Month: September 2025

Everything that happens is part of your journey.

What you embrace and what you reject.

And everything is an opportunity.

I can’t help being an introspective, analytical man. It’s simply who I am. The key is what you turn your focus to.

If you think of literally a couple of generations back, three or four max, there were men fighting in trenches during hideous world wars. Many were following orders, yes, many were woefully unprepared for what they would face. Many didn’t come back. Many returned shells of who they were.

I learned recently my father’s father was a WW2 bomb disposal expert! Brave!

We fear hurty words on the internet. I don’t deny we are of our times but we have in us great fortitude and opportunity to grow some balls.

Let’s do it!

In pivotal times, of deep soul searching, I go introspective. To go further, you must go deeper.

I think my intolerance is symptomatic of having no patience for fakery or bullshit – or manipulation.

I found myself lying in bed last night briefly thinking about my ex and still working through how infested my system is with the dysfunctional relationship.

I watch spiritual videos on YouTube, I rewatch podcasts to mine the wisdom therein, I read, I contemplate, I go for walks.

It’s peaceful but, at times, I feel tremendous frustration that things aren’t moving faster. Can something just land, can something make fruit!

But I remind myself of the many thousands of times I’ve heard there is a natural pace set out for my path and I can’t argue with it – for that is the greatest obstacle.

They say get out of your own way.

One more step, my friend. One foot out in front of the other. Keep walking, steady as you go.

As I sort myself out, I am becoming far more honest about what I do and don’t believe/want. I am also becoming far more irritable and intolerant. It’s part of the process of clearing things out, most satisfying to finally admit what I feel without apology but, no lie, it is emotionally dysregulating in the extreme!

What is the point of emotions? It’s all about placement. Are you at threat or at risk? Are you in alignment? Are you peaceful? Are you vigilant?

We ignore emotions at our peril. They transcend language but they are protective. We try to describe them but we can’t properly.

And there’s a key in the protective nature of our feelings. They are anchored in a particular point of time, they were a defence mechanism that, left unexamined, will slowly gnaw away and destroy you. Most people are living out unquestioned shields from their experiences. You see it when you either say “no” to people or say something they hadn’t considered.

Emotions are a pause, a pattern interrupt, an opportunity to assess if you’re living life well. Think of a sunset, it brings you back to reality with a joyful jolt, witness a car crash it brings you back to reality with fear and shock! 

Here’s the issue though – we judge ourselves for what we feel saying we’re too soft or too weak, too easily moved, too reactive but the feelings are not voluntary, they are responses in alignment with our values that go to the core.

We judge our emotions at our ultimate peril. Here’s where you can be free – radical acceptance. Denial is death. We feel what we feel and the feelings are useful, they are tools not weapons.

Doing the right things, doing the wrong things, we know by how we react emotionally.

Start to trust them.

Start to trust yourself!

I had a wild dream last night. Part of it was a cow giving birth to a sheep, who had in turn given birth to a badger. I think that was it.

Another part was dancing around with a chap at a party, who showed me his keys and told me to follow him home an hour after he left saying “That’s what everybody wants.” I’m assuming he was referring to sex but I’m not quite sure. I woke up a little hazy.

These days, if one person wants something then everyone else has to agree. And if you don’t, you’re bad. Reductionist I know but we feel it.

No room for individuality.

No room for having a different world view.

I think most people feel incredibly stifled by the current regime.

Stuff’s happening.

The mood is shifting.

And we can decide our place in it.

I know, my friend, other people want different things, isn’t it oh-so-inconvenient.

You know what I’m going to say.

Focus on what you want, what brings you joy, genuine satisfaction.

The initials of this title are Trademark Trademark. There will be a few others who will pick this out.

We seem to be forever seeking out edges and angles that others haven’t but I see a decided decline in dignity and humility.

Everybody thinking THEIR version of events is THE truth rather than their partially-formed perspective.

Yes, we recognise patterns.

Yes, we have less or no trust in particular institutions.

Yes, everything feels subverted and turned upside down.

It doesn’t mean declining into nihilism (the ‘h’ is silent in nihilism, by the way and mosaic has two syllables not three).

I’ve been called a grammar nazi, fine. Knock yourself out. Standards don’t feel like a choice to me. Yes, I do wonder if I am alienating people.

This isn’t an “I wish people would just come together” post because I’m not that deluded or tyrannical. 

Everything has to fit into people’s chosen worldview and it’s so arrogant. To think we carpet-fashion have all the info, all the wisdom, the ability to piece everything together in seconds. No, no, no.

I love being on the ground. I will go to the next Unite The Kingdom March because I want to experience, for myself, what it’s really like. I did the marches when I lived in London during COVID and they were transformational experiences of utter belonging and harmony. Festivals of Freedom. I want to smell the people, hear them singing and conversing, the doers.

We forget we are Peoples, shared common heritage and historic accomplishment and people everywhere let their egos get in the way of unity.

We who want the best for each other, stand up together.

Photo Credit: Alastair Hilton

If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times.

I am such a perfectionist!

BUT!

I apply it to other people. Getting embroiled in squabbles, wanting to retreat and believe me, there is definitely a place for discarding what’s really damaging you but I found myself getting lost in the Charlie Kirk saga, buffeting between loads of people and factions saying all manner of different things.

What am I doing?

What are you doing?

What is any one of us doing?

Making a mess. And it’s fine that way. I desperately want to embrace it.

I love watching different podcasts, reading different books and it’s helpful but all must be applied.

Celebrate the doers. I posted that on X a few days ago. What am I doing? I asked myself seriously and I will continued to do so.

I’ve changed the name of my X account, my YouTube channel too. Martin of Mercia has both a historic and a regal sound. I started to trim my beard earlier and decided to go full Lex Luther and take off all the facial hair and show you what I really look like under the mess.

Revelation. We are obsessed with it. Let people know what you think. I fail sometimes but I try, these days, to always do things with dignity and respect but sometimes, the truth is sharper and harder and you just have to get on with it.

I want simple things, mate. Something I told a friend the other day. Conserving my energies for the really important stuff, I told him. It was satisfying and TRUE. It is what I want and I want to contribute to a better England, a better me, imparting more wisdom.

Flash of inspiration, a couple of swift, decisive changes and now to keep the momentum going.

Focus on goodness.

Focus on what matters.

Be a strong man.

A decent man.

Be a doer!

Messily!

If it’s called common sense, why do so few have it?

Life is full of conundrums, I feel like I’m facing about 95% of them right now. Then there’s the stuff we just can’t know.

Many ask questions but don’t really want honest answers, this is easily observable by their reactions to direct feedback.

No ambiguity + open expression = their shock (usually)

I am developing a frequent habit of asking for genuine answers to questions, posing those things that feel uncomfortable to ask, opening myself to yet more mutiny. It’s very uncertain and nerve racking.

I trust nerve racking more though, it cuts to the chase and gives you the straight facts to deal with.

Efficiency!

Like common sense is a misnomer, so too is honesty is the best policy (for most). I wonder if we’re actually capable of widespread honesty, doesn’t look like it, does it!

Plough on my friend and get the info YOU need!

Above was the title I came up yesterday. It was going to be about a very different subject but here I sit, overwhelmed by shock and disbelief, at the savage sacrificing of Charlie Kirk.

A sweet, sweet young man with a wife and two children who will never know him. Forever. Gone.

I actually can’t believe it’s happening. It takes a lot to put me into total disbelief.

People point out the irony of Charlie being shot to death as he advocates for gun rights. 

People dance in glee on TikTok at his murder.

People subvert the event for politics and have zero empathy, ZERO, for a wife losing her husband and totally innocent children being deprived of their father.

So many millions undermine the sacred value of life in trying to score points for ‘their side’.

He was so sweet and good and I genuinely believe acting altruistically to help as many as possible live well and wholesomely.

Sweet man.

Value life.

I had another dream last night.

I had been somewhere or another and I boarded a bus, climbing to the top deck. 

Initially, I had sat somewhere on my own and was settling down to read my book (something I’ve been discussing recently that I’d love to set aside far more time for but, for some reason, won’t allow myself to do).

As the bus was setting off, a young girl with her mother sat next to me and started jumping around me, prodding me, refusing to leave me alone and I said to her the title of this post. The dream ended with me saying this.

I’ve got a long journey (it’s very prescient) to undo how damaged I feel and to finally take charge of the conditions of my life both in a personal/psychological sense and how I will allow and disavow how other people behave in our relationships. And I’d just like to read, immersed in interesting information, totally focused, totally present. It sounds like absolutely bliss but it always, for me, feels like there’s something pulling me from true joy – and peacefulness.

When we say “I just want….” whatever it is, what we’re actually saying is “I want to take this time for myself, to do what I alone want to do in my own way.” This seems to fly in the face of most people’s behaviour who, I am convinced, want to make things more difficult and shun simplicity.

I want the latter, I will have it and let the cards fall where they may. 

There’s a woman who has a flat in my complex, most of the time she lives in London but she visits every few months. Whenever she does, I am always astounded at just how much she faffs around with her car, putting it in the garage, taking it out again, leaving it parked outside the garage and returning to put it away again.

Whenever I see her I cannot help but think “what the fuck is she doing?” Even closing the garage door, she half closes it, checks God knows what, then finishes closing it. I’ve never seen such a load of faff!

I recently took charge of the garden situation too. Many said I had no right to clear things away from the lawns, but here’s the thing, at some point every single one of those people made some decision without consulting anyone and then proceeded to ignore the effects.

No, discipline, orderliness, taking responsibility – these are what matter and, I’ll tell you what, most people are resentful of people taking charge, doing the right thing.

Remember, most are dictated by wanting their own way not doing the right thing.

Don’t know about you but when I see people walking around, they look in a daze. Nothing seems to make sense to them.

They loiter, they gaze confusedly at roadsigns, they linger and stare but don’t go anywhere.

Are we hypnotised?

Have we lost our direction?

Have we become soft and stultified?

Occasionally, I’ve found myself connecting headphones to my phone and listening to some music when out walking but I haven’t done that for a while. It’s not present, one cannot hear the birds chirping, the wind rustling through the trees. It’s also not appreciative. 

Everything seems like whatever+plus. Nothing seems good enough in itself. My ex-boyfriend constantly talked people needing to accept when things are enough but relentlessly picked at people’s behaviour – including my own. The full of extent of this I am only coming to terms with now.

What matters is human nature and human connection. I have to say, right now, I am incredibly selective about who I spend my time with, almost to the point of total reclusiveness. It’s what I need at the moment to sharpen the sword, the point the pencil, to sharpen my senses and my purpose.

Maybe it’s the price we pay?

Underneath it all, what I’m always looking for is personal responsibility – a life without needless distractions, a purposeful mission that feeds me and helps others. That’s why I feel I am here.

I have many emotional blocks.

I sometimes wonder what the fuck I’m doing.

Sometimes what I’m doing feels futile and an endless slog.

I understand, however, that there is hope in it and lessons to be learned but it takes time.

It’s why politics seems a persistent war on our balance and health. Many still believe this one or that one is going to be the answer but dig not even that deep and you’ll find the people called to politics are too distant and too inconsistent to actually help.

And you’ll find the frequent argument will be that if you’re not joining Y party or Z cause, then you can’t complain.

Okie doke. I walk away from such people.

Life is quite simple. Make good relationships, real ones, make some money, keep as many of your assets away from government. It can be done. It is we who complicate it by placing faith in people who do not care about us, not really.

Be Your Own Man, Live Your Own Life.

Believe me, my friend, I often wonder if I’m doing the right thing.

There are so many topics and issues that I want to talk about but don’t because a) I get so stressed and angry that I know it’s harming my health and b) what will complaining about various things actually do?

Perfectly reasonable position.

But I don’t want, nor like, to be passive. I genuinely believe I could make a difference in many different spheres.

What do we do?

Over the last decade, had I have had a massive platform and even mildly expressed many of my right-wing beliefs, I’d have been doxxed and cancelled as well.

I was too busy being angry and claustrophobic in London. It is a relief to be back in the countryside but even here, I’m surrounded by ethnically-suicidal and depressive people who think it’s a sin to be White.

Said people who concurrently believe that plastering their roofs with solar panels rather than tiles and, prospectively, installing a hydroelectric power facility literally opposite where I live is going to make a difference to a climate crisis that doesn’t exist.

You see, it’s all under the surface. There are many things I could say that I don’t. I see personal/individual responsibility as a boon to make your own circumstances as positive and beneficial as possible but it doesn’t mean I don’t notice when things are, to put it lightly, not being done properly.

I’ve had several ‘small’ wins with getting the communal gardens at my building sorted out, of contacting a local office to remove barriers from a previous job of work that had been abandoned over a year ago, making things more beautiful, satisfying. 

But I constantly feel like I could do more and indeed am capable. It’s where to direct the energy and, I’ll be honest, still figuring it out.

You doubt your influence.

You doubt your capability.

You doubt what you can really do.

Don’t worry, I am not just addressing you.

I’ve always loved the image with this post. Focused, funny, fascinating – to think that something so tiny can be so mighty.

I also think of the wasps that buzz in and out of my flat when I leave the French Windows to the Balcony open. A wasp is 500-600 times smaller than the average human, they don’t mess about.

All these teeny beings let their presence be known, they make their presence felt.

You too can do the same!

When you look simply at the struggles you’ve been through, it’s either you or someone else telling you to act immorally or against your nature.

I’ve experienced so many people getting pissed off when I haven’t agreed with them or done things the way they’ve expected. There’s an awful lot of hubris, entitlement, going on.

Now, a lot of people hanker after the idea of telling people to go fuck themselves but the truth is, preserving my own peace is far more important than vilifying people and the ego wants you to get angry at people. Pointless.

I’ve encountered directly people saying how soft I am, how weak for walking away but you have a choice between love and violence. It’s what it comes down to.

So many people I’ve known have tried to teach me a lesson, to put me in my place, so to speak. The fascinating is I perpetuated said relationships.

Ha ha, not anymore.