I’ve lived in my head for the last few years.
I’ve been so busy trying to make sense of everything, the need to escape London and get back to the country, the state of my relationship with my ex, addressing historical wounds that have plagued me.
A lot!
A few days ago I wrote about my own balance of powers (masculine/feminine) and now I write about redressing the balance of my entire life given that I’ve fairly found the right help with my therapist.
I’ve chastised myself many times for ‘starting over’ again and again without realising I’ve just been experiencing difference stages of the path.
It’s abundantly clear to me that I have powerful perfectionistic proclivities and despite encouraging others to ‘embrace the mess’ of developing themselves, I haven’t done it very well myself.
There are things that I want, I’ve wanted them for a long time in fact, and there are challenges to overcome to get there but, for now, the key is reducing the time I spend in my head, obsessively churning over the same shit, and getting back into my body, my senses, appreciating the beautiful countryside I’ve moved back to.
I’ve tried to prepare myself for everything and, as a consequence, have been hyper vigilant and on-edge trying to avoid many situations.
The lady with whom I share a garage.
The woman whose bedroom (actually one of two bedrooms) is directly below my kitchen that she sleeps in. I have, for a long time, resorted to tiptoeing around the kitchen because I don’t want to disturb her but she has options I don’t so I feel ridiculous even telling you this.
The stage of worrying about how my actions affect others when they clearly don’t care about disturbing me is coming to an end. I’m not saying this in an antagonistic way but the time to really live MY life is upon me. That option has always been available to me.
When I see something, I say it.
When I feel something, I accept it.
Freeing up my energy to do great work – here I come!