Blog

I’ve had a few days off.

No blogging.

No videography.

No engaging on Twitter.

I’ve actually felt the need to do it for weeks and weeks and in the run up to Friday therapy I started (and discussed it at length with my therapist!).

I realised the prisons I’ve experienced, I’ve totally created them for myself and people-pleasing is the biggest.

Reconnecting is about creating the world I want, recording content when I want to rather than it simply being a formulaic task that I MUST record every single day for YouTube. 

For those three days, whenever I felt a jolt of conscience I wrote it down, what emotion was occurring? Did I feel liberated, did I feel guilty? What kind of mental and emotional states do I want to embody in my future?

Reconnecting is about getting conscious. I see numerous people flailing around, not looking in the direction they’re walking (literally and figuratively), sleepwalking through life. I don’t want to be one of those people.

Yes, there’s advice.

Yes, there are different strategies.

Yes, you’ll have to search high and low to find the one for you.

I come back to this – play around with it. In a year’s time when you’ve connected with what works for you, it honestly will not matter a jot how you decided to strategise the noble and necessary work you need to do.

I’ve pressurised myself so much to the point of numbness and I’ve done it many times. I’m slowly learning to give myself a break and do what I want to do in the way I want to do it.

Steady.

Free-flowing.

Powerfully productive.

Reconnect with who YOU are.

I’m really on the brink at the moment.

A powerful vision, nervousness, getting my head sorted after years of people pleasing (my heart too by the way!)

The truth is, to build anything you will need to let people know about it. That’s your ‘marketing’.

There’s all the stigma that goes with that too! It’s nerve-racking.

But, each message you send is a win, an education.

People will give advice and, yes, you can listen. Adopt everything, adopt nothing. 

You have to look at the results. 

To get where you really want to be, you’ll have to do uncomfortable stuff and, if you want to know how I feel about it, much of the time I feel like I’m bothering people, that I’m going to get ‘found out’, that people could be nasty to me, that I’m a fraud and not acting authentically, all of it.\

It’s all part of doing the necessary.

But each message is a step whether you acknowledge it or not.

Learn to acknowledge it and accept you’re making progress.

There will be bumps in the road.

I’m out in the world, trying to do meaningful things, it’s not a smooth and easy path, it’s why most avoid it. I’ve been avoidant too.

But after a shit day yesterday, feeling rather pointless, today I feel renewed.

I talk about being honest with yourself because you can try and deny the way you think and feel but it doesn’t stop what you’re experiencing, just pushes it down.

There’s work to do, purposeful, powerful work.

There isn’t a person in the world who wouldn’t benefit from a kick in the arse.

We assume that always means there is something to do.

Just as we know that simplicity is key, a lot of learning is unlearning.

Unlearning conditioning you used to protect yourself.

Unlearning limiting beliefs that kept you neat and tidy and not bothering people (or so you thought).

Unlearning that you need permission to live your own life.

Personalities want.

There isn’t a person in the world who hasn’t thought “if only people would just do as I do, life would be so much easier.”

You have to decide what you want to do and ride the vehicles that will get you there.

I have a coaching call today, after making the decision yesterday to get help. Without really doing anything except paying an invoice and scheduling a meeting with my new partner, I woke up a winner.

We are all where we are. For thousands of years, thinkers have tried to snap us out of our indecision and, still, we procrastinate and agonise over our success, rather than just getting on with it. It’s because it’s frightening.

When you step out ahead of the pack to invest in something meaningful, you open up yourself to total uncertainty. We shun that!

But embracing your shortcomings and facing what you fear is the ultimate liberator.

Make tomorrow you proud by moving today you into the unknown.

You’ll figure out the extraneous stuff and realise just how capable you are in real time.

There’s so much stuff we do that we simply have no grasp on how amazing it is!

Take flushing the toilet. Think of all the engineering required, the many tens of thousands of miles of pipe work but we just push a flush or push a button and POUF! It’s gone.

Simple but so powerful.

After writing this blog post, I am jumping on a Google Video Call with someone. Think of all the coding and developing and investment seeking to get that technology available.

Yes, tech can be used to surveil but, of course, it be used to forge fantastic business relationships.

Are we so naive as a culture, we won’t use these incredible tools because some baaaaad people use them too? Please.

Guess what though, what do we take most for granted?

That’s right, our own capability. I know I’ve done this enormously! 

What are the wins I’ve already had? I am still here aren’t I? I must have done some stuff right!

You can accuse me of repeating myself but here’s the rub – start believing in yourself more!

I’ve lived in my head for the last few years.

I’ve been so busy trying to make sense of everything, the need to escape London and get back to the country, the state of my relationship with my ex, addressing historical wounds that have plagued me.

A lot!

A few days ago I wrote about my own balance of powers (masculine/feminine) and now I write about redressing the balance of my entire life given that I’ve fairly found the right help with my therapist.

I’ve chastised myself many times for ‘starting over’ again and again without realising I’ve just been experiencing difference stages of the path.

It’s abundantly clear to me that I have powerful perfectionistic proclivities and despite encouraging others to ‘embrace the mess’ of developing themselves, I haven’t done it very well myself.

There are things that I want, I’ve wanted them for a long time in fact, and there are challenges to overcome to get there but, for now, the key is reducing the time I spend in my head, obsessively churning over the same shit, and getting back into my body, my senses, appreciating the beautiful countryside I’ve moved back to.

I’ve tried to prepare myself for everything and, as a consequence, have been hyper vigilant and on-edge trying to avoid many situations.

The lady with whom I share a garage.

The woman whose bedroom (actually one of two bedrooms) is directly below my kitchen that she sleeps in. I have, for a long time, resorted to tiptoeing around the kitchen because I don’t want to disturb her but she has options I don’t so I feel ridiculous even telling you this.

The stage of worrying about how my actions affect others when they clearly don’t care about disturbing me is coming to an end. I’m not saying this in an antagonistic way but the time to really live MY life is upon me. That option has always been available to me.

When I see something, I say it.

When I feel something, I accept it.

Freeing up my energy to do great work – here I come!

Space

Time

Freedom

Authenticity (including this as it’s getting a bad rap)

These matter to me, more so than ever.

After my therapy session yesterday I realised I’m posting much of my content, still, as a people pleaser.

There are enormous benefits to creating the videos I record, the posts and longer-form prose I write but this idea of having to do it all the time, being ahead of the game as I’ve found myself calling it, well, that is another kind of prison.

Authenticity is practicing what you preach.

Freedom is deciding how I do things (hard for me at this stage!).

Time is what I prioritise that matters to me.

Space is the ability to breathe my own air.

No, I’m not talking politics.

I’m not even talking about relationship dynamics.

What I’m talking is personality.

I mentioned recently that I had a very feminised upbringing. The cousins that came to stay most regularly were female, auntie, mother and sister.

Reading Iron John by Robert Bly, this appears to be a very common setup. The issue of ‘softness’ is inevitable.

Acts of so-called aggression are shunned but are they aggressive? I’m asking seriously.

I notice that people, especially women, have a habit of calling things aggressive if they’re contrary to their own point of view or preference. I don’t agree so I’m going to label you ‘bad’. This happened to me fairly recently re: a shared garage situation.

When people get their own way for a long time, they really don’t want to give it up. They will fight. This is something I’ve been at the receiving end of all my life.

I will admit, there are certain benefits to having a more developed feminine side than a lot of men. Easily expressing feelings, sudden cathartic releases of emotion (crying!) are sometimes useful, the downside is churning experiences and wounds over again and again can quickly become another form of procrastination.

“Oh, my anxiety won’t allow me to do this.”

“I feel too nervous to do that.”

Stagnation can be a sad inevitability.

I’ve done the gym thing and, actually, gotten quite strong and leaned out. The urge to get using my home gym equipment is returning. Just to figure out a way of not being starving all the time.

The goal is to unite all the different parts of me. Long and drawn-out process and very much a work-in-progress.

We are where we are.

We live in the time we live in.

That much is true and inescapable.

I’m working to accept the position I’m in and help others through the same.

Emasculation is real, we’ve thrown the balance to the overbearing mother in an enormous way.

It’s why I say that “No.” Is the best word you can learn to embody.

Not aggressive.

Not confrontational.

But assertive and boundary-defining

Watch this space (and perhaps the occasional ‘gym-selfie’).

I had a really great day yesterday.

Productive

Creative

Getting myself out there

Got into bed, tired, ready to sleep. Didn’t happen for ages.

Got out of bed.

Got back in.

Do I stay up and work through?

Do I try to sleep again?

Woke up late and my body felt so heavy, I can’t tell you.

The push and pull of my psyche is immense. It’s exhausting. And annoying.

Obviously though, embarking on sorting out my shit will inevitably throw up many experiences, emotions, things I’ve been avoiding that are heavy in themselves. Endless process, that’s what it feels like.

And, curiously, I felt rather numb when I woke up today. Staring out of my bedroom window, not wanting to move. Dosing in and out of sleep. I shifted my body my remembering a funny scene from the classic BBC comedy series Ab Fab.

I have a deep desire at times to burn things to the ground, to clear everything out, start again – Make everything neat. Can’t be done can it! I find it very disordering. 

But in my experience of dealing with things, I’m going a LONG way back into my past, all the way back frankly and there’s a lot of Spring, Summer, Autumn and Winter cleaning to do.

I’m building myself back up from the foundations, seriously, it’s excruciating and exceptional hard work.

So the aim is not crash and burn, it’s make sense and grow but, can’t lie, it’s a very painful and inescapable task.

Goodness me, I am reflective at the moment.

I have so many memories popping up to say “Hello! Remember me!” It’s a constant process of making sense of things, my place in them, how they can help and what I can leave behind.

Because leave something behind I have.

I pondered to myself what it could have been that a left behind and the conclusion I have preliminarily come to is Innocence.

It seems like a late stage that I’m coming to this realisation but, I wonder in my reflective mood, how many people come to the realisation at all? I think we know that the answer is very few. 

Some are too unthinking to make the connection between what’s happened and how we played our part in it.

Some are too frightened to admit the links – that, whether we like it or not, we made every decision for ill or for good.

Some are genuinely busy with family and regular responsibilities.

I’m lucky, and I feel it, to be able to think to the betterment of myself. I reflected recently that I feel grateful for what’s happened but, without sugarcoating, I feel heavy still as I release the mental burdens.

It hasn’t been easy being surrounded by people who don’t really care about me to stop and just listen. There’s either been ignorance, anger or a flighty vanishing of people into the night, never to be seen again.

I have remarked that my family and I didn’t really have conversations, we had slagging matches, interruptions and competitive-talkings over each other. This has largely been the way with friends and colleagues too. It was the dysfunctional model that I sought out.

I tried to scream out loud but it wasn’t heard.

SO!

I made my own way from a very early age and my next stage is to acknowledge it and start to feel good about standing my ground, so I can feel good about myself.

Yes, the child is in there and is reaching out a hand, a hand I am holding in my own way.

Acknowledge the past.

Embrace the present.

Build a better future.

I’ve been wanting to write about this for a while.

I do wonder how scatty my offerings are. For much of my life things have been in formation (that’s what information means).

People rely on data to prove their point(s) but I don’t believe any of it.

Whenever I hear about a ‘survey’ or a ‘poll’ or a ‘study’, I always think to myself “have I been asked?”, “has anyone I know or am related to been asked?”, “have people in my village or town or city been surveyed?”

The answer is always no and if you ask anyone else, they have the same answer.

With the push for globalism, it can be very difficult to keep your focus on the here and now as well as focusing on what you personally are doing. That’s the game frankly.

I’ve always felt that I’ve been between worlds as there are things I really want, quite seriously actually, but at the same time, people saying “no” and appearing to try to pull me back or voice their endless doubts and criticisms.

Standing up for yourself means being more direct and moving in the direction you want to go. I personally have found it very difficult but I’ve decided to simply be more honest and tell people what I think and just accept I am where I am, understanding regrets and ‘what-if”-ing are pointless. 

You’re always in a state of becoming, your life is unravelling and, as much as you can, keep deciding to walk your own path.

Aside from my dad, I had a very feminised upbringing.

Mum, Sister, during the holidays my mum’s sister would visit with her two daughters.

Women, women, women.

And to be honest, I’m not exactly criticising but, at school, I was increasingly timid, didn’t get into the rough and tumble with the other lads and it has made of me something of a ‘soft boy’.

It’s only in the last few years I’ve started saying no.

The title of this post came to me last night. I remembered an incident with one of the aforementioned cousins when she crashed her car, the tire came off and we ground our way home, the noise from the exposed wheel must have been excruciating to onlookers! It was bad enough inside the car

I remember we had the music playing and I quickly turned it off, so it wouldn’t bother her.

Later, when she was reflecting on the incident she said.

“He knew to turn the radio off. Oh, I thought. He’s well-trained.”

This crash happened approaching 30 years ago. There’s stuff buried deep down that needs to find it’s voice. In my last therapy session, I made the bold step of starting to express how I’ve really felt about a lot of different experiences.

My therapist asked me, “Are you afraid of your anger?”

I tried to skirt around the issue but the truth is, yes, I probably am very scared of what getting really angry would feel like. I associate it with being very damaging to me but the truth is, I know I need to let it out somehow. If I’m to progress healthily.

Drinking ridiculous amounts of alcohol was a medicine, a numbing effect but, a seemingly contradictory influence – fuel for my anger. I can’t deny my conditioning loves a good rage.

I’ve stored up many things that have really fucked me off. There’s a lot of it. 

Slowly but surely, I want to release it, in my way.

I fundamentally realise that I’ve wanted to keep the peace – with others.

I’ve actually lived very timidly in many respects, not wanting to rock the boat.

I have subjugated myself to others and not yet learnt how to stand up for myself in a powerful way.

Honest and true.

There’s a great line in the film Sabrina (the 1990s version).

“You seem to be embarrassed by loneliness, by being alone. It’s only a place to start.”

I do not do things in miniature.

Indeed, whenever I go for something, I really throw myself into it!

You might say it’s landed me in trouble but, when you think about it, trouble is basically just something someone or some organisation disagrees with.

We have the idea of law, of the legal system, of ‘governance’ in general but it’s all a power play at the end of the day.

I’ve been through some massive changes recently.

Splitting with the ex shortly after moving back to my native hometown. Legitimately embarking on building a coaching business and, longer-term, starting to sell my artistic wares for your delight.

I’ve faced criticism, sarcasm, disdain, isolation and, frankly, I’m proud of myself for still smiling, being resilient and understanding, ultimately, that I can and will resolve the major struggles in my life.

I really am grateful for it all.

I’ve encountered all this negativity, of being shut out, of being made an example of and still found things to be pleased with and to feel accomplished of. 

It

Has

Not

Been

Easy

Never think I have been perpetually performing cartwheels down the street. No, no, no. It has been very tough and, at times, incredibly bleak. I’ve had to really search (which is why I say entrepreneurs are explorers) and dig deep to keep to my path.

I’ve weathered emotional storms you wouldn’t believe.

I’ve dealt with immense confusion at relationship dynamics in my midst.

I’ve been baffled by people ignoring my needs when I am so attentive to theirs.

I’ve discovered that the only way to live a full life is to start with Me – to build confidence and trust in myself. Once again,

It’s

Not

An

Easy

Task

But it is worth it.

You honestly have no idea how powerful and strong and capable you are when you get really willing to stare down the things you’re really afraid of. We are immensely stacked with tools and determination to handle whatever situation we are in.

It’s all been our choice.

Much of it has been frightening.

But guess what, we’re all still here.

We are all still breathing and that means OPPORTUNITY.

So much opportunity.

So much promise.

Don’t waste it.

Use it.

Win!

Gratitude is a superpower. 

Imagine being so unstoppable that you can stare the devil in the face and laugh, knowing he has no power over you.

You have the power over you.

You’re in the driving seat.

You take the wheel.

You are able.

Do it.

Whatever your heart desires, fulfil your mission, walk the path and live the quest.

Be grateful you have the life to live!

Thank You.

We are creatures of habit.

We are easily wed to familiarity.

And there’s no doubt we crave security.

Of course, it’s an illusion.

We like to think that we’re good at predicting things but we’re not. Why would most be constantly surprised by goings-on?

I believe the man that can weather the storm of uncertainty with resilience and gratitude is the ultimate incarnation of why we’re on planet Earth.

Everything is an opportunity to be stronger.

Are you doing this?

I finished my book last night, now to the next.

The recently completed tome was a Paul Coelho booked I read years and years ago. There was a section I remembered from the last partaking, the rest, it was like reading a new book. Most invigorating!

No matter which form it comes in, waking up a winner is a great feeling. And, really, winning is what? It’s doing and, with the book I finished last night, it’s riding the wave (going with the flow).

Usually it’s a chapter each night, last night it was three.

We learn through doing. 

It’s all very well intellectualising activities but when you feel it in your body, have the sensations of activity, it gets locked in.

Get the stuff done TODAY!

I believe laying in bed at night, thinking about my past and then crying must be close to the top of list of what I spend my time doing.

Last night, it was about how the relationship with my ex lacked any real intimacy. Of course I can’t be sure but it often felt like what I wanted was boring/irrelevant to my ex, an inconvenience to the pace he wanted when we were ‘together’ in person.

I find myself using bunny ear quote marks a lot with him because there wasn’t really that much togetherness or closeness between us. From the start there was a brick wall, a moat he had built around himself and I, like a lovestruck fool, kept on trying to revive the dead corpse, which is an interesting turn-of-phrase because one of the things he talked about a lot was his dead boyfriend. No joke.

I live as much by the principle of ‘where you are, be there.’ I wasn’t really there with my former attachment (a more appropriate term, frankly).

My topics of conversation were abruptly changed or flatly ignored.

I wasn’t allowed into his place.

He, as time went on, stopped coming to mine.

The sex dwindled and when it happened it was very mechanical.

No kissing.

No hugging.

He told me a story that he fractured someone’s jaw because they touched his face.

Red flags, right?! Red flags a plenty.

I now live with the emotional fallout of the situation but, I must say, the last couple of weeks have been a turning point for me. I understand far better my place with him and I have a far greater understanding of sticking to my guns, knowing what I want.

Know what you deserve and go after it. Don’t falter.

It’s about honesty.

We know what’s good for us but often it’s incredibly easy to make excuses for other people and explain them away that it’s all your fault.

Be on the same page as people.

Disagree with dignity

Ultimately, know you deserve connection and companionship.

Let’s be honest, the vast majority are not going to be entrepreneurs, they’re not capable of it. The idea that everyone can work for themselves is absurd. Some people will always be employees and it’s not a judgement, it’s necessary, everyone definitely has their place.

Here’s the thing that I’ve seen, though, whilst interacting with other people on Twitter.

So many migrate their employee beliefs into building their own business.

Diligence

Consistent work

A sense of structure

These are all, of course, important but here’s the great news. 

You get to decide how you structure your day, no one is breathing down your neck telling you what you have or have not to do. You can work according to your own rhythms, at the time of day you wish, in short blocks or longer blocks of time.

It’s not a job, it’s a calling. Truly.

It’s not a job, it’s a mission.

It’s not a job that has to be ‘hard work’ (as in irritating)

It’s not a job, don’t make it one!

Every person in the world experiences bumps in the road but you, as an entrepreneur, can navigate those and figure out what works best for you.

Have a different, ideal sleep pattern, great, you can be your own boss and decide what your ‘office’ hours are.

You’re the boss, remember that and it scares a lot of people to realise it but once you embrace it, success is inevitable. 

I just replied to a tweet saying “creativity begets creativity”.

Of course, boiled down, creativity is an act, getting something done – letting the imagination soar and putting it down on a keyboard, paper, musical instrument and so on.

The reason you get more done once you get started is you eliminate fear, doubt and excuses.

The mind is a magical beast capable of great feats and dirty nightmares.

When it comes down to it, you have to be the one who chooses.

You have to sort yourself out first. You can want great things for other people but if you don’t do it for yourself, you will never be genuine and people will feel it.

I remember, at a friend’s birthday party, I showed one of the guests a picture of a painting I did (it’s actually hanging on my wall as we speak). Bear in mind, this is on an iPhone screen.

He said “Wow! It’s got a lot of movement.” or “Wow! There’s a lot of movement in it.” Something like that. Your impact can be felt even if it’s slightly abstracted.

Imagine the influence and impact you could have, in all the areas of your life, if you truly put yourself out there and started spreading wonderful things like beauty, wisdom, honesty, bit of controversy.

There are lessons you’ve truly learned because you now embody them, struggles you’ve overcome, funny anecdotes that are really valuable to people.

These experiences first need to be acknowledged by you, valued and then shared.

What a fantastic gift for yourself and the world.

Stand up and Speak.

Get yourself out everywhere.

I’ve limited myself a lot, minimised myself a lot.

The last five years since meeting my ex, it was a rollercoaster, incredibly uncertain but it was also imprisoning – I take responsibility for it though. Like it or not, I did make the decisions.

And you know what? We make the decisions for good reasons, maybe they’re not practical, maybe they’re not healthy, but we want security as much as possible, there’s something to navigate for you.

Satisfy as many parts of you on a daily basis, pleasure, challenge, bit of a struggle, deep focus, laughter, connection. We are holistic beings and, for me, the biggest challenge is bringing all the pieces together.

But march on we do, as peacefully as possible, with strength and determination.

This subject deserves its own post.

Know what you want. Yes, tick.

Goals are dreams with deadlines. Yep, got that one.

Hustle, hustle, hustle until you make it. Granted, understood.

Only trouble is, you’re missing a vital ingredient.

You have to believe you can achieve it. You cannot achieve greatness if you doubt your abilities.

Think about it, if you’re investing time in developing skills and you have no emotional connection or intellectual grasp with them, you’re just putting yourself in stalemate and you’ll run yourself into the ground, I’ve seen it so many times.

I know it sounds esoteric to ‘start believing’ you can win but ask yourself ‘why do I have doubts?’ And ‘is it possible I’m trying to protect other people’s feelings/opinions?’. Do you want to stick to your familiar conditioning and stay ‘safe’?

Why aren’t you where you want to be? 

Has to be something in you.

I was midway watching a podcast earlier today and there was a moment where the host, of a very edgy podcast, admonished his guest for speaking in ‘Normie’ terms. It was regarding sexism, basically. Yawn.

During his lecture, the host admitted it was very uncomfortable confronting his guest but I was so pleased. I felt uncomfortable with him because it’s something I’ve been afraid to do with people around me.

Learning to stand up for myself when I’ve been such a people-pleaser is excruciatingly uncomfortable at times – BUT IT’S GOOD!

If confidence is to be a real thing, then the rule must be applied evenly. Other people can be confused, so can I.

Yes? Logical, right?

But the emotions have to catch up and you have to train yourself. Believe me, I have to deep breathe my way through lots of conversations now when I’m asserting myself. I welcome the experience but make no mistake, it is a conscious and concerted effort.

My friend, believe in yourself. You’re greater than you know.

Was reading my book last night.

There was just one line that made me ponder.

“They will never be really in love.”

And it occurred to me, what if we switched it to 

“They will never really be in love.”

It’s a tiny change that totally alters the whole meaning. The first addresses the extent to which the two would love each other and the second denies that the couple are in love at all!

One Small Shift.

Now, imagine if we were able to make one small shift yourself. This shift…

Starting to believe you can be successful.

Do you really want what you’re aiming at?

Is it YOUR ambition or are you trying to please someone else?

Would you be happy with what your life if you achieved this goal?

Make sure you’re doing the right things for the right reasons. There is no greater tragedy than to achieve grand goals but have no investment in them and that are not authentic to you.

I caught myself using this phrase the other day.

It got me thinking, the language we use is indicative of the state of our minds and our actions.

Steal, it’s not a positive word is it!

I certainly know I’ve felt guilty for standing up for myself, I’ve been criticised for going against the grain and disagreeing at times.

It’s only now, in my forties, that I truly understand I deserve time and space for myself, to do what I want to do in whichever way I want to do it. I’m not a malicious person but I’ve definitely been frustrated by the hypocrisy of close people in my life. Rules for thee and rules for me sort of thing.

We all need time to absorb what’s happening in life and there are myriad ways we can do that.

Carve out time for yourself. It’s your right.

It’s always been easy to race and race on the hamster wheel. 

We are forever comparing ourselves to other people, other people’s achievements, other people’s methods.

By now, we know that other people are going to do what they’re going to do. Inescapable.

Never am I saying you should rest on your laurels, no, no, no. There are beautiful and powerful things that you can do. 

What I am saying, understand that it will take time. Life is not a series of end points, it is a series of pivots and transformations and…

Every experience is necessary. You’re not just a turning cog, you are a complex, increasingly integrated system, with many influences – often feeling displaced or contradictory.

We each have God-given gifts, who’s to say that people giving instructions and rules even follow them or get the results that they want. We live in a world, ever so now, of highlight reels and people don’t see the behind-the-scenes footage. Keep that for yourself, maybe share the odd bit but give yourself space, giving yourself the time that YOU need and you alone.

It’s your life.

I met my ex online, on a hookup app of all places, in March 2020. It’s not the origin story, frankly, that I want to tell.

I couldn’t tell you exactly why but, at his say-so, we didn’t meet in person for another three weeks. I found this strange or at least it made me wonder why. In the interim before our flesh-to-flesh meeting, we FaceTimed. The conversation was all a bit frantic. From the beginning, he REALLY disliked being asked questions. 

Instant red flag, right? 🚩 Correct! ✅

But continue with the charade we did. When we actually met in person, halfway between where we both lived, on the edge of the City of London, we nearly had sex in a public alleyway. No joke, more frantic behaviour. It was the hook frankly. 

We went to a small park lining the banks of The Thames and, in a rare moment of intimacy and, even rarer public display of affection, I lay on the bench and rested my head on his lap. He stroked my forehead quite sweetly. This would be the last time it happened. I believe he knew what he was doing. He dropped the RULES because, as it would turn out, he wanted someone who he could offload on. Over and over and over.

The several breakups we had in the total of four years we offed-and-oned were basically when I couldn’t ignore being shut out anymore. But even in the periods of separation, I obsessed about him because I thought he was The One. Thankfully, with some proper distance, and a fabulous therapist, this believe is evaporating.

You have to be able to speak and be heard in relationships. Communication really is everything. Otherwise, you have one-sided relationships where the person doesn’t care about you.

I hold my hands up and admit totally that I allowed this to happen, not just with him but with everybody. I allowed myself to be used.

The instinct, of course, to imprison myself in these situations still lingers a bit. My feelings have not quite yet caught up with my intellect. Rationally, I knew very early on that things would not work out with this chap but I fell hook, line and sinker for this man. It was very quick and totally immersive, despite the fact that, from the start, he said he wasn’t looking for a relationship but somehow we both ignored our instincts and indulged the enormous gravitational pull we had towards each other.

Most of it was sex, I will admit and I have specific reasons for that, which I won’t go into now but once that wore off between us and, particularly, when he voyeuristically asked me to have sex with other men (which I did to please him – grubby! Pitiful but there it is), the understanding of how fucking (no pun intended) doomed this was became obvious to me.

If you allow yourself to be imprisoned, people, I’m afraid, will take advantage of it. We attract what we believe and the walls either go up around us or we use our courage and conviction to walk away.

I knew the truth, I just chose to hide from it, for a long time! Now, I choose the solitary path, for however long, to build myself up. 

There is plenty more to share of this story but I wanted to be honest and I have.

Thank you for reading.

I have two ‘just overs’ to mention.

Numero uno is just over three months since the split from my ex.

Number duo is just over two months since drinking my final drop of alcohol.

It feels longer.

The effects are great. 

It makes me realise just how much what I believe were ‘needs’ can change. Needs often are a distraction from what you CAN do. You’re more capable than you think. I am definitely more able than I give myself credit for.

Accept that each stage of your life is necessary. People talk about mistakes but they fail to understand that we can only operate out of the thinking and feeling we believe at any given moment.

We don’t have mental crystal balls or emotional scrying mirrors. You are where you are, I say it a lot and it sounds obvious to read but I don’t think people accept where they are, always want to be somewhere else and, as I’ve observed, would rather argue and be miserable in a particular situation than resolve it as simply and easily in the moment.

Tempus fugit, and it passes quickly, no doubt.

Learn to fill it with joy and creativity.

Make love not war.

Progress, success, fulfilment, whatever you want to call the dream state, you and I both know it’s a balancing act.

There are certain things we know will make us feel great – exercise (whichever form it comes in), great sleep, good sex, eating healthily (not eating healthy as some of you say to my dismay!) – these things nigh on guarantee a great day but some days just end up being brilliant or blah for no apparent reason (so it seems).

I believe the key is more and more observation and acknowledgement.

Usually great days are preceded by a decision to have a great day (putting you in the driving seat of how your life turns out) and, often, will involve all or most of the things you love doing. A sense of accomplishment at the end of the day usually has an automatic effect of setting up the next day for a win!

We know not every ‘dial’ is ramped up to ten every day, it’s a rollercoaster and, of course, we all have those niggling ‘issues’ that play on our mind that we obsess over when we’re laying in bed at 3am (it’s always around 3!)

Accepting that things have landed in their respect spots is vital if you’re going to move through life peacefully and productively. Agonising only delays abundance.

With all this said, I hope you are having a delicious day and, if it’s a hard one, I wish a great one to come your way.

Don’t you think that ‘selfishness’ has a bad rap?

If you’re not looking after your own best interest, who else will and should that even be a position?

It’s clear to me that we imprison ourselves, we do a perfectly fine job of that regardless of other people.

I see numerous people actively behaving against their own welfare and I’m afraid, the majority of the time you have to leave them to it.

You can’t rationalise people out of a position they didn’t rationalist themselves into.

My therapist yesterday quoted a fantastic phrase “the body keeps the score”. It’s, in fact, the title of a book, you have to start racking up wins for yourself, feeling good about yourself, asking what it is that you want and feeling good about that too.

That’s what putting yourself at the top of the list means. You live your life, you have to, no one else can walk in your shoes. No one else is going to do the work for you to achieve your desires. No one else will care about your life like you do.

Call me selfish, call me crazy but that’s the way it is.

I always loved the scene in the Lion King where Mufasa’s Sky-bound Spirit visits Simba in the wilderness.

“You have forgotten me and you have forgotten who you are.” We have a legacy that we are born into.

The ideal is that we leave the world better than how we arrived in it. We all have a unique mission and life is discovering what that is and living it.

I believe I am here to spread optimism and creativity. I am deeply committed to beauty, it’s an intrinsic part of me. And it sounds really grand talking about beauty. It’s wanting harmony and attractive things around you at all times.

You can choose, at any moment, to find what is sacred, beautiful and noble, whichever situation you find yourself in.

I believe this is what memory is all about, coming back to who you are and, in small or big ways, showing people what is possible.

There are temptations abound everywhere and they’re super available.

People don’t want to be exposed to it, so they want it gone.

Amazingly, no one’s learned that banning things only pushes them underground and makes them far more dangerous.

We want our impulses doused by the state or institutions and removed but what do we lose by that rationale?

We lose the ability to rise above temptations and have the strength of character to say my favourite word.

No.

Yes, I could regret many things in my life. I see a lot of you do.

My ex also. Repeatedly telling the same stories, over and over and over and over and over some more and over again and then over some more and again some more (you get the idea!), unsympathetic as it sounds, so fucking borrrrrring!

What was going to happen was going to happen, absolutely inevitable that we would split and that, this time, I wouldn’t get back in contact. As they say, I really was a moth to the old flame. Thinking I could make it work, desperately, my oh my, needy dear!

However many breakups it was, they were necessary. I have truly learned my lesson the power of no, the magic of it is inexplicable!

No is a border, it’s a standard, it’s a principle.

What you’re willing to put up with and what you’re not. 

Of course, one must be decisive. When I was with him, how decisive he was did actually impress me in a weird way, it was just unfortunate I allowed myself to be ignored and I mean completely ignored.

Learn No. It means you’ll get what you want and deserve.

I know, I want it all now too.

It’s overwhelming knowing what you can do and what you need to get done. Mountains spring to mind, Grand Canyon levels of effort.

It’s big. It’s massive. Or so it seems.

There is a pace to the unfurling of things. I am convinced.

Of course you and I can set the pace in terms of workload but force things we cannot do.

I remember learning from my sister of a new practice of working called “agile”, which basically means that people complete tasks with no consideration of related moving parts, most inefficient and lots of waiting around and, as an ultimate consequence, many fires being created (i.e. people complaining) totally unnecessarily.

We do this to ourselves a lot of the time, something else I am convinced of.

We are piecing things together all the time, or at least we want to. We want to make sense of the WORLD but often we hit brick walls. We can only figure out what we have done, how we fit into various scenarios and do better – FOR OURSELVES – from this point on.

Start seeing yourself as more capable.

Start liking yourself more.

Start taking steps.

I talk a lot about establishing what it is that you can do.

Taking charge of your life.

Ignoring the naysayers.

Believing in yourself.

Obviously though,

It’s frustrating,

Confusing,

Scary.

But!

If everything feels like it’s upside down it’s because you’ve tipped the scales in your favour and, with time and patience, you can learn how to be calmer and more resilient.

None of it is easy.

Some days you get everything done.

Other days you wonder what the point of it all is.

Yes, you focus on your goals and dreams and fantasise about what it will be like to live those realities.

I think a lot of people forget about this but it also helps to remember how you will FEEL on a daily basis.

For some reason, I see hyper-stoicism, everything devoid of emotion, dry, struggle. There is absolutely room for joy and optimism and excitement. It’s all an adventure after all, make it enjoyable as much as you humanly can.

Don’t worry if you feel like everything is chaotic, that means you’re shaking things up and escaping your old paradigm and creating a fabulous one.

It is, indeed, all in your hands.

I am quoting a fabulous guest on the James Delingpole Podcast here, the comedienne Tania Edwards.

The statement struck me.

The truth is people will be part of something that even they don’t agree with just to ‘fit in’.

We don’t like being isolated. Apparently.

That is not my focus right now. I realise just how much I need to be on my own at the moment. To get my head straight, to hone in on exactly what I want, to establish what my purpose is.

Alone, isolated, lonely, on your own – there all states of mind really, and have solitude in common.

There’s nothing wrong with you, you simply have destructive impulses. Very different.

Start valuing the position you’re in and figure out what you want your life to be.

We all have ‘those’ times.

Nothing feels right.

You’re pissed off, restless.

Life feels pointless and you want things to be different.

Now, patronising as it sounds, breathing is such a superpower.

When you’re in this mood, you’re moving far too fast. You’re not noticing what’s going on, you’re living out of time, no gratitude, no peace.

I’m learning to absorb moods, accept that it’s happening. Adding in judgement to an already bad mood is a recipe for disaster. The only place you want to compound is interest in your bank account.

I’ve come to accept that discomfort is a sign of growth. If you’re in weird moods it means you’re encountering new experiences, so rather than endlessly beating yourself up, be proud that you’re out there in the world, interacting and adding new tools under your belt.

We use words but often don’t really know what they mean.

Case in point, Sense.

We think it means intelligence, maybe that’s part of it but if you actually look at the word, it means of your senses.

What actually happened in your past?

What sense can you make out of it so you can behave better in the future?

Whatever happened, it’s down to you to be stronger and you can make the decision to do so.

And opportunities too my friend.

I see bleakness in people. A lack of optimism. 

Yes, things feel like a mess, we are in a particularly turbulent period of history no doubt.

Trump’s been re-elected (or re-installed).

Nigel Farage really wants to be Prime Minister now.

So too does Andrew Tate of the BRUV party.

Anyone has a chance.

But I don’t put my faith in these people, they’re all media players and if you can’t see that, I doubt there’s hope for you.

I think people believe so in politics and want politicians to do the work because they themselves don’t want to do the work. “Oh, I’ve done my bit and put the cross in the box for the next five years.” Is what they’ll likely think.

But, of course, it’s hollow.

The positive forces out there for you are those that can actually use your help and wisdom. I scrolled through my follower list on Twitter yesterday and was pleasantly surprised to see that a majority where real people who’s tweets I had previously seen. A great network of people to communicate with.

All this requires that you yourself step up to the challenge. I often feel like I am not doing enough, maybe I am, maybe I’m not. But I write every day, I do my video content, I cook great food, I get out for my walks whether long or short, regular or new.

Keep going and trust yourself.

I haven’t been on a aeroplane since 2016 (I think). I was visiting a friend in Spain (he lived in Tarragona at the time – along the coast from Barcelona) but we were Girona bound. I’m not a particular fan of España but Girona was, in fact, quite refined and surrounded by fabulous scenery.

I have a big vision for my life, I know you do too but so often, it’s easy to get drawn in by people, demanding things of you, wanting to know everything.

We don’t value privacy like we used to, so….

You have to make the decision for yourself. People hate being left out and they believe prying will get them some sense of security.

“I want to know where you are all the time” sort of thing.

You’ll have probably guessed that bringing it local in this post means making things more individual.

What are YOU going to do with your day?

What do YOU give yourself permission for?

How do YOU want to structure your day? Do you even want to? Do you want to be free-flowing today and see where your feet take you?

That’s right, your choice. Make it about you.

It’s easy to crucify yourself.

Wanting things to be different.

So desperate to prove yourself right.

Sabotaging your spirit just to prove people wrong.

I want peace – not everyone else does.

How you do things really does matter.

Short-term gratification comes at a price, it means stress, panic and hiding from what you really need to sort out.

It’s understandable to want all the answers, to solve all your problems immediately if not sooner. We all have pains that we want to avoid but they will always come back to you if you don’t work through them properly.

There are times I sometimes wish to recreate but you and I both know that’s not possible.

What is possible is to create the best circumstances for yourself now.

It’s all gone, make the most fulfilling ‘now’.

There’s a ‘great’ event happening today. You might have heard of it.

It’s the moment you realise what’s pushed is a pantomime.

And here was you thinking I was talking about Trump’s inauguration.

In my time, I bought into the charade. If only this person would get in and those others were vanquished.

It’s such a lie that people believe so wholeheartedly that it makes madmen of them.

Not only do we want to belong, we (ourselves and ourselves alone) want to be right. Winning for the sake of winning rather than winning for the sake of goodness.

Trump won’t save you.

Kier Starmer won’t save you.

Sadiq Khan won’t save you either.

You know who will (and don’t be passive about it).

I need a lot of variety.

I find it almost impossible to just sit down and relax.

I always feel like I should be doing something meaningful.

Of course, it means burnout is inevitable.

Of course, it means there are a million and one thoughts in my head.

At the moment, it’s taking me a while to get to sleep because I have to bring myself down from the day and, if you read this, you’ll know there have been quite a few big changes that’ve happened over the course of the last year and a half.

What to do about it?

I’m figuring that out, frankly but certainly, slowing the pace down a little, consciously breathing and starting to understand that things fall into place.

Oh and therapy, of course.

I’m doing a lot of crying at the moment. There I said it.

Breakups are never easy and it’s only been about three months since the split.

I’m also sorting out my life and there’s a lot of mess to deal with. The perfectionist, the tidier in me enjoys some of the process but when I let sleep patterns get fucked up, I feel guilty.

Any great endeavour will involve unexpected surprises. You can’t plan for everything.

If you can embrace the mess, you’ll be ahead of most because people get stuck quite easily. I see anger abound on social media and I have sympathy but it gets you nowhere.

In every ounce of chaos, are many opportunities.

Go with it!

I write this as I wait for an engineer to upgrade my internet connection. I’m going full speed fibre optic, don’t you know!

Perfectionism is the killer of dreams.

There’ll never be the perfect time (except right now) to get the work done.

Don’t wait. 

Your dreams won’t build themselves, they’ll only stay dreams.

Like it or not, we’re all in the emotional and psychological positions we’re in. Try and escape it if you will but pay close attention to how well that works out!

Here’s the truth about me – when I have a really great day or couple of consecutive days, I get incredibly wired! It’s not an intrinsically unpleasant feeling but it does have some profound after-effects (many of which I am currently working on).

The main after-effect – burnout. My brain sort of short-circuits and says “No, you need to sleep now.” and watch a lot of trash YouTube, full confession.

The reason for being a conscious and responsible man is to be able to manage, shun and prioritise behaviours so you can be ever-ready to deal with life confidently as it arises. And not just confidently, gracefully too.

If you think of your favourite people, they do not fly off the handle. They are strong, focused and dignified. We don’t really praise the ‘shouters’ or the ‘brawlers’. We either secretly or openly acknowledge that we don’t want to resort to violence or thuggery. 

We hope that we can ‘do better than that.’

All you really have to do is look at the consequences of those that fall to base level and think “is that how I want to live my life?” The answer’s usually a resounding No!

Oh how we do like to dress our windows!

Superficial

Surface

Pretty

All trying to draw people in.

All performing but not producing.

There’s very little substance out there.

I contacted a fabulous coach of mine yesterday, asking him what he charged for his first clients, how much he has made through coaching, discussed a bit of strategy. Most uplifting.

Really, all business is conversation, one to one, one to many. A combination of both is fabulous.

I don’t believe in soulless distinctions. 

Are you a teacher or a student? Well, obviously, you are both.

Are you a consumer of a producer? Well, clearly, you are both.

People will ask questions not looking for answers and solutions but for validation or engagement. But not real engagement, again, superficial, non-committal. There are accounts on social media with hundreds of thousands of followers but the owners aren’t making a bean and likewise with small accounts making a killing.

Most of what you see online is politics and propaganda. Don’t be fooled by it and, for goodness sake, don’t care.

What do you have to offer? Figure that out first.

Who do you want to work with? Have a good idea of that.

Put out your message in your own words – that way you’ll stand out.

Then, my dear friend, be patient AND consistent and watch the rewards flow in.

There are certain things we want to do that feel like such risks! Standing out is one of them. History shows us that the ones who stood out, were the ones denigrated and, quite frequently, had their heads chopped off. It’s instinctive in us.

Truth is though, there’s a lot of ‘beige’ on Twitter. It’s really very, very boring.

There is a particular person who comments on quite a lot of my posts and I am grateful for the interaction but, and I am sorry for saying this, I often think “meh” when I get it. I get the same feeling when I visit said person’s profile.

Do forgive me, it is ungenerous but I like what I like, you will understand this.

Standing out means certain things.

You have something to say.

You say it in a colourful way.

You’re not afraid to have people disagree.

You make a principled stand for you and for me.

My theme for today is beauty.

Infuse your work with personality, some grace yet also some assertiveness. 

Get people thinking.

There was a handful of phrases that my ex used that, frankly, drove me mad. I lost track of how many times he used them.

One of them! – What’s wrong with that?

Now, this is what he said. What did he actually mean?

I had to google but, allegedly, Tom Bilyeu (a fairly decent American YouTuber) said humans are ‘meaning making machines’. Tim hasn’t been around for that long and when I read his name, I thought it was unlikely he had originated the term, true to form, a couple of hits below, Victor Frankl was referenced as having discussed such themes in human behaviour.

This is kind of the same point. We believe we are confronted with information and leanings people have but I know part of my irritation with the above phrase my ex used was what he really meant.

What’s wrong with that, in practice,becomes what’s wrong with doing it my way?

Assume everyone thinks they’re right. I do, you do, your family does, your colleagues do, even your dog. The hideous option is to silence yourself, to not stand up for yourself. That’s what I did ’to keep the peace.’ But, of course, you don’t keep the peace for yourself.

I silenced myself because I couldn’t be arsed, at the time, to have the discussion or to listen to more whining or criticism. Sarcasm too, I’ve experienced quite a lot of that.

It’s why, at the moment, I am relishing my solitude. Sorting my head out.

Pay attention to when people in your life include you in this ‘we’ bollocks. 

It’s also worth assuming that people want approval, so they’ll include you in ‘we’ because strength in numbers right? There are hidden messages (and often cries for help) in what people say because they speak in code rather than just flatly saying what they mean.

The bubble finally burst with me and my ex, all my past relationships basically, because I wanted to do things my way without the stress and childish behaviour.

It can be very hard to stay levelheaded in these situations but rather than create more anxiety, breathe, reboot and seriously ask the question,

Is this how I really want to live?

I must.

I have to.

What’s wrong with this?

All phrases I have heard so many thousands of times and all irrelevant.

If you want to understand human nature, understand that people want to fit in – even those that appear to be on the edge.

Within groups, there is the most amount of difference.

How many comments to write on Twitter daily to grow your account, how much to post, what to post.

It’s all very contradictory and confusing.

The ‘successful’, whether you like their methods or not, all keep things very, very, very simple and, I believe, they think and behave long-term.

They’re not in a hurry, they’re not panicked.

They are strategic, they cross the Ts and dot all their Is.

When you hear “should” from anyone, invert it and ask “should I actually do that?” 

If you’re doing the work, you have to do it in a way that works for (drumroll) – YOU!

Whenever I’m doing regular things like washing up, washing my hands, dancing around the flat….

If I pivot to one side, I’ll practice on the opposing side. Notice how you roll the soap in your hands when you’re cleaning them. You’ll use your dominant hand (in my case the right). Do it with the left.

Challenge yourself to create balance in your life and to maximise your skills.

The competitive edge comes when you can be resilient, adaptable to any situation and prepare yourself for scenarios you can’t predict.

Maybe you’re more capable than you realise?

Maybe you’re overcomplicating things?

Maybe you could make life simpler?

Choose regret if you want.

Choose to say you’ve made mistakes.

Choose to say you should have acted sooner.

Yep, great. Fact is, though, you’ve done it all, it’s all gone, all you can do is learn from it.

Each experience is a gift when you extract the wisdom from it, refuse to consciously make destructive decisions and get on with life.

In today’s world, it can be very hard to drown out noise. It’s why I love getting out for walks to be at one with my thoughts, my feelings and my aspirations.

Get things on their feet.

Move them around.

See which layout you like.

Experiment with schedules.

Find the times and methods you like.

You’re going to have to do the work, you have to find the ways that make that work.

You’ve already been blessed a million times and one, start acknowledging, being grateful and using the skills and wisdom you already have.

I’ve just seen something that made me, all at once, wince, laugh and roll my eyes.

I’m currently a member of just two telegram groups and in one of them, a lady replied to a post with,

“ty vm…” i.e. Thank you very much.

I honestly thought “Oh, come on. How lazy.”

We can always do better in the progress-sense but there are some basics that really shouldn’t need explaining.

Whether you like it or not, people are either consciously or subliminally checking this stuff out.

If you’re seen to not give a shit, people will not bother investing their time and money with you.

As clichéd as it sounds, you really can do better.

Talk is cheap. You know this.

The truth is, it’s only a handful that are really out there doing things.

It’s up to you to decide how useful they really are.

What are you doing?

To me, the only thing that really fosters community is business – people working directly together for mutual benefit.

Anything else is too far away, too unreliable, too unjust.

In history, people have risen up and stormed the Bastille but the aftereffects have lead to more tyranny anyway. 

I don’t know who it was but someone was fairly recently asked whether The American Revolution had been successful, he replied that it was too soon to tell.

Local, bring things in closer. 

Networks have always been the clincher. Start making great connections with people who you can talk with and do things with.

Okay, I’m going to do it!

I’m going to quote Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City.

“I’m in this relationship too! I am a person in this relationship! Do you have any idea what it’s been like for me here?”

I am not asking for violins, I am not asking for you to pity or feel sorry for me, I’m really not but this is what the majority of my relationships have been like. Friends, intimate, I’ve let it happen. It seemed to me, for the longest time, that please people was easier than saying No and standing up for myself.

Of course, you can’t hold the ball under water forever. Eventually it will bob up right back at ya and you’ll feel the effects.

That’s where I am right now.

Less than two and a half months ago, I split with my ex and at the moment, I am having rather dark feels of dread about the situation. I’m getting into bed, I wonder if I’ll ever stop thinking about him and plenty of other things that have happened.

I get angry, I get upset, I feel irritated and pissed off. It passes and I fall asleep, eventually. It’s a process and whether it’s happened days, weeks, months or years ago, you need to release the ghosts. You have to learn the lessons.

You have to take the responsibility that you, in fact, made every step, made every decision and own the fact.

You feel what you feel, you’re in the situation you’re in. You can try and deny or ignore it but see how well that goes.

You know how that goes!

Make this year the year to face it.

You exist.

You’re alive.

You can make things better.

We assume things are correct either because we want to be right or we’ve unquestioningly believed what we’ve been told.

The people I watch most often are those that are willing to go against the mainstream narrative, to stand up and say “what if I could do things differently? SEE things differently?”

For the whole of human history it has got people into various forms of strife and trouble but we’re not here to live small.

Men can be women and vice versa.

The Earth is boiling to death (funnily enough it was freezing to death earlier in my lifetime!)

The ozone layer has sealed up again.

War was to defend our borders.

It’s all bollocks and we know it.

What to do with your day?

Make yourself stronger, fitter, healthier and wiser.

That’s what I say.

We all have hopes, dreams, wishes, desires.

It makes us human to long for things, we have foresight, we understand there are things to come and things that have been.

All the time though, of course, we operate under our current thinking. We believe ourselves to be above base instinct and immediate gratification but we’re not, now, are we?

Each time we make a decision, it will always, in part, be dictated by the conditioning we are yet to undo, those aspects of our characters and personalities that have, as yet, gone unquestioned.

I am obsessed by questioning, so much so, I’ve spent huge amounts of time trying to figure other people out and not myself.

They don’t know.

How the hell can I know?

Plans are one thing, execution quite another.

What if you don’t know what to do?

How’s about this?

Chill the fuck out!

A recurring theme of podcasts I’ve watched recently is allowing yourself to be bored, fritter a bit of time away. 

Stare, gaze, smell the flowers, BE WHERE YOU REALLY ARE.

Beauty is not over the horizon but right in front of you.

Success is not years away, it has already happened.

Freedom is not depend on other people, it is in your hands.

IF!……..

You have the eyes to see and the ears to hear.

Don’t know? WHAT AN ADVENTURE!!!

At various stages of my life, I’ve reached a point of thinking “I haven’t got a fucking clue what to do.” This time is such a point.

But it’s not a problem, more an opportunity.

Play

Ask questions

Be willing to keep walking.

I think I may have used this title, or something similar, before. Last night, I did another training session with my home gym equipment.

Having not drunk any alcohol for over a month now, the amount of money I’ve saved and the increased energy I have, I’m developing some wonderful plans for new equipment in my garage. It’s most exciting.

Truth is, it’s a relief to wake up and know I got the session in yesterday, it’s progress and it’s proof that when I put my mind to the work, I can get it done.

I feel childish talking about this as a 43-year old but there it is. I need to remind myself, at any age, that there are options, opportunities and capabilities.

Not drinking = good.

More energy = good.

A new year with fresh vigour = good.

Having the work done means I’m a doer. And I carry on.

I wish the same for 2025 to you.

It’s a brand New Year, chaps!

2025 is a nice, round number. Every single year holds its promises, its challenges, it’s opportunities.

Much of the time, I think and feel that what I do isn’t good enough. I replay experiences and events from my past quite a bit, all the time, though, looking for lessons to use.

Escaping shadows requires you admit that every decision was yours. There’s no other way, unless you want to be passive and victimised.

Ghosts are not unfriendly or unwelcome, they’re reminders of what you’ve done, what you are and what you could be.

Final day of the year! Wowzers!

Yesterday I trained, today, slightly difficult to stretch my arms, but in a good way.

Like it or not, we humans are shit at predicting stuff and it’s fine. Absolutely fine.

The purpose of life is living it as well and as good as we can.

Happy New Year’s Eve my friend.

There’s more greatness to come!

Just finished a first training session in some time.

Feels fucking brilliant.

You see, the longer you put things off, the weaker you become. Proactive behaviour is about getting stronger, more resourceful. You have the technology and opportunity at your finger tips.

I don’t drive, yes, it’s a bit isolating but I have a garage space with my home gym equipment in it, ready to be used at any time. No excuses, except the ones that I’ve found.

You want to wait for things to be perfect? To do everything at the very right time. Yeah, we know that never happens, what will I eat afterward, am I eating the right thing?

Judgement, judgement, judgement. It doesn’t really matter, whatever you read is someone else’s opinion and likely won’t even work for you.

I am talking about weight training here but it goes for everything. Science is never settled, just what a small group agree upon and the majority follow.

Find your own way. It feels great because it means you can do what you want, when you want and you don’t have to worry about getting it ‘right’. 

Just get it done.

You’ll figure out the details as you go.

So much of what we think matters really doesn’t.

I was re-watching a podcast last night in which the speakers were making jokes about a panda being sent to a very dreary zoo. At one point they mention lions and it reminded me of a story from my school days getting on for 30 years ago now!

It was my German oral exam and I, funnily enough, was describing children visiting a zoo. I hadn’t done that much revision for this exam and I was being guided through the experience by my teacher. It has stuck in my mind as one of the most uncomfortable experiences of my life. To this day!

What’s funny though is how totally irrelevant the exam is now.

This desperate clinging to how things are going to alter the entire course of our life. We place so much pressure, especially on children, for things that mean nothing.

As grownups, even in our 20s, we realise there are infinitely more options and opportunities available to us and what grade we get in a foreign language exam has no bearing on what we’ll do with the rest of our lives. It’s easy, of course, to say this in hindsight but be mindful.

Whatever you’re going through now, will it matter in a week or a month or a year – or more? Apply this lesson daily, it’ll enable you to focus on what really matters.

You know the phrase.

Got to do it yourself.

Nobody, and I mean nobody, wants what you want more than you. This fact will determine your results.

How much and the quality of your action will yield you many or no fruits.

Your mind plays tricks on you that you’re doing enough, that ‘little’ things don’t matter but, of course, you know they do.

Get it done and do it yourself, you’ll get more confident that way.

Everything that’s sent your way is there to see how you conduct yourself.

Do we always get it perfectly neat and tidy? No.

We react in the moment.

That’s why I’m in therapy because I won’t give people the satisfaction of walking all over me anymore and I’m learning ways, finally, to be more assertive, less reactive and have greater confidence in myself.

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, they say.

I say, whatever gets thrown your way, be the bigger and better man.

It’s okay to cry.

It’s okay to rest.

It’s okay to be you.

It’s okay to feel lost.

It’s okay to have fun.

It’s okay to have sex.

It’s okay to daydream.

It’s okay to ask for help.

It’s okay to be on your own.

It’s okay to live your own life.

It’s okay to do your own thing.

It’s okay to want a relationship.

It’s okay to admit you don’t know.

It’s okay to have big, shiny dreams.

It’s okay to not have all the answers.

It’s okay to feel hopeless sometimes.

It’s okay to wander down random paths.

It’s okay to try things that other people won’t.

It’s okay to keep going even if you’re making it up.

Everything, my friend, is fine, it’s all absolutely okay.

War doesn’t start without. It starts within.

You have to know what you think. 

Do not be swayed by being in one group or another.

When you boil things down, you’ll realise your belief system will produce many Venn diagrams with other people, other groups.

I realise, so often, I’ve tried to blend and make allowances for people. It’s been totally at the expense of my own confidence and progress.

Stop joining factions.

Search for truth.

You know what I see?

People cutting corners.

I swear when I was in London, I spent more time tidying the gym than the staff did. Trainers sitting on the dumbbells and gym-goers leaning on the dumbbells doing single-arm rows. Ugh!

Litter too. I see so much of it and, naturally, I don’t leave it, I pick it up and make things BEAUTIFUL! 

Proper means you value where you are.

Proper means you value what you do.

Proper means you don’t skimp.

You get the job done properly.

There’s a lady who spends long weekends here at my building. It is so curious to me that she drives in and parks her car outside her garage in the turning area ALL DAY and then when she’s returned, she then parks her car.

Honestly, I don’t get it. I do believe I’ll always retain some of perfectionistic tendencies because, well, it makes sense and makes things look lovely.

Whatever you’re doing, do it wholeheartedly.

Wherever you are, be there wholeheartedly.

That’s the aim at least.

Christmas is imminent!

You’re probably in the throes of preparation.

I am not here to give you advice about how to deal with your relatives, you’re going to have to sort that out for yourself. Keeping it buttoned up is usually a successful strategy.

My sister and I used to travel to our uncle’s house for the immediate and extended family get-together but we abandoned that many years ago. The travelling is such a shag!!!

What I am here to say is use this time to remember you have a voice. It sounds like a clichéd and obvious thing but honestly, keeping your sanity is based NOT on trying to figure other people out but to start establishing what it is YOU need from life and how to live it properly. 

Most don’t know what the fuck they want so you trying to figure it out is a hiding to nothing.

Always remember USE your voice, LIVE your own life.

Is it just me or are we living in times of such extremes?!

You’re either a loser or a fighter.

You’re useless or hustling 50 hours a day.

You have to fuck 100 men in one day or you’re a moronic, fat incel!

Can the reasonable, balanced men please stand up?

The title of this post is inspired by an episode of a YouTuber I just discovered. The channel’s called Richard The Fourth. I found his English voice profoundly calming.

In our sea of chaos, there are lone voices reminding us that there are other ways of skinning this chicken!

People, these days, go from hyper to helpless because we are drowning in such vast amounts of information and contradictory belief systems, we forget to listen to our own voices.

It has to stop if mankind is to take any dignified stance. And, of course, it starts with you and me, individually, rationally, in charge of our emotions.

Breathe, reboot, reflect, take the next step.

I’m a stickler for wanting as much variety in my life as possible.

The downside of this?

Spreading myself too thinly. Always jumping.

We have a fear of getting specific as we fear missing out on great opportunities.

Like I mentioned in my YouTube video yesterday, you’re thinking the wrong way round.

When you throw yourself into a particular niche or project, you get the satisfaction of achievement and you’ll be amazed at the great opportunities and rewards that come as a result.

I’ve experienced burnout so many times partly because I’ve tried to do too many things at once and I’ve tried to be all things to all people.

It can’t be done.

Of course you can have your hobbies and passions along the way, they help to breakup the struggles and challenges but learn to throw yourself into a project and GET IT DONE.

Keep in mind that you have time, stress is the enemy of success. I remember speaking with someone who argued with me that you can be stressed and joyful (productive) at the same time. You can’t. In times of struggle, bring yourself back to why you started, what you’re working on and the results will be incredible. 

Don’t think about adding more stuff in, focus on saying no to what doesn’t work for you and your ultimate dream.

Get specific.

It will speed the process up, you’ll get more done and it’ll leave room for all the things you want to do.

Simple.

– Your energy

– Your influence

– Your endeavours

They are all so powerful! Immensely.

I have no regrets. Going through everything I have, I have gained great resilience and strength, wisdom too!

One thing I know I will be doing from now on is to retain as much of my authority and decision-making to things that benefit me AND those around me.

I will no longer say “yes” when my heart and mind say “no”.

I made a new friend shortly after moving back to my home town and we’ve been chatting off and on, including last night. He invited me out for lunch today but I said no, preferring to meet next week. I will not rush into things, I will trust my instincts and I will observe what emotions come up so I can learn from them.

For whatever reasons, I feel tremendous guilt when I act in my own interest. It’s something I am wholeheartedly working on. Embracing my decisions is improving my life – it means decisions become easier and I can get on with my day mentally and emotional unencumbered.

The reality is this – you have to put the power back in your own hands, knowing full well that no one will do it for you. People, very often, are selfish because that’s how most of us have been taught that way. It’s not a judgemental thing to say, you can it all the time.

Observe and move on.

Be only around people you can express yourself freely with. Be radical about it and stand your ground in all aspects.

The power is already in your hands.

Use it.

We value racing, hustling, rushing, outdoing everyone.

There’s a place for it.

There’s also a place for opening your eyes to the wonders already around you.

However you do it, getting the work done matters, absolutely.

Spontaneity is also rather delicious.

Yesterday, I had a beautifully creative day. It feeds my soul getting the things done that I love.

I love exploring.

And, increasingly, I love setting myself little challenges and completing them – a little DIY project, an augmented route on walks I do regularly, staying in and relaxing, going out to the city to wander. 

Genuine variety and, you know what, I wake up feeling refreshed and inspired.

What would it look like to live life more presently?

Every day is a gift. Treat them that way.

I had the bizarrest dream experience last night! I absolutely swear this is the truth.

In the dream, I was struck by a friend’s father with a metre rule and when I woke up I could feel the burning sensation on my leg where he had impacted me in the dream. No word of a lie!

It has worn off now but, you’ll understand, I felt very disturbed and had no idea what was going on. I still don’t.

There’s so much we don’t know, even about things that have happened to us. What is the actual nature of the world and reality, it’s so massive.

We bury.

We deny.

We ignore.

But it’s all still there and we are dealing and impacted by our experiences whether we like it or not.

It’s the same with decisions. You are left with the consequences, your character is shaped by the things you do, your footprint is left in many places and you have to live with it.

I am not advocating regret. Regret is a pointless ghost because what’s happened has happened. Simple, unavoidable.

Shape a life you’re proud of.

Any other way of being than taking full responsibility for YOUR life is a prison. Simple.

Knowing what it is your responsibility and what’s not is key to being an adult and having grownup interactions.

Never, ever let anyone use anything about you to treat you like a doormat. That’s not the way.

They will try.

Don’t fall for it.

Of course, remember, you are responsible for the consequences of your actions.

Create a life of joy, wins and freedom!

I was watching the newly released episode of my absolute favourite podcaster this AM (especially fabulous as it was with my favourite guest on said pod).

Midway into the conversation, the host, whom I absolutely love, I really do, started quoting scripture (it’s wonderful but hear me out) and it made me think, we don’t get to hear (his) voice as much.

You are born unique.

You have unique skills.

You have a unique voice!

Please, don’t blend, trend!

Use the power of your own words, your own throughs, your own feelings and show that you’re a deep, delicious man!

Speak in your own voice!

I had a wild dream last night.

I had a long term job that ended in 2014. There was a nightmare, bitch from Hell that worked in HR (need I say more?) who terrorised and bullied many of the staff, it was one of the final nails in the coffin for my leaving.

Last night, in the dream, I told her that she was a bitch and I woke up feeling most satisfied.

You’re always letting go of things, sorting things out in your head, establishing the truth of the world.

We do it through experiences, always acknowledging our roles in the world, deciding how it is how we each, individually, wish to live.

Which principles do you live by?

Are you living passively or (not aggressively) proactively.

A recent experience with a neighbour revealed to me that what many call aggressive is in fact self-determined, assertive and saying no to people.

Needless to say, most don’t like being told no because it means they don’t get their way anymore.

Have a constant attitude and practice of clearing out what doesn’t serve you emotionally, spiritually, psychologically and physically. You are many cosmoses of wisdom, potential and (the kicker!) unresolved trauma.

Take an active role in your life.

Make everything you do as simple as possible.

Leave the room for joy, fulfilment and self-empowerment.

Have a fabulous day!

Inspired from the video I recorded yesterday, whether you like it or not, you’re in charge.

It’s exceptionally easy to make excuses, to blame others, but, when it comes down to it, it’s up to you and you do make the decisions.

There is no point in living life passively.

Are you in or are you out?

I’ve rested, not slept, my way into this new day.

When you’re endowed with a highly analytical mind, like mine, you’ll have a million and one thoughts, questions, ambitious up there! It’s rather exhausting sometimes but, you know, I’d rather have the ability to find the truth than live in darkness.

It’s a rollercoaster this life.

Ups and downs, and loops and rounds.

And it’s definitely a whirlwind. Random shit will fly before your eyes and you have to deal with it.

C’est la vie, sweetie!

But it’s exciting and thrilling and when you get a moment of rest, you’ll realise you’re doing your best.

Keep yourself grounded as much as you can. 

You never know what’s coming.

Oh, the Hustle-Grind Bros are going to Haaaaaaate this.

I’m still figuring things out. I’m 43.

We’re all figuring things out.

Make some friends.

Make some money.

Have jobs.

Have fun.

The incredible thing I’m seeing is just how young the people are building businesses. That is genuinely new.

There are the 20 somethings telling the 50 year olds to get to the gym again and I watch videos seeing the slipped discs and lower-back ailments they’ll be getting in five years time. It’s a cycle.

Everyone needs to go through what they’re doing. You will never convince people otherwise.

There’s someone I follow in his 20s who’s on testosterone therapy, walking around with permanent veins on his arms and shoulders, statistically he’ll be dead in his 50s.

It’s all grim-sounding, I realise that but I’ve been through so many rounds of this stuff that it’s just predictable now.

You have time.

Of course, the content producers are asking the….

“What will 2025 bring for you?”

“What are your goals for 2025?”

“How has your 2024 been?” Questions

Nothing wrong with it (terribly boring though!).

I’m seeing things more long-term now. Ironic, I know, given I’m getting older.

There’s no need to panic.

There’s no need to rush.

There’s no hurry.

Maybe I’m wrong, who knows but consistency with the right activities will only happen when you can dedicate yourself to a cause for a longer length of time.

Relax AND get the work done.

Leave room for joy and adventure.

I’m an unbridled perfectionist!

In my mind, there is a perfect way of doing things, not that I could actually describe some of the details.

It’s learnt.

I’ve been around people for whom nothing is good enough. There’s always ‘something else’ we could do. 

Never relaxed, never satisfied, always living in the future.

Perfectionism makes everything feel massive and impenetrable.

There is no right or wrong way, there is your way.

You’re doing the work, it has to work for you.

Remember, of course,

To keep your hand in.

Exercise that creative muscle!

Sounds ridiculous doesn’t it. 

Scared to win, scared to succeed, Martin’s really lost it now!

But, if you allow yourself, observe people’s behaviour.

Are they pursuing their dreams?

Are they doing their own thinking?

Are they crashing through their mental barriers?

I think we can safely predict the answer.

No.

They believe.

They follow – even to their own demise.

They repeat the same talking points as ‘the experts’.

Desperate to fit in, when it harms them.

To win, you have to go ahead of the pack.

To win, you have to stand up for something – AKA the truth.

To win, you must be consistent, regardless of people’s objections.

You’ve heard of Tall Poppy Syndrome, it’s a tool to make you vanish into groupthink.

Don’t listen.

Be great.

Be bold.

Win.

There’s something happening on Twitter and it doesn’t appear to be just me.

I’m haemorrhaging followers.

Some are saying it’s a Musk nuke on bots.

Others are saying it’s for irrelevant accounts.

I dunno.

But can I control any of it? Also of what people can say or think? No.

What I can control is offering the value within in.

Sharing inspirational notes.

Sharing funny stuff.

Sharing wise stuff.

Learn what you can control, fucking relax and keep on keeping on.

My current theme is ‘it’s your life’.

Sounds obvious, yes?

Well, you’d be surprised.

I’ve been frightened to say no.

I spread myself so thinly I didn’t know who I was anymore.

The truth is, life gets messy and sometimes you miss the ‘schedule’.

N’matter.

Get it done, if for no-one else, for yourself.

Everyone wants their way. Absolutely.

We’re taught to be kind to people, be understanding they’ll say, let people have their way.

What about you that is left with the results?

Whether we like it or not, people want to dominate, they want to spread their views, their influence, they want to be noticed and agreed with.

Saying no is hard, people can be massive pricks, but how do you want your life to be? What do YOU want your life to look like?

Please yourself and expect nothing of others.

Don’t you feel like there’s ‘always something’ to deal with these days?

Well, you know what, despite feeling anxious sometimes, I wouldn’t change it because every time I face something challenging, I overcome it resiliently and am the better for it after.

It’s a highly optimistic world view and that’s me.

There are always people demanding things.

There are tasks you’re fretting over.

Yes, it can feel like a headache.

But which is worse?

Avoiding what you know you can do and staying in the same place you’re not happy with?

Or facing the fears and realising that life is much simpler than you think?

Not really a contest is it?

Won’t lie, I’ve been very passive over much of my life.

Not wanting to bother people.

Not wanting to get in the way.

Making sure everyone else is okay.

It’s a path to ruin because, for whatever motive, people will take advantage.

You have to train your audience.

This morning, relatives of the lady I share a garage with, took it upon themselves to move items in my half of the garage without my consent. I’ve taken decisive action and logged it with the police and will soon be dealing with the people we employ to manage the block.

Stand your ground. 

Don’t let people walk all over you.

If they are allowed to behave as they wish, guess what?

So are you. Stand up for what’s right.

I’m walking to my therapy session today, it’s a long walk and it takes in some truly stunning scenery!

Being here in the country and not driving, short distances in a car take a long time to walk but you know what?

It’s exciting. So many different routes, public footpaths, roadside routes to take on. Adventure.

You never stop being the child you were born as with all the needs and whims and desires that are innate to us.

Every day, have some kind of adventure, big or small!

There will be people already in your life that will support you and those that won’t.

The ones that will actually support you, as negative as it sounds, will be very few.

No one wants truths pointing out.

And very few can actually be happy for other people.

Being successful can be a lonely road 

UNTIL

You start to value your own company, the contribution you’re making and your own state of mind.

Keep going.

Covering up the truth

Medicating

Denying

Lies

It’s no way to live.

When times get tough, it’s so tempting to try to numb yourself out of dealing with the way things are. There are valuable lessons in the things you don’t want to face.

Regrets just make you lose the present moment.

Sadness robs you of gratitude for overcoming challenges.

Of course, you need to acknowledge your feelings but don’t get stuck in them. This is something I saw my ex do all the time. Unable to let go of things that happened months and years and even decades ago. It’s so fucking laborious and pointless – it changes nothing except your joy.

What are the lessons you’re avoiding?

What are the truths you’re unwilling to say?

What’s holding you back from your greatness?

Good questions to ask yourself today.

Have I mentioned before that I’m a control freak?!

Maybe once or twice, ha ha!

Perfectionism is the most prolific disease when it comes to getting things done, getting things ‘right’.

It’s not an easy mentality to adopt not wanting to change anything that’s happened. There are consequences you have to deal with and an alarming amount of them are painful, physically, emotionally and otherwise.

I haven’t been posting consistently for a while. Truth is, last few weeks have been rather shit and I’ve felt like shit and I’m still dealing with the aftershocks of it all.

And believe me, my body feels in shock.

Not only are there lessons to learn from it all, I’m reminded I’m resilient. Really resilient actually.

You can be too.

Pick yourself up, keep going and remember what you’re invested in all this for – freedom, fortune and fantasticalness!

Chaos?

Confusion?

Resentment?

We’ve all felt them, yet you and I know how damaging they are.

I confess I’ve been out of action for a while and, in my usual style, I’ve felt very guilty about it. Guilt plagues my mind. It’s actually a great thing to be setting to work on in the final weeks of 2024.

You, at some point, have to realise it’s your life if you’re going to take charge of it.

It’s something I’ve found tremendously difficult to put myself first in anything and I credit deciding to leave London and return to my Up North home village as perhaps the first thing I’ve done for myself, despite the objections.

If you do anything for yourself, it’s likely to rouse the whole spectrum of opinions and feelings in others and the best thing to do is to suck it up, accept that you’re never going to please anyone, any of the time and start making self-determined decisions for yourself.

And I’m not talking about scraping the skin off anyone’s nose deliberately.

We talk about ‘on purpose’ with the negative implication of intentional malice but what about ‘on purpose’ as a tool for liberation? A tool for empowerment and making things simpler? Give that a good ponder my friend. This isn’t a dress rehearsal, this is it.

Seeing yourself, understanding yourself and building yourself are opportunities you can invest in over and over and over again and they have nothing but upside.

Will everyone support you? Of course not but here’s the real question….

Will YOU support you?

Blow, Gabriel, Blow! You might have heard of the Cole Porter song, if not, look it up, it’s a cracker!

But blow, blow, blow!

See me, see me, see me!

Everyone wants a hero and candidates for the ballot are only too please to steal everyone’s attention.

But, as an Englishman, it’s all rather vulgar.

Don’t get me wrong, I desire riches too, wealth, freedom, options and opportunity, absolutely but I want to do it in private. 

We equate fortune with fame for some reason.

Not me, sophistication, decency and pot loads of dosh – that’s my aspiration.

A million and one choices, with your head about to explode? Don’t worry, you’re not the only one.

I heard a great phrase recently (paraphrasing), like a seed, you may think you’re in the dark but, in fact, you’ve been planted. In time, your purpose will reveal itself when you reach the light.

Enlightening thought or, as my father, sister and I remarked – another interesting fact.

Doesn’t the world feel ever so unstable? Drop that thought. The world is as it is, your mind confuses and complicates matters. That’s what personal responsibility is all about.

When I recently moved back to where I spent my childhood, I did it to create a sense of being grounded, of rootedness. It sort of worked, mostly because the country is better for me than the city. Of course, there are some ghosts here, some resentments, some traumas.

Nothing is quite as perfect as it should be for a perfectionist like me.

But what I do wish for myself and for you is that you get rooted in your thinking, in your focus, in your aspirations – not just material aspirations (though I am not one of those possessions don’t matter people) but also your spiritual and emotional aspirations.

Being rooted means expansion, from a point of belonging, your roots spread and you have wide and vast influence.

Never underestimate the power you have.

The other day I got a lovely message from someone who has been watching my short video clips I post (in this case) on Instagram. A very charming man going through major changes in his life. He said what I had related had help him cast off demons in his life.

It was very touching.

It might not seem you’re having that much impact but by doing work on the daily, you can actually make a big change – to yourself and to others.

Now, I’ve taken a major jolt recently and I haven’t been recording said videos for a few days but I am getting back to them.

Circumstances may sometimes feel really bleak and dark. 

They’re not. You can handle it.

We want to complicate when things could be simpler.

I live under a near constant level of guilt that I could and should be doing more. It’s actually rather debilitating, ironically!

We also want to plan to the nth degree and leave no room for spontaneity.

As I experience more, the more I realise we don’t know anything. We think we do but we really don’t.

If a rule’s a rule, we all would follow it and we don’t.

There are so many people.

There are so many things.

There are so many possibilities.

There are so many anxieties and worries.

We’re human, believe it or not.

I can’t give you answers.

In fact, I can’t even give you hope.

What I can give you is this – you are definitely more capable than you realise.

So, The Trump won. Yippee.

I’m not here to rain on anyone’s parade but once you see the pantomime of it all, I can’t help but laugh.

We’re always looking for an answer outside of ourselves to make things better.

And those that we pedestalise as the saviours, they’re in perfect understanding of the games they’re playing. They’re not stupid. They’re also not the answer.

Since the announcement of Trump being back in office, has your life changed? Are you in a materially better position? Do you believe he’s responsible for a momentary change in your mental health?

No, you do see that right?

They’re clowns in nice suits (and often not nice suits) and they’re laughing at you. They’re hiding their lies in plain sight.

The point of the charade is not getting the person in office you want, it’s to see that it makes no difference.

When things seem impossible or hopeless, I do have a habit of closing myself off from the world.

I know it’s not healthy to shut absolutely everything out but it’s a cocooning method.

I describe these hard times as emotional epilepsy. All cylinders firing, every synapse a fireworks display.

But here’s the thing.

Keep moving.

Do little things, do big things, keep yourself out in the world as much as you can.

Hopeless is an idea, not a state.

Heard this before, yes?

Is it you saying it or other people?

In successful relationships, there will be a balance, otherwise, do you really have a voice?

Freedom matters above all else. It requires honesty, honesty to admit whether things are working or not.

I’ve learnt to trust my instincts on these things, even when it’s painful.

Life’s about living authentically.

What do you want?

Things could be quite simple, you know?

Agreement, disagreement, open to suggestion. 

I’ll confess, I’ve become rather intolerant and impatient with people in the last few years because things feel like really hard work and aren’t enjoyable to organise.

I definitely think people are overloaded, both mentally and emotionally. 

There is so much choice.

We’re more disconnected despite social media.

We have a predominance of voices who believe they have all the answers to life.

Tedious.

I’m on my own again and I am going to spend my time of learning to appreciate the stuff I’ve already done, to work on my projects uninterrupted and peacefully.

Maybe that sounds bleak to you but if you learn to enjoy your own company and get your own head and body together, that’s where the magic happens and you can welcome the blessings into your life when they arise.

Perennial phrase – it’s your life.

Confused. Look at it. Look at the word. Without fusion, that’s what it means. It’s a lack of integration, a lack of understanding, not knowing things as a whole.

And I’m not judging.

Holy mother of fuck, are we confused! There’s so much to see, experience, feel, resent, be angry about. Goodness gracious me, we just want to shout out and, looking at the word,

HELP! HELP ME PLEASE!

Look at the word Help. It’s not far from the world HELL!

We live life on many brinks. There are strong winds and cliff edges and storms, violent rain and icy terrains.

Good Lord, can I have a moment of peace?!

Well, yes, my friend, you can have a moment of peace, if you allow yourself to look. 

Greatest thing to look at? You. Look at your thoughts? Is how you’re living bringing you peace and grace or is it stressful.

If we’re honest, I think we know which side we fall on more.

I’ve often talked about readiness, more to the point, that we’re never really ready – the circumstances are not perfect, our level of knowledge is not ideal, it’s frightening, it’s scary, it’s nerve-racking. You’ve had the same story too.

BUT! Readiness is when you’re willing to take on the truth. Painful. It can be very painful.

Full of pain, realising the truth means you might feel regret, sadness, sorrow, you may feel incredibly stupid and out of your depth and certain opportunities might have fallen from your grasp forever. Frightening to accept.

But the regret is pointless. It’s reactive. What’s passed has passed, what’s done is done. Can’t change it now but can deal with it.

You are responsible for yourself only and only 100% of the time. War is trying to change anyone or anything other than yourself.

I see some say go to war with yourself. Not for me.

I say LOOK at yourself, all the many words that you are and start there.

It might not be too late.

When you have to decide what’s working for you and what’s not for you.

You have a right to be who you are, to express yourself freely, to do what you need to do. You don’t have the right to tell other people what they have to do. Believe me, I’ve experienced a lot of the latter from people no longer in my life.

So there comes a time when you have to make a choice of who you accept and what you want your life to feel like.

Compromise is a very difficult thing, it always feels like you’re losing something(s) but you may be gaining many great freedoms. I’m not going to deny that it can feel very bleak at times.

I have the desire to live life peacefully, to be able to say things when I need to and, often, I wonder if the solitary life is for me. I don’t know yet and there are certain things I am currently addicted to, by the way, I’m not talking about substances.

You’re stronger than you think.

You can overcome.

Ooooh, selfish question you’re thinking.

Well, not really – especially when you realise that every single person, deep down, wants exactly their own way.

Negotiating relationships is very tricky, perhaps even a contradiction in terms.

I can’t help but feel guilty and paranoid at times, it’s such a programmed condition for me. I wonder if I’m being unreasonable, expecting too much, demanding things of people that simply aren’t possible.

On the other hand, I automatically recognise patterns, how am I being treated (by myself and others) based on certain behaviours.

I can’t lie, my natural disposition leans towards The Hermit. Increasingly so. I don’t see the point of involving myself with other people if it’s simply to listen to their gripes and endless repetition of what they dislike about their lives.

“What’s in it for me?” is an acknowledgment that your needs need to met  in relationships as well and unreasonable behaviour will not be tolerated. 

Don’t let your standards slip.

It’s your life and you deserve to live it well.

Making sense of things, it seems like an enormous task.

I know for my part, I’ve involved myself in trying to figure out other people, much to the waste of my own time.

I know this for sure, I’ve done a lot with my life, achieved things, felt satisfaction, been accomplished but only recently have I started to acknowledge it wholly.

You are the person you are. Sounds obvious a thing to say. You have natural talents, a way of expressing yourself and a desire to do good, I would imagine.

Chart your progress.

Be proud.

It’s you.

It’s said that timing is everything.

Want to know why you haven’t had the results you want yet? You’re not ready for them.

Look at lottery winners, people who inherit a lot of money, divorcées who  steal their husbands’ assets.

What’s the common denominator?

They all lose the riches because they didn’t earn them.

It’s the same with you. You’re at whatever stage of your journey and when the time’s right, you’ll get that break, you’ll make that realisation, you’ll feel it in your body.

This does not mean inaction, no, no.

It does mean patience that the truth will be revealed when you’re good and bloody well ready.

Do you think that billionaires wake up and think, I must do this thing at 6am and that thing at 11.15?

Doubtful.

They have a passion for what they do, the sheer effort of their work necessitates it. Many on Twitter call it ‘obsession’, I’m not sure where I stand on the term but we know that the very successful, whether you agree with what they’re doing or not, have a fanatical commitment to their quest.

What matters is conversations and conversions and the only way to achieve those is to put yourself out there.

Share wisdom

Share insights

Share what you’re doing.

Get out there, my son!

The other day, I did 15 press-ups, I still have the sensation on my chest. The lesson, simple things, done well, have lasting results.

The same is true for consistency.

We’re told that to do the same thing over and over and expect different results is madness. This is a distraction. Not true.

You’re making efforts on the daily, not seeing the results you want YET, you know the answer is to keep going, not stop, not beat yourself up.

There is a way to do things – and it’s peacefully and prosperously.

We all have our mental traps.

Being honest about it is a fantastic first step.

Crypto guys

Politics guys

Fitness guys

Religion guys

‘Fill in the gap’ guys

Everyone wants their world view to win for ease and simplicity and, frankly, so they don’t have to do too much thinking.

I find that when I trigger anyone they will start tweeting details from my own profile, sharing my videos to question my motives, it’s all free advertising for me, so fantastic!

Of course, they are trying to use ridicule because their worldview is challenged, the mental traps we all have our crutches to keep us balanced.

When I say, now, that it doesn’t bother me that they’re disagreeing, I mean it. Of course, having been incredibly sensitive, it did bother me, enormously but speaking of enormous…..

Last night, I had a wonderful dream that my dick had doubled in size and I woke up thinking,

Yep, I took on the ridicule and came out stronger.

That’s the point. Life is about positioning. Putting myself in a position of courage, strength and gratitude that all this stuff is flying at me to test my resolve.

And you know what, my resolve is powerful!

I get up late.

I feel irritated.

I can’t stand cyclists.

I get drunk and do crazy things.

There you go. Imperfect. We all are.

Emotions come, I don’t think we can help it.

When something doesn’t chime with my world view, it rocks me, sometimes more than others and there is a lesson in it.

Whatever happens though, I do my best not to let it detract from my progress.

Constantly living in the future is a curse.

There’s no room for satisfaction and, my buzzword du jour, appreciation in it.

You’ve already done so much but you’ve left it unnoticed. I’ve lived this way for a long time.

Even moving back to my hometown, it was a totally self-determined decision, in the face of hostility, and I did it. I now take plenty of time to acknowledge it, be proud of myself for it.

People say you shouldn’t live in the past, fair play but when you’re LIVING the reality of accomplishment, make sure you recognise the things you’ve already done and realise that….

If you’ve done great stuff already, you can continue to build your field of your dreams.

Wanting things to be exactly as I wish them.

Wanting things to be predictable and secure.

We can’t expect these things because they’ve never been.

They’ve only existed as ideas in my mind.

Hard, hard, hard. So hard.

I totally get it.

I moved back to my hometown hoping things to be a certain way and, of course, they are and they aren’t. Same but different.

But I wish them.

And I move daily to bridge the gap between wish and reality.

I do it.

You do it.

We all do it.

I talk about being gay quite a bit.

You know what, I don’t understand it either. Biologically it doesn’t make any sense.

And, yes, I pray as well, like any good Christian should.

There is so much stuff we don’t know. We’re all guessing somewhat. It is possible there are some answers we will simply never know.

Fortunately, I’m not one of these crazy commie queers you see so much of. I just don’t get why so many gay men are left wing, that makes no sense either.

You are who you are but I don’t believe in all the delusion. Chopping off your cock doesn’t make you a woman, a man wearing a dress and a wig doesn’t make you a woman either.

Do your best.

A few days ago, I wrote about the illusion of age, that just because you’ve been around a long time doesn’t mean you have a fucking clue what you’re talking about.

I still hold this and it’s an idea that I heard originally from Stefan Molyneux of Freedomain.

Now people will come back with the usual platitudes, e.g. (a comment on my YouTube video of the same subject)

“Sure, young or old, everyone can be wrong. But, as a rule of thumb, older people’s opinions do deserve more weight because they have the irreplaceable benefit of experience, of having been there and seen things. We cast away such experience at our peril.”

But clearly we’re indulging in circular arguments. The truth is, most people don’t see. Eye witness testimony is the least reliable because people don’t see what happens, they see what they believe.

I’ve had a cold for a bit and it’s somewhat relentless, the first I’ve had in a few years. It’s undignified, it’s rather annoying and I’m in the final stages now where it feels like it will never pass, but it will. I think, what can I do with my day today? I don’t really feel like doing much.

I’ve done a spot of vacuuming, rearranged some things at home, eaten a bit but not a lot.

There are some days you’ll simply go through the motions but, please observe, that even on the blah days, you do get stuff done. Thumbs up!

Distractions are easy.

It’s dangerously close to making excuses.

But we live each new day with the opportunity to make our lives fabulous.

Take it!

Always living in the future.

Where’s the achievement in that?

I moved back to my home town a little over a year ago. Best thing I’ve ever done! It was the first decision I’ve made purely for me and it was up against some major objection.

I can only regard it as such, however, because I’ve started acknowledging it. You need to pay more attention to what you’ve done otherwise you’ll never have the sense of accomplishment. You have done stuff. Obvious sounding, I know, but true. You’ve done lots of stuff in fact.

A major theme of most of my life has been waiting around, trying to get things done, feeling like simple things have been belaboured and complicated.

It’s why I love being with my man, we decide, we do, we appreciate. It’s a fabulous formula but most miss this opportunity because, for whatever reason, they seem to enjoy the drama rather than the action.

Nothing has meaning unless it’s done.

Most have regrets, I implore you to have accomplishments.

One of the things I see frequently on Twitter is people talking about certain useful subjects not being taught at schools.

They should teach entrepreneurship, they should be educating children about taxes and how money works.

Of course, not.

The function of any monopoly (which governments are) is to build compliant, biddable subjects who will do what they’re told.

Look at Covid, look at people taking whatever injection the government says. They do it to everyone, young and old.

Only had a handful of people, figuratively speaking, will be entrepreneurial because, as I see it, we are explorers at heart and we want to find better ways of doing things. I believe I was born this way – curious, inquisitive, determined to live life the best way I can.

Most people need a framework, a code, to be told what’s right and wrong. There is usually little to no morality involved, many people are not particularly intelligent or patient enough to think for themselves.

Which side of the aisle are you on? Freedom or Compliance?

Age is an illusion.

Take it for granted that whoever you’re talking with is an overgrown child. I see it all the time.

When you rock the boat even slightly, you will experience the wrath of people’s disapproval. It’s inevitable when you’re dealing with people.

Sounds bleak, no?

I don’t see it that way anymore.

It makes it easier to ignore their behaviour. Don’t make a big deal of it.

As you will know, I’m all for listening and learning but when people are being clearly obstructionist and unreasonable, it says far more about them than it says about you.

I’ve spent a lot of time feeling paranoid over other people. It’s a total waste of time because they’ll do what they do anyway. Seriously, I’ve experienced this over and over and over and over.

I always wonder when I hear you HAVE to respect your elders but, if you think about it, if they behave poorly, they’ve simply had more time to practice being an arsehole. There are plenty of wise youngsters and an alarming amount of stupid elderly. Plenty of evidence to support this.

People will people, always remember, it’s quality that counts.

I see it all the time.

People want to talk about war and politics and culture and religion and who’s bombing who and who has a claim to that land.

And they all want to be right.

It’s not possible without massive conflict and misery.

I’ve discovered that the simple life is far more appealing.

Each week I FaceTime with my family on a Friday (lots of Fs) and I love the experience but it is rather like stepping onto a carousel of the same problems and the same need to get dirty.

People feel alive with a drama, you can see it on their faces but, me, I love a good cuddle on the sofa, doing my work and providing a beacon of light in the darkness for people.

Enjoy life!

Okay, okay! Bear with.

You’ve been asked this before.

I’m going to tell you the story of the great day I had yesterday.

Short version – I did every task I intended and said I would do and it felt bloody marvellous and I ended the day on a high. It actually took me a while to come down and get to sleep.

Here’s the thing.

You know what you need to do.

It may not even be that scary to be honest.

You just don’t really feel like it.

Believe me, been there, done that, bought the T-shirt.

The thing is though…….

When you get the work done, whatever it is and we can talk about that when we work together, you feel great (champion as we say up here in the North of England), here’s the kicker – you prove to yourself (and yourself alone!) that you CAN do it.

Self-doubt is such a massive killer, it probably outranks all the other diseases we’re reminded of as the biggest Death of Dreams you can imagine.

You’ll have listened to a million people tell you how much you need to do, what order to do it, that you’re a loser if you don’t do it.

On the loser point, no it doesn’t make you pointless but you do lose something, something quite major in fact – you lose joy. You’ll lose fulfilment as well.

Life is a series of innumerate decisions but you can decide to take ONE step.

Having big, bright, shiny dreams has an off-putting effect (believe me, I’ve been here as well!) of feeling so enormous you can’t fathom where to start. Don’t worry about it. Nobody else knows exactly what they’re doing either. CHUNK THINGS DOWN!

We all want to do everything, immediately if not sooner but no one ever does that.

Most of life is dancing in the dark and bumping into the right stuff, the difference with the 1% is they flail around stylishly and laugh off the knocks.

You already have a plan, you’ve procrastinated over it for years, maybe even decades like me.

You know you’re capable, remind yourself of past wins.

Take one step today and another if you fancy, maybe more than one or two.

Rinse and repeat.

It really can be that simple.

I think a lot of gaining wisdom is cutting through bullshit.

People are free to post basically whatever they want on Social Media (a handful will just face severe consequences but, let’s face it, they know what they’re letting themselves in for AND there’s a streak of enjoyment in them for it!).

You’ll be called names – be willing to take that.

Some won’t get what you’re saying – be willing to accept that.

You’ll feel embarrassed and stupid at times – be willing to feel it.

There’ll be some stuff you want feel like doing – be willing to do it.

Remember, everything is an experience. You can learn something in everything you do.

The rewards are great for those that are brave, consistent and do the work that most others aren’t willing to do.

For me, it’s always started with willingness.

It astounds me. 

There are so many doom-mongers on Twitter, it actually makes me laugh.

We seem to want to romanticise the past as being this perfect, idyllic landscape with nothing baaaad in it. Obviously, we know this to be palpably absurd.

So many seem to be falling into a trap that the state of the world has never been worse, that we are now living in a time of total darkness and, the thing that astounds me the most, people seem to enjoy pushing and pushing it.

Why are you married to misery?

Why are you wedded to woe?

We know there have been rises and falls of empires and states of the world. If you keep pushing the most depressing stuff, how likely is it that you’ll affect positive change?

Seriously, think about it.

I am buying back my family home.

There, I’ve said it on a YouTube video.

Now I am saying it in a blog post.

By my calculations I need a million pounds. Sounds like a lot and to many it is.

Here’s what it could be.

10,000 sales at £100

1,000 sales at £1,000

100 sales at £10,000

10 sales at £100,000

1 sale at £1,000,000

Now, as you read down the list, the amounts seemed to get scarier and scarier and the number of sales seemed to be more and more unlikely.

You are wherever you are because, on some level, you believe you should be there. You don’t want to do the necessary work to expand your life (largely because you’ve been taught – and you believe – that you should study, earn a certain amount, buy and save).

What you weren’t told was earn some, then earn some MORE and invest the money to work for you rather than the other way around.

When you have a big, shiny goal in mind, the lengths you have to go seem far away but if I’ve learnt anything, chunking down is enormously underrated. Every coach said. Figure out what you want and then chunk down what you need to get there.

Yes, a sale right now at £1,000 seems crazy but that’s simply because you haven’t got the social authority YET to do it but once you’ve earned £1 or $1, the principles are all the same.

It’s your belief and work ethic you have to build and, like with many other achievements you’ve already made, it’s simple and easy once you’ve done it.

Making money is no different.

Believe in yourself and get to work.

I know, I know. You’ve heard this before but hear me out.

How good are you at controlling your own mood? Seriously. That’s right, you struggle with it every single day of your life. It’s fine.

How easy and productive do you believe it’ll be trying to manage someone else’s mood? On their behalf. Yes, that’s also right, impossible.

It’s not the focus.

I’m building a copywriting and coaching business on Twitter, my job is not to convince people to buy, it’s to attract the people who are already looking. It’s a subtle difference in mentality.

Helping people (help themselves) not changing them.

Most try the latter – and go fucking crazy because of it!

It’s all about boundaries. How do you like it when someone else tries to make you think and feel things you don’t believe in? Yep, right again – SO irritating. 

Do unto others as you would wish done unto you!

Here endeth the lesson.

There’s plenty of stuff we don’t know.

There’s a large cohort of Christians in my followers and I am sure they have many things to say about my being gay. By the way, I pray twice daily myself. I find it very 

I don’t understand being gay either. Genetically, it makes absolutely no sense for me to be a particular sexual orientation and not pass it on. It does seem like gay men delve into wildly creative and artistic pursuits and have been warriors and inventors too. They do lots of drugs and often seem to die quiet young.

Who knows? I just know that my boyfriend and I fit like hand and glove and we support each other, have great fun too.

I don’t begrudge people their opinions, I share many of them, the ones I disagree with, I simply accept that’s where they are. I think we’ve learnt that violence doesn’t really help anything, right? 

Some seem themselves as hammers, I prefer to think of myself as a screwdriver – an assisting tool to guide things into the right place. I half-joke that I am a lover not a fighter. I value peace these days far more highly than discord or stress.

No, I am not a perfect little angel but I am certainly doing my level best to move freely and easily where I am now than where I was in London.

It seems to me that everyone wants their version to be right. We’re all from different strokes and we have very different ways of doing things. Maybe there’s a place for everything but, again, I don’t know.

I’m perfectly willing to say we know nothing.

I’m perfectly willing to admit the story of history we’ve been told is bullshit.

I’m perfectly fine with people trying to manipulate me, I just don’t have to buy it.

I see a lot of injustice mongering and people wanting to get angry over everything but been there, done that and bought the T-Shirt for me.

The thing I find the most funny is how people still believe there are political means out of the mess when politics is designed to be messy, to divide and rule and to programme.

I see this all the time now, rewatching TV programmes from my childhood and catching, in full view, the subtle manipulations and gerrymandering of ‘people in the know’ wanting to portray various worldviews that no intelligent nor moral person would want but get cajoled into under the pretence of being a ‘good’ person.

This is the acceptable view.

That is wrong think.

Look out for it, learn to laugh at the pantomime, start building your ‘own thing’ as soon as you can.

Make money – don’t feel bad about it, it’s simply another resource (tool) to enhance your mission. If you understand that money is a means of exchange, you can have perfectly noble motivations for wanting to make it and need it.

Be reflective – you can feel in your body when things are right. Trust yourself, make decisions peacefully and firmly. Don’t dillydally. Get on with it.

Listen – people are infinitely willing to share stories about their lives with you. You’ll be amazed at what you can learn by being genuinely interested.

I can’t give you answers, that’s up to you. What I can tell you is my life immeasurably improved when I realised that more people wanted the best for me than I realised and when I started wanting better things for myself.

A year ago, I moved back to where I grew up and, despite it feeling a massive undertaking, I know I will buy back the house where I spent most of my childhood. I don’t know exactly how but I have my ideas and I know the work I have to do.

Believe in great things.

Believe in the goodness in people.

Believe in yourself. It all starts and ends with you.

It’s fascinating watching social media in action, it actually tells you a lot about what matters to people AND what they believe is true.

Everyone wants a hero, right? Take The Trump.

There are people out there in the world who believe the former Don-in-Chief is the political and cultural solution for their lives.

It is absolutely astounding!

The fact that people still rely on a political change to improve their lives is, after the last few years, quite hilarious but they haven’t yet seen that Trump’s only real win was some tax cuts for people who already knew how to evade them.

When new information is learned and new wisdom acquired, it needs to be woven into the quilt.

Most get stuck. Most only want to go so far and can’t give up the Hopium when it comes to certain topics.

If you want to get ahead, you need to roll with the punches.

Save the goal, change the strategy, people!

I’ve been a bit of a cunt in my time. Pushing my beliefs down people’s throats.

It’s not to say there aren’t things that are total bollocks but when in discussions about the nature of the world and all that’s within it (this is inspired by the way from a podcast I watched this morning) that we can’t be openminded and civil.

The trouble with zealotry is it leaves no room for being wrong or misconstruing reality.

Passion is one thing, pushiness quite another.

The aim of finding out the truth is so there can be more harmony. We labour painfully under tyranny and delusion.

Freedom is understanding the world as it is and doing the best you can do in it – and being as good as you can be.

We all want the simple explain-it-all-answer to everything but it seems to me there is no room in the discussion for “I don’t know.” 

All the time we are piecing the puzzle together but let’s have some kindness and understanding and room for disagreement along the way.

You know the answer to this question already.

What’s stopping you? Why, perfection of course.

We all want everything to be ‘just so’ but we also all know that there is

No perfect relationship

No perfect method

No perfect route

No perfect time

It’s now, obvious right?

In theory yes, in practice no.

Looking for guarantees will get you a-whole-lot-of nowhere.

Play

Experiment

Be courageous

The media wants you.

Social media gurus want you.

The government wants you, oh yes!

Every faddish diet and those that push them want you.

That’s one side of it. Here’s the other.

Your baser, primitive and destructive instincts want you. Resentment wants to occupy your system. That’s why you’re drawn to news and media, they feed the beast.

I’ve started going on morning walks without my phone. No technology. I found myself when I returned from my constitutional this morning looking for pedometers on Amazon. Sinful behaviour.

Here’s a maxim I do my very best to live by – wherever you are, be there. Don’t be trying to take photos or capture bits on video. Be there. 

Now, I must hold my hands up and admit that, yes, when I go on my second longer walk of the day, I do take my bag with phone and credit card and tripod to record my daily YouTube video but the sheer pleasure of being out, totally unencumbered by gismos and gadgets is something I highly recommend.

People want you distracted because they want to believe in ‘their thing’ so they look to other people to do it for them – they are not completely convinced in it themselves. Remember that.

Being focused on doing the right thing is a challenge, we’re taught to build other people’s dreams but when you zoom in on what you’re doing, you’ll get far more done and be far more useful than you can imagine.

Scared of Spiders?

I was.

Now?

Made myself not scared of them.

Why?

Easier to focus on what matters.

How?

Started to understand why they kept appearing – they’re marvellous for eating annoying flies. They’re my friends now.

Observing things really helps, rather than trying to rationalise them from your own myopic view.

It used to be the same for me with pigeons until I changed my mind and I just walked through them. My mother observed this….

“Oh, you’re not afraid of them anymore?”

“No.”

“How did you do that?”

“I decided not to be afraid of them, so I’m not anymore.”

I repeatedly remind you that everything is your choice. You can do things if you really want to but you have to really want it and do it. I have to remind you because it isn’t just one decision, it is many decisions, every single day and you have to train yourself. And it’s really worth it. 

Life can be much simpler than you’re currently making it. I definitely now believe that people want the drama. They find it exciting, you can see it on their faces – they love a good moan or a good stress.

I’ve shifted perspectives on many things recently, it’s great to undo the bullshit you’ve been operating under.

Easy? Maybe not.

Worth it? Oh, most definitely!

I’ve just spent a few blissful days with my man. He left today and will return in a week and a half.

I always learn magical and valuable lessons when we’re together.

What I realise is how much of a control freak I’ve been (largely learnt behaviour!).

Now, I am not saying it is easy to intercept the moments where you lose yourself. No, no. It is very difficult. You have to recognise your shortcomings, which, of course, most don’t want to do.

When I woke up this morning with my man beside me, here’s the conclusion that crystallised in my mind.

What is the result? This simple question can transform your life.

When I behave like this, good things happen and I feel great.

When I behave like that, bad things happen and I feel shit.

Radical simplicity. Yes, it sounds really superficial. Yes, it sounds childish but the modern disease is over-complication. Honestly.

At the heart of the question “what is the result?” is what really matters. How much of what you believe matters is trivial, insignificant, meaningless? Yep, the vast majority of this.

Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?

What you want to win arguments or have fabulous relationships?

You get to decide BUT you have to lose your ego to have a great life! 

Think you always know best do you?

Well, have a fun time being alone, isolated and miserable for the rest of your life.

I’ve found a whole, newfound love for watching masterful men doing great things and learning from them.

Don’t let your world become so tragically myopic and think you have all the answers. We humans need each other for support and equanimity. We benefit from each other and it can be mutual.

I’m lucky enough to be with a very talented man and he with me, we find peace in lightening each other’s loads.

When I find myself in old patterns of behaviour of wanting things all my own way, do you know what I feel? I feel ashamed, angry and disconnected from the flow of life.

I love observing and ADMITTING that I don’t have everything as lined up as it could be. Let go of the anger and need to be right all the time and start to be a student of life and a student of other people’s greatness.

Nothing to lose and everything to gain!

Trust your natural instincts? No? Start.

There are very few things that are actually really difficult, we, as humans, simply get in the way of getting them done.

Which is the right way to do things, you ask? Go with your natural inclination. I love a good questioning but when it becomes procrastination for procrastination’s sake, I now cry bullshit.

The more you can simplify, the more progress you can make.

Start doubting yourself less.

Start trusting yourself more.

There’s a natural pace to Creation, I am convinced.

I’ve always said that stress in the enemy of success.

I hold this.

The key is finding YOUR way. Don’t be swayed by how other people do things believing them to be the only option.

Listen, essential.

Learn, essential.

But don’t be afraid to discard what doesn’t fit with you. Trusting your instincts is the greatest fast-track to where you want to be. Will you run into difficulties? Yeah, maybe but that’s when you’ll realise how capable and committed you really are.

Stop trying to force your way to your dream state.

Invest in the daily and the future will sort itself out.

Everyone has to pick a side.

So convinced are you that you’re right, it is to the exclusion of all else!

This is not the way of Martin, at least, anymore.

The simplest entry point to any situation is “I don’t know.”

You believe you can divine people’s motives.

You believe you have all the answers.

Truth simply flows forth from you.

Yep, time to lose that ego.

It’s holding you back

From real progress,

From peace,

From truth.

I said it.

Yes.

The world is so big and there are so many people in it.

Are you really putting yourself in the place of providence?

Stop simply having answers, start asking questions.

Listen, learn.

Do you believe that freedom resides in the future?

No, no. It is now. It is a choice.

The way you do things is going to be wildly or ever so slightly different from everybody else and it should be that way.

I’ve never liked rules, even the idea of them, because rules, by definition, should be universal. We know this isn’t true.

Principles are where it’s at! Honestly.

Do you want to be treated kindly, then treat others with kindness.

Do you want to be left alone? Leave other people alone.

Do you want wealth? Be of genuine service.

Do you want likes? Like other’s work.

The reality is most people just want you to agree with them. The ego will get you into fights because you believe, like them, that you are always right. No, no, no, no. no.

The greatest lessons I’ve learnt are the ones I didn’t want to hear.

That’s freedom, accepting that other people will do them and that you will do you.

Simples!

Planning all the time.

Trying to mould things all the time.

Being so rigid you become your own jailor.

Last night my lover and I spoke for five hours, we laughed ’til we cried, we talked about everything, we shared, we went with the flow.

Allow yourself to be surprised by life.

It’s the unplanned that’s the adventure!

You believe you know yourself.

Have you ever stopped to question the reasons why you behave as you do? Really thought about it?

Do you have emotional or psychological blindspots you’re not willing to examine?

It’s a familiar story.

There is so much that is automatic to you and me but does it serve you?

Habits give us a sense of security and familiarity but do they help you get the job done?

A thought to ponder this Sunday.

Inversion is everywhere.

I listen to the same people talking about not pleasing other people but then in the self same moment to stop looking inwards and being so insular.

To be fair, I don’t think it’s deliberate. Confusion is rife wherever you look and most are, in public gaze, trying to figure things out. I find it sort of amusing but I do have sympathy.

It’s not easy making sense of things because you do have to let go of the ego, you have to stop needing to be right all the time. This is a massive shift I’ve made recently to really listen to people. It’s peaceful and it’s inspiring. Do you know how much wisdom people have?

What’s incontrovertible, though, is that you have to sort yourself out before you help anyone else. We all know the aeroplane exercise, put your mask on first because you’re useless to your loved ones if you’re flailing around, breathless.

I understand it’s not fashionable now to reference psychology but these fields arise for a reason and whether you agree with them as a whole or not, of course there are valuable lessons. How you see yourself is how you see the world. Again, if you’re religious or not, it’s clear that prayer is a conversation between you and your maker. We pray for those we love, who we want to be saved and guided, but you can’t wish love if you inwardly loath, resent or feel bad for yourself.

I don’t care what anyone says, you have to sort yourself first.

Oi, oi, oi!

You’ve heard it, right?

How you use language matters.

As I’ve got older, I’ve realised that definitions are largely meaningless. You just can’t get people to agree! Most inconvenient, yes?

Well, life is about choices.

You want to be right?

You want to be happy?

You want to be successful?

You want to live ALL your dreams?

Then you have to let something go. A sacrifice is required.

The greatest thing you can sacrifice is your ego, the need to have all the answers, to ignore what people say, to reject wisdom because you’re so very knowledgeable.

I myself prefer a strong dose of wisdom.

When people say ‘their truth’, what they’re actually talking about is their perspective.

Truth is simply what happens and then people, inevitably, bring their belief systems, opinions, preferences and biases. It’s going to happen my friend and, truthfully, there’s very little you can do about it. It’s better to focus on your influence.

What are you doing to improve things?

Are you tending your own nest or invading someone else’s?

Look at the so-called freedom fighters telling you stuff, like it or not, they thrive on conflict. They absolutely love it. You can see it on their faces, in their body language and the way they behave.

That’s not my bag.

So I will say this, yes, think about how you would like to appear to people. What’s the very best version of yourself to put forward?

Always remember your wins. You’ve had many.

For all the talk of failure on Twitter (the same people will say ‘failure leads to lessons’) – righy-oh then, so if there’s a lesson, it’s not a failure. That’s my take.

I had a wonderful taste of things to come yesterday.

Active and creative on Twitter.

New friends.

Great walk.

Delicious food for dinner.

A wonderful boyfriend who supports and inspires me.

Glimpses.

Whichever direction successes come from, embrace. Swallow ‘em whole my friend! 

And remember them, remind yourself of your wins.

Have fun with your life.

Fortune favours the brave.

Serenity favours the active.

The greatest prison is procrastination.

The universe loves speed (not racing, not haste nor hurry).

We’re told “if in doubt, don’t do.” Nah!

When in doubt, carry on. Like I said yesterday, it’s just another step.

An unofficial tagline of mine is aspiring to not be bothered by things, to realise that whatever faces you, you can deal with it. You’re stronger than you believe and more capable than you know.

So, if there’s something you ‘need to do’, just do it.

Nothing is set in stone nor cast in concrete. The world is going on regardless and, believe me, there are way bigger fish to fry than the thing you’re agonising over.

Get things done, make them as simple as possible, don’t make such a big deal over them and wake up 

SATISFIED and FREE!

Always racing ahead.

I must confess my own guilt of this!

And guess what it leads to…….

Catastrophe and stress

Wherever you are, be there. Immerse yourself in the moment.

The beauty of life is those moments you catch when you’re not in hurry. Remember, hurry is not the same as pace or progress.

If you want everything at once, need to say everything at once, you’ll only fall over yourself.

The key is to get out of your own way.

Live by principle and purpose and prosperity will be delivered to you.

Thinking we know what other people are thinking.

Thinking we are always right.

Do we stop to ask? To question?

Am I actually right?

We severely lack humility and I’m not talking about being meek or weak. I am talking about do you ever really stop to consider…..

Could I be living life better?

Could I be making things simpler for myself?

Your Sunday opportunity to be more peaceful and more joyful.

What have you done with your life?

I guarantee you’ll have had some great times, strong moments, flashes of inspiration that you’ve acted upon.

Yet, have you acknowledged them?

Have you congratulated yourself?

Not as much as you should have.

So many talk of the passage of time, an inevitable process, yes, but so many talk of regret, “I wish I’d have started earlier.” et al.

Start considering how you’ve done certain things well. Really. Count your blessings, not your troubles.

What do your wins have in common?

Do more of that!

Yes, the usual phrase is “Peace in our time.” Yesterday I talked about delusion, how apt!

Do you rush to solve problems in the world before you’ve sorted out your own dysfunction?

I hazard a guess that’s often a yes!

I don’t care what anybody says, relationships and focus fail when you’re blaming other people, when you’re gazing so far into the distance you neglect what’s immediately in front of you.

It seems so easy to ‘fix’ other people and forget that everything you do is based on you…

Your thinking

Your beliefs of others

Your hasty conclusions

Your desire to be always right

The stresses you experience day-to-day

We don’t know other people, we simply assume.

I can speak for no one but myself. It’s a humbling fact and a freeing one.

Ask questions, listen. 

Why are you being fed certain narratives and scenarios?

Why are they important?

Are your heroes truly on your side?

Observe people’s behaviour. They may not be all that they claim.

And, no, I am not talking about a lack of trust.

I am talking about intrigue, skepticism and discernment.

The English were once renowned for their sophistication – let’s bring it back. Let’s make inner peace a noble aim again and see how that reduces war in the world.

You know what’s amazing? People believe what they say, they believe, in all honesty, that what they believe is true.

I’ve just watched a podcast from someone I really admire and like listening to who just said “The French have a proud history of freedom of speech.”

I’m sorry but I let out a totally involuntary laugh. I simply couldn’t hold it in.

There is truth is chaos, it’s where we sort through the bullshit and the truthful but do not allow yourself to start believing that your opinions are true just because you think them.

I’ve got things wrong with the love that I’m recently reunited with. I have humbled myself into accepting that my initial reactions are not necessarily correct.

Always ask yourself “why am I being told this?”

Ask also “is this an attack on me or the person saying it?”

Live not by lies.

Live truthfully.

And no, I don’t mean to attack.

I’m talking about focus.

I made a massive realisation yesterday, something frankly that I’ve known for a long time but truly admitted to myself whilst talking with my boyfriend on our evening call.

I’ve not been very respectful to the people I’ve been interacting with.

Now, to me, the English language is the very best there is. It is witty, smart, sharp, incisive, funny, emotional, flowing, staccato – you can do anything with it. It will probably always bother me, therefore, when I see people butcher it.

But I don’t want to fight with the world, I actually want to help make it better and, as a consequence, offer my services to do so.

I want to use my skills to genuinely help people who can’t do it for themselves, or want to pay someone else to do so they can focus on what matters to them.

Truth is, you and I and everyone in the world has there special place and contribution to make.

Wordsmith is my place, what is yours?

Everyone wants to be liked. I said it.

I’m in the early stages of seeing the lay of the land on Twitter but here’s one undeniable thing.

You’re all copying each other, with a handful of exceptions.

I honestly see people writing the exact-worded tweets as other people, passing it off like you said it first and wondering why you’re not standing out.

Of course, we understand it’s scary putting your head above the parapet, very few enjoy being criticised, very few enjoy being contradicted or disagreed with.

But you’re not here to simple agree with the status quo, I’m certainly not, and give a fleeting thumbs up because you want approval from your peers.

There are things you can’t control, yes, but when people tweet just trying to sound clever and others agree because they want to bask in those rays of sunshine as well, ironically, it’s very repetitive and once a statement sticks, it can easily become endorsed out of saying No.

I correct grammar in the comments.

I question what people are actually saying.

I happily disagree when something doesn’t add up. (I’m logical like that!)

And I’ll tell you what, when I do, I get more and more confident as well as clearer in my thinking, my behaviour too. Wonderful!

I’m not necessarily a member of the ‘you weren’t born to blend in, you were born to stand out’ happy-clappy crowd but I certainly don’t advocate for agreeing just because you don’t want to rock the boat.

Live not by lies.

No, there is a unique reason why you’re on the planet, I fundamentally believe that and our spiritual and personal journeys are to ask questions, speak truth and discover our purposes.

Make everything as fun, informative and sparkly as you can.

I’ve indulged many vices in my time.

One of them – believing people have had it in for me, trying to manipulate me. What has this meant? Well, it’s meant I’ve attracted some rather unsavoury people into my life.

Here’s the bit you won’t want to hear – yes, you’re responsible for that too – the people you welcome into your life. Never let vampires cross your threshold, you have to invite them in first.

Of course, once you’ve repeated a pattern so many times, it becomes habitual and, as expected, you will assume that all people have some nefarious motive.

I’ve discovered, thankfully, that this is not always the case.

I recently reunited with my boyfriend. I feel very blessed, very fortunate and very peaceful knowing there are very special people out there who really do care.

Start to rack up the wins, good fortunes and blessings, pay close attention to the joy in your life. Then, and only then, will you start to live a life so many only dream of.

Allow the good people in.

Ever fancied rewriting history? You’re not alone.

You’ve had wins.

You’ve had setbacks.

You’ve felt great about yourself.

You’ve doubted you’ll ever do anything, be anything.

Here’s the truth you can cling to.

Whatever’s happened, you’ve done it.

You decided.

The sooner you accept this, the sooner you stop beating yourself up and start living your life.

You know the Yoda line, “Do or do not, there is no try.”

Trouble is, you’re afraid of doing it ‘wrong’ or ‘badly’. Might make a fool of yourself.

You’re a divine spark of brilliance my friend and you know it but you’re afraid to shine a light because “what will people think of me?!”

I’m going to be the one to say it, give yourself a fucking break.

Not only is 100% of your worry not important, it’s totally meaningless, what matters is stepping out there, sharing stories and the wisdom you’ve learnt and making something of your life.

Don’t try, do – and accept it.

There are those people you just love to watch. 

You might agree with them, disagree with some of the stuff they say, but you simply can’t get enough of them.

Why?

Really.

Why do you like them? Is it what they say? Do you feel clever for being agreed with? Do they make things clearer for you?

No, I honestly believe it’s HOW they do it.

They’re entertaining.

They animate stories beautifully.

Big one – they aren’t scared nor do they bother over what people think of them.

They’re witty.

They’re confident.

They ooze charisma.

Here’s my question for you today. 

How can you bring your sparky personality to the table and leave no money on it?

Why are so many so embarrassed?

So secretive about inconsequential details?

Afraid to say what they’re doing for fear of reproach?

Every single person on Earth is ‘figuring things out’ as they go. No one can see all the way into the future.

We act in the present to create the life we want.

Guess what, people don’t care as much about what you say as you think.

No, people just want to hear honesty and clarity.

Do that and you’re a million miles ahead of most people.

Chaos

Drama

Confusion

Heartache

Resentment

OR

Joy

Peace

Wonder

Fulfilment

Satisfaction

Everyday you’re making decisions, whether you realise it or not.

From what I’ve observed, most people choose oblivion. Yeah, yeah. Dramatic I know. They have jobs they hate, or at least don’t like. They don’t see any other way and that seems to be the norm. 

Just because you haven’t chosen what you really want yet, doesn’t mean it’s too late.

I’m no longer in my 20s or 30s. In fact, I’m at the end of my early 40s. You can have what you want, you just need to do the work for it.

It’s a long, winding road, unforeseen bumps, uphill climbs and downward descents. You don’t know exactly what surprises are in store but keep coming back for more.

What you’re creating is how your life is going to be in perpetuity.

Make it fabulous!

I’m an idealist at heart.

And I have a massive streak of unbridled perfectionism in my personality. It’s something I am now reining in as much as possible.

It’s very easy to romanticise the past, to rewrite history even! It’s so tempting to remember the good (and why you won’t let go of things) and ignore the negative aspects of what you believe you want.

There is no ‘ideal’ because people want different things and, many times, we have to muck in with other people (or at least respect their boundaries) to keep the peace.

Being so sensitive in my life, I’ve hated people treading on my turf but priorities are the name of the game. What really matters?

Why say, then, that it could never been that way? Rewriting history means, in your mind, you could go back and make things different. 

Hindsight is a trap!

You are where you are.

You’ve done what you’ve done.

All you can do is behave better from here. 

Better? More peaceful, more productive, more principled.

I’ve lived life quite timidly.

I’ve lived gorgeously, wildly and flamboyantly too.

Looking at all the stages of my life, it’s all been necessary.

But growing balls for the next chapters, a necessity.

It’s scary getting specific but to have an impact and take action, you must.

I see so many terrified of making decisions – don’t want to miss out, agonising over the ‘right’ way, wanting everything to be perfect/just so.

Yeah, fuck that my love!

Growing balls = making decisions, following through and living in the wonderful flow of life.

It’s all fine.

You know, it’s time!

Everyone has an opinion. You do, I do, everyone does. No point denying it.

When people say “isn’t it a shame.” – it usually means one of two things.

It doesn’t fit in with their worldview.

They can’t let go.

To live a good life, I believe it’s essential to make everything as simple as possible and also to have priorities.

Take it from someone who knows, it’s impossible to be peaceful and productive if you’re flailing and flapping around trying to do a million things at once.

Believe me, there’s no shame in admitting there are things that aren’t your business or in your control.

There’s also no point in denying reality.

Start living your life.

Make things happen.

You know what this feels like.

I’ve had great trouble from holding onto so many destructive memories. I’ve held resentments, slights, traumas for many, many years, decades even. I’ve tried to figure people out.

Waste of time.

I’ve complimented myself for having a great memory and while that’s true (and useful in certain contexts), it’s also been a permanent dagger in my side.

Guess what I’ve done!

Let go – certainly!

Stopped cherishing certain ideas that boost my ego.

Increasingly (and this is a work in progress we all face) leaving people to their business.

Focusing on what matters – the beautiful connections with fellow human beings.

It doesn’t take much to clog your brain with bullshit. Take it from someone who knows!

I’ve described crazy outbursts when I’ve been so overwhelmed as ‘emotional epilepsy’.

I want peace. I also want productivity.

How?

Focusing on what I really want, figuring out the strategies and, with greater investment and immersion,

Doing the thing.

We all want to be right. You know you need to admit it.

When you observe the language people use, even when they don’t know what they’re talking about, you’ll realise just how much people want to be right and, from the outside, appear to want to attack.

Most people are living in houses built on sand. Their foundations are not solid because, frankly, they’ve believed what they’ve been taught, totally unquestioningly.

And remember, this can be big and small stuff.

I’m giving you permission to assume, when you speak with anyone assume they’re not really having a conversation with you, they’re biding time to get their point in.

It’s why self-assurance is vital, the more confident I am and the more peaceful I feel, it’s far more enjoyable to listen to other people, to learn and, frankly, support people.

Believe me, the temptation is real to block people when they say ‘hurtful’ things but, actually, it’s really good fun to not block and realise it doesn’t matter.

More power to you.

YOU’RE NOT SPECIAL, IN THAT WAY.

You’re surprised by this title!

Everyone wants a title or syndrome these days.

“As a lactose-intolerant man……” (I actually got this other day).

“I am autistic.”

“I have ADHD.”

“I’m fat and ugly but I’m going to call myself non-binary instead.”

No no, you don’t have an enzyme (just like tens of millions of other people in your country), no you’re not autistic, your friends are just shit, you’re severely bored listening to a crap teacher.

You want titles for victimhood? What a way to build a fulfilling life.

No, the only things that will make you special (stand out) will be to make a valid and truthful contribution. 

And, you know, I used to think that anyone could do this, nah, very few will actually do it. Probably more are capable but it will never happen because the drive and the work ethic aren’t there and too much fear too.

If you’re reading this, be honest with yourself.

How much do you really want it?

Oh so very frightening!

Not knowing the answers.

Not having every detail battened down.

Not knowing where you’ll be if you don’t succeed.

All sounds like wonderful excuse-making for procrastination!

No, my friend, start. Honestly, I wish I had but we don’t live in regret.

We get going.

Start.

I’ve talked a lot about control and responsibility recently.

I’ve made some very humbling discoveries in the last few weeks but I’m grateful for them. 

We all want to live better lives.

Knowing what you’re in control of and what you’re not is crucial if you’re going to let go of the things holding you back.

If you don’t let go you will never…….

Have good relationships.

Forgive yourself for past impulses.

Have the presence of mind to focus on what matters.

What’s done is done and cannot be undone

BUT

It can be a valuable lesson learned.

If you won’t let go, it means you’re….

Beating yourself up – That’s going to work!

Divided about which way to move.

It’s the past, get present!

Well, very little actually!

We’re told to zoom out and look at the big picture, fair point, but many take this to extremes believing they have influence over things that are so far removed from their lives they may as well be on another planet.

No, local is good.

People obsessed with going on holiday yet saying it wasn’t long enough when they return home.

Focusing on politics they have no control over.

Despairing at tragedies in the world that have already happened.

We haven’t invented time-travel yet? Ha! Many are perfectly happy to try and rewrite past events in their lives and in other peoples’.

Human connections – those are what really matter!

Helping people who want to help themselves – those count.

Joy, being in the real world, beautiful adventures – fan-bloody-tastic!

My blog post subjects are very spontaneous. Whatever I’m thinking on the day, that’s what I write.

I know many will read this in the future and think “why did he not talk about this event or that tragedy or whatever political movement?”

No control. No interest. I am for peace.

If you believe that electing in or ousting out a politician will improve your life, you have so much to learn. Your politicians and so-called leaders have already been selected and you endorse the illusion of voting them in. The most recent three Prime Minsters here in England weren’t actually voted in by the people. 

You have enough to contend with in your life and doing what you can do.

Start embracing the flux of the pantomime of society.

What are you doing with YOUR day that makes a genuine, positive difference?

Aren’t people ever so confused why they’re not granted admittance to stuff!

I used to devour several peoples’ content, longing for it, waiting for the next instalment until I realised this…….

They just want the attention, even though they say they don’t. It’s not to say they don’t have noble intentions as well. They do, they’re good people but they have massive egos too.

So when they complain that they won’t be ‘platformed’ by various outfits, I can only think, “well, if you were in their position, you’d do the same.”

Always cognisant that life is inside-out, you have to take responsibility for yourself and the doors will open. It’s very simple but nigh on impossible for people to do, why?

Most people want to ‘right’, not peaceful.

If you constantly feel like an outsider, remember to ask yourself, am I being reasonable first.

YOU KNOW.

You know what you’re doing.

You know what you’re avoiding.

You know that you can be better.

You know you can do better.

The real question is this, what are you willing to sacrifice to make your life actually be rather than how you imagine it?

Self-discovery is an experiment. It’s an adventure.

You will never know exactly what you’ll find. You won’t know everything you’ll change your mind about.

It’s actually not about ‘creating’ a self. It’s embracing yourself.

The truth. That’s the name of the game. Who are you really? How do you want to live your life?

I’ll tell you something, you’ll never live your best life by lying to yourself. If the truth is the name of the game, then authenticity is your middle name and bravery your surname.

Switch the light on, start letting yourself see…..

Yourself

Your Mission

Your unique Message.

‘TRYING’ IS OH SO TRYING!

I went into the local shop on my way home yesterday.

A mother was with her two daughters, one was acting out to her mild annoyance.

She was being quite vocal about it (the mother).

Daughter was quite loud too!

“You’re acting like you’ve never been in this shop before.”

“You’re bugging me.”

What’s the truth, huh? We don’t like being shown up!

The little girl wasn’t doing anything particularly naughty or out of the ordinary. Her mum just didn’t agree.

Parents don’t dislike their children. Yeah, yeah. We believe parent and child relationships are pure. Yeah, yeah. Grow up my dear, wake up and smell the coffee.

In my slightly pessimistic way, I could only think two things.

1) The ‘damage’ is being done to that child – already her enthusiasm is being dampened.

2) The way the mother was behaving, in such a public place and in such a public way was embarrassing. Referring to her daughter like she wasn’t there to the rest of us in the shop, when her daughter was at her side.

It’s oh so trying what you try and make anything situation something it isn’t.

A multitude of questions always run through my head in these situations, in many situations!

Take Twitter as another example. I see so many people tweeting trying to sound clever but they misuse words because they don’t actually know their meanings. And call me grammar nazi or call me annoying but it’s my job to point this out.

If someone doesn’t know what they’re talking about, I now say it.

The truth and beauty of language are what matter to me.

Prend Gard a toi! (Look this up if you don’t know what this means).

Everything you do becomes a part of you.

They are recorded, illustrated and downloaded into your soul.

Inescapable, irrefutable, internalised.

The same goes for that wee small voice of the child you started out as.

We neglect this child at our peril.

Your inner child wants to be heard, nourished, appreciated and protected. Now, ideally, that happens with your family but parents are people too and everyone has some story of how they feel hurt or neglected by their parents or other close relatives.

It’s my firm belief that most ‘adults’ are simply teenagers (at best!) in grown-up bodies. They don’t progress beyond the ‘why can’t I just have this’ stage.

If you want to be a powerful and positive person, you need to look after your inner child by being…….

Lively

Playful

Curious

Nurturing

Energetic

Inquisitive

Unapologetically You!

Call me childish if you like.

Call me naive or foolish.

But you know I’m right.

Standards are judges.

We all have urges but we always have to deal with the consequences of what we’ve done.

The title of this post is inspired by a snippet of a dream I had last night. Funnily enough, I was discussing Eurovision with a famous Women’s rights activist in the dream and I woke up with the title in my head. 

Maybe, you’re going to call me woo woo.

Maybe, you’ll think this man is airy-fairy

Even writing it, I question myself (but I write my thoughts anyway)

I know that my life is better when I focus on certain things. I’ve always been positive, I’ve always been optimistic and, to some degree, I’ve always been grateful – in light and dark times. I believe it’s my character.

But recently, I’ve started developing a different dynamic that ‘everything should sing together.’

What springs to mind when you hear the word ‘unity’?

Does it sound flowery or flimsy?

Do you think of the culture wars and ‘inclusivity’?

Or, can you allow yourself to associate it with traits such as integrity or solidity?

I definitely see it as the latter.

Will everyone agree on everything? No, definitely not, that’s not how the world works. Often people disagreeing with you can be an incredible bonus – to enlighten you and see how you can live better. Yes?

United we stand, divided we fall. Do you apply this principle to yourself?

From what I can see, many people are at war with themselves and they have a desire for external war as it fits with their world view. Believe me, I’ve been at war with myself many a time but I’ve always ultimately recognised it and thrown that shit out of the window.

Life is meant to be uplifting. I said it.

We’re not meant to be rummaging around in despair and destruction. We’re meant to be creating beautiful things, experiencing love and connection with other humans. Will we get on with everybody? No, we won’t but we can still wish people well.

Ask yourself this – do you feel good when you don’t feel good for other people. Radical acceptance allows you to walk away from those who don’t want good for others but wishing good for them means you feel good and you spread that.

Are you choosing love?

Or are you choosing division?

We all have a need to belong.

I’ve been back in my hometown now for almost a year and I’m not going to lie, when I first arrived here, I felt rather out of place. Pleased! Most definitely because everything was the same, basically 

BUT

Everything was different. I am different. Living somewhere totally new and different for over 20 years will have that effect.

There are still things that I love now about where I grew up that I loved back then but there are new things that I want as well, naturally. I was a teenager when I left, now I’m in my 40s.

You are always in some kind of gap, a transitional period. I mention my 40s. Next year I turn 44, which is the first year of Mid-40s. You might be in your 20s, reading this, your 30s, 40s, 50s, even older. 

First you notice where you are.

Then you acknowledge (a sound that you’ve heard what’s going on)

Finally, you admit what you want. 

It’s a brave path to negotiate because in what you want, you admit there are new things you will have to do that you’ve been avoiding.

It’s not a hardship, it’s an adventure. If you choose to see it that way.

What can you control?

What can’t you control?

Answering these two questions will unlock a world of freedom. You’ll realise there is very little you can control. It’s a good thing.

Many confuse talking about with doing something about.

Speaking satisfies the need of the ego to have an opinion.

Doing satisfies the need of soul to be free.

What actually are you doing?

What is your unique purpose?

What are you called to do in life?

What difference can you actually make?

Remember that whoever you meet wants you, deep down, to agree and contribute to ‘their thing’. Sometimes you can (when it aligns with your values), most often you can’t (because it won’t make a positive difference).

Learn to be discerning.

Learn to be sophisticated.

Learn, fundamentally, to let go.

The need to speak is strong in all of us. 

There is so much to say.

We often fell left out, unheard, irrelevant.

But is it true? You have to ask yourself this!

Remember, everything is a mirror. If you need listening to, others do as well. Do you understand?

The truth is, you know what you think. You think it all day, every day.

The great advantage of listening, actually listening, is your nearest and dearest, in fact total strangers too, will likely feed back issues and problems and challenges they have that will match your own and when you think to yourself “how would I solve this?”, you ultimate get the answers you need.

Believe me, I’ve overthought and over-analysed so much! Relentlessly, that it’s been a very covert form of procrastination.

Your need to speak is because you want to be accepted by others. Wrong way to start. Start accepting yourself, let go of what you couldn’t change or influence and be there for people. 

That generous energy will automatically transform you.

Death!

War!

Torture!

Illness!

Riots!

Aren’t people drawn to the most bizarre of things, maudlin and sinister ideas.

It’s so baaaaad for the soul.

How often do you pay attention to the…….

Joy of living?

Beauty of the world?

The kindnesses you witness?

The free and liberated decisions you make?

The potential and boundless opportunity of your life?

Likely not as often as you should.

Find goodness in people.

Find goodness in random acts of kindness.

Congratulate and appreciate those near and dear to you and, above all, treat strangers as friends you haven’t yet met.

We’re supposed to be together – you make the first move.

And it’s even more incredible what we believe about ourselves.

I am absolutely convinced that there is nobody in your life that beats yourself up more than you do.

It sounds so clichéd, you’ve probably heard it a thousand times but would you say the things you think about yourself to someone else? Would you?

I realise I’ve been incredibly impatient with myself, so therefore others. Most behaviour and belief is projection. We try to see things from other peoples’ point of view but it’s very difficult.

Self-improvement is popular because, deep down, we want to do better and get on with things more easily, more simply, but that’s very difficult too. It’s a massive process, lifelong frankly which is why you need to be invested in the process.

A big mission for me right now, the only one frankly, is to be more relaxed, more patient and more forgiving (of myself and others).

What’s done is done.

Start focusing on what you can do now.

I’m here if you need a helping hand.

Spontaneity is a beautiful thing.

Freedom means to make choices for yourself and enjoy the results of your decisions.

I live very close to the famous Peak District Market Town, Bakewell – home of the famous Bakewell Tart (though I am the Bakewell tart, he he!). I took myself there yesterday, on the bus.

After getting some things I needed (and wanted), there was a little wait ’til the bus home. So I took myself to a beautiful corner cafe (with an equally charming gift shop attached to it) and had a delicious double espresso.

As I sat and watched the world go by out the window, I felt incredibly lucky and despite the act being a simple one, I sipped my drink with glee. It was so exciting (to quote The Sound of Music) to be out in the world, to be free.

What the world is and how you respond to it is entirely your choice. There will be people you follow on Social Media or culture whom you consume and consume, over and over until you realise that it’s down to you to shape the course of your life.

Any state, misery, frustration, excitement, hope is down to you. You have to invest your time and energy in what really matters, what you are actually able to control. Wherever you are, whatever you’re doing, find the joy and excitement in it. What you focus on multiples and you’ll be amazed at the rewards come your way. 

Do this today!

I’ve wasted so much time trying to figure out other people.

What is he thinking?

Why did she do that?

What are they thinking about me? – big one!

Where are YOU in the equation?

Are your needs being met?

How are you interacting with other people?

Are you getting things right?

Always remember though, it’s your life, you can have what you want 

BUT

Are you willing to drop your ego and admit that, indeed, you fucked up just as much as those you accuse?

What do you want?

Are you working towards it?

Are you offering anything special?

Truth is, you know what you want. That’s not the issue.

You’ve ‘tried’ things but you know what works for you.

Stepping out is the key.

Easy? Not necessarily.

But yesterday, I took myself to Sheffield, the city I spent most of my childhood in (dad worked there) and I had a wonderful time, filling the well, wandering around, people watching, having tea and coffee, did little bits of shopping.

Simple things, mundane things but eminently satisfying.

On the way back, recorded my video, got home, uploaded the video.

GETTING STUFF DONE, finishing.

I’ve started and stopped many times because I have great instincts but have lacked the follow through to let things go. Funnily enough, I was contacted by an old friend from a business course I did in London years and years ago, who is now promoting another affiliate programme and, to be honest, it made me shudder.

For me, winning at life is creating new things.

Ask yourself honestly, what is it for you? Go out and do it.

Yesterday, I spoke about being ‘ready’, which, of course, is a state you never get to.

We have so many thoughts that are not are own, yet we endorse them at our peril.

Remember, people plant seeds wherever they go as they want their own way. It’s very simple and obvious.

We wait for permission.

We wait for acceptance.

We wait for things to be perfect.

All code for fear.

Please observe the people around you, every single one. How many of them ask for your permission to take action?

Yes, that’s right, none.

Throw yourself in, do things your way, figure it out as you go.

It’s Your Life.

There’s no doubt about it, life can be very scary.

You may want to avoid and procrastinate and leave things ’til tomorrow but yesterday’s tomorrow becomes a new day and most will keep shirking. I’ve done it myself.

What I’ve learnt is to trust the scary things, they’re signals to living a better life and a more peaceful one. The agony of hanging around is far worse than the relief of being honest.

Being ready is just code for perfectionism. 

The point of life is to enjoy yourself AND to be brave.

Accept you’ll never have all the answers in place but, instead, that you have enough to get going and you’ll understand more as you go.

…..What you want?

What you have to offer?

Where you’re going in life?

The true nature of your character?

I will hold my hands up to say, yes, I have been a massive hypocrite. I’ve misread signals, I’ve rejected things that would have helped me, made quite a lot of excuses and, generally, been rather flaky.

BUT! 

Do you also know it’s never too late?

Never too late to learn the lessons.

Never too late to be humble and admit you ‘got it wrong’

Never too late to turn your life around and make it fucking fabulous!

Your mission for today, should you choose to accept it, is to take stock of your life, decide the direction for your life and take the first step you’ve been avoiding to 

MAKE THINGS HAPPEN!

I often wonder if I’m genuinely OCD. I have an obsessive need to know it all! But it frequently comes at the expense of true human connections.

Listening is hard, we need to speak – probably because we’ve not been listened to very well. It can all feel like a fight.

I must have all the answers, immediately if not sooner.

STOP!

LOOK!

LISTEN!

The whole world is not just about you but your experience is down to how you respond.

I’ve been a child, a fool, a lover AND a fighter, a questioner and, sometimes, a doer.

We’re all human you know and we have our weaknesses and our desires. Sometimes it feels overpoweringly frustrating when people don’t just know what we’re thinking and feeling and why they don’t behave in the way we want.

Stop being so shallow and stop being so entitled at the same time. Humility is where it’s at my friend. Really humility to accept that you’ve fucked things up necessarily and open yourself up to the solutions to stuff that are actually quite simple.

Be calm.

Be honest.

Have willingness.

Slowly and steadily, work your way through each experience. There is no race nor hurry. There is plenty of time.

Relax! And you’ll get more done. The Important stuff.

I got called a bully today! No, really.

For a variety of reasons, there was someone I blocked on Twitter/X and he took to my YouTube channel to tell the world and his wife that “Martin is a bully.” He also e-mailed me (subject line: Not OK) to say I was “aggressive and bullying.”

E-mail deleted and comments on YouTube videos hidden.

It’s gonna happen but I have no space in my life for that.

Of course, when people hear the word ‘border’ they will immediately jump to politics and fair enough but remember this…..

“No” is also a border. I’ve felt really bad about saying “No.” Honestly. I now fiercely defend my borders, what I’ll accept and what I will say no too. I notice people use the word ‘aggressive’ a lot now, it consistently happens when they don’t get whatever they believe to be their right/entitlement or their own way.

To defend your space takes courage, at least it does for me. Managing the energy in your life also requires principle.

I frequently think these things…….

What do I want my life to look like and be?

Who do I want to be?

How do I want to deal with things?

Safeguarding the conditions of your life is vital 

AND

It is okay for you to decide.

You’ll never please all the people all the time so choose for your own fulfilment and peace. 

People will be who they are. You do the same.

I increasingly dislike mentioning politics but goodness me! Every social media influencer has taken to Twitter/X to say how disgusted they are by the Olympics opening ceremony.

Yes, it’s laughable and an obvious fuck you to normal, traditional values but do you see the performative contradiction of spreading it far and wide so it’s all that people can see in their feeds?

No.

Start sharing beauty. We know the problems culture is facing but repeatedly reminding people of them will do no go other than to rouse anger.

It’s up to you to decide what your world looks like and what you see to be important.

Choose wisely.

Confession, I’ve liked to think of myself as a lover but I’ve largely been deluding myself.

There is a visceral satisfaction to feeling angry. For the briefest of moments it scratches the itch of you thinking you’re right about everything.

I’ve observed a lot of human nature and I believe I have a reasonable idea but, truth be told, I’ve chosen anger far more than I’d like to admit.

Love is acceptance. What’s happened has happened, how do you deal with it?

We get angry when we feel out of control.

We get more loving when we relinquish the idea of responsibility over things that have nothing to do with us or that we can’t change.

Question to ponder over the weekend – what are you in charge of? Do more of that!

I had a lovely chap leaving a very thoughtful comment on my twitter post today. He had clearly read the post and summed up what I had said very succinctly.

Even without the comment, you have no idea how beneficial sharing honest info with people can be. People are refreshed by honesty, they, like you, want to make sense of the world and learn how to live life better.

Deep down, I believe that’s what everyone is trying to do. With varying levels of success.

Share what you think.

Be brave.

You’ll become more confident and you’ll crystallise your belief system making you a strong communicator and able to solve any challenges that come your way.

Do you believe that life is harsh?

Do you believe that you’re hard done by?

Then I need to ask you a very important question.

What do you expect?

How do you truly view life?

Are you optimistic or pessimistic?

Are you hopeful or full of despair?

I don’t know peoples’ motives, I’ve accepted that now after decades of trying to figure them out but what I do see is the people who endlessly whine and complain about how terrible their lives are, they are not positive people and they are not faithful.

They appear to believe that life just happens to them, that they’re randomly drifting through space and there is no hope for them.

However, the people I see who have a great time of things, as entitled as it may sound, EXPECT good things to happen for them, they have FAITH that whatever hardships they face will ultimately be resolved. And when you take this advice, you will behave accordingly.

Put the message out, speak it out loud, write it, sing it, whichever way you prefer but have trust your faith will be recognised.

There’s a running theme in my content – of sorting things out. Putting everything in its place, enjoying being in the world as much as possible and dealing with difficulties as peacefully as possible.

Not easy but very rewarding and along the way, you’ll feel many different emotions.

Feeling upside down – confused

Disorientated

Purposeless

Aimless

Excited

Hopeful

Daunted

Angry – something I didn’t realise was such an issue for me!

I could go on.

Be patient.

Try new things.

Get the help you need.

My ex-boyfriend was very manipulative, psychologically and physically.

The long title of this post is something he said A LOT! It was his way of saying I’m not going to be around forever. He was always trying to extricate himself and, ultimately, he did – in very traumatic fashion. Ironically, something else he said a lot was “I’ll always be in your life.”

There are certain people who will want to leave their mark and from the things he repeatedly said, he tried to do that through other people. When we split, has father had been dead for almost 20 years, his mother almost 15 years. Couldn’t let them go. 

His precious boyfriend had died about a year and a half before we met. Couldn’t let go. 

His sister had died before his parents – couldn’t let go. His cousin before that. Couldn’t let go. Or should I say, wouldn’t.

Life is an endless series of choices. You’re choosing all the time. It’s all down to you. There were things I did while I was with my ex that I really should have said “No.” To, definitely. In my body and in my soul, I knew they were damaging for me but we can do crazy things to please other people. 

The key is learning to listen. My ex told me who he was by what he repeatedly said, what he did and what he didn’t do.

And in a funny way, I think he will always be in my life, if only mentally every now and then. I’ve learnt a great deal of valuable lessons from him. I’m grateful for him and I wish him well. He and I were not meant to be forever but I will tell you this,

Always be true to yourself.

Here goes! I’m an enormous control freak. My control-freakery manifests in ‘neatness’. Always tidying. I find it satisfying but also it wears me out and wastes my time.

There are also loads of ideas and plans and aspirations I’ve had in my head for such a long time it is very hard to let them go, even though I know they are not what I ultimately want for myself.

I believe we all have some degree of FOMO. We don’t want to burn bridges or cut ourselves off from rewards because we believe they will make us ‘happy’.

We don’t know what words actually mean – what is ‘happy?’ No, life doesn’t get better the more stuff we add in, it gets better when we strip away our unauthentic and long-held desires and destructive elements of our personalities.

If something is meant to happen, it will inevitably sort itself out WHEN we do good work, that fits our character and work ethic.

Freedom comes at a cost – responsibility and responsibility is a reward in itself because you 

a) get more decisive

b) achieve higher levels of peace

c) have the headspace to focus on your true dream!

I’m incredibly excited!

My sister arrives today to stay for a couple of days!

Not gonna lie, I have massive material aspirations, I like stuff.

But it’s nothing without people to fill it with music and laughter and wine and merrymaking.

Value the special people in your life. 

They won’t be around forever.

Let’s have a chat.

It’s becoming increasingly clear to me that people have built their lives on sinking sand.

There’s nothing solid or firm about our belief systems anymore.

Fluid = good

Yes/No = bad

I have to say “YUCK!”

I have a wonderful river view from my flat but it is clearly defined by its banks. It flows prosperously but it knows where it is headed.

For years, I was afraid of spiders. Apparently men are more arachnophobic than women, maybe because we were off hunting on our own for most of history. It only occurred to me to embrace the presence of spiders when, after I had ridden the flat of them, I was constantly irritated by flies swarming in my face!

Now I see happy Mr. Spider as my friend, not my foe – and I leave him alone to carry out his divine calling.

If you’re feeling purposeless, it’s by design. The powers that be (whoever you you believe them to be), want you dependent, flowery and weak. They don’t want you solid, you’re no use to them if you don’t obey.

People assume they’re right and I think there is a great degree of intellectual lethargy. It’s hard to do proper thinking but think you must to understand your role in the world and then, hop to it, get up, stand up and get the job done – just like Mr. Spider, silky thin strands and eight wonderful legs to ensnare those wretched flies.

Saying No to bullshit doesn’t mean you can’t have symbiosis. We can work together, we just need to get over ourselves – our fear and our indecision.

I realise I’ve been talking about going into every situation fresh with an I-don’t-know-mind but we can small a rat and it’s okay to call it out when we have the eyes to see, the ears to hear and the will to speak the truth.

An Englishman’s home is his castle and I for one will build it on mighty, deep foundations of truth, love and beauty.

Everyone believes they’re right.

“It’s got to be this way because this happened then that occurred and I was told by someone there, it can’t be any other way.”

However! People struggle to even agree on the course of events, people argue over facts. They believe in ‘their’ truths.

Objectivity is hard.

My starting point? I know nothing. 

Fresh!

Or maybe a big one!

I was supposed to be going on a date today but he was a no-show.

I texted him in the morning to get a reply back saying “I’m feeling under the weather.”

I get it. 

People like the idea of stepping out but when it comes to it, they’re too nervous, too apathetic, too frightened. Perhaps they don’t even know what they want.

I’m exploring a few different paradigms at the moment – one of them freshness (as a vehicle for non-judgement and being a good listener), also commitment, making a ‘date’ and keeping it and finding the positives (AKA adventure) in every situation.

This chap and I were not meant to meet clearly but the hidden advantage is not allowing external circumstances to bring you down but, in fact, build you up and transform your character.

Watch this space!

I was watching a podcast this morning with a chap talking about false flags and how Muslims aren’t to blame for terror attacks.

We also see that Donald Trump has been shot at, supposedly.

Getting to the bottom of any of these things is nigh on impossible. 

It’s not really the point though. All these ‘events’ are so far away from our lives, so removed from relevance to our ‘day-to-day’ that we watch with interest to strengthen our concentration, to improve our capacity for reflection.

That’s what prayer is. It’s learning to centre and ground yourself

AND

Establish what’s important – i.e. what we are capable of controlling as sovereign individuals.

Focus man, focus!

We all have our dream of happiness.

Those things we fantasise about, long for, yearn for.

And I’m not saying they’re not validly aspirational. 

HOWEVER!

The external things are a RESULT of developing your character and doing genuine good in the world

AND

Realising that no matter your outer circumstances, you will never outrun yourself.

If you believe your material desires will bring you peace, you’re wrong.

Life is inside out and you have to sort yourself out.

Terms are so misinterpreted. I’m fascinated with the origin (or etymology) of words.

To be called idealistic these days implies you’re naive or simplistic but if you actually look at the word without the vulgar connotation, it means to follow an ideal.

What is the ideal for society? Well, of course, it’s to live in peace and harmony and love and to our secular ears, that can sound so saccharin and flowery. 

Truth is though, most don’t want freedom, they want fight, just observe their behaviour.

There is also the point that most have massive FOMO. They do not want to commit to expressing ideals that will put them out of the pack.

In order to have peace, you must renounce the ego and this reveals a great truth – most don’t want to be happy, they want to be right and I include myself in this. 

Many have said “Martin, you’re so intelligent.” but I don’t place intelligence as the highest trait. No, I’m training myself to be more humble – particularly when it comes to dealing with people. 

You have your wants, needs and beliefs. Believe me, so do I! And often I believe I am right when others are wrong. It’s rude and it’s impatient and it’s narrow minded. 

It’s very possible that a lot of this comes from people being afraid to say “I don’t know.” 

I’ve pondered the “I don’t know”-mind paradigm, and it has a lot going for it. Think about it, every conversation can be fresh if you admit you might not know. You can go into the discussion calmly and you won’t be in a rush or panicked or simply trying to prove you’re right. It removes unnecessary friction and lay the foundation stones for people actually arriving at the truth.

Doesn’t sound too bad, now, does it!

I know now more than ever that not only do I not have all the answers, I hardly have any but, rather than fear it, I’m learning to appreciate it as a great thing.

War appears just global factions trying to prove their point but, always remember, war starts in everybody’s heads, including yours and including mine.

The ideal? Go in Fresh!

I have the best balcony in my apartment block. It’s over the tunnel that leads from the front to the back of the building, and allows access to peoples’ carports or garages.

However, today, two cars parked at the far end of the stretch, leaving one car’s owner, with both doors open and the boot, struggling to get what appeared to be a folding chair into the back seat.

I hate to say it, friends, but I honestly gazed on in confusion thinking to myself “what the fuck are you doing?” and when said driver reversed to leave, she couldn’t manage it in one go, she had to return to her original position and try again.

I’ve got quite a bit of German in me (Mum’s side) – I like efficiency.

Don’t you just find that people are so confused they don’t really know what they’re doing anymore?

I’m aiming to simplify, of course, I admit that I love the excitement and drama of life and often create it.

I think for me knowing that whatever scenario I’m facing can be sorted out for the best is my current version of simplicity.

If you’re willing to throw yourself into the mud, you’re going to get messy. Living life on the garden fence is uncomfortable in itself because you’re never doing anything besides trying to stay safe (not an effective strategy).

Also worth remembering, whatever you’re facing there is absolutely a positive to draw from it, maybe several or even many.

Hanging onto hardships makes life oh so very complicated and irritating. Resentment does nothing positive for your soul.

Let go – simpler.

Growing up, my sister and I did a lot of dancing together, we made videos and in later years, even entered national competitions.

We danced Ceroc (a modern jive dance that, I believe, originated in Australia called Le Roc). We went to many classes where you learn the moves and when it comes to the end of the lesson, you ‘freestyle’.

We auditioned for a BBC show and had to put together a video. A cousin of ours asked,

“Do you choreograph it together?”

My sister replied, “No, he makes it up, I just follow.”

As a consequence, we developed a style, because we trust each other, a signature way of dancing and it made me think that it’s a great aim to life to have your own signature.

Are you bold?

Quirky?

Unapologetic?

Bit of a nerd?

Outrageous, flamboyant?

It’s your life, you cannot change other people, discussion often is a waste of time. Carry yourself with confidence, speak the truth and do life your own unique way.

You decide your life.

Living with circumstances can be incredibly tough.

There’s a reason for everything you’ve done. You have to accept it.

When things are hanging over your head, ask yourself this…….

Without this worrying thought, am I okay now?

The answer’s usually yes. Basically always. Because if something really terrible is happening, you’re totally immersed in the moment and you’re not thinking at all!

It’s all on you to sort stuff out. 

And you know what, you can do it!

I’ve confessed to you that I’m very curious, almost obsessively I’d say!

The irony isn’t lost on me, however, that it’s mostly a waste of time when I could actually be getting stuff done.

I’m the ‘madman’ wandering around the countryside talking out loud to myself but I don’t mind. I realise this is a trait of many entrepreneurial and creative people.

“Of course I talk with myself, sometimes it’s the only way to get any sense of things.”

We are oceans and universes of fuckupery, you and I both know it. 

But I’m getting that I’ve fallen off track and need to pick myself off the ground again, dust myself off and keep up doing these four magical things

DOING

MAKING
GROWING

CREATING

I encourage you, my dear friend, to do the same!

We’ve just had an election in the UK, you might have heard about it.

Even with the enormously reduced turnout, millions of people put their faith that ‘this’ time it will be different. This party will be able to sort out the country.

As Terry Pratchett wisely demonstrated in the Discworld series, Gods only have power because the masses believe in them, the more belief, the more powerful these people are. The politicians need us more than we need them.

I think it’s becoming clear now that traditional power structures have always been duplicitous and haven’t ever really had the populace’s good interests at heart.

But the cycle continues because many do what they’re told, they comply to not get in trouble and to be ‘accepted’ by the mob. 

I didn’t vote, therefore people will tell you that you have no right to complain. I now see that argument analogous with prisoners voting for their next warden, it’s freedom that matters and politics is the opposite of freedom and none of these people is coming to save you.

There we go, I did the unacceptable – I talked about politics. 

Do with this what you will.

I’m a very curious soul. I feel like I’ve been around a long time and I want to know it all. Everything. People have called me various things for this reason – voyeur, nosy, inquisitive, obsessive. The whole gamut.

One thing I’ve been thinking about recently is how we have come to be who we are. 

What has influenced us?

Who has had an impact on us?

How much do we really choose?

Which experiences have been most significant?

I believe that even before we born, we’re being shaped. Shaped on the experiences of our parents, what anxieties and hardships have they been through? Where are they from??

My father’s side of the family are completely English, going back hundreds of years, my mother’s side not English at all – Irish, bit of French, bit of German. It’s all got to have an effect, surely?

For whatever reason, it fascinates me and, perhaps, it can be the key to letting go of trauma and freeing yourself from influences and thoughts that are not even your own.

I do laugh at myself.

If you’re living properly, there’s going to be blowback. I guarantee it and it doesn’t mean that you’ve actually done anything seriously wrong.

Everybody wants to be involved.

Everybody wants to be a victim.

Everybody has a story.

With a few exceptions – that’s us by the way!

Keep on partying baby!

I have to be honest, the last few weeks, I feel like I’ve been carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders.

I’ve taken some serious knocks, felt very disillusioned and, frankly, a little bit frightened about my direction in life.

I’m starting to learn, however, the vital importance of patience. It appears far more critical now than ever before. Now the thing with patience is it requires self-control, a mastery of your circumstances that can feel very fragile and uncertain.

People take regular jobs, earn their salaries, take their holidays because there’s a routine to it and someone else has done 99% of the thinking. Unfortunately, it means you relinquish a lot of freedom and, as I felt increasingly towards the end of my traditional working life,  you have to play by other peoples’ rules.

Stepping out on your own requires much wisdom that you will learn en route to your destination. I have to say I’ve slipped in my vision, things are rather blurry right now and I am really questioning just how authentic my aspirations are. It feels like a bit of a crisis but I also know I’m shedding a lot of long-held beliefs so I am not overly worried but my sleeping dreams are very vivid and, often, leave me feeling rather shaky when I wake up.

You can’t control the rate of unfurling and predicting how long it will take to unlock your dream state is a fool’s game. I fundamentally believe that the answers and courage come with time all you need to do is keep moving. Don’t let the darkness consume you, have faith and know that you’re closer to success at any time than you’re currently allowing yourself to think.

Stay Strong.

I’ve given myself some time the last few days.

The thing with the modern world is you’re always meant to be switched on. Notifications on your phone, giving permission for websites to track what you do elsewhere, people messaging all the time.

Pull up the drawbridge. People won’t like it, they will demand that you are always available, learn to say no to it.

I think a lot of people are simply nosy, they want to be involved, they (as we say here in England) want to stick their oar in.

Yesterday I didn’t blog, for a couple of days running I haven’t recorded any YouTubery.

Give yourself time. Allow your brain to decompress.

Everything is a process of becoming.

Go into everything knowing you can put everything in its place. Yes, things look chaotic or disorganised but don’t let yourself be passive. 

People talk about being out of the woods but you never fully know what’s around the corner. They’ll say “take care” or “be safe.”

Be BASED! 

Bold

Adventurous

Strong

Energetic

Determined

There are always going to be people who see the world differently than you. They have different principles (or actually no principles at all!), different wants and needs, different priorities.

You have to learn to leave them to it.

Put your own life together. 

Control only what you can control.

Eventually, the jigsaw comes together.

Bizarre as it sounds, gratitude can be very challenging at times!

The Christian message is that life is suffering. I have difficulty with this but there’s no doubt that endurance and perseverance are noble traits.

Can you honestly stare evil in the face and say you’re glad for it? Tough!

But if you can stand strong in the face of the lashing winds, you have every chance and hope of overcoming any hardship.

One step at a time is what I said yesterday, life gets messy and you have to pick up the pieces and march on.

Be glad for the harder times as well as the sweet times. Guess what it makes you – unstoppable!

There are some days where everything feels like an effort.

Hard work, people are piling down on you, no time to pause and take everything in.

One more step. That’s all you have to do.

Get a small job done.

Get a big job done. 

Finish what you’ve started.

Once you make that step you acknowledge that you can, that things are not as difficult as you thought, that you’re able, that you’re accomplished.

Building momentum in a positive direction is the key, that’s the goal. There’s so much stuff happening all the time, leave it to its business.

Just one more step, everyday, you’ll make your way.

I’ve been on the planet for well over four decades now! Incredible! Still here, people, still here.

I have hopes and dreams, aspirations, really irritating things I’ve been through, still here, people, still here.

There are many moments where I just want to scream. There is plenty of stuff that riles and annoys me. Not going to lie.

I’m probably a massive neat freak, I can stand mess, people pushing in queues (very English!), people dropping litter, cyclists! And, honestly, I just don’t get it. 

BUT!

You get to be the one to sort these things out. Yes, we pay taxes to employ people to do this stuff and when they don’t it you are perfectly entitled to think what the fuck! But what’s the outcome, what’s the result?

I know if I pick up the rubbish and put in the bin like a proper person, I’ve made the world more beautiful.

You can never force anyone to do anything, pointless even thinking it. People are trapped in their thinking and their shortcomings. That’s the life they’ve chosen.

If you’re still here – be the one to make the difference.

In my time, I’ve pondered the idea of permission a lot.

Always asking permission

Not wanting to bother people

Not wanting to ‘get in the way’

They’ve actually been huge, recurring themes and, I have to admit, ridiculous sources of stress.

You’ll hear people say “Oh! You can’t do that” and variants of it, including the oft used “what gives YOU the right?”

Another persistent theme I observe is those that make demands are the least likely to discuss or negotiate anything (and the most fucking annoying!).

I believe there are inherited ideas in all of us that ‘the powers that be’ or the ‘they’ people, the overlords, the cabal, the new world order, whatever you call them, that the overarching spectre wants us SMALLER. We, somehow, want to tow the line, not draw attention to ourselves, that we want to be ‘good, little boys and girls.’

Stay in your lane.

Who do you think YOU are?

Who made you judge and jury?

I remember a teacher of mine telling me not to be so ‘self-satisfied’ when I had done well in a piece of work.

You’ve heard it all too, just like me.

Sometimes, certain things you want to say just seem really scary. Pushing the send button on that e-mail letting someone know your feelings can feel unimaginably daunting but regardless…

Give yourself the permission.

I’ve avoided a lot of strengthening decisions because I didn’t want to land someone else in ‘trouble’ or discomfort. You can’t live that way because you’ll live your own life. You have to leave other peoples’ lives to themselves.

If it’s scary, that’s normally a great sign to jump in!

So, my friend, you CAN do that!

“You’re a loser.”

“You’re pathetic.”

“You’ve achieved nothing.”

“You’ll never amount to anything.”

The fucking things we say about people, honestly.

Everyone feels slapped by reality and we wonder why men get lost in things like video games – there is a sense of satisfaction, achievement and mental accomplishment.

Are we so cruel that we can’t see how people are struggling?!

And the people who make demands of what we should be doing – is there any willingness to discuss anything? No.

You know the tune – “It’s my party and I’ll blog if I want to, you’d write blogs too if shit happened to you!”

Yep, I turn 43 today. I am spending it, physically, on my own but you know what, you’re never really alone.

You have memories to reflect on.

Pondering what you’ve done in the last year and what you still aim to do.

You might feel a bit ‘older’ – a little more tired.

Yes to some of this for me, no to the rest.

We all go through adventures and challenges. Life would be tremendously boring otherwise. And while I know it’s not traditional to make resolutions at Birthday (wishes are the order for going ‘up’ a year) but I know what I want.

More peace.

More positivity.

More productivity.

Here endeth the post, I am going back to drinking my champagne!

There are great days and there are harder days.

The secret – keep going. This time too shall pass and there are brighter moments to enjoy.

You can do it!

Yep, Nigel Farage is going to save Britain, singlehandedly, because he has that power.

The urge, the powerful, irrepressible urge to believe that he’s the answer. That Trump is the answer. That, even as a Brexiteer myself, leaving the EU will be the answer. Yes, they’re probably steps in the right direction but no one or no thing is coming to save you.

It’s all various forms of paradigm thinking, of status quo up-propping, of believing what you’ve been told as gospel truth.

Divide and rule

Bread and circuses

Diversion and subversion

I’m not here to announce that you’re the Messiah, that you’re going to be the one to make the ultimate difference.

BUT

To quote Michael Jackson, “I’m starting with the Man in the Mirror.”

Expect nothing from anyone, they’re too busy trying to make their own way through.

Yes, my friend, it has to start with you.

Scratch that itch.

Want to start a mini project? Do it. 

I watch so many interviews and podcasts and read so many different articles and the common denominator is that people don’t regret the stuff they HAVE done but that which they haven’t.

Funnily enough, I started watching an Andrew Tate podcast yesterday and it was all shouting and ‘you’re a loser’ and to, fine, if you’re into perpetual ‘fight’ and ‘attack’, you go for it but when you’re so obsessive that you can’t actually appreciate anything or have gratitude, then it’s not for me.

Dream, build, have fun, do the stuff that brings you joy and peace!

Most of the peoples of the world are followers. I’m not saying this as a criticism nor a judgement, it’s just an observable fact.

I think a lot of people live in fantasy worlds of their own making, wanting to build something, propping up the status quo by believing they’re oh so virtuous and original, day dreaming about a life they will probably never live.

Harsh, Martin! Harsh. Okay.

You may want to build but are you captain of your own ship, creating a culture and a fresh vision of how the world, even in a small way, could be better?

It’s really important to dig deep in yourself and ask what truly motivates you.

I’ve been through peaks and troughs, highs and lows, periods of great productivity and times I’ve needed to cocoon myself and get crazy amounts of sleep – I sometimes laugh at myself because I am turning 43 in a matter of days and I still feel like a teenager. I think it’s quite a common thing to feel lesser than your years. Ask most and they’ll tell you they still think and feel like they’re young.

I believe being captain of your own ship means a couple of things.

One, that you’re the one in control, responsible for making the decisions, whether minor or major.

Two, that you embrace the adventure – and certainly this, for me, means that you learn to have fun with it, no matter what’s happening. Seeing everything as a gift that propels you forward and a sign that you’re resilient as fuck. Unstoppable. This is a word that echoes in my head frequently. I try to be as determined as I can be, as much of the time as possible. Not always easy and it’s not 100% of the time.

In one way or another, we’re always navigating through some kind of uncertainty, stormy waters, feeling directionless, lacking purpose. But it passes. The realities of life are never quite as bad as you contemplate them in your mind’s eye.

Laugh your way through, find the joy wherever and whenever you are. Keep on keeping on.

Some days are better than others, you’ve been through it.

I like to get to my post out as early in the day as I can but sometimes it doesn’t work out that way.

Like today.

Today my body needed rest, A LOT of rest and I gave myself that gift.

Now I am writing this and it will go out – getting the work done is the most important thing.

When unusual circumstances hit – keep going!

You’ve got it in you.

Fears are so much worse in your head.

Whatever you’re facing is never, ever as bad as you THINK it is.

I’ve read so many books, watched so many podcasts, read so many tweets and posts all over the internet and everyone who goes through hard times (and there is some serious shit that people have been through), they are always grateful to have experienced the hardest of times.

There is adventure everywhere and, if you grow a set, you can use whatever happens to your advantage……

To be stronger

To be more stoic and philosophical

To be unstoppable!

Carry yourself with dignity and poise and face the adventure head on.

Everyone wants their own way AND everyone believes that their position is the right one.

It goes for everything, people are tied to their jobs, their personal lives, their political opinions, their food habits, exercise preferences.

And believe me, I understand that it’s all for serious reasons. Nothing’s random.

Always remember though, that just because the wind howls, you don’t have to fall!

Most often, I have a title for these posts that springs into my head and I think to myself ‘Yes! That’s a great topic.’

Sometimes, though, it doesn’t happen that way. 

‘I don’t know what to write today.’ – which obviously we know is bollocks because we have universes of info to impart!

In a recent encounter, someone asked me ‘what do you want to do?’ and I responded, very sincerely, that I didn’t know. The man laughed, not nastily, but I genuinely think he was surprised to hear someone being so honest.

Don’t be afraid to admit the truth.

We none of us has all the answers. It’s a great place to start and progress by asking great questions.

If I had been given £1 every time I have heard this question asked, I would be a very rich man by now.

Sorry though friends, people ask the wrong questions.

When you hear someone ask “can I trust you?”, they’re not asking about your trustworthiness, it’s code……for will you AGREE with them.

Here’s why. 

The way most people live is outside in, they believe there are external forces responsible for their lives, they search out rather than look in for the inspiration they need. They also believe that the world is someone else’s fault or job to deal with.

Nope.

I will offer this small defence that people also ask this question because they are frightened of the outcomes of their actions and interactions. They lack self-belief because they focus on other peoples’ movements.

Learn to trust yourself.

You know, I write these posts on a daily basis and I put them on my website, as a post on YouTube, Facebook/Instagram and Twitter.

Even for people who read them, they don’t really read them. It’s all very cursory and surface level interaction.

From such, turn away.

Today marks the 138th Anniversary of my idol’s – King Ludwig II of Bavaria – death. He was fabulous, most notable for building Schloss Neuschwanstein in the Bavarian Alps, model for the Disney castle. He also enabled Wagner to get all his operas out.

Ludwig was not average. He dreamed crazy dreams and did stuff.

I am not average, I still have ways to go but have already done much stuff.

And there’s You. Don’t be average, be awesome.

Read the posts properly, take your time and don’t just like them because you want something out of some body.

Learn from every experience. Therein lies the path to greatness!

I had a very feminised upbringing. 

Being surrounded by women all the time, things were rather chaotic.

The biggest lesson I’m learning now is to say ‘No’ – to define boundaries and stick to them – I’ll be honest, I find it very, very difficult.

So, I often feel rather trapped and neurotic, anxious too.

It’s all a process of unlearning for me. Getting stronger (i.e. being more decisive and feeling GOOD about it) and, frankly, feeling like I’m doing it all alone is very tough and slow and laborious.

Because of all this, I have subjected myself to………

Massive over-analysis

Feeling paranoid much of the time

Pretty much constantly scanning for ‘threats’

Thinking of, and actually referring to, myself as ‘the crazy ex-girlfriend!’

Welcome to the true insights of my discombobulated mental state, people. I’m not going to hide it nor will I sugarcoat it.

We all have our hangups.

We’re all fucked up in one way or another.

My current method is to isolate myself from people which I know is not a viable, longterm strategy. I am aware of it and I’d like to get out there more with other people, honestly though, I retreat from it because, right now, I find most people just too irritating to talk with and spend time with. I feel my blood boiling most of the time.

So, with this post, I am not going to offer the solutions I normally would, I’m just detailing the lay of the land for you.

Do remember this though, if any of what I’ve said even slightly resonates, you are not alone.

That’s right, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask.

Is it possible that people have forgotten how to communicate properly?

Is it possible you don’t know how to ask a question anymore?

So many I encounter now, simply make assumptions.

Please stop it.

Maybe it’s laziness?

Maybe people aren’t actually bothered?

But if you want to have good relations with people, ask about them.

To be interesting, be interested.

And when I say you get to have things your way, I mean it.

I’ve spent a lifetime not wanting to get in the way, not wanting to bother people.

It’s about respect you see, people will tell you that you can’t do things but then proceed to do whatever the hell they like.

Sure, they object.

Sure, they seem annoyed.

Sure, they will paint their own picture of the situation.

But it ain’t your problem.

Go out there and be bold.

Define your own parameters.

Define your own strong borders.

Define what you will accept and what you’ll reject.

Maybe I sound like a broken record BUT it truly is your life.

Be honest.

Be hot and spicy!

Be your own person. 

Live your own life, it’s yours to live!

That’s right folks, I’m cocooning right now.

Being close to turning 43 this month, I’m just starting to fully realise just how much bullshit I’ve put up with from people and not just that but make excuses for them.

Time to drop that.

I am all for people leading their own lives.

I’m leading mine too.

People always seem very judgmental when I tell them I have no friends but I would far rather strength myself and attract the best possible allies to me than put up with selfish people who don’t care about me in return.

Adopt the powerful stance.

I’m learning to unlearn. It’s bloody difficult but it’s funny.

I often feel like I’m some mad, crazy character from a cartoon, I honestly do but it keeps life interesting.

Here’s what I’m currently unlearning…..

Guilt

Anxiety

Perfectionism

Not wanting to bother people/asking permission

That there’s a way I should behave at any given age.

Not exhaustive but the main things.

Honestly, learn to laugh at the so-called madness.

For fuck’s sake, put things in perspective.

Be kinder to yourself.

Be calmer.

My darlings, it’s all a game!

Your life is always shifting, everyone’s is. It’s why things can seem so fucking confusing!

It’s all part of the process.

I often think I’m a totally crazy bitch! I do things that I reflect on in the aftermath,

“Martin, you are so impulse!”

Truth is though, an enormous part of my conditioning is feeling guilty, as a result of living most my life as a people-pleaser and peacemaker, neglecting my own needs. When I step out boldly, which I am making more common, these feels still surface.

An important lesson is to stop justifying yourself all the time. I struggle enormously with this, with time I know it will get better.

Observe other peoples’ behaviour, how often do they ask permission? That’s right, very little. Give people a dose of their own medicine, that’s the stage I’m at now.

Extrapolate out the logical conclusion of their thinking for them – show them what they’re doing, hold a mirror up to them. You’ll find they don’t like that very much, usually because they want their own way, all the time. I don’t blame such behaviour, people are so indoctrinated and conditioned.

BUT!

Don’t let it make your life smaller, make your life bigger and better. It may always seem like chaos but that’s because you’re expanding (in a good way, don’t get lumpy and lard-arsed!) and you’re exposing yourself to new ways of being.

It’s good.

It’s great, actually.

But it’s unfamiliar – more good, more great!

You may think that by the way I talk, I’ve got my shit together!

I’m doing pretty well but believe me, I do not have all the answers, I do not live my life in complete peace, there are things I enjoy and things that piss me off. Human being here, in flux, figuring things out.

I’ve got a thing going on right now where I am contacting/people are contacting me from my past. Last night I got a a reply on Facebook from a chap I went out with 2014/2015 kind of time. I messaged him about a month ago.

We are having a proper chat very shortly but last night we exchanged text messages on WhatsApp and I just found myself offloading about various things that are going on.

You can’t repress everything that’s happened in your life, that you’re struggling with, that you want to be better without severe consequences coming your way.

They say when the student is ready, the teacher will appear.

Let it flow from you, the fear of being vulnerability will be enormously quelled when you surrender yourself to it.

And, always remember, when you need it, you can ask for help, explore the ways that work for YOU.

It’s a beautiful weather day today.

It’s warm, lovely comforting breeze, bright. The river and the trees look wonderful. Fabulous!

Some days, you will not feel this way.

It is crucial you remember that, in darker times, you can recall the better days to know that whatever you’re going through, this too shall pass.

We live in flux.

We live in uncertainty.

We live in light and dark.

Let your light shine out, no matter what the circumstances, you are living your life!

You’re making a cup of tea, or coffee perhaps. For the sake of this example, you take either with sugar and milk. Everything goes into the cup, you boil the water, you mix everything up.

What does the initial mixture look like? 

Well, at first it’s a bit of a mess, yet it forms beautiful swirly patterns, the dark brown becomes caramel-coloured, and, with the same ingredients, you stir and stir until it all comes together.

Such is life.

There are so many ingredients, so many influences and every time you add the same contents, you will get a slightly different version each time.

It’s okay. You can’t control all the aspects, maybe one day you have a slightly sweeter tooth and you add more sugar, maybe another day you want it stronger so you add a double dose of tea/coffee or less milk.

Learn to be flexible, everything is coming together, you just need to do your part and keep stirring until you get to your desired stage.

You’re figuring things out – give yourself a break – a tea or a coffee break!

Tired of hearing people say

“Yes, we’ll look into that.” 

Or

“Absolutely, we can do a consultation.”

Or

“We can ask ‘him’ about it.”

Yep, me too. Sometimes you just have to make the decision and deal with peoples’ disapproval. Most love the idea of things, of talking about them, or wishing for certain outcomes but never do anything about it. 

The longer you leave things to fester, unchanged and inconvenient, the harder it will be to break free from the monotony of it all.

Grab life by the balls. Temporary discomfort always passes more quickly than you fear.

There are so many things we believe matter. There’s a computer game I play, a full motion video interactive experience and many of the characters are German.

It always reminds me of when I studied German at school and the teacher pulled me aside to tell me, “Martin, if you really revise, you can get an A!” Even at the time, it didn’t particularly bother me and now, I realise it doesn’t matter at all.

Much of what we learn is pointless, no, really. All those maths lessons you poured over and learning dates and events of so-called history, continental shift in Geography, how much of it have you actually used or has proved to bolster you as a human being?

That’s right, very little.

What matters, you’ll release as you get older, is integrity, being true to your own path, understanding there are so many more ways of achieving your most heartfelt desires other than the prescribed method.

Just, as I often say, keep going. There’s still plenty of time AND you can still win!

Hold up your principles, get down to work. This is the way.

I’m at the stage of life where I don’t want to waste any time and where I certainly want peace and focus. 

You have to immerse yourself in the right kind of energy. And the friend that I’ve been mentioning, have a guess, it’s descended again into the same old backbiting and insult hurling. Not only am I not surprised, I’m actually pleased that I stood up for myself, and let the criticisms roll of my back like a duck in water.

It’s up to you how brilliant you want to be (and you can be brilliant by the way!).

It’s down to you to keep your feet planted firmly on the ground.

You know, deep down, that it’s always your choice and when people yell at you what they resent in themselves, yeah, it feels a bit unpleasant but allow it to stop you? Neh.

Keep going my friend and stick to your principles, you deserve good friends, you deserve a good life.

It’s all up and down to you, my friend. 

If what people say is anything to go by, most live life assuming it’s someone else’s fault.

For the last few weeks, I have been really exploring the idea that no matter how much people complain about the various events, responsibilities and relationships they have, there is always one or many ways that they are benefitting. 

Otherwise, why would they put themselves in such situations? You probably sense, and you’d be correct, that I have observed and experienced this A LOT in people and, for a very long time, tolerated it.

We are all subject to our conditioning. Strengthening yourself is not a neat, linear process. Far from it, it is a messy process. My gift (and honestly I don’t know where it comes from) is observation and, ultimately, calling bullshit on dysfunctional behaviour.

It’s why I currently have no friends. In the past, I have been heavily criticised for being honest – not because honesty is wrong but because people don’t want to hear the truth. Hardly anybody does. I just know that my life has immeasurably improved from the stuff I initially didn’t want to admit to myself.

Years ago, there was a meme that many-a-time did the rounds on Facebook saying “The Truth will set you free but first it will piss you off.” – true but, frankly, from what I’ve seen, I’d state it a lot more vociferously!

The Truth will set you free but first it will annihilate your ego so brutally you won’t know where you are!

The Truth hurts at first because you finally realise it’s always been your responsibility, your choice and your decision to behave the way you have. It’s too much for most to bear. So they remain stuck.

“I really like this friend BUT……” Nope, not allowed.

“I like spending time with him BUT HE….” Nope, not allowed.

“She’s really fun BUT SHE….” Nope, not allowed.

Try to change other people and find out how much fun that is! You cannot endlessly pull at threads and expect the garment to stay intact.

Tomorrow, we go into my birth month and my rationale is clear.

Accept people as they are, WITHOUT COMPLAINT or don’t spend time with them. I only want solutions and nice things.

Please call me brutal, harsh, naive, selfish, childish, unreasonable – I’ve heard these all before and many more – all from the mouths of people who spend vast swathes of time criticising so-called friends. 

Far easier it is to think that others should change or mentally beat them up than face the reality that you always have a choice to sort yourself out. Escape the victim mentality.

Easy? No.

Worth it (as the adult thing to do)? Most Definitely!

Making real strides in life is messy, there’s no getting away from it.

We all have our baggage.

We all have the things we don’t want to admit – to ourselves and others!

Are you wishing you life away thinking your circumstances should be different?

One powerful feeling I’ve felt is that I’m always starting over, that I can easily abandon things and never get anything done.

The results speak otherwise.

Does your path always follow the trajectory you thought it would? No, it doesn’t but do you learn something new at each stage of your mission? Yes, you do, at least you can start to focus on the great lessons.

You are still here! It might seem that things are getting more and more difficult but that means you can be more and more resilient. 

Chatting with my reunited friend last night, we both agreed that despite all the ‘traumas’ – neither of us cares like we used to, we can laugh at whatever circumstances AND we also know that ‘this too shall pass.’

Start drawing more attention to what you’re getting right, understand that whatever situation you’re in you’re benefitting from it in one way or maybe even many.

I will say it again – progress over perfection!

We are constantly reminded of the sweet, sound passage of time but what is the point of wasting that time, racing around, getting nothing meaningful done and not allowing yourself to smell the roses?

I realise I’ve spent much of my time feeling anxious, stopping and starting, bumping along rather than bouncing freely through life. It’s been incredibly hard work!

No, you’ll hear that you constantly have to be swimming against the current and against your ‘enemy’/competition. 

1. It’s a lack mentality.

2. It’s a manipulation tactic. 

No, really! People want you ‘rushing to the back of the room’, they just want you to ‘buy’ whatever they’re selling but you have your own path.

If there’s anything you need to be constantly doing it’s reminding yourself it’s your life and you get to decide. 

Freedom comes when you’re not aimlessly treading water and you realise that you’re being rocked by the stream. Stop pushing so hard, you will never stop the flow of the river, let it carry you.

I will say it again, you can only control what happens in your life, no one else’s and you will never get anywhere if you’re singing someone else’s song. Find inspiration wherever you go

BUT………

Live YOUR life and leave the so-called competition to themselves. There is plenty, drink from your own cup.

You know, life’s meant to be exciting, fun. I spoke recently about not knowing what’s around the corner, so many get nervous. To be honest, I have as well. I have found it hard to distinguish between nervousness and excitement some times but the truth is, you can go into any situation feeling you’re going to win.

This is why it’s lovely to expect surprises, to be open to the world. It’s fabulous to be back in contact with my university friend because we have a history, a rollercoaster of emotions and I love it. I also love that, because we’ve both been through more stuff and become more solid, we can enjoy a whole new friendship and have the familiarity too! Win-Win.

It’s all wins, all the way down, whether they’re big or small. Start celebrating them. Start acknowledging them. Remember, they’re all down to you – the stuff you’ve done and the results that have come in.

Every stage of your life is valid and you will want and need different things at each stage! 

Everything that’s happened needed to.

Everything that’s coming will need to happen as well.

The process is far less about what happens and so much more about the person that you become to respond to it.

In a world of flux, the only constant is change. 

We none of us know all the answers and the most important thing is you understand that everything happens FOR you not TO you and it all happens through and by you.

You’re in charge.

Keep transforming my beautiful flower!

Had a bit of a meltdown yesterday, hurrying through, not able to make sense of things.

Your old conditioning rears its head every now and then and you can wonder where you are and what you’re doing.

It almost happened that I didn’t record my YouTube video but record it I did.

Every day, keep moving forward, it can feel like a slog sometimes but funnily, when I woke up this morning, a very old friend, who I haven’t spoken to for years and years had e-mailed me. I took it as a sign.

She messaged to say she had found my blog and that it had resonated with her, that she liked it.

Keep going my friend.

My goodness!

You get insight into human nature when you get onto Social Media.

Yes, I am all for making an impact and using POWERFUL language but the language of misery, not for me.

We are all products of our age, no doubt. We cannot help but be influenced by the styles and trends of our time but I hear so many people literally using phrases like 

“Go to War with yourself!”

“It’s meant to be painful.”

“Suffering is the truth.”

Wowzers, lighten up is what I say.

Self-improvement is not a fight, a challenge yes, but it’s meant to be uplifting not destructive.

You know, I still catch myself doing this!

Permission, permission, permission. Always asking and never giving it to myself.

I think a lot of people live on the back foot, always waiting, making sure they’re not getting in the way, not wanting to bother people, not (in a more old-fashioned sounding way) want to put oneself forward.

Yeah, bullshit.

“Let me….”

“Would you mind….?”

“Is that all right if……..?”

Just like I am shifting from referring to myself as “you” and embracing “I”, I am also actively training myself to speak more confidently.

SO!…..

“Would it be all right if I explained what I do?” becomes “I would love to share with you what I’m working on.” See what I mean?

The mere idea of this shift actually makes me feel very uncomfortable. 

Will they think I’m rude?

Does it make me sound arrogant or an arsehole?

Posture.

And poise too. My focus is a process of becoming, growing into my big man shoes so to speak, actually, growing my big man cock and balls.

Life is not meant to be lively quietly and timidly.

No, life is meant to be lived out loud, outdoors, in the real world.

Practice your perfect self. It’s already there, give yourself permission to be free.

I see it all the time.

“Why aren’t they doing it?”

“Why don’t they want to change their lives?”

“What’s WRONG with them?”

And the judgement. Phrases like,

“Spoiled brat” (heard that said this morning!)

“Losers.”

To be honest, I have done it myself calling people “NPCs”.

My mission is simple.

Yes, I use hard hitting language and what sound like commands every now and then but I am here to speak to you, the man who’s decided to take action. I have no interest in or desire to change those that aren’t willing to do it.

PLUS! There are many reasons why people don’t throw themselves in, perfectly valid reasons.

Fear

Lack of Self-Belief

Not willing to sacrifice their current conditioning.

If you’re building a business, stop wasting your time trying to convince vegetarians to be lions. You will not do it and it isn’t your place to dictate what others should do.

I market myself with personality, humour and a genuine desire to connect with men who want to take a step out and really go for it. It’s incredibly simple. 

I have spent years, literally years, trying to divine and decipher other peoples’ behaviour, totally fucking pointless.

You don’t need to convince people, nor try to change them, even contemplate understanding them. You don’t know them and they don’t know you.

Speak authentically with the true desire to be of service, network, get into the comments sections of wherever you are on Social Media, send messages, receive messages and get conversations going.

The right people are out there and waiting, focus solely on what you do and what you can do to help them help themselves.

We have to go through some serious crap as kids! Fuck me!

School Days are the best days? Bollocks!

Let’s face it, school life was hideous for many of us. Rigid, enforced, out-of-date. And the stuff we’re ‘taught’ – how much of it have we actually used and what was genuinely useful? Yep, very, very little! We understood this even at the time.

The reason for being entrepreneur, that’s common amongst all of us, is to build a lifestyle, a schedule and routines that belong to us as individuals, tailor-made loveliness!

I am sure that, like me, you heard such phrases as

“Why don’t you just do it?”

“Why don’t you behave?”

I even remember one teacher, when I got a good mark on an exercise telling me “don’t be so self-satisfied.” Funnily enough, she left soon after that.

Ask yourself what you want (you’re allowed, you know.), set your own rhythm (and march to your own drum), getting the work done (and feel great about it)!

If you believe you’re immune to manipulation (I have laughter in my head!) or persuasion or doing what other people want, you are deluded!

Doesn’t make you a bad person!

The struggles you feel, should you will to overcome them, are the divide between what you’ve been taught that doesn’t work for you and the person you wish to become.

Very simple.

Thoughts, feelings, what you believe are other peoples’ expectations, have a habit of pulling you back into past states.

You cannot recreate what has passed.

I’m about creation – innovating and making new things that align with my values and the constructive states we are all born to experience…..

Joy

Peace

Excitement

Satisfaction

Appreciation of Beauty

Connection – with yourself first and others later

Feel free to add to the list yourself – this is not exhaustive!

We are all glorious chaos coming into magnificent vibrancy! The pieces of the jigsaw come together for you when you decide to put yourself out there, when you are willing. 

To will just means to do something, it’s nothing grand, just language we don’t use anymore. If you’re willing something into being, you’re doing something.

It doesn’t matter if you’re messed up or afraid or nervous, you can decide to do it anyway.

Be Strong Today and Exercise Your Will!

You know what I’m talking about here.

Dating apps

Hookup apps

Job Descriptions

Social Media Profiles

Whatever you’re exploring, there are so many vague, boring, pointless profiles that don’t really say anything, they’re not specific nor exciting.

When you’re marketing yourself (and believe me, you always are!), you have to give something, a hook, to make people interested. If you want pizazz from them, you have to give some yourself – only fair!

Going through thousands of posts this week and last, making comments, you would not believe the amount of copied and pasted tweets, with no personality. How do they expect to stand out? Well, the truth is they don’t.

That’s where you come in.

Bring some personality. Yesterday, whilst out on my walk, I found a hat (a bright pink hat) that someone had obviously dropped, so I decided to balance it on my head (it was quite small) at a jaunty angle and simply posted the picture with the caption “does this suit me?” – it got some likes and some laughs. FUN! You see, it’s giving something. 

And it’s showing willingness to put myself out there.

Here’s the one rule of the universe! It starts with you, you have to take the responsibility, or else, you drift and never find your spark!

Getting involved in Twitter, you really see human nature.

I’ll be honest, I’m absolutely astounded.

Maybe they’re copying from a cheat sheet or a manual they’ve got from someone or maybe it’s genuine. The amount of questions like,

“If you could go back 10 years, what would you do differently?”

“If you’re still doing XYZ, you’re not in pain enough.”

“What’s one mistake you wish you could change?”

There’s being honest about your shortcomings but then there’s plain beating yourself up.

If the process is too painful, you will stop. I’ve seen it happen so many times.

Whatever you do, you only know what you know at the time you do it and, let’s face it, we are all hideously conditioned from birth. Yes, some more than others, but no one is immune.

What is conditioning you ask? Great question.

Conditioning is what you take to be true (even though it’s usually wildly false!) from what you perceive as an authority figure – a parent, any family member actually, teachers at school, employers, doctors, accountants, you get the idea.

Conditioning is an interesting social adaptation because we all want to be liked and we want to be seen as involved and fitting in so asking questions, basically, about how much pain you’re in, helps you be part of the pack because it’s clear to me that the majority don’t feel great about themselves, they feel really, really shitty!

Overcoming beliefs that aren’t yours that you’ve acquired is an extensive process and unlearning what isn’t true can feel like you’re casting yourself completely adrift for no good reason.

But there is a good reason.

You get to start being yourself, understanding that you behaved in the past for very valid reasons, you only knew what you knew then and, ultimately, when you embarked on your voyage of self-discovery, everything that happened NEEDED to, to bring you to where you are now, helping you feel better about yourself, be more peaceful and able to trust yourself more.

It’s all a shift from things happening TO you, to things happening FOR you.

Don’t hate yourself.

Value yourself.

So often, we go into things with enormous resistance, it’s down to your conditioning you see.

It’s clear that there are many who have received little to no encouragement to do what is authentic. 

I believe (though I have no evidence), that we each have our unique skills and gifts and means of expression and it’s down to us to establish them and then invest in them.

This is how you will overcome your initial fears and doubts and plough through. We are sewing seeds of consistency here. Things are only meaningful if we invest in them for the long term.

Even so, when you don’t know exactly what you’re doing, it can feel very difficult to keep going, that’s why having a powerful mission and an end result that you can work towards can really help.

Progress is made when you’re, first, honest with yourself, second, that you trust yourself and, third, you know that no matter what you do, you can learn from it.

You have adventure at your fingertips.

Build a business.

Get into a new relationship.

Visit a place you’ve never been to before.

Have a wonderful walk in nature.

Savour a delicious meal.

Whatever it is, it’s your choice to have a fantastic time.

Life is not so much about what you do, it’s the joy and gratitude you bring to it.

I see many vengeful people, not realising the vengeance they feel for others will only ever come back to themselves. They are what they accuse others of. No matter how much justice you wish to implement, you cannot hurt others without hurting yourself. It’s the way it goes.

Whatever your focus you will get more of. It’s why I choose connection, understanding and a need to live my best life possible.

Revolutions never work.

Violence never works.

Wars never work.

We know this.

Enough!

Treat life solely as the opportunity to do as much good as you can.

I know, I know – the weight of it all!

So massive, so impenetrable!

All the work that we need to do!

You’ve got to calm down.

Years and years ago, I watched a lot of Tim Ferriss (Four Hour Workweek fame and now famous for his podcast that has all the usual suspects on it). One phrase I heard him say somewhere (sorry, can’t remember which video it was)…….

“Slow down to speed up.”

You’re not actually racing against anybody (though I’ll be honest, I often feel quite competitive). 

Everyone’s different. 

Everyone has a slightly different strategy.

The key is figuring out how you can turn up everyday saying…..

“I GET to do this.” rather than “I HAVE to do this.”

My latest strategy (and it’s working) is to constantly acknowledge what an enormous privilege it is to build a business from the ground. I mean really! In our culture, we venture the businessman because he is responsible for producing huge amounts of wealth and freedom. I’m a Capitalist through and through.

And in my replies to tweets, I constantly say this…….

MAKE IT AS FUN AS YOU CAN.

It’s why I can’t stand the “video games are for losers” crowd and the “don’t watch Netflix” mob. 

If you want to listen to music whilst you work, do it.

If lighting candles and burning incense works for you, do it.

Low light, bright light, do it.

Remember it’s your business and you’re the boss.

The ‘lists’ people telling you what to do and what not to do are simply looking for approval – they just want people to agree with them and 99% of the time, they’re parroting what they’ve heard from someone else.

Like what you like because you’re in this game for a long time.

There is any number of ways to waste your time.

Plan and not execute.

Say “I know that.” and not execute.

Avoid, procrastinate waiting for perfection and not execute.

You see a pattern emerging?

Here’s a massive time waster – taking responsibility for other people.

My new motto is ‘like what you like’.

I’ve just been watching Lara Croft Tomb Raider (the 2001 version with Angelina Jolie). It’s fucking brilliant! It really is. 

“Yeah, bruuuuh, but a woman could never take on all those marines and invaders.” It’s a fantasy. And let’s face it, a wet dream for a lot of geeky gamers who will never have sex. So what if it’s trying to persuade you of a particular cultural view or political message. If you’re intelligent enough, you’ll figure that out and if you’re not intelligent enough you’ll buy into it like everything else you’re moulded into being.

Stop being so fucking serious, seriously! Oh My God.

1. Allow yourself to enjoy things.

2. Ask yourself yourself what you like.

3. Define who YOU are as a person and leave others to do (or not do that) for themselves.

4. You’re going to have different moods and sometimes do things differently in the space of seconds, minutes, days, weeks, months, whatever. FLEXIBILITY is way more important than pigeonholing yourself.

5. Start prioritising the things you love and stop making excuses to avoid actually doing them.

Along side my new motto, I have a new favourite principle/term – reverse engineering.

I have a drinking problem, there we go, I said it. I drink way too much wine and it is destructive and it prevents me from going on sightseeing outings which lift me up, thrill me and sustain my joyfulness. The drinking is not the actual problem but the symptom – the disease? Numbing myself down so I don’t ‘get in the way too much’.

There are always more powerful and uplifting choices you can make. Deny no feeling you have. If you’re angry, don’t be angry at yourself for feeling that. Accept it. Embrace it. Emotions are your friends (and signposts) encouraging you to make better decisions for yourself, if only you would choose them.

Tempus fugit (time flies) and the clock continues ticking, save yourself from trying to control others, make choices that make you more empowered, more accomplished and ACKNOWLEDGE the great gifts you have AND the good things you’ve already done.

House yourself in your own body, your own house, your own temple and celebrate life!

It’s inevitable folks, when you put yourself out in the world, many, many people are not going to agree with you. They will appear insulted, they may attack you, they make block you.

Toughen up.

Not only have we largely lost our resilience, we’ve gone way down in the debate stakes and the ability to disagree civilly.

I never go out to hurt anyone deliberately. I am not malicious but when I recognise destructive behaviours in people, I now, more than ever, will call it out.

Maybe my perspective doesn’t match other peoples’ but when you’re talking about words on the internet, it’s definitely time to grow some balls.

I shouldn’t be surprised really.

The world and his wife wants something out of you but I’ve got something slightly different than that for you.

Engaging as much as I am on Twitter, you see the distilled words of people, trying to make sense of the world but falling into the classic trap…..

Trying to get other people to behave like they want!

Can’t be done.

Won’t be done.

Would you want it to work anyway?

No, we are all mini tyrants if we put our minds to it and it gets you nowhere.

You, yourself – get yourself sorted. That’s where it begins and ends.

As I interact with such people, I’ve been having emotional flashbacks to my ex, they’ve been quite strong in the last few days. 

Why?

Because I realise just how much I subjugated myself to him and, yep you guessed it, it made no difference to the strength of our relationship or the intimacy of our connection.

YOU have to be the one to take responsibility. It’s the only path to joy and freedom.

Honestly, take it from me.

Here endeth the lesson.

Naturally, when I’m on Twitter, I offer advice about behaviours to stop and behaviours to start. 

Stop doubting yourself.

Start believing in yourself. Trust yourself.

That kinda deal.

But there’s a monotony in a lot of what people write. You don’t need a therapist, you need to go to the gym kinda stuff, as if they speak for everybody.

The other day I commented that you can get great benefits from walking, dancing rather than the gym, particularly when it comes to women.

All the stuff that’s pushed is relatively recent and, to be honest, I see a lot of injury and people burning out after decades of going to the gym and most of the bodybuilders are on massive amounts of drugs. Not to say that the gym can’t be beneficial, for example, BUT there are other ways. Always remember that.

You have to decide for yourself and don’t be afraid to point this out when people mindlessly parrot the same old stuff because it’s the latest thing.

Be your own person, live your own life. You know what’s good for you.

I love me a good goal.

I love me a good dream.

I love me a good adventure.

The common denominator? Leaps of faith. 

If anyone tells you they know exactly what they’re doing and how they’re going to get to the Promised Land, they’re lying and more to the point they’re missing out on the excitement!

It’s my current theme – you don’t have to know all the answers.

Getting involved is the only way.

The worst scenarios you believe may happen, live in your head.

When faced with the reality of life, you are actually far more capable than you imagine.

In the last few days, I have been interacting on Twitter in a far bigger way and it’s so stimulating I see myself getting more and more enthusiastic about it!

Getting conversations going, receiving messages, there’s so much variety in it. 

You have the choice of what you do in life, I know sometimes it feels like you’re being backed into a corner or facing criticism but this is why I say you can handle it.

No need to make a big deal out of everything.

Do your work daily.

Look after yourself as best you can.

Keep on moving forward – you’ve got it in you.

If you’re branching out into anything significant, overcoming your doubts, conditioning and resistance is a big task.

A really helpful tip is to remember why you started out in the first place.

I certainly didn’t make the decision just because I hated my job or didn’t like the people I was working with.

I knew there was more I could do. I knew my life meant more and that I was capable of doing something really meaningful.

Did I like the jobs that I worked? So, so. Some more enjoyable than others but I was always relieved to get home, go out for dinner after, go to the theatre or cinema. That was when I was in London.

Now, I love being in the countryside, back where I grew up, enjoying the surroundings and building a business empire from scratch. 

It’s SO stimulating to get out there amongst people who are moving and shaking things up, creating content, asking real questions, sharing amazing wins! Fabulous!

That’s why you have to reprogram yourself to understand that you are bigger than your struggles and the obstacles. That’s what I’m doing on a daily basis and, no matter what anybody says, it’s so rewarding to see engagement on posts go up, to see the follower count go up, to see messages landing in the inbox!

The journey is a long and uncertain one but remember that igniting spark is who you really are and the life that you truly want to lead is waiting for you.

I used to think that integrity was the most important thing but now I’m thinking that flexibility is far more important. 

It’s not an easy thing to know your own mind. The mind by definition is chaos and what I once held dear, I now see as an illusion.

Couldn’t get to sleep for ages last night and I started running stuff over and over in my head, got myself hot and bothered and when I did fall asleep, I had the most fucked up dream about peoples’ heads being chopped off and having an argument with my sister.

Funnily enough, in one part of the dream, I was throwing stuff around wherever it was I lived and this morning, in real life, I found that about a third of my glassware had somehow fallen out of my cabinet and smashed into thousands of pieces. So that was my morning task, clearing it up.

I would have thought I’d be more bothered about the glasses (mucho expensive I’ll have you know) but it doesn’t matter. It’s just glass with a fancy bit of advertising attached to it.

I’m doing stuff on Twitter and YouTube, I’m building an empire from the ground up, there’s more time to earn money and have a great impact.

Don’t worry about changing your mind and embrace letting things go. Life’s about developing a strong character and what people think is irrelevant.

Be your own person. Live your own life. And don’t sweat the small stuff.

Full of doubts, are we?

Embarrassed?

Shy?

Yep, I’ve been there too.

Whilst out on walk one of two yesterday, I ran into someone my mum was friends with when we originally lived here. Perfectly pleasant but then came the inevitable question.

“What are you doing, Martin?”

“Oh, I’ve been trying to grow an online business.”

Not only should you trust yourself more – that the choices you make are the right ones for you, learn to value yourself more.

It’s a massive undertaking to actually get your life in order, to take charge of your destiny. 

Do not downplay.

Do not be ashamed.

Take pride in what you are doing.

So much going on in the world.

Relentlessly exposed to the chaos.

Everyone wanting a piece of you.

It’s no fucking wonder you can’t figure out who YOU are and what YOU want.

If you’re out there, pushing a message, the simple key is speaking to as many people as possible. 

Getting into comment sections

Producing new content daily

Sitting down and focusing on getting the work done.

Why won’t we do it? Fear of being judged but people judge anyway. The second simple key? Learn to be resilient. 

Underneath it all, we’re all scared but a handful of people get on with it regardless.

Be bold today and keep it simple! Do what you can and watch it grow.

Passive. It’s what I see a lot.

Jesus is the answer.

Science is the answer.

Communism is the answer.

Big Government is the answer.

Small Government is the answer.

Everyone has their answer.

Life’s more intricate than that.

I’ve already said that everyone wants their answer to be right, simpler that way – for them. They also don’t want to do anymore thinking. That’s harder.

In a world of so many people, let’s bring back sophistication.

You’re one person.

You have one day at a time.

There is a certain amount you can get done each day.

Believe me, I have darted around and panicked and tried to stuff everything into one day and it’s just not possible, especially if you’re dealing with all the shit that’s happened in your life.

We have firemen to put out fires, you don’t need to be stressing every day because, I guarantee, eventually it catches up with you and you’ll burn it. I have seen it so many times, to the point of people actually dying they’ve tried to cram so much in.

Priorities is the priority. What are the most important things you can do each day to bring you closer to the life you want to live?

Establish those and with the time you’ll free up (because you’ll be calmer and more joyful), fill that time with the things you love.

Simple.

And for God’s sake, learn to like what you like.

I’ve been saying this all along, everybody wants you to like what you like and they seem very surprised when you disagree with them.

There’s no doubt, the last couple of generations have become enormously entitled. Largely because we’ve lived in such abundant and relatively peaceful times.

It’s the tough times make hard men, hard men make easier times and easier times make weak men lark. I think it’s safe to say we’re in the latter of those three.

That’s why more courage is needed. 

Past generations feared mortar shells, current generations fear hurty words on the internet.

Here’s an idea to get started with. Like what you like, stop being swayed. Everybody thinks they have the answers to what’s ‘good’ and what’s ‘bad’.

Everyone needs their answer(s) to be right because it’s their stability and security at stake. Desperately trying to make sense of the world, they cling. Cling as hard as a limpet to the rock.

Immovable

Rigid

Shunning everything out of their worldview.

Honestly, is that how you want to live? I certainly don’t.

My life has gotten better the more I’ve decided things for myself. Rules are not designed to keep you safe, they are designed to keep you compliant and they’re written by psychopaths for the most part.

Just give things a go, be kind to people as much as you can (and reasonable) and the rest, well my friend, let it go.

I do love me some talk of finding solutions – because most people are starting and stopping at finding problems. If even one person snaps out of the malaise of doom mongering – that’s a win.

However!

The idea that you need 

More information

More answers

More strategies 

Is bogus.

Read between the lines when you next hear someone, or tell yourself, that you ‘don’t know what to do with your life’ – understand this.

The what is never the problem, it is the how and guess what that comes down to?

Confidence (meaning, in essence, ‘with faith’ from the latin). You cannot know how anything is exactly going to turn out. Just not possible. Take the leap, find support when you need it, for sure, but understand that you already have the tools you need to get started.

Messy, yes.

Nerve racking, yes.

Get the fuck on with it, most definitely.

Are you constantly fighting the way things are?

Are you a perfectionist?

Are you constantly wanting to change everything and everyone?

Stress and misery comes from not being able to accept things the way they are. Does this terrify you?

When I’ve observed how people react to ‘acceptance’, it’s like you’re telling them that everything is set in concrete, immovable, with no room for growth.

Exact opposite my friend.

Yesterday, I blogged and videoed about delusion. Everybody wanting everything to go the way they believe things should be.

It’s arrogant, it’s hubristic. There’s no humility in everything. Remembering though, the reason you believe what you believe and want everything to be ‘just so’ will be for very good reasons. You and I both want some sense of structure and security. Don’t we also want adventure too?

Oh yes!

Truth is, there is so much we can’t control, this doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Releasing ‘what is’ to the universe means you can focus on the things you love, that you CAN change and that you can have powerful and grounded confidence. 

Let’s develop a character of excellence. Let’s do it together.

Go boldly in the world and do it with style and grace.

Have you struggled to let things go? Have you felt great injustices that you keep reliving? I certainly have.

It’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot for the last few weeks – this unwillingness to release these ghosts.

To be free, you cannot be hindered, weighed down or angry. Just won’t work.

I’m seeing a new therapist today and I will certainly be discussing this with her.

Letting go doesn’t just refer to heart aches, it can also be hard to let go of plans that changed, outcomes not being as you expected.

It’s something challenging but essential to embrace the transience of life. Go with the flow, be free as a bird!

There are times you have to abandon your perfectionism.

There are times you have to abandon the regrets you have over your past.

There are times when you have to let go of what is no more and start living your life.

If you feel like life is unfair, always remember that you have air in your lungs and each breath you take means you can do great things in your life.

Stop beating yourself up.

Start getting stronger.

And remember you can always ask for help when you need it!

Breaking the mould and being yourself means unlearning much of the conditioning you’ve experienced and gone along with.

Having said this, if you’re going to live peacefully you have to separate the wheat from the chaff and admit that you may have gotten certain things wrong.

I don’t believe in mistakes. At whatever point you make a decision you only know what you know right then. Looking back at the past and saying you made mistakes or have regrets is so pointless because it’s all done. To restate it, you only know what you know now.

Stop beating yourself up and remember that it’s okay to change your mind, to rethink what you’ve done and to make decisions that serve you better for the rest of your life.

You’ve always got time to be the best version of yourself.

PRINCIPLES = ALL!

For a rule to work, it has to be observed by all. Do you notice that happening? That would be a No!

Principles are what build great nations. Freedom, property rights, freedom of association and exchange.

You’re contribution? Get out there and let people know how you’ve overcome struggles in your life.

Simple!

Why?

When you say no, which is essential to living honestly, you dare peoples’ disapproval. Anything can fly at you and it’s stressful.

It’s honestly why I talk about resilience.

I have lost track of how many times I have bowed down to people to ‘keep the peace’ or to have an ‘easy life’.

But how you do anything is how you do everything. Avoidance is far more common than you might believe.

And believe me, this isn’t an overnight job. You don’t just magically become the best version of yourself by making once decision.

Step by step, day by day. Do things in your own way.

AKA The Age of the Puritan!

Do you just want to look good or do you actually want to help people?

Social Media is rife with the approved, ‘correct’ current thing.

It was (and still is) climate change.

It’s Covid.

It’s Ukraine (and the world against Russia)

But there’s no thought in any of it. People update their bios with emojis and flags but don’t actually have a clue what they’re supporting.

In a sea of conformity, be a mighty wave of “WAKE THE FUCK UP!”

Putting yourself out there is nerve-wracking, frightening.

But the truth is you have two options, hide or show yourself. You can have the very best offer, skills on the table, expertise but it means nothing if you don’t share it.

Technology makes this so easy now, you simply have to put in the hours.

You have something to offer, probably many things, and so do I.

Let’s start spreading the word.

You never know what adventures you can have!

Believe you can do things on your own? Nope.

If you want a successful business, you need customers.

If you want a successful relationship, you need someone you share values with.

If you want strong mental health, you need people to talk with.

When you ask for help, you admit your vulnerability and people are terrified to do it! Pride comes before a fall.

There is nothing wrong with mentorship.

There is nothing wrong with therapy.

There is nothing wrong with asking for help.

Avoidance is a defence mechanism but a destructive one.

If you believe you can avoid unresolved trauma, you’re wrong. It always comes out in the worst ways you can imagine!

There is nothing wrong with admitting you need help. We all live in the world and there are people out there who actually care.

In order to continue, you have to go through.

Lean into the discomfort. It’s something I’m practising at the moment. The answers may not be pleasant but they will set you free.

Break the mould – be brave.

Notice how people shrink from living their lives?

Cancel Netflix.

I won’t do that course.

I can’t afford that meal.

I won’t see the therapist that’ll help me the most.

Life is a series of decisions.

Even if you’re avoiding and shrinking from something that is a decision! It’s always your choice. Believe me, I am not minimising the fact that it can be scary, you can feel yourself breathing shallowly, thinking “Oh, I don’t need that.”

When you’re scared, the best solution is to go THROUGH.

I’ve encountered this today. I e-mailed a new therapist after parting ways with my last one and she charges a lot more than what I was previously paying. 

Hoo, hoo, hoo, hee, hee, hee. Sharp intake of breath my friend! Nerve-racking! Not gonna lie!

Book the session with her, I will but this is a reminder to you….

NOT to shrink from your greatness but….

TO grow into your greatness.

Be honest about what you need and want.

Be adaptable.

KEEP GOING!