total and it’s thousands of pounds!).

How did you do it? Well, one, you must admit, is that you’re competent, able and willing to get stuck in. 

Remember, always to acknowledge it.

What a foundation to build your future success on!

’Twas my birthday yesterday.

You’ll know me to be a reflective man at the best of times, over the last few days it’s been heightened with the passing from my early-40s to my mid-40s. I’m not saying this, by the way, in a mournful way.

I realise I have many scripts running concurrently in my head, my heart too, it’s exhausting. There’s gold in it though.

I have a lot to sort out, it might take some time I realise but that’s something I’m learning to accept.

Make money

Sort out relationships

Pondering over where I am/should be living

It’s all happening up there.

In many ways I’ve been lucky, with major needs met. In other ways, there isn’t a sense of urgency or drive.

It isn’t a straight path. It’s a long, winding and oftentimes messy one. I know there’s a lot of stuff to drop along the way – chiefly the need to know all the answers, to get everything ‘right’. 

There’s so much crap to be distracted by, I know that saying “no” more is a way to sound out the hyper-skepticism.

We are here to live! To be excited, to be productive, to laugh, eat great food, have sex, make meaningful connections..

It’s all available. It is.

Going into age 44, try stuff and be not afraid to get it wrong. Get things done.

No matter how well-meaning people are, they are not you.

It’s the same for all of us, of course, to varying degrees.

When you go to work on what it is you really want, you’re going to inevitably encounter a lot of contradictory beliefs, urges, psychological traps, stuff that is totally inauthentic to who you are as a man.

It’s a lonely feeling and, often, a powerless one.

In my 20s and 30s, I had a sporadically recurring dream of being in a wilderness, forested location, trying to untangle strands of weeds and root systems. Usually there was someone standing over me and when I would wake up, the feeling of everything still being knotted up lingered in my body.

It was an entombed feeling, frustrating, distressing. I would have to get out of bed, wander around my room until the feeling wore off. I would sometimes have to audibly verbalise my anguish until it passed. Sounds dramatic huh!

Well!

That’s what’s going on inside us all the time, we just learn to mask and deny – we can become quite skilled at doing so – dangerous. It always erupts out later. That’s why I’m in therapy and it’s why I often feel anxious or angry. 

You are not alone in this.

The frustration you feel is a reflection of what you can become.

You can’t go around or over nor under, you must go through. You’ll be glad you do!

I am yet to go out for my walk today. Cabin fever is real. And it’s easy to start watching bizarre stuff, listening to weird people, doom scrolling and wasting time.

Yes, descriptive!

There’s definitely a need to be in the real world. The reason I’ve been talking about rage porn recently is I see people lost in it.

Not healthy.

Get out for a walk and breath in nature!

The block button becomes ever more tempting as time passes.

Like every High Street, the same continuum of shops, probably installed by the same team of people, the timeline is a relentless sharing of violence, rage, destruction and vast hopelessness.

And it’s not just what people are posting, it’s how people are commenting. They believe reacting against the people they hate is, in any way, going to make things great.

Passive! 

Reactive!

Childish in the extreme.

It’s too common a pattern for it to be ignored, you love the rage porn. You do. You think it makes a difference! It’s just a larger consortium of angry people.

THEN WHAT DO WE DO, MARTIN?!?!?!

Excellent question. 

Well one thing is to stop giving airtime to the stuff you hate. That makes you no better than people sharing the stuff originally. Have you not yet figured out that the “we’ve got receipts” doesn’t stop people?

It’s all woke, whether left or right wing.

You start sharing things that people can actually, proactively, do but the point is you like raising your voice but not thinking strategically for yourself.

You don’t know, do you?!

And that’s what scares you.

There are certain posts I consider whether to write or not. I have an idea, it’s strong and pervasive and it helps me to be unreservedly honest.

With such an introduction, this is obviously one of them.

I know I can be doing more. I do. Imagine my frustration at knowing just how much I can turn my life around and make the conditions what I really want.

And, believe me, I know that patience can often be used as an elaborate procrastination technique.

The thing I know shifts the needle the most is making decisions quickly, enacting them, loving ‘em and letting go. It’s very simple but, right now for me, very difficult.

I’m educating myself.

I’m training myself.

Doing better,

Day by day.

But it’s messy and certain interactions can be incredibly unpleasant but I am an optimist and I do know I’m capable.

Pondering.

We all like to believe we’re these together people, with everything sorted out, we know the reality is quite different.

I know I’ve been very rigid, perfectionistic too, trying to squeeze myself into tight spots that do not suit me at all. 

Beware “making the best of things” – it usually means you’re doing things so wholly inauthentic to you.

And don’t you feel pulled? In so many directions, trying to find where to place yourself? 

This kind of business, that kind of diet, this sort of exercise, morning person, night owl.

Rather than a prix-fix menu, see things as a buffet. You get to decide your parameters, you get to decide your boundaries. You get to decide what works.

If people object to you doing things differently (at the same time as doing them no harm), that is wholly and solely their business.

Play!

Inside out?

Want to shout?

Dizzy from being so busy?

Oh my gosh, having one of those days. Defo a coffee haze!

I’m going to stop rhyming now but I don’t know how!

Keep going, you’re really growing!

Oppression

Resentment

Corruption

Freedom

Self-Regulation

Self-Determination

Anger
War

Injustice

Conspiracy

Manipulation

They’re all realities. Just being honest here.

They’re all choices as well. They don’t happen by random.

But what I see, over and over, is people choosing to focus on those that harm them. It’s too widespread for it to be a coincidence.

Wishing revenge against those you hate or disagree with only hurts you. We all know this but we all get tempted.

I’ve watched countless podcasts and read articles declaring falsehood of particular people’s achievements. In the absence of knowing, wish these people well. J.K. Rowling for example. I’ve listened to people say that she didn’t write them, that she was fed every line of them. We have to admit that there is jealously in there and a lack of focus.

Critics are often said to be failed exponents of whatever discipline they rail against.

Think you’re going to get great results by hating what you’re aiming for? No, no, no.

Don’t believe extraordinary things are possible? Then they won’t happen for you.

Wish them well and don’t even pray for them finding salvation, pray that it might be possible.

That benefits you AND everyone else.

And denying this affects everybody.

If I cause myself harm by doing things I know are not my way, that creates another prisoner in the world. Bad.

I’ve just finished a second call with a prospective sales coach and I believe it’s the highest concentration of me saying “No” ever. I’m guessing at least 50 times.

It seems what everyone wants is a world where saying yes to them is people saying yes to themselves simultaneously. This is a somewhat long-winded way of saying that people want their own way but it’s slightly different.

If you have any wisdom, or simply enough honesty, we can admit that a lot of the time a yes to others is a no to ourselves. I know this enormously as having tried to please everyone but myself.

The Yes-Yes proposition I made above is, I believe, predicated on the belief that ‘the way’ one person does things will suit everyone and, of course, it won’t. There are many nuanced ways, principles can be the same but methods will vary. 

The really curious thing about the end of today’s conversation was him asking me “so what now” and even though I described the exact way in which he and I had met, he met it with skepticism and asked “but will that work.”. I told him, yes, that would it would work because it’s the exact way we’ve done thing. I went on to ask him if he doubted his method somewhat.

Of course, the reality is he was expecting me to run to the back of the room, sign up, take out the loan and start working with him and his ‘guarantee’. I think my ‘no’-ness shocked him, he certainly behaved shocked.

He did even ask “Martin, is you saying no to me also saying no to yourself?”. I replied in the non-affirmative

No, me saying no to others is definitely saying yes to myself. I’ve learned this over decades, not just years. I understand his position. I endorse my own. It gets my juices flowing, as I related to him.

Trust the process. It might take longer but the accomplishment and joy will be all the greater for the joy and wisdom you garner in your life, which, I must add, makes things better for EVERYONE!

Yes-Yes, not always.

Win-Win, definitely!

Any great endeavour requires focus, yes or yes?

I’m learning to accept that if there is any issue, big or small, that I am not doing anything about, it’s only detracting from said focus.

Of course, things can be annoying when you have standards but regardless, doing nothing to solve them is passive in the extreme.

Question how much annoyances are truly relevant. Are you creating drama and problems because it gets your juices flowing.

Those that achieve are laser-sharp on where their attention goes.

Lesson there.

I don’t believe it’s controversial to say that life is a series of actions and revelations.

Revelations don’t have to be these enormous, Damascene moments where everything in your world makes total sense. That’s not how it works. Everything you and I do carries feedback – it’s how we judge whether something has worked or not but dodgy thinking will discount a lot of feedback as ‘failure’ or a ‘mistake’ – this could not be further from the truth, it is all education.

And believe me when I say it can be fantastically useful!

Many will attribute this to merely ‘positive thinking’. It is an extraordinary thing that with the preponderance of how positive psychology can greatly impact your life, that the majority will still write off spiritual transformation as pseudoscience or nonsense. To me, it only speaks of people’s addiction to drama and chaos.

I observe all the time that people do not want to be better. Not better for me or for you or for anyone else, better for themselves (and the latter is no bad thing). Indeed, putting yourself first is the essential beginning of improving your life – how you feel about yourself, how you behave, what you do is all incumbent on your opinion of yourself.

I honestly believe that if you cannot treat yourself well, you are only destroying yourself. This is seen as a luxurious view, an upper middle class view, a spoilt view, a naive view. This to me only speaks of your self-loathing, if you advocate for perpetual suffering.

If we are here on this wonderful planet, with the marvellous gift of life, why would you make it anything other than fabulous? Seriously! What would that world look like?

One more person liking and loving themself and doing really fantastic things? That sounds like a tremendous calling, doesn’t it?! No? Then you have my sympathy and compassion because that must be some deep pain you’re experiencing.

I’m aware that over the last few years, I’ve talked a lot about my ex and sometimes I wonder if it’s healthy. I wonder if it’s encouraging him in some way. The likelihood is he’s reading and watching what I produce but the truth is I have enormous sympathy for him as well. Maybe it’s not a good idea to feed his ego but I look at it from my point of view of wanting to heal myself.

I understand, at this stage of my life, that honesty really is the best policy because I know that many, many people are struggling to find meaning and resolution for their woes. Life has always been difficult complicated at times and we have social media now to spread things. 

I honestly feel like I have gifts. I get massively overwhelmed at times. I’m always working on myself, I try and do better each day, I am resolved to make my life as peaceful and as prosperous as I can, I feel that’s my mission and I enjoy helping people, I am now unlearning just being a people-pleaser and embracing pleasing myself. I find that’s the best foundation – be integrated and help others integrate themselves.

It’s a tricky balance yet I find it extremely exciting – painful much of the time but my goodness, does it build resilience and drive!

It’s my birthday in a couple of weeks. Three months following, I will have been back in my hometown for two years.

I had longed to return here for more years than I can remember. Living in London for around the first ten years (from 2001) was an absolute adventure. It was vibrant, exciting, really sociable and friendly and, in fact, it wasn’t actually too busy.

Of course, over time that changed dramatically, noisy, cramped and claustrophobic, stressful. People think I am obsessed but cyclists! Oh my dear Lord, the lunatic cyclists ruining every where you’d go. This said……..

There are moments when I fancy a walk down Regent Street, a stroll over to Hyde Park, a morning visit to The City, passing St. Paul’s. London’s exceptionally impressive AND I lived in a fabulous area, within easy distance of places that most will only ever visit once, maybe twice, in their lifetimes.

As bleak as this may sound, longing for anything is a refusal of reality. I know that my life is infinitely better up here in the countryside, familiar with how and where I grew up and it suits me. The London I call fantastic doesn’t exist anymore and we can discuss the reasons for that as much as we like.

I understand that talking is not doing. It feels like an achievement to whine and pontificate over how things ‘should’ be but that’s delusional. Most believe, from what I can see, that life happens to them and they misplace loyalties and power in the hands of those that can’t do anything for them. And I am not just talking about politics (though clearly we understand the fundamental corruption of the current political system).

No, I am talking about the majority of peoples’ interactions and relationships. We hope that there’s someone to complete us. I made a million allowances with my ex and there are still moments when I wonder what he’s doing, how he is, if he’s made visits to my place. It’s all fanciful and detached from reality but our feelings and longings go deep.

We’ve persuaded ourselves that other people are the answer. They’re not. Your own sense of anchoring is the point.

Who are you? Who are you exactly where you are and what do you want where you are now?

Another video’s doing the rounds on Twitter.

This time it’s has-been comedienne Dawn French, with her mop of grey hair and oversized glasses.

It’s so cringeworthy, she’s never stopped being an actress, dutifully mouthing the words of the latest virtue-politico propaganda cry. It’s the same with all of them, an answer for everything with no wisdom or integrity behind it.

And every single ‘right-wing’ commentator, launching on it, repeatedly quote-tweeting it with their latest musings on it. Equally, if not more, cringeworthy.

Everyone fighting for relevance!

Everyone avoiding FOMO.

MUST be involved.

I’ve said it before, everyone trying to stand up for individual sovereignty with their timelines looking, reading and sounding exactly the same.

It’s so dull.

The beautiful thing recently in living in unfettered flow with my Twitter timeline, I’ve attracted some really fabulous new followers who literally post nothing but beauty, design, hands-on farming wisdom, it’s so wholesome I love it. And yes, politics/culture stuff pops up on my feed too and, yes, sometimes I comment on it but I’m curating a world of doingness on the timeline and not indulging too much in ‘sharing this wild change the world’ crap.

Why haven’t you shared this, Martin? It’s the question that precedes every prisoner’s self-immolation. 

I will not be trapped in the anger or resentment of trying to convince others of anything or needing to show how virtuous I am. Arrogant.

All I do is share what’s working for me, I leave you to make up your own minds.

Your feelings have two primary functions.

One, a reflection of whether you’re moving in the right or wrong direction – your intuition. 

Two, a reminder there’s a lesson to learn to treat yourself better or a behaviour to reinforce.

You ignore your intuition at your peril.

The key to a great life is not trying to control what happens, it’s developing your resilience and capability to respond healthily to events.

I’ve always felt that stress is the enemy of success. You cannot make great decisions in a state of panic or haste. 

I know this.

You know this.

I feel this.

You feel this.

In the last few weeks, I’ve granted myself far more permission to simply follow where my feet take me.

It’s me acting in accordance with my instinct, preference and unfettered flow.

It’s good and it’s garnering great results.

Don’t hide from your true feelings, embrace them.

You can weather any storm.

There is so much I want to do, I cannot tell you and I know I’m capable of doing it.

Wanting is one thing, doing and getting quite others!

I’ll be honest, I find progress rather agonising much of the time. I basically always feel like I could be doing more. I can SEE it so I’ve got visualisation covered, it’s the manifestation that’s the dividing line between the wantrepreneurs and the actual entrepreneurs.

With all distinctions, the vast majority are on the side of ‘wish’ rather than ‘have’.

I’ve advocated for acknowledging wins and building on a foundation of things already achieved but, inevitably, there’s a looking backwards to coming forwards in this approach. It’s a useful part of the strategy to start believing in yourself but we all know, ultimately, the only thing that matters is more doing, more proactivity, fewer excuses, fewer delays.

Yes, we can be doing more.

Figure out the direction.

Start walking on.

OKAY! OK! I know, I know.

But muh hustle!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pace and progress are different things. We all want to be productive, we want to do meaningful and purposeful things. Absolutely right.

But take it from me, I have never seen better progress than when I started to do two things, very recently.

1. Relaxing – No stress, not frantic, no rush

2. Trusting the process – learning how to sound out the noise of what other people are doing.

Now, I am a curious man. I ask people questions, I garner skills and techniques.  I take what resonates and, with time, am learning to ignore what doesn’t.

It’s my process.

Yours is yours.

Make things as simple as possible for you to get the work done.

In a world of sleepwalkers, many lack the faith that their efforts will be recognised or that they can even pursue their hearts’ desires.

Being awake is not easy. It’s intense.

It’s been over six months since I drunk any alcohol, so I hyper aware of everything I’m doing, I’m grateful, again, it’s intense.

The biggest advantage of being awake is that you will see things that others don’t. You will be able to make connections that others don’t. That’s how I’ve always seen intelligence. 

One has to have the cognitive ability and also the awareness.

We all know that harmful addictions mask our true nature.

We all also know that addictions are very, very, very tempting.

The first lesson is to start acting in your own best interest. This is what we can call being kind to yourself (and not the fake lefty sort of ‘kindness’ – seeing everyone as exactly the same, childish belief). You can’t be kind to yourself when you’re poisoning yourself.

This first lesson requires you be honest – admitting how you’re treating yourself will take off the mental and emotional burden of being shitty to yourself.

Desperation. There’s a lot of it. Don’t fuel the fire by hiding behind behaviours that distract you from what’s troubling you.

It’s only then you can take the time and space you need to ask yourself what you want, how you can live better and, ultimately, go and do it. This is when the connections come as there’s ‘room at the inn’ for them to healthily occupy your mind.

Trust me on this.

Trust yourself more.

Believe in yourself more.

Be kinder to yourself more. 

We’re so busy trying to force things into being.

The single biggest shift I’ve experienced recently is just being honest, saying what I want to say (in a very calm way) and garnering information from people by doing so.

Everything has its time and place. Yet, we’re so desperate to prove a point, exceed with the need for speed. I’ve never seen more growth in my following than by going with the flow. Honestly.

You

Have

Nothing

To Prove.

You have a calling and a mission and it’s your job to fulfil that.

Sometimes, I write first thing.

Other times, I wait a while.

Everything happens at the right time.

Today, I waited.

I had to ask three questions to get one very simple answer this morning from a friend and his answer included the ill-fated “Of course.”

‘Of course’ implies something obvious. It’s almost rhetorical.

In this particular case, it was not self-explanatory nor was it clear. Hence the questioning.

I’m discovering that asking good questions, any questions, is a good gauge of a relationship – whether you can ask them simply and get simple answers.