Author: Martin Pavey

When I think back over all the different things I’ve done, there are still some which leave a bad taste in my mouth, that I judge myself for. Things I tell myself I should’t have done, things I would redo, things I would ‘try to do better’. Believe me, I am no more immune to nostalgia than anyone else.

It’s all a process and it’s about being honest. There are things you and I want, we want to feel, on a daily basis, that we’re working towards them but there are inevitable roadblocks. The voices in our heads sometimes win and they’re annoying.

I want to do this, I want to say that to such and such a person, it feels like a prison sometimes.

Am I being unreasonable?

Do I really need to concern myself with this?

Am I distracting from/procrastinating over things which just need to be done?

They’re all questions which come up and they’re all under the umbrella of utopianism, of perfectionism. How can I get this exactly RIGHT?

What’s right? I’m right, he’s right, they’re right, everyone’s rightfully Spartacus. Everyone’s trying to get it right and often they’re trying to shout over what’s right for you? It’s not even that people are selfish, mean, they’re just programmed, they can’t see out of their paradigm. This is the way I take things but I am far less soft about who I allow in and what I accepted. Not hard, bordered. There’s a difference. The former is closed off, the other is principled.

And maybe as cold/hard as this sounds, I treat things like an experiment now. How can I do any particular thing without sacrificing who I am and what I want to do.

Most of the nostalgia I indulge in is how I could have done things differently rather than being honest about being in scenarios and with people that were not right for me.

This new chapter of my life is peppered with intrigue, with playfulness and with decisiveness. Stick to your guns and aim for the targets that bring you joy, genuine joy and satisfaction – purpose too.

I felt so rebellious last night.

I recently saw someone remark they were reading two books at once (in fact actually, I think it might have been more than that!).

Even I as an open-minded mind thought, that’s silly.

But last night, climb into bed I did with not one but two tomes to read.

One a history book. The other a fiction book (though, I believe, based on real life events of the author).

I found it most compelling. 

And here’s what most miss – it’s not just the reading enjoyment of it all, it was following through on a random, spontaneous decision and simply experiencing what it felt like. 

The other unexpected result was I fell asleep far quicker than normal.

People will tell you all kinds of things which you can and cannot do. They’re full of advice about what’s good for you, what’s unacceptable, what’s verboten.

Don’t listen.

Do your own thing.

And see what comes of it!

What an adventure life truly can be!

I know, you were expecting bits and pieces but let me enlighten you. You feel the weight of all those things you’ve been planning but are yet to do.

Believe me I understand, I’m often in the same position too.

My life gets better when I get the things done and they don’t even have to be big things. A little DIY duty, tick it off the list. Something you need to watch or write, get it done. They all add the peacefulness of your life, get you levelheaded and the result? You get more done.

Don’t worry about what order you do them.

The resounding similarity of people I’ve observed as successful have just gone for it. They didn’t have a grand plan, they were just honest and expedient and got the job done.

Far more important is your state of mind and your willingness than any perfect route to where you want to go.

Do the bits, be more peaceful for accomplishing and completing stuff, here, there and everywhere. 

You’re allowed.

It’s all up to you now.

We all have our own ways of doing things. It’s inconvenient.

I’ve started going for walks first thing in the morning and now that Winter is approaching, it’s rather cold when I leave. We look for excuses, we berate reality but the truth is all I actually need to do is either layer up more or buy a new jacket. It’s rather simple but we’d rather moan. It’s conditioning.

And certain things don’t go as we’d expected. I was on the bus going into Sheffield the other day and there was an old, infirm lady clambering onto the bus, it was most awkward to watch but in anticipation of her alighting, I offered to carry her bag off but she refused saying ‘no, thank you but I’ve very independent’.

It was a pleasant surprise but you never quite know how things are going to go.

Some things are neat (indeed, I have a desire to make EVERYTHING neat), something things are a right old mess. Don’t see that as a downside, see it as an opportunity. Tick one thing off the list. There are jobs I’ve need to do for a while and I’m tackling each one as it comes.

It won’t look like you imagined but you’ll be the man you’re meant to be.

Give it a go. See what it feels like.

We’re terrified to say we don’t know. We’re petrified to experiment but I honestly do think that what holds us back the most is needing to know every single detail all at once.

The temptation of having everything at our fingertips is it makes us so complacent. No adventure, no curiosity, no patience.

Just try it. You’ll be amazed at what results come out of just giving things a proper go. 

The sense of accomplishment.

The independence which results.

The continual dissolution of excuses.

Just do it.

It’s your life.

I believe one of the fundamental dichotomies of life is finding how we can be useful to people without sacrificing our own senses of self, our souls.

There’s no doubt we need people, we are social beings but of course it has to be the right people, in the right context.

Truth be told, I am not much for company at the moment. I see my parents regularly now we three live in the same village again but it isn’t every day. I see people in the shops, say hello to fellow villagers and sporadically have a chat with them in the street.

But friendships, relationships, it is not the season for that for me right now. I want to create, I want to ponder, I want to stand on my balcony and admire the fabulous view – I want to do it silently (which presents its own challenges living in an apartment block.

There is always a price to pay. I aim to be as peaceful as possible but sometimes I falter, that’s just life.

Figure out your own balance and focus on that. I am understanding more and more how I’ve allowed myself to be taken for a ride and never consulted properly.

Always remember, it’s your life.

You need to change.

You’re not who you’re meant to be yet.

I am so far down my path than you are!

It’s all so relentless, isn’t it!

It all depends on your perspective. WHAT are you trying to change? What do you need to change? WHO are you? WHAT are you?

Well, if you take heed of the advice many give (but don’t practice).

You are not your thoughts.

You are not your ideas.

You are not what others think of you.

You are what you witness.

People talk about building identities but these are the masks you put up to the public.

How else can you change your behaviour unless you are able to have awareness of it? How can you change direction if you are asleep?

You don’t need to change, awareness is ever present and unchanging.

You need to develop your sight, your focus and your will.

There’s a trope that keeps coming up from numerous people, of all kinds of backgrounds, over and over and over again.

“You’ve made so much progress, you should be ashamed of who you were back then.”

No. Just no.

Whether you like it or not, every single stage, every belief you have and have had, every decision, every scenario was a necessary step on your path. To me it’s the only pragmatic way to deal with what we call regret. It’s always so easy to say, in hindsight, you should have done things differently. You didn’t.

And the really insidious side to saying you SHOULD be ashamed of where you were is it’s an internal attack on yourself. Self-destructive, folks and unnecessary.

Remember, always, just how conditioned and programmed we all are. Whatever your fuckupery, it is a sophisticated response to enduring circumstances which you had no control over. As dramatic as it sounds, it was a way to survive in the only way you knew how AT THE TIME!

That’s where you were.

That’s how you responded.

Those were choices you made.

They’re an intrinsic part of you who are.

Don’t hate them, accept and embrace them. You made it through.

And if you’re looking for a fucking miracle, the fact you made it through is one.

We have a hard time with the truth. I’ll tell you what, too, we come up with incredibly elaborate explanations to excuse our choices.

We want our own ways. I think that much is obvious.

I have to admit, the majority of my friends have been the ‘yes but’ people and the reason I have no friends now is total friendship burnout. People flake, people cancelling, tip-toeing around on egg shells, the burden of it just became too fucking irritating.

It feels like there’s little simplicity left.

And here’s the other thing, we live in a permissive society rather than a confident one. We’re always tentative because we don’t want to ‘offend’. We don’t wasn’t to put our heads on the block. 

I notice conversations take so much longer to get going. We’re obsessively trying to find out what mental state people are in! No simplicity, no straightforwardness. Lead with the pertinent info, if people are too shocked by it that relationship likely isn’t going anywhere anyway.

I was at a family recently and I let rip how right wing I am at them and I can still picture my young cousin’s totally baffled face when I said we shouldn’t be fighting in Russia. I might as well’ve been an alien and I feel sort of guilty for billowing out such a contrary onslaught but when you’ve heard varying degrees of ‘Lefty’ it just gets too irritating to listen to anymore.

Lead with what you believe, with what you have arrived at reasonably. Trust yourself and understand you’re a human being developing all the time. Mis(s-)takes are only a problem if you refuse to surrender your ego.

The ‘yes+’ people are never happy, it’s their choice, leave ‘em to it.

Awareness is not existence.

You have scripts that are running all the time, unquestioned, unacknowledged, hidden – repressed! They are inconvenient to getting things you want from other people or at least you believe you want.

You’ll have had one, two, maybe many more experiences like this…

You’ll be sat in a very familiar setting. Suddenly, there’s a ring in your ears, you’ll ‘come to’ and you’ll suddenly wonder ‘what am I doing here?’, it’s like an out-of-body experience (maybe it is!) and you’ll be awake. It vanishes quickly but the echo sticks with you.

Certain beliefs

Certain judgements

Certain assumptions

How many of them are actually yours? How much of your life has served to please other people, to not get into trouble? How much have you pushed down to your depths so you don’t strike out independently?

Once this happens, you feel lost because you’re actually observing what takes place rather than believing the propaganda – and this exists in every area of your life. What most say and what they do rarely match. It becomes painfully obvious.

Do not shrink from this observation, accept it and, from that point on, accept your role in allowing yourself to be lead down destructive garden paths. You did do it but it doesn’t make you a bad person – though you will feel gargantuan shame. The shame is not the end, it is the beginning – of being who you were born to be regardless of all the voices that have been shouting over and at you.

You’re told not to meet your heroes but being only makes this very difficult indeed.

There’s a famous politician/spokesman doing the rounds at the moment telling Brits they should be preparing for war, doing their duty to go and fight Russia. Will his children be going? No, they won’t (or I would genuinely be VERY surprised if they did!). They will likely be hiding in their taxpayer funded bunker somewhere most discreet.

We seem to waste our time trying to prove things which can’t be and deny the recurring evidence of people doing things they say they won’t.

Honestly, it’s meant to be local. I learn this more and more.

And when I say local, I do mean myself. Individualist. What can I do? What can I know? Who actually am I?

Without the noise, without the need to please.

Who are you?

What are you?

Are you better than your enemy?

You’ll have to face your fear of looking stupid.

You’ll have to grow some balls and develop courage.

You’ll need to accept your so-called nearest and dearest won’t like it.

In the beginning, you’ll have to do it all yourself.

You’ll need to be patient and persistent.

Most of the time you won’t know what you’re doing.

What you expect might not be the end result.

You’ll probably lose your friends (often all of them!).

You’ll need to learn the word ‘No’.

You won’t recognise yourself.

Reflecting on your past will be like remembering someone else’s memories.

Your ego will scream in agony.

You’ll feel immensely overwhelmed.

You’ll have to deal with the anger you’ve been suppressing.

A lot of plans will not materialise.

Progress will likely be slow.

BUT IT IS POSSIBLE.

There’s always a hullaballoo! There’s always something to stress about. People will cry that you’re not getting ‘involved’ – “Wel! (huffff!), what are you doing?!”

Event happens.

Most believe the mainstream report.

A teeny, tiny, minuscule handful of truth-seekers report what’s happening.

The dust settles.

Then people wonder ‘why do I feel so shit?’.

We fool ourselves that talking is doing. We know it isn’t but there’s a momentary satisfaction, a vindication, that a brave group of protesters is acting out what we imagine in our geographic isolation.

Currently, we Brits are being ‘invaded’ at a famous South Coast town of Portsmouth. There’s a group of patriots in balaclavas with a grandma delivering food supplies to them in a canoe. It’s most exciting and enthralling but 99.9% are NOT THERE.

Our brains fool ourselves that we’re part of a ‘we’ (observe how football supporters include themselves in the ‘we’ of their team who actually play on the pitch).

As a result, I am unfollowing a lot of people because I don’t want it on my timeline. It’s not out of anger but as a desire for focus. I could spend some of my money hotfooting it to Portsmouth via train but I haven’t. The reality is it’s probably been in the planning for months and months.

GET INVOLVED MARTIN! In what?

I am going to live as if I am free, to the fullest extent that I can. I think that’s the best example. Who knows if we’re actually free or not, most things are an illusion, a way of keeping you in the hamster wheel.

Remember that people want to remain relevant rather than be virtuous, so they need to report on what’s doing the rounds. It’s only a handful of people who don’t indulge the bullshit, they annihilate it and that’s who I watch.

I am not telling you what to do or not to do, what to watch or not to watch, that’s not my business, that’s yours but (as I have to constantly remind myself – to train myself into new ways of behaving) you are allowed to curate your list, who you follow and who you don’t. The mute and block buttons are magical things. I feel unfair at times of removing people, perhaps they follow me and I ‘should’ be following them back. 

Don’t let yourself fall into that trap. Curate your life.

It’s a fatal mistake to put position before principle.

I see many people dependent and stuck because of a politician or public figure they’ve endorsed for the audience, for the clout, they’ve fallen into the “I’m right!” trap and/or they know their credibility will tank if they point out the glaringly obvious.

I supported Trump in 2015/2016 but you must be blind if you believe MAGA is still relevant. It’s so dead, it’s extinct AND it’s very, very disappointing. Trump is just another warmonger like the rest of ’em and if you have any integrity you have to admit that “pro-Trump” and “against the covid jab” can’t go in the same sentence. There’s new information now and it has to be included unless you genuinely are ‘in it’ just for the attention/the money.

The same thing’s spiralling in the UK right this moment with Reform and Restore and the many other splinter parties. You’re never going to vote your way out of tyranny! It’s a lesson we won’t learn – it’s all an illusion! Witness the desperation that leads people to relentlessly search for a solution outside of themselves. Are you doing it too? Honestly!

Yet, after years and years trying, I don’t try to convince people anymore, believe me I have put in the legwork, because people already believe what they believe and it’s not because they’ve reasoned themselves into their positions, they’ve been subject to military-grade propaganda – not just for a few years but decades on end.

We think our own personal belief systems are the best because it’s all we can see. One truth, a plethora of perspectives. We defend our religions, our politics, our prescriptions for relationships as the gold standard and we’re always going to.

When it comes to civilisation, I simply believe people shouldn’t be stolen from. Private property and capitalism are good because they’re solid principles and practices so that makes me ostensibly right-wing but I also produce abstract, expressionist art and I enjoy being vigorously butt-fu**ed by men so figure out where that puts me on the political spectrum.

We know that the official version of history is bullshit. Most people can’t remember what they had for lunch the day before let alone have a handle on decades past, not to even mention centuries and millennia hence.

Remember, historians/thinkers of prominence have ‘approved’ opinions and corrupted souls. They’re not good actors, they’re useful characters. The Communists go as far to call them useful idiots. They’ll swallow and say anything – and I’m gay!

Westerners have a terrible habit of feeling relentlessly guilty (I can attest to this!) and acting as if they’re a scourge on the planet. We’re not, we invented all the great stuff – to make people’s lives simpler and more abundant. We constantly berate ourselves for being manipulated, for being duped, it’s just how it goes. We learn as we go, we seem to think this is some terrible moral affliction. It isn’t. It’s the process. 

We’re obsessed with the need for progress without having any of the reflection of how things work, of how we can be in a steadier state of flow in everything we do. The preparation for any event takes far longer than the real-time execution of it. No time to stand still, to pause, to consider – no time to be bored (something I am focusing on more and more at the moment – it’s cropping up everywhere).

Peace, solitude, quiet, reflection and observation, honing the ability to tune into immediate surroundings. Don’t think I am saying this is an overnight, easy task, it isn’t. We’re obsessed with speed and have forgotten pace. 

The past is a place you can learn from. 

Read things.

Watch things.

Listen to things.

I don’t give recommendations for ‘what’ to consume as I don’t pay attention to recommendations. 

The stuff I need just comes up naturally.

I trust the process more and more and I see the past not as a way of righting wrongs but of living life better from here on in.

Every event is part of you.

Every step taken is irrevocably part of your history.

We fight so hard, wasting so much time, wishing things were different. They aren’t and never will be.

Spend each day doing as well as you can.

Acceptance is my new name for the past.

I’ve started meditating again. Been doing it for about a week and I’m already feeling the benefits. I will admit there’s some muscle-memory involved as I have done quite a bit historically.

The main point is it sets me up for the day. It’s a moment for me – a period to breathe and sit and let everything wash over me.

I do it to a ten minute music clip (with a kind of house beat). I like the melody and the imagery is of a car journey through a gorgeous snow-clad landscape (going backwards!). The lyrics too are pertinent as the song is called “I Remember”, with my favourite words “you don’t have to give up to let go.”

We know what’s good for us. We don’t need a study or a recommendation, you’re able to feel it for yourself. Funnily enough, having done it for ages, the reason I stopped is because I actually thought it was doing me harm – I started developing a strange tingling sensation in my legs that unnerved me but I now realise this was my near-total inability to, well, fucking relax!

I wouldn’t allow myself to relax.

I wouldn’t give myself a break.

I wanted to hold on to the drama!!! (hence why the favourite lyric has seriously struck me)…

Letting go is not failure, it’s allowing yourself to be free.

Free from trying to change what you can’t.

Free from trying to convince others.

Free to get on with what is intrinsic and joyful to you. What matters.

In big and small ways (mostly small to be honest), I’m getting things done. 

Freeing myself (yes, slowly) from perfectionism.

Understanding taking steady steps is far better than wanting to get everything done all at once.

Accepting that I can’t change most stuff.

These are the things we need to remember.

Have you already made up your mind before you know what you’re capable of?

Do you believe there’s only one way things can turn out?

Is anything worth it to you?

We get to a point where we have to ask these questions. The alternative is autopilot, drifting, sleepwalking through life.

Maybe I’m lucky to have parents who are ageing well. I don’t know but I certainly observe that people the same age and younger are A LOT older than them.

Being fat, being unhealthy, being tired. These are not inevitabilities. They’re not.

There’s the adage, the harder I work, the luckier I get but you can be strategic as well.

I’ve recently shifted my diet to basically an 80/20 split of carnivore and carbs when I need ‘em. It’s working rather well, not zealous, not faddish, just pragmatic. It allows me to just listen to what I need and doing it without drama.

I believe that most end up where they are because of stressing about all these things – job, food, relationships – so desperately, to get things right! 

We’re all making it up as we go along, I am honestly using that as an excuse to enjoy as much of life as I can. We don’t know what’s ahead, start to pay attention to what YOU want and need – I’m doing it and it’s working rather well!

We expect.

We desire.

We’re desperate for the attention.

We want the validation.

And the truth is, we want someone else to make the decisions for us. We want a plan, a spreadsheet, the perfect route to where we’re going.

But there’s something missing, isn’t there! What is it?

Certainty?

Confidence?

No, it’s not those is it?

Adventure.

But you might look stupid.

You might not get it ‘right’! Agggggh!

But observe people peopling all over the place. They do stuff (and almost certainly they are worrying too).

We leave ‘em to it and so can you.

Do it for yourself – be proactive, have a jolly old time! It’s all an experiment and everyone is making it up as they go along. It’s how it works.

I was just slicing cheese on my wooden chopping board. I found myself wanting to stab the knife in it so it stood on its own – so I did and it inspired this post (I even photographed it for you).

Even something we think of as solid, wood cut from a tree, is not totally solid otherwise the knife would have fallen over.

We want clearly defined boundaries.

We want other people to understand and observe them.

We want to make our lives as simple as humanly possible.

The latter is something I strive for but I cannot ignore the evidence of my eyes, ears, nose, my body. Things are not neat! I always chuckled growing up when I heard in Poirot episodes,

“Do you like the country, Monsieur Poirot?”
“It is very pleasant, apart from the untidy habit of the trees shedding their leaves.”

We’re all molecules bouncing off each other, if you believe the physics. I don’t pretend to know but many do because they don’t want to appear stupid or ignorant. Our egos are our downfall.

Everyone on Twitter is decrying the Revenue Sharing programme’s closing down and the ‘original content’ scheme is starting with nigh on impossible stipulations to earn from it. Honey traps! I knew the Revenue Share was going to implode before it had even gone live. You can’t turn a social media platform into a job. It doesn’t work that way but so many are so desperate for it to be true.

We’re afraid of the slog.

We’re afraid of taking time.

We’re in such a hurry to make things dependable rather than resilient.

We’re also terrified to admit that intelligence really does make a difference!

You know what I’m going to say – don’t wait for others to give you what you want. Give of yourself – your motivations and your efforts.

I do laugh at myself sometimes.

I have grand aspirations of devising the perfect system, the absolute ideal way to spend my day. Case in point, I have lost count of the amount of times I’ve attempted to put together the perfect schedule to ‘get my work’ done and to organise my life.

This is where some of the laughter comes in – because I am already far above average in efficiency and effectiveness. I get the job done yet I have an enormous streak of perfectionism in me. It’s debilitating at times.

After version, let me think, 20, 30? Not sure, haha (more laughter!) I’ve decided (again, hehe!) that getting the work done on any given day doesn’t need to timestamp. The sense of satisfaction is what counts.

Freedom and Flexibility are greater than planning and rigidity.

Bear with me! 

I take this path very often and I still marvel at this wall. When I moved back to my village, there was a very powerful storm which took out many of the walls here and, including this one, lay lying in rubble for months at least.

When I started to see this one, I was so pleased because it looked a real mess!

Now, you will see from the picture, the obvious dividing line between the wall that remained intact and the wall which was rebuilt. The beautiful thing though that, even looking so new, it’s all the same stones that were relaid but the reinstated blocks were given the mother of all cleans.

They’re the same stones but given a new lease of life.

We think we have to constantly reinvent ourselves (it’s language that’s used for pop stars, artists, etc.) but we don’t. Our intrinsic natures remain solid and pure. That’s the beauty of this wall and of each individual person on this planet. We have our own place, we dwell in our own niches.

We are good as we are we just need to be true to our place and our callings. And the beauty is, those stones in their proper place all support each other.

People make tall claims. I hear it often.

I’ve just read a comment in a private Telegram group I’m part of remarking on a grand country house another group member had been staying at…

“Unfortunately we don’t have the tradesmen who could build anything like this anymore. All by design.”

I read this and thought, oh, is that right? You know that do you? Are you providence? You have all the answers, do you?

Tall claims often walk hand-in-hand with ego – a desire for everyone to match your beliefs – there’s a gloominess in it but worldviews can be all-consuming, myopic – very difficult to see out of.

Just because you don’t hear about a particular skill, a rarified specialism, someone’s marvellous gifts doesn’t mean they don’t exist. And this isn’t me being Pollyanna. In a world of billions of people, you honestly believe there aren’t people who could do extraordinary things.

A lacking worldview.

The most fascinating thing I see in people is their willingness to live and think tinily – if I believe it, it must be true.

Dangerous. 

Most days, I walk past the primary school I attended in the late-80s and early-90s. I often imagine the teachers coming to me and asking me to give a talk to the young children about what advice I would give them.

“Don’t wait!” is always the first thing that comes to mind.

If there’s a project you want to do.

If there’s something you want to write.

An artwork you want to produce.

Start taking photographs of local beauty spots.

Don’t wait.

It’s good guidance at any stage of life.

Now, don’t be a twat and imagine I’m suggesting they should start having sex really early (the reality is many children do but, of course, it’s not advisable). It’s why it’s so difficult to talk with people these days as everything’s so fucking extreme.

Start to row your own boat, that’s what I’m saying.

There are lots of things I wonder about.

I was in the shop the other day and I was looking at mushrooms. A newish member of staff started asking me a million and one questions and it was so laborious that I just walked off after telling her I didn’t have to explain myself.

Nothing feels normal.

Things seem inverted.

People vanish mid-sentence from conversations, it’s bizarre.

And I say this being gay. No one knows why some men are gay (by the way, I never believed the 1 in 10 men stat. I remember being very confused when I first heard it. Nah! Can’t possibly be that many.)

Though, you’d be surprised just how many men are curious by it. It’s happened many times before that straight men absolutely love me flirting them and I’ve had very little backlash. Handful of criticism and threatening behaviour.

And people have many theories about what causes it.

Parasites (yes, really!).

It’s the Devil’s work.

Slightly lower levels of testosterone in the uterus.

Mother Nature’s way of experimenting (lots of artists/creatives, etc.)

Even to me, doesn’t make sense that a bloke is attracted to a bloke but there it is. I find it fascinating and, whatever anyone says, it is rather fabulous and exotic.

When I came out at school, all the ‘lads’ were asking if I fancied them (LOVING it!) and, funnily enough, the blowback was from their female friends/girlfriends.

A big theme for me is establishing what I should be questioning. Are there things that don’t require or actually have answers? I dunno. What I do know is curiosity is a good thing, controversial yes, challenging yes, but essential. Curiosity drives innovation and innovation creates freedom.

I may be single but I have my desires and it’s up to me what I do with them. The same is true for you and your circumstances.

I’ve been watching lots of different YouTubery this morning.

I ended up watching a clip from the end of the film ‘Aliens’ and the top comment referred to Sigourney Weaver’s performance that “She should have won the Oscar for best actress. She shines throughout this whole film.”

I decided to reply “winning an Oscar is not about acting ability.” and it lead me to find out who did, in fact, beat her to the Oscar.

Now, bear in mind this was 1987. We believe the whole virtue-signalling, DEI crap is a recent phenomenon. Nope! The winner was the first deaf actress to win an Oscar.

We have been checking boxes for decades, centuries probably…maybe even millennia. It’s only when you start to notice we’ve been dealing with corruption and inversion for far longer than we thought that the truthfulness of ‘there’s nothing new under the sun’ truly makes sense. It can be disillusioning, anger-making too.

Leo DiCaprio has always been a fabulous actor, the very best. People assume the powers that be caved to give him the golden statue because he was SO good in The Revenant. In reality, the vast majority fail to understand he was publicly anointed for his willingness to bow down to the bullshit climate change idolatry.

It’s never about what it’s about.

There’s the story and there’s the reality. The narrative is what holds you down, the truth is what sets you free.

In the personal development sphere, people will often ask “what’s your story?” I don’t believe in that. Ask instead “what’s your history?” What’s in your back catalogue? What’s the stuff you’ve done? What are the things that have actually happened?

Your story is what’s meant to be unravelled, understood and discarded.

See the illusion of what you’ve been told and start to educate yourself, to lead out what’s already there. 

If you are genuinely looking for the truth, you will meet some strange people, you’ll encounter the darker side of life.

I’m fast realising that I will feel giddy and dizzy, things won’t make sense, increasingly you’ll feel rudderless like there’s nothing to hold onto.

As part of the bate server I joined recently, I’ve attended a handful of meditation sessions (and they are very enjoyable) and it’s not just in that context, there is a pervasive belief that the purpose of meditation is to stop thinking but we can’t do that. Thoughts happen anyway, just as freely as breathing.

Thinking is not the problem (it’s what distinguishes us as a species), believing destructive thoughts is. The goal is focus.

We are what we repeatedly think and what we repeatedly do.

Thoughts create feelings, feelings create results and results determine the quality of your life.

And this is why truth seeking is so intense because we are reprogramming ourselves, we’ve made the decision to do so and we’re doing it voluntarily regardless of ridicule or outcome. It’s all a process.

Advice is fine – asking for help is fine.

You can hear something and be curious about it.

I’m in a constant state of experimentation to see what works and it’s fascinating.

Everyone has their opinions, even if they say they don’t.

They have some kind of plan or worldview and they stick to it. Nothing much shifts and, to be honest, they generally don’t like it if you do something different.

In recent months, as I concluded yesterday, I’ve been exploring the materialist mindset. Having joined a masturbation community,

…I can’t deny it, I am a very sexual person, I have very powerful sexual instincts and fantasies, I rather enjoy it! Seeing a hot builder or scaffolder and imagining what he and I would do together, woof!…

I’ve been observing the “I’m just my cock/penis/dong/dick” mentality and it’s very arousing but, for me, it excludes the spiritual aspect of life. We don’t just have physical instincts, we have value and principle instincts too – and creative ones. I don’t want a life devoid of those but I don’t deny the desirous drives in us either. Try things, scratch the itch, that’s all I’m really doing.

We’re different but similar.

We want togetherness with respect.

We want freedom but not chaos or violence.

You have to find your own balance, follow your own talents and gifts, no one can actually tell you what’s right for you. You have to feel it yourself and trust it.

Question is, do you trust yourself?

I was having a real conversation with my good friend Patrick yesterday. Tears involved, openness, honesty, simplicity. It was very moving for me.

He’s a man full of compassion and wisdom and useful advice.

One thing in particular though, he reminded me of, that I had forgotten, ‘how would things be if they were easy?’. I recalled Tim Ferriss saying the same thing.

You are what you tell yourself and, when you think about it for even a moment, if you’re telling yourself how difficult something is, ain’t gonna be easy, is it and you won’t be inclined to get the job done.

My daily walk is non-negotiable.

My gym training is non-negotiable.

Getting to bed and up early is non-negotiable.

Treat everything in your life as essential and uplifting and remember, you’re the programmer of your software and your hardware.

Bad inputs = bad outcomes.

Good inputs = good outcomes.

Thank you, Pat. 

The people I am drawn to are definitely doers but they are also people who, in their own ways, want to help others.

Whether it’s in business or helping them feel better about themselves, I like good people, I believe we all do but don’t necessarily pay attention to it as much as we should.

No two people are ever going to agree on everything. That’s not the point. The point is that we can have different preferences and perspectives but that we share similarities – our humanity, our goodness, our willingness – traits underpin personality.

We’re all making choices and we each have our unique niche. Look for honesty, integrity and activity in people.

Most people are not doers.

I certainly want to do more.

But understand, I am here to help.

They want you stressed.

They want you angry.

They want you baying for blood and violence.

They want you in a panic, ready to buy ‘their’ thing – not that this is anti-commercial rant. I’ve watched masses of podcasters who rail against consumer-capitalism whilst broadcasting in £100 t-shirts hopefully hawking their £1/2/3000+ courses at you – that maybe 10% of people will read and far fewer will actually implement.

Earlier this morning, I saw someone refer to an artist doing creativity in a laboratory rather than a studio. They want you following fashions, trying to sound so especially clever when all they come across as is a twat. Putting currency signs AFTER numbers, it’s so ugly!

Remember that people want fame/recognition/popularity above principle and we know this by the obvious crap they keep pushing. You’re rarely dealing with someone who knows their values and practices them.

And the reason I’m telling you this is to help improve your focus, just as I am trying to improve mine. It’s a crazily fast world these days, everything so frenetic, all so reactive. Remembering it’s your life, at your pace, so you can do your best work is the key to your freedom.

I do love where I live. Not only is it in the village I spent the majority of my childhood in but my little flat has a wonderful view of the river, nature in its abundance is right on my doorstep. It’s wonderful. I have, in fact, had a revival of my gratitude for it recently.

It’s important to notice. Never take things for granted. We have a duty as men to acknowledge the great things in our lives, how they came to be and how we can make decisions in the future that benefit ourselves and others.

Now, I have always considered myself lucky, great things have happened for me but I am very quick to ignore that I have good instincts. I know when the time’s ‘right’.

The fact that I am living in my beautiful flat is something of a miracle. That it came to the market is wonderful, that I have no one living beneath or above me is fabulous but, the truth is, the fact I was able to sell my flat in London and buy this place for £100,000 less (with approaching three times the amount of space) really shows the stars do align for you when you let them.

Had I have tried to sell my flat in London even months later might not have garnered the same amount I took home, it is possible it might not have sold at all. My parents, as it happens, have struggled to sell their place in the same building at a MASSIVELY reduced price.

I repeat, it is, in fact, a miracle. Because I am obsessed with the UK property site ‘Rightmove’, I noticed that the buyer for my London flat tried to put it back on the market less than two years after buying it. I’ve just checked now and she appears to have sold for the same price she bought it for. Lucky.

Never forget the great things you have.

Look after them, protect them, make ‘em beautiful.

If you’re a curious bod like me, you’ll end up exploring down many an avenue, you’ll uncover rabbit holes that others don’t see, you’ll have a genuine thirst for answers and wisdom and truth.

Recently, I’ve encountered a small cohort of practical, gay men who aren’t into the alphabet bollocks, who are open about the fact they enjoy wanking and are building communities for likeminded chaps. All very stimulating and arousing too. I’ve found my foray most refreshing but it’s been something of a distraction.

Inevitably, people will fall into various scrapes of cognitive dissonance. 

The ‘marriage’ issue being one. I’m gay and don’t agree with gay marriage. There’s no point in it, all the marriages are ‘open’. They will say they can’t live without the other person but you don’t need to get ‘married’ if you’re openly fucking other men (and often women too).

It’s not just gay men but bi men who can’t decide between Arthur and Martha. It’s a subversion – and I’m not moralising here. It’s definitional. If you take an established principle/institution and alter it, that’s a subversion (and let’s face it, these days we know it’s a deliberate, political move). Marriage isn’t about the couple, it’s about the children and gay people shouldn’t be parents either. It’s selfish to the children to deprive them of at least one of their biological parents. Next to no one considers this.

Whenever you encounter people who say ‘this is how things are’ or ‘how things should be’, what they mean is they just want you to agree with their view, whether you endorse it or not.

What I have advantageously witnessed, however, is the original reasons why people start these communities. It will usually be an artistic pursuit, it reminds me of what I’ve wanted to do online. The lessons are never lost just because you’ve stumbled upon something that isn’t your path. There’s always wisdom to be found. That’s my view anyway.

Be committed to what is authentically and uniquely you. Listen to what people have to say but understand you can do things your way.

I’m reading a great little book at the moment. It’s Paulo Coelho’s The Fifth Mountain and details the life (I’m assuming based on biblical writings) of the Prophet Elijah. Last night, I read a very long chapter that I’d been sitting on reading for a few nights as I’ve been so spent recently when I’ve got into bed.

When I turned the lights off, I knew that last night’s dream was going to be particularly multifarious and vivid. It was.

A particular highlight of the dream was a group of about thirty Chinamen taking the stage (they appeared to be waiting for some reason) of a highly ornate London theatre. In their hands, they held fans which they began flapping at breakneck speed – so much so they set the theatre on fire! That’s right, on fire. So my sister and I evacuated the theatre via the stairs at the back. As we ran up the stairs, I held her hand continually telling to keep going. That’s where that section ended and switched to walking out on the street, my sister vanishing.

Now it gets differently interesting. I start walking with a good looking chap, reminiscent of a fitness YouTuber I follow. I want to ask him if he’s gay but he then turns out to be engaged to a woman. He, to reiterate, very handsome, she, in stark contrast, very ugly. I wonder why. I ask how long they’ve been together, he says even if he’s been with her for one hour, it’s irrelevant. He seems pissed off. I push him on the subject, he repeats his disdain. He then walks me through a very rough part of town, I am shocked by the hoards of dodgy people and mess we’re passing. That’s where it ends.

One dream. Lots of meaning.

We are oceans of unanswered questions, things we want to do. This particular dream makes me realise there are so many things I want to tick of the last.

What do we choose? It’s messy and we’re ambitious. It’s a clusterfuck but you know what, doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Pick something, anything and do it, see what happens. I believe, if we’re honest, this is what most do, most of the time and it’s fine.

Wherever you go, whoever you talk with, you’ll realise, despite protestations, people don’t really know what they’re doing.

They don’t have all the answers.

They have wildly different belief systems

They do different things to relieve the stress.

People run podcasts, they will have their one-size-fits-all philosophy then why bother examining opposing viewpoints at all? Answers. There are gaps in our theories (and usually our arguments are self-referential.

I recently met a chap named Patrick and he runs a discord server for gay/bi men to get together and have fun. I’m an enthusiastic partaker because it’s been a YEAR since I’ve had any action. Yes, it’s all virtual, yes, you may have whatever opinion you wish but we pretend that man don’t wank. They do, they just don’t talk about it.

I, in fact, thought about starting a separate account to talk about this stuff but let’s allow it to all hang out. The amount of great conversations I’ve had in this server is incredible, I swear it.

Fear

Shame

Embarrassment

They’re all higher on people’s lists than honesty.

Time to change that? I’ll leave that with you.

We do love to complicate things.

Relationships

Business

Work

Social media

It’s not actually that tricky, we just get in our own way.

What has worked in the past – for YOU?

When were you most consistent?

What were the conditions?

How much time did you set aside for yourself?

Important question – When did you say ‘No’ to others and ‘Yes’ to yourself? This is where most people fall down.

Last night, I found myself briefly reflecting on my relationship with my ex and, the truth is, my instincts were correct that I should have parted ways with him far sooner but I ignored my intuition.

We ‘know’, we just don’t act on it.

Figure out what’s worked. Do that.

I’ve found myself wondering why I haven’t been writing lately, in the regular way I used to. It was because I pushed it down the schedule of my normal morning routine. Now here I am writing fresh in the morning and I’m thinking to myself ‘why did I abandon this practice?’ We’re a complex mix of, often, contradictory urges. Sometimes the destructive ones win.

For a little while, I’ve been focusing on ‘letting go’ but actually I’ve let go of that now. Things are as they are, it’s a radically simple mentality but it will free you to get on with what you need and want to do.

What’s worked? Simple. You know what’s worked. Do more of that and the rest will likely sort itself out – and if it doesn’t, that’s when you ask for help.

A couple of days ago, I really indulged myself!

I hadn’t been to the cinema in ages, probably 10 years at least, because I just can’t bear being lectured to that capitalism is so bad when I’m paying £15 a ticket. But I recently discovered there’s a branch of a quite chi-chi, niche cinema chain that I visited when I lived in London (it’s called Curzon).

So I took took myself to the branch in Sheffield, it’s very glamorous and housed in a former bank building, most tasteful. I ate my popcorn before going into the cinema, sat in one of its many lounges, I felt very peaceful.

But here’s what I got from watching the 25th Anniversary screening of the French film Amélie.

Colour!

Comedy!

Quirkiness!

It was transporting. Particularly nice as it only me and another chap in the cinema. The bliss of watching a film unpolluted by politics. It was sweet and vibrant, incredibly witty than what I had actually remembered. 

Charming. We have to take responsibility for our individual place in the world. The reason you’re depressed is you follow fashion, you wait for people to tell you what’s hot and what’s not. You believe war is a necessity.

Enlighten yourself. I’m not saying it’s easy but it’s your job.

I originally had quite a different idea for this post.

When I go out on my walks, I surveil the landscape highly meticulously. I pick out details, examine, see how things interact. It occurred to me that the reason we see manmade structures – buildings, walls, wells, infrastructure, etc. is because somebody has honed in and focused on one particular enterprise and invested their time and energy into it.

Simple really.

Today, someone I follow commented on an Andrew Tate post. I have to admit it made me laugh because, whatever you think of ‘TopG’, he’s an absolute master in how to draw people’s attention and even if his follower count is artificially inflated, that only happens if you’re ‘useful’ to the powers that be.

You’re, much of the time, observing masterclasses in how to distract, manipulate and fool you. I put ‘useful’ in scare quotes because I’m not necessarily saying it’s either good or bad influence but simply observing Tate’s behaviour, in this case, is effective. Highly effective. And let’s face it, people could only dream of having a tenth of his influence and they want to be part of it, they want to use it to advance their own platform.

They’ll never admit it but, truth be told, I don’t follow him anymore, I did for a while and briefly joined his Real World school but I only see such people on my feed now from the hate comments left of those I do follow. If he’s so very terrible, stop giving such accounts free advertising AND stop allowing them to live rent free in your head.

How did you read this title?

Wondering which locale I’m in? What’s my location? A sense of confusion at my surroundings? All possible.

But no, that’s not my focus here.

We find ourselves always looking out – at other people, at other events, at others’ needs, how we’re seen by everyone else.

But where the fuck am I in all this? Who am I? What am I? What is my point? How do I interact in the world and what is my place in all this?

An authentic sense of self – even asking the question is a crime.

Individual will? Sacrilege!

I’m 44 and I’ve been talked over my entire life. It’s really, fucking annoying and the rage and disdain if I dare to speak, I currently have no friends because of it.

Reset, my own personal reset.

Ask yourself your place and be terrified by the answer.

I love things, especially beautifully things but I also love useful, practical, functional things. Many will call this materialistic.

Yes, okay, if you have a materialist worldview but it’s more sophisticated than that.

I usually garner the images for my posts from the interwebs but today (and probably becoming a more regular fixture), I include a photo of the mantelpiece above my fireplace with some very beautiful and in the central case rather old items, which mean a lot to me.

We like heirlooms and when you ask a person to explain why, they will refer to their family ties that have emotional resonance and psychological significance. Heirlooms and old things LAST, they survive and endure. “Oh! What stories this vase could tell if it could speak. It has seen wars and revolutions and destruction and, yet, it is still here.”

Stuff is not just physical, it is sentimental and we ridicule the latter term but I believe sentimentality, in its truest sense, is intrinsic to our character. We enjoy objects we’ve shared with our ancestors and those which we don’t have a family connection with, we admire the craftsmanship and skill that went into producing charming candlesticks.

The book in the centre of this image, Milton’s Paradise Lost, dates from 1795, it was my mother’s father’s book. We don’t know how he came about it but it’s amongst the oldest items we have, I love the fact that it’s mine now, and his wife’s jewellery, my Grandma’s, from the 1930s is now in my sister’s possession and frequently worn by her.

Admittedly, my parents had the book rebound in the 1990s as the old leather was disintegrating but open the tome to see the marks on the paper, that wonderful old smell, the fact that it’s been in numerous people’s hands and attracted their immersed attention over centuries is what you’re really experiencing.

It’s not just a thing.

It’s sweat and perseverance, the dedication of its maker to create something beautiful and lasting, to educate, to inform, to mould a solid character.

Learn to see not only with your eyes but with your mind AND your heart.

Every now and then, there are a couple of things I check. One, what’s going on with a couple of friends from my past and, the other, a colleague I used to work with in my longest-term job.

We’re all aware that ‘online’ is curated, the highlight reel, the very best possible description we can apply. You know the type of thing, people who write about themselves in the third person. Website dedicated to Joe Blogs, written by Joe Blogs, “Joe Blogs is a dedicated and competent, blah, blah, blah.”

But I got a genuine laugh a couple of days ago when I read the blah-blah of aforementioned colleague’s blurb. Eight and a half years I worked with this, uhm, woman (definitely NOT a lady!). Per her bio, she’s now worked at the company for just shy of a quarter century, 24 years. Here’s the kicker.

“My daily goal is simple: to lead with kindness.” I audibly laughed out loud! Now, this woman is perhaps the very worst person I ever worked with, it’s no exaggeration. Rude, obnoxious, I make no joke. The incredible thing is, I worked with her for approaching a decade, every day and I’m amazed I managed that long. Awful. And I don’t say this about many people.

I also remember, in a different vein, googling my father’s name. He’s a well-reputed architect and I found his bio of the company he retired from. In said bio, there was a ‘quote’. When I read it, I thought my dad didn’t say that, sounds absolutely nothing like him. He confirmed this for me.

Appearances, always concerned with appearances and not genuine detail. Even the picture of my former colleague is shit. The one of my dad, too, is unrepresentative.

Be genuine.

Be authentic.

Don’t try to lie your way through.

Well, okay, not an actual or metaphorical box but in fact in the ring (or actually studio!)

After years and years of observing others, I had my very first boxing lesson yesterday. My entire body is feeling it today. It was pleasingly tricky getting out of bed this morning. I’m suddenly most aware of my rib cage.

Trying new things likely makes you feel silly. There’s no getting round it. I felt, for much of the session, that I was flailing around, I was incredibly aware of spaghetti arms at various points, laughing it off, enjoying it, feeling accomplished and willing.

A new skill. It’s good you know, keeping the brain waves fresh and robust. Challenges are good and, often, become addictive – but it’s a good kind of addiction. It’s a form of self-improvement.

I didn’t write a blog post yesterday and I think I know why – it marked exactly 14 months alcohol-free for me. It’s wonderful to see what progress I’ve made, it doesn’t stop the occasional temptation of course.

With any behaviour, it’s crucial to remember what you’re gaining AND what you’re losing. Under the cloud of drunkenness, I was incredibly reactive, angry, sluggish – there was a total lack of focus.

Maybe I flailed around a bit in my sparing session but when under the influence, I wasted my energy. What I gain in sobriety is clarity, peacefulness and determination.

You’ll simply come to realise that success is largely down to laser-focusing your efforts and understanding the noise is meaningless.

I had a sweet moment with a good Twitter friend of mine, Casey, yesterday. In response to his post on the divide between temptation and duty, I commented how messy I find it all. We are pulled in many directions.

But they say comparison is the thief of joy. 

What is potentially magical about social media is how we can help each other and also reveal, in a real, vulnerable way, is that we don’t have all the answers, we can be honest about it and let possibly millions of other people know that that’s fine. That it’s okay. That, in fact, it’s a requisite and necessary part of the journey.

It really touched me, the interaction (partly because he’s such a good man) and the rest, that we don’t all have to be the same, we don’t have to do the same thing, we don’t have to imprison ourselves by thinking we ‘should’ be doing things in a particular way.

I say it again, forget ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way, find your way, stick to it, have more faith and trust in yourself. You are doing fine and you can continue to be stronger and more consistent.

Godspeed and happy Wednesday.

Maybe I’m not being particularly strategic about it but in the last few weeks, I’ve been ticking DIY jobs off the list. There’s still more to do and the realisation you make is when a job seems finished, you start noticing other things that need an upgrade.

One might say relentless but, nonetheless, it’s satisfying. I far better understand my father’s obsession with home improvement during my childhood.

This morning I took the electric sander to a final section of wall, it’s now beautifully even for a completing coat of paint (daffodil white for a spring of colour! See what I did there). It raises the testosterone levels in a manly move to make one’s home presentable – leaving no stone unturned.

I once heard a great saying (allegedly attributed to David Bowie) that a work of art is never completed only abandoned. We search not for perfection but for getting the job done. I like it. And as much as possible, I am taking a calm and easy approach to things. We find our own answers and we live our own lives – ideally!

Forget ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way, find YOUR way!

At the end of last year, I started doing daily press-ups (so it isn’t a New Year’s Resolution). I have continued the habit into this year and every day I do one more consecutive rep. This morning, it was 34. I aim to get up to 100 in one go.

It’s a satisfying practice, gets the blood pumping, puts me slightly out of breath, a teeny bit of ‘good pain’ and we’re talking mere minutes every day.

And I’ve talked many times about ‘bringing everything together’. Somedays, the content creation pops. Sometimes, I have a killer day of commenting, I get out for a proper long walk, I get to gym. It’s about consistency, growing steadily and confidently – so you can do it for a long time.

And, also, remembering that no one has all the answers, no one knows just what the exact formula is, because things shift and slide and upgrade all the time.

Do not try to play catch up, just focus on the way that works for you and your life and remain wholeheartedly faithful to it. 

You’re doing better than you think, build on it.

Another politician has defected to the UK Reform party. It’s causing much consternation as the politician in question is pretty shit, like all of them really.

Many are feigning surprise for clicks and relevance. It’s a powerful drug getting involved in ‘how to get things sorted by deferring to others’. It’s all too distant. Anyone wishing to occupy a position in the halls of power can never be trusted. No sane or healthy human wants to wield that much power over so many people.

The more I stand for myself the better my life becomes and scale that out, I provide a good example and encourage others to do the same for themselves.

I grew up with the phrase ‘shop locally’, support your local community and that starts with you.

Always ask what you’re being expected to believe. Question authority and influence. Knowing what’s real or false is exceptionally difficult these days.

You can rely on what you know, what you do and the influence you wish to have. 

Are you in or out?

…And it’s called the rest of your life!

As much as I can, I try not let panic creep in, don’t want to be living this life desperately or frantically.

But I don’t want to rest on my laurels either.

Balance, try as we might, living steadily often feels like a fight.

Responsibilities, wondering what the ‘right’ thing to do is, the bombardment we feel by politics and social media, I often wonder where I am. I’m sure you do too.

The wisdom that I impart is, one, to assure you that you can have what you want and live life your way but it’s also, two, the things that have worked for me in harder times.

I’m one man out in the wilderness, maybe our paths will cross at a certain point, I love exploring and it’d be great fun to encourage each other on our ways.

Learn to see it all as an experiment, an adventure, it’s a wild ride and you have the resilience within you.

Forever we try to fit ourselves into boxes that simply aren’t authentic. We know what this feels like.

Force, claustrophobia, nothing but fulfilling imagined expectations.

“Yeah but that’s what society dictates.” There’s a massive amount of assumption, we don’t see the world as it is, we see it as we see ourselves.

I have nothing against going down the rabbit hole, I do it myself but it’s essential that we are truth-seekers and not just negators. No one likes a contrarian – heavy energy and please avoid smugness.

Be your own man, live your own life.

I like being honest with you. I like sharing what’s really going on. Some say to avoid this like the plague, others say just be open. I veer towards the latter.

Things are messy, no getting around it and there are many times I wonder what the fuck I’m doing. Will I ever actually make it? Will I be able to stick the course? Am I focusing my energies and talents on something worthy and rewarding?

Genuine questions.

Overthinking much? Oh yes, my friend! Constantly frankly but that’s okay. I can’t help having standards, I’m just training myself out of letting them override taking decisive action.

You’re walking your own path, remember? Read the books you want, listen to the podcasts you want, work in the rhythm you want. And remember, when things slipped, get back up again, dust yourself off and keep walking.

Your pace, Your life.

I’ve been having some really vivid dreams recently! Since the suggestion of turning off the internet at night (and actually wondering why I wasn’t remembering dreams as I had done in the past), the full colour of my dreams has returned to me.

Last night, my sister and I were receiving a reward, it was in the stately home and The Duchess of Devonshire, Deborah Mitford was presiding. Throughout the dream, she kept on barking orders at us, being rude to my sister and after we abandoned the event to go elsewhere, she came up to us and told us “I am sorry I was so rude.” to which I replied “Yes! You were actually!”

It was after this that my sister uttered the line which serves as this post’s title.

What was nice about recalling this phrase was how it resembled ‘master’ but the title of ‘mayor’ pleased me as it’s something official, it’s about taking a definite position, standing for something and being recognised for it – a mayoral position is usually one invoked by public opinion and support.

I am establishing what I really stand for, regardless of the opinions of detractors. I’ve worried for a long time about ‘getting things right’, rather than just getting on with my own thing and learning at every step of the path. Imagine what you could do if you weren’t worried about failing!

I didn’t feel compelled to write on a particular subject today but I’ve just watched Neil Oliver’s monologue (check him out, he’s fabulous!) and it’s come to me.

Many talk of moving countries, things are fucked in the UK, they’ll say, and they’ll run off a list of potential escape routes.

I can’t imagine it. I can’t imagine or contemplate living anywhere else. I am a definite ‘somewhere’ man as opposed to the globalist ‘anywhere’ emigré. I love England. I adore the British Isles. The magnificence of the landscapes and the cute quaintness of our villages and churches and farmland. It’s magical to me.

When we hear ‘my place’, usually it’s about what we’re allowed or not allowed to do – permission but where are you doing it? Are you rooted in your current environment? Are you connected with it physically and psychologically? Do you belong?

I realise I need to do more to assert what matters to me.

I don’t believe in pride for things I’ve been born into, I believe in gratitude for it and standing up for it. This is a noble stance and one that requires eloquence and articulation as well as confidence and principle.

What is your place? Are you embodying what it means to be a man?

And another line from a dream. This time me saying it.

We all feel like storming off in a huff sometimes. The mute and block buttons are often a way of doing this online, apart from the times when you’re clearly chatting with a robot (those accounts that just retweet everything!).

It’s an easy thing to say you’re not bothered about what people’s opinions are of you but in practice, we feel it. To varying degrees of course. 

Someone cut in front of me in the queue for the bus this morning. It was a bit of an unexpected thing , maybe it was malicious, maybe it wasn’t. But I did feel the teeny injustice of it. Battles, we need to pick ‘em. There are noble struggles in this world and then there’s the irrelevant. 

The truth is, what do you think about you? 

Are you your own best friend or enemy?

Are you satisfied with your efforts?

Could you be doing more?

Questions worth answering.

These words I read in Iron John by Robert Bly. The phrase has penetrated my mind.

Born big, live small. I believe we can agree that is the general way of things. And I’m not talking about fame. Don’t let the size of babies fool you into believing they’re insignificant. By many reports, we are born capable of basic speech if only people could interpret it.

We spend much of our lives feeling unheard, insignificant, it becomes the norm.

“Do what you’re told!”

“Do as I say not as I do.”

“Protect Granny.”

“Look him in the eye and tell him you’ve never bent the rules.”

Sounds all too familiar, doesn’t it?

What I love about the quote from Iron John is how it captures both the sense of size and scale of our person and also the sense of opulence. When we talk of grandeur, we conjure images of interiors that take our breath away, glorious works of architecture, the ‘WOW Factor’ that was mentioned often when I grew up.

I love neatness (a place for everything and everything in its place) but I am not a fan of minimalism. Grandeur implies warmth, richness, abundance. Minimalism proffers coldness and soullessness – devoid of personality, it wishes everyone to be a carbon copy of everyone else.

No, grandeur seeks to elevate, to make shine and glisten, to take ourselves to the highest point, a world of plenty and fullness. I believe that is what we have lost consciousness of.

I believe grandeur, finding our inner spiritual standing, is what we need to remember and regain. That’s what purpose looks like and it will look and feel different to you and to anyone else. It’s a practice, a way of viewing the world. We’ve become obsessed with ‘fighting for’ rather than standing up for and defending our culture.

A desire for peace and prosperity is the shift. Most believe a fix for the financial system would be to tax people more, steal more, red-tape regulate more, spunk more money up the wall on war and eco-fascism. We know it’s fuelled by resentment not principle, not virtue.

Think, too, of what puncturing is – it’s a wound and a wound we must heal from. We do this by finding support, regaining our trust in the process and being willing to admit where you are and where you want to go.

It’s up to us to live large, spread our positive influence, we can, do you?

I want you to imagine an idyllic English village. At the heart, by the river, there is the church. It is ancient, it is solid, the stained glass windows glisten in the early evening light.

Then there is the post office, it connects the inner workings of the community with the outside world. It creates a sense of excitement at what one might be delivered by surprise.

There are the older workman’s cottages, mature, upright trees, new areas of housing for those that want to have a ‘place in it’ but’ll never have the quintessential charm of those unique, merchants’ mansions built decades and even centuries before.

But, of course, under the quiet, peaceful tranquility (and the charm), there is a current, a maelstrom, of storms brewing, of conflicts, of resentments, those who do not wish to participate, how scoff at traditional customs, a mutation in the Vox populi, a glitch in the system.

There is nothing perfect. Walled gardens and picket fences prevent the spread of disdain, they provide privacy and safe haven and the boundaries must be protected.

We all innately know what happens when the sacred garden is defiled.

I’ve always said that willingness comes first. You can’t be brave if you’re not willing to ask difficult questions. You can’t be strong if you’re not willing to accept where you are, exactly as you are now. You can’t be principled if you’re not willing to do the work many believe others should be doing.

Over the last ten years I have been learning all manner of lessons from lots of different experiences and people, I’ve made decisions that work in my favour but I’ve felt rather rudderless in the face of my accumulated knowledge and wisdom.

It’s a process, we’ve all heard it over and over. There’s only a handful of men who are really moving the needle and they face enormous ridicule and hostility for it, enormous like you couldn’t even comprehend.

I know at some point I’ve written about having a solid sense of self, vital but that will only come when you’re willing to accept your unique direction of travel. It’s the one thing we always know is where we want to go, our personal mission yet we allow circumstances to get in the way.

You must remain true to what you want to do otherwise you are somebody else’s tool. Strength, virtue and progress are forged when you refuse to be thrown from your path.

In the book I am reading, Iron John by Robert Bly, there’s a fantastic phrase that has stuck with me of circumstances “puncturing my sense of grandeur.”. You are born big and it is that which we must remember. You were born for great things and you achieve them solely from great actions.

Walk your path.

Another year is over. A new one begins.

I’m writing this as the sun is setting on the first day of 2026. It’s a romantic time to watch the sky fill with colour. There’s a satisfying intensity to it.

Thoughts in my head.

Dreams in my heart.

What to do with the energy!

Purpose. I’m rereading a great book, Iron John by Robert Bly. It’s on Men and Masculinity and the truth is, in the last century, we’ve been hollowed out. 

We are looking for guidance.

We search for meaning.

We have lost a sense of community, particularly men. Masculine spaces are systematically being taken over by women and politics as at the heart of it.

Everything must be equal, nothing can be exclusive. Exclusive is meeeean. You aren’t allowed to say “No.”

We look to places we can convene but it feels like there are long distances between everything. And you may say this is because I have left the city and moved back to the country. Indeed, no. When I was in London, there was a vast pointless to it all. Nothing stuck, nothing lasted, people weren’t willing to invest.

It could be we’re at a point of more hermitage, more individual spiritual musing, a sharper focus on finding the handful of men that want to progress peacefully and prosperously and the likelihood that we’ll be mocked for it.

Who knows?

Old structures seem derelict and neglected.

It’s up to us to revive the inner King of our psyches, charging ahead in battle, providing example.

It’s the final day of 2025! How the bloody hell did that happen?! We’re all wondering. What did you get done?

There’s a handful of memories I have that plague me slightly, make me cringe, it’s always those that I wish to remedy. What’s the feeling? How can you be more understanding of yourself at the time and what could you do differently if a similar situation arises.

It’s so easy, in retrospect, to play the ‘what-if’ game, that you could have behaved differently, better – that only works in the imagination. The time we have now is the opportunity to be calmer, more graceful, less reactive, more proactive.

What’s done is done.

What hasn’t been done hasn’t been done.

Focus not on what you can’t change.

Focus on what you can do from now on.

I’m doing far more for myself these days. I’m putting myself at the centre of activity and something else too. I’m doing things for the right reasons – because I’m engaging in ‘good’ work.

Strewn leaves in the communal area where I live were annoying me, they’re messy, so I decided to clear them away and the first time, once I had finished the job, I felt enormously satisfied and other people’s commendation was a cherry on the cake but not necessary, not the focus.

Do good work.

I know I’m not alone in having wanted to win people’s approval. Of course, we know it’s a trap but it’s also a massive waste of time. Energy matters, your attention matters and why you do things is how you get there.

I am sweeping up the leaves, as an example, because I want to take responsibility for making my home beautiful and orderly and want to avoid believing “oh, that’s someone else’s job.”. If I were doing it to please people, want if they ignore me, what if I’m flying in their face when they want things done another way, I shape myself according to their needs and not my own.

The fact that my ex constantly said ‘we’re not hurting anybody’ clearly demonstrates to me that he was constantly thinking about other people and never about the two of us.

Wherever you are, be there.

Some will agree with you, many others won’t but doing the right thing i.e. good, proactive work without the need for anyone else’s input, means you’re doing things for their own sake and not feeding your ego.

“Nice” is overrated as there’s a desperation in it, a need to gain favour and reward regardless of what you’re doing. It makes you scatty and disordered. Most people are living life on whims not principle.

“Reasonable” is overrated as you have no idea what premises people are operating from. One man’s meat is another man’s poison.

I’m not saying that people’s appreciation is wrong or that it isn’t enjoyable receiving it but it’s not primary focus for living your best life. 

Never, ever be your own prison warden.

Don’t be nice and caged, be good and free.

I had a ‘catch-up’ dream last night, Christmas themed.

A lineup of my extended family (mostly my cousins but some aunts and uncles) arguing with each other

No solutions

No agreement

Just shout, shout, shout

An awful lot of invasive behaviour too, sounds familiar right?

The way that many get things done is throw their weight around, scream and wail, get flustered, threaten!  There’s nothing peaceful or masterful about it.

Always appealing to some higher authority, something outside.

What are you responsible for? Anything?!

What are you standing for?

What are you offering?

These are questions I’ve had for a long time and trying to make sense of my place in the world in relation to these questions has been a massive head-fuck. Can’t lie.

I’ve often felt my biggest problem is knowing where I end and other people begin. I severely dislike the word fluid. I don’t like ‘blending’ (except soup, don’t like the bits).

This coming year, far greater focus on being focused. Fewer distractions, less ‘hope’ and more ‘do’ – living in reality.

We are all where we are and that’s it, imagine if we saw that as a freeing thing rather than a dooming thing.

What could you do?

I have done a lot of waiting. Much of it has come in the form of doubt. I’ve used doubt as a means to second guess myself, to get lost in questioning whether things are ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ for me rather than just deciding to get on with the process and learn as I go.

Here’s what I now know. Most people love the ‘idea’ of achievements but hate the work.

There are things I need to do to build my coaching business, some of them are difficult or laborious, I will be grateful for the opportunity and the things I will not purpose, the same – I am freeing up space and time to do what resonates and, in time, the path will fork or weave and wind and will take me new places.

I’ve had several conversations with very different people online over Christmas and when it comes down to actually formalising plans to do stuff, suddenly they’re not so confident, suddenly they’re not so decisive, suddenly they’re not quite as quick or witty.

Nothing that drifts, absolutely nothing.

Yes, No, in you come, out you go. 

And it’s still 2025. Make the most of the rest of the year.

Often, what I see is people flailing around, they don’t seem to have a grasp on things. And the hilarious thing is, one, we want these people’s approval and, two, we seem to think it a good idea to ask advice of them.

I think we’re all slightly hoping that someone will know what’s going on, what we should do and we ask, for the outside chance, that they can tell us how to progress.

We subscribe to e-mail lists.

We bookmark inspirational music.

We watch certain people we like to get ‘that’ pearl of wisdom.

But no one has our answers but we ourselves. We have to walk the path ourselves and that opens us up to all manner of risk. I had a very angry man shouting at me for, ostensibly, walking a matter of yards to a gate and back again, on land that didn’t even belong to him. He was so angry he crossed the street to tell me he’d call the police. 

Happy Fucking Christmas, folks! 🤣 🎄 🎅🏻

Thing is, I’ve tried lots of different things, tried to please a lot of different people, tried to cram myself into stuff that simply wasn’t right for me but, slowly and steadily, learned lessons and I accept that it’s all water under the bridge.

It feels very messy and that irks me like you wouldn’t believe. I crave neatness, which really is wanting total control. I have a massive perfectionistic streak, which means I’m terrified of getting things ‘wrong’.

Fitness

Business

Relationships

Spiritual Connection

It’s a minefield and we know it. It feels like one wrong move and it’s Game Over! We’re programmed and we don’t know how far back it goes. What we forget is how resilient we can be, what we’re capable of.

Many times we question…

Who am I?

Where am I?

What am I doing?

Endless questions and the only answers come in experience. We know this too! You have to throw yourself in and get mucky and eventually you learn to focus on what you’re doing. That’s the distinguishing factor, a passionate and purposeful commitment to what you can offer.

I still feel like I have a massive way to go, I am highly doubtful of myself and harsh as well, I put it down to standards in part.

I WANT to do well.

I WANT to do better.

Bit of an endless cycle but I think a worthy one.

Remember, it’s your life.

I believe I manifested what happened to me yesterday. In a recent video, I declared that I wanted to be a fire-starter, to ruffle some feathers. Well, it took place.

I’m reading a series of books right now that is basically about manifestation and expectation. Maybe it’s true. There’s so much stuff about the universe that we can’t explain. There’s far more that we don’t know than we do and there’s nothing wrong with that. A bit of humility goes a long way. I just didn’t expect the rate of manifestation yesterday to be so quick!

What could we actually do, chaps, if we actually set our minds to great things? Wholeheartedly accept we can win. It’s a great thought going into a fresh new year.

I’m watching a fascinating podcast, largely concerned with the distinctions between men and women. It’s really interesting.

There are obvious differences between the two sexes, physically, emotionally, psychologically, functionally, we know this, we are aware of this but there are certain factions determined to erode and blur all distinction between men and women for a political/ideological end. It’s very plain to see.

Of course, listening to the lady expound on the differences, we all understand that there is variation in temperament and taste. I don’t push a rigid worldview, I promote an accurate and real worldview.

I have always felt a combination of masculine and feminine traits, I love lifting heavy stuff at the gym, I like flowery design (I’m choosing a very obviously binary distinction but you get it). I enjoy romcom films, I enjoy action movies. My reading tastes are eclectic, etc. etc. etc.

We want to box ourselves, and others, in – to try to make sense of them. It’s futile.

Like what you like!

We are on a precipice as we speak, many in fact.

Culturally and politically, we know things are totally fucked. We don’t feel, white people that is, that we belong anymore, we are in fact largely denigrated for our ‘original sin’.

People keep talking about civil war but there’s been a war going on in our hearts for decades. Not years, not childhoods, decades. People feel it, it goes deep (centuries deep) and it is disorientating.

Our institutions have been exposed as not only not serving our needs but, in reality, acting deliberately against them.

The press for war

Lockdowns/COVID

The NHS in general

Our education system

The systematic demonisation of native Brits

Wherever you believe it originated, it’s obvious now. AGAIN – we feeeeeel it and it makes us feel irksome, angry and, often, helpless.

I am not here, maybe to your disappointment and annoyance, to prescribe any particular action but if you believe it’s not happening and that it’s simply going to disappear, you’re a fucking idiot.

The opposite of good may not necessarily be evil but might just be apathy.

It’s the end of the year, a friend of mine commented on my YouTube video that he was visited a sickly relative, on another app, the same friend said that this relative didn’t want to be seen. It could very well be that the writing’s on the wall. It happens at the shortening of the days. It happened with my maternal grandma and it happened much earlier than we would have predicted.

We are hopeless at predicting, when it’s time, it’s time and it is unimaginably uncomfortable. I remember hearing once, on a TV programme, “death is accepting the unacceptable.” We each have our time on this planet in our current forms.

I don’t want to spend my time being angry but I also must acknowledge the true depth of my anger and find ways to channel it. We have enormous and unending potential to improve things, in big and small ways. We are Children of God, Children of the Universe. We have all of Creation in us.

It’s only recently that I’ve really started thinking about children, that I don’t have any, that I won’t be a father. It’s hit me in a very different and sombre way. I feel a bit sad about it – that my particular line will die with me and my sister. Each of us has many gifts to pass on that will get lost. Indeed, many have told me I’d be a good dad.

I wonder that I have such a drive to offer helpful advice and guidance is to make up for this fact. I must confess, when I talk about living to your true potential, dear reader, I feel rather hypocritical given my position. I feel selfish, entitled and guilty too. But there it is.

Maybe my legacy is my words? It’s possible. I’m good with words, a fluent and articulate thinker, expressive and honest. 

I sometimes think I should ‘get myself into trouble’ a bit more, put some more hairs on my chest. I have some skeletons in my closest far more interesting than being gay. I’ll talk about them one day but not now.

We’re at a civilisational crossroads and, whether we believe it or not, we do have a say (and get to decide) what we do with our ancient birthright. I’d love to say I know what that is. We’d all like it to peaceful, I do my level best to make my progress peaceful, a lone pilgrim trying to make sense of things. I have much way to go, I accept more and more as time goes on but it doesn’t stop me being impatient and wanting it all now.

‘It’ – what is this? Maybe this is what ‘children’ is – a continuation, a hope for advancement, a world with ‘us’ in it even after we’re gone.

Massive, unfurling, exceptional potential. We have it. What do we do with it? That, my friend, is the question.

I originally intended to use productivity in place of prosperity here. I think, somehow though, that productivity has been overused and it’s sterile sounding – all function, little soul.

I can see all roads unfurling. Having a highly developed imagination means patience is very difficult.

The reason you’re here is to stick to your path and it’s meant to be prosperous. It is in living abundantly that we are each most useful. We are meant to be useful.

When you see many seeking out their fifteen minutes of fame, it’s rarely for the best or most noble of reasons. 

The latest in the UK is a coterie of ‘men’ coming out at Nigel Farage for his alleged racism when they went to a very fancy Boys’ School in London, literally decades ago, interesting timing isn’t it. Can’t sugarcoat it, it’s pathetic and when you look at the specimens, they’re rather sad looking, if indeed their protestations are even true, likely not.

You would think people would have some shame but there’s probably abundant greasing of palms going on but it’s not dignified nor is it really useful, not up-lifting.

Do good things, for good reasons, to genuinely help people and keep at it.

Your time will come.

I had a really vivid dream last night. It was one of those cathartic reveries, that made everything make sense, which revealed much to me, that put many things to sleep (as I slept!). 

I am, in fact, wearing the t-shirt that featured in the dream. I was in a very large lecture theatre. The professor had run over time and, in suggesting we visit another lecture, had made us late for it. It was at this moment, having been dressed, I found myself topless with the t-shirt on the floor. 

I raced out of the room. Another huge lecture theatre faced me and I was at the back, at the top of it. Annoyed. People were laughing, I wondered what I was doing there. All these people blissfully unaware. I’ve tried very hard to accommodate people, to be kind but I’m afraid it’s been rather taken advantage of.

I woke up realising this. I’ve given a lot and not really received. Maybe that sounds selfish but it’s okay to want what you want. 

The important thing for me now is being with the right people.

I implore you to do the same.

Pamela Anderson is doing the rounds again, trying to convince you she looks better now with her permanent deer-in-the-headlights stare and silly hairstyle than she did looking obviously hot in Baywatch.

It’s so desperate and numerous people are jumping on this latest virtue-signalling bandwagon to gaslight you that 60-year-olds are as sexually appealing as 20-year-olds.

It’s so childish.

They crave relevance.

They crave the attention.

They crave proving a point.

Naff and I say again so childish. 

We can never know what people are thinking or feeling but, and it’s a serious but, we can observe their behaviour and there are certain facts and truths that we just know.

Women of Pamela’s age used to vanish into the background NOT because they were irrelevant but because they no longer needed the widespread attention. They had husbands and children and grandchildren, etc. etc. and there was a dignity in it. If you were to see Miss Anderson in the street, you’d rightfully jump and wonder “oh my goodness! I wonder what happened to her.”

Now, Pamela has children with wild-boy Tommy Lee. Can you imagine what it’s like for them her parading herself around as she is now. I don’t care what you say, it will be embarrassing for them.

I am genuinely curious how many real adults there are in the world.

Interact with many and there is no evidence of boundaries, of tastefulness, of standards. It’s all rather haphazard.

I want solid things.

I want some attention to detail.

I want to surround myself with honest people.

All done peacefully, prosperously and with purpose.

It’s very simple really.

Any slight disagreement and you’ll find many can be very resentful, they are envious rather than emulating of people. They feel like the world owes them everything for doing nothing. The more I do and take responsibility for, the better my life becomes. Again, a simple fact.

I see fully grown people throwing their toys out of the pram for not getting their own way in the relationships, no harmony, no discussion, no negotiation.

There has to be a better way, my friends.

We each have our favourite people we like to watch. We are imbued with a sense of satisfaction and vindication when we listen to them.

I believe it can be traced to a couple of traits that work particularly well together.

One, passion. They are highly enthused by whatever topic, they speak with their entire body, you can see their face animated, they are direct.

Two, solidity – they do not care what people think about them. They will not be shaken from their perch. It’s exceptionally attractive to encounter people who don’t give a flying fuck about what others think of them. Alluring!

What if, instead of focusing all your attention and energy on them, you did that for yourself?

Exciting thought, isn’t it!

Wanting plain sailing are we?

Wanting a nice, easy ride of things?

It’s all just going to go smoothly and easily?

Neh! We know that’s not the truth.

Whatever you pick, all the shit you’ve been avoiding is all going to erupt from every orifice, smack you in the face, make you scream and cry and force you to feel useless in every way for good measure.

But it’s where a little subtlety really does help.

People say ‘get angry’. No, no, no, no, no. That’s really damaging.

Learn to distinguish between wanting to act out your anger (bad) and accepting you feel anger (good) and resolve it, release it. How? Channel it into great work.

What happens when your favourite movie character gets angry? No, seriously? Things blow up, get destroyed, lots and lots of time wasted picking up the pieces.

Integrity is your ally. Things are going to be messy, yes, you’ll bitch that you’ve wasted time but we get it done and the more you get the work done, the more you discover that getting focused and fulfilled is far better than whining like a child.

You’re an adult now and whatever you pick, you can make it chaotic or your can make it a success.

Your call, my friend……

Self-direction means taking a risk. It means you go against the tide, it can feel like an uphill slog.

Frankly, it’s more than one risk, it’s many, over and over. I can tell you I’ve been ridiculed more than once.

I realise the only way to learn is to get out there and do things, not knowing exactly what’s going to materialise, how things will manifest. It’s a scary business and it requires a huge amount of self-belief.

That’s what I’m working on. Far less second-guessing, far less doubt, more and more willingness. That’s what it takes.

And, I’ve certainly found, the more I do and throw caution to the wind, the more answers have come to me, the more connections I’ve made and the more relaxed I’ve become.

Progress is meant to feel satisfying and be useful.

Take more steps.

Make no mistake, people are afraid to commit. You can see it in them, even in the way they message.

It’s “I’ll think about it.”

It’s “I’m not sure.”

It’s “No thanks.”

The reality is 99% will live in this way.

Amazingly, it’s frightening to people that they might WIN! They might throw themselves them completely in the achievement of their dreams. No more excuses, no more half-measures, no more discounting themselves.

The key is being honest with yourself, first. Then, you understand it will take some time. You accept that you will not have all the answers and will feel like you’re fumbling around in the dark.

Speak with people.

Learn.

You’ll find your way.

Acknowledge that you matter and that you can succeed. God speed.

‘They’re’ reviving masks again. It appears they’ve been caught on the same doom groove for the last six years but we know it’s a broken record.

They want you to believe they have your best interests at heart.

That want you to believe that war is peace.

They want you to believe they’re good.

Many are mocking of those of us who say that learning to say no is the most important thing you can do.

Distractions

Pantomime

Panic

That’s all they do. There’s no real panic, it is fabricated.

Climate change is going to kill us ergo we’re going to increase your taxes, etc. It’s obviously bollocks and always has been. I pass a cottage in a nearby village and they have a heart-shaped flag with the colours of Ukraine. It’s brainwashing. 

They want you part of the ‘thing’ and there’s always a new thing. Observe how the rate of ‘new stuff’ has exponentially increased in our lifetimes.

Say “No” to them.

Say “Yes” to yourself – to freedom!

As I lay in bed last night, I thought to myself how difficult it is, in reality, to follow one’s own advice.

It’s not the right or wrong way, it’s your way – I’ve told myself. I’ve been trying to convince myself of this for years, about a decade in fact.

As I celebrate over a year sober and a fraction longer being single, I also realise how many distractions I’ve allowed myself, as well as unproductive procrastination and I’m someone who has actually achieved things. Quite notable things. Written books, been on tele (when that mattered to me), danced in front of large, adoring crowds, competed in national dance competitions. All significant.

Bringing it all together feels like an entirely different matter.

It’s the end of the year but the beginning of a new way of walking my own path. I’ve felt the need to shout out loud what I’m doing but I understand, now, that the most important thing is having my eyes on the prize, what I really want, knowing I can fulfil my ambition and do it in a way that moves me, that (my current favourite phrase) moves the needle – in the direction of success.

I wake up now far more certain I can get there because I bloody well deserve it!

Care to take a ride with me? I’d like that.

I learned a vital lesson yesterday.

Now it was a very blah day, there was a single expanse of cloud over the entire sky, cold, I had a bit of a sniffle in m’nose! The day was vanishing but with an hour to go before I turned off my computer, I thought I couldn’t possibly record my video and engage with enough posts on Twitter.

But, guess what, I did! 

The pressure of a deadline.

Anticipating the feeling of satisfaction I would get by getting it done.

The passionate commitment I have to buying back my family home.

They really kicked in. 

Now, was it my best work? No, it wasn’t. It was a bit rushed but it was proof that even with a small amount of time investment, anything is possible and now today I update the effort and I accomplish more, I’ve moved the needle further towards my goal and I feel ever so wholesome.

A daily choice, that’s all you really have. You really do, however, have to really want it.

I was greeted with two YouTube notifications this morning – both for the same video. One, a glowing report, the other idly mocking.

I choose not to engage these days unless the person has something relevant to say.

But they are knocks, we will all get them in the pursuit of truth and wisdom.

Many pretend they are not bothered.

They are.

Yet, the handful will walk on, knowing you can’t please everyone but you can please yourself.

I do understand that I can sometimes come off as a pompous oaf. Talking about picking up litter and correcting grammar.

I crave beauty and neatness and I always want to avoid the ‘someone else can do it’ mentality.

If I see it and I leave it, I am guilty of the same crime I tut at others for.

Now, when it comes to ‘movements’ – the political and cultural stuff, there are subjects I do not broach. Partly because they are toxic to the system and what am I going to actually do about them?

I want to help men of potential lead more confident and fruitful lives, I am not a heavy who’s going to turn up at people’s doors and deck them around the forehead. Just not going to.

Be healthy.

Be productive.

Be an example to others.

Those are the basics of my life and I am sticking to them. I hope to create abundantly powerful and positive energy in the world.

Simples!

I’ve just seen a tweet of someone celebrating their birthday today and I often feel sorry for when people’s birthdays fall. So close to Christmas, it just doesn’t seem fair, haha!

Having my birthday at the end of June, I think I have the best birthday – not only in Summer for great outdoor parties but also halfway through the year.

This is the slightly jokey part of this post but in truth, living with intention can do great things for you.

Once you’ve made decisions, you inevitably live with the consequences. Nothing can be undone or, really, taken back. 

We always have to live with ourselves. We cannot outrun ourselves. We take ourselves wherever we go.

Walk strong. Walk with principle. Walk with the end goal in mind.

There’s something you’re really good at. It’s highly probably you don’t even realise it, it comes so naturally to you that you just do it and think it’s nothing.

I believe our life path is to acknowledge it and share it wide.

I got one of those end-of-year summary videos on YouTube yesterday, music/dance were highlighted over and over.

Maybe it’s my thing. It might be. I am good at both. You might have many things.

Hone in. 

People will ask you “how did you do that?” – whatever that is for you, do more of it!

I know, I know. We’re not supposed to talk about politics but I’ll be brief.

There’s a famous politician in the UK called Rupert Lowe and he’s just launched a national political party exclusively promoting the needs of the city he represents. Not the country, not the country, not even the region, the city. We are investing our hopes in micro-politics it seems.

Now, obviously it’s a total farce. It will, of course, garner him much publicity. He’s doing the podcast circle jerk with all the important/relevant people.

We want solutions but we place our hopes and fears in the hands of those who could not care less about us and are unable to help us anyway.

Now, to be fair, I go even more local! The individual. That means you, a separate being, me, my own man (working on it). We want to know stuff. We want answers, man is a curious species but it’s hard to get to the truth. 

We like to think we’re rational but just look at politics, sport, celebrity culture, religion – it’s all emotional. We want an afterlife, we want simple explanations for why things are the way they are, we want certainty in the basics as we go about our lives doing what’s necessary.

I believe the pursuit is what makes life meaningful and purposeful.

There’s a very bizarre trend I notice – People making up rules that have never been the case, somehow in the effort to appear superior or distinguished, a strange kind of distinction.

And, okay, I am inspired by having watched certain podcasts listening closely, as I do, to how people pronounce words.

The infraction that prompted this post is hearing someone pronounce ‘proven’ as pro-ven rather than the form proo-ven, which has always been the case, never been anything else. And, you know what, it just makes the person sound really, fucking stupid!

We have a sense of what’s right and this is a pernickety example, I admit but there’s nothing wrong with being relatable. You do this by simplifying things as much as possible. I think we’re all craving a more straightforward approach to life. It starts with you.

I know I correct people on grammar but I’m doing it less and less (a challenge I must confess!). I am trying on a daily basis to find the humanity in things. I have a choice of what I engage with and sometimes I will succumb to correcting people, some situations just call for it.

But, for goodness, don’t make yourself sound pompous for the sake of it. Do the right thing. 

It’s normal. 

You’ve set out on a totally proactive path. It’s of you, for you and by you. You’re becoming a real adult and you’re doing the work you’ve been avoiding, sometimes for years, decades.

Overwhelm, normal.

Confusion, normal.

Anger, surprisingly normal!

Regret too.

You are where you are. Always remember that, remind yourself frequently. The events of your past are water under the bridge. The point of doing anything meaningful, that brings you joy, is to bring you as much as possible into the present, that you’re enjoying the day to day.

It’s why I hold, and always will, that it’s so helpful to have someone objective to talk with. Not everyone will take it up but I’ve witnessed unexpected people start to ask for help and receive it and it’s transformed them. It’s certainly opened my eyes to things I didn’t even realise I needed to sort.

Living purposefully is a gift you can keep opening but, first, you must unlock yourself and everything you’ve been ignoring. Let the light in.

Let’s be honest, we whine and (English term) bellyache about ‘what we should be doing’ but we know, don’t we!

Life is simple, yet we complicate it. It adds drama and spice to life but doesn’t get us anywhere.

It’s the 1st December today, the final month of the year, not that you need telling that of course.

You want ‘New Year’s Resolutions’, you want the magical moment where everything becomes clear and you know exactly what to and how it’s going to roll out, you want a sign, a portent, an auspicious omen.

Personally, I don’t want the feeling of wasting another year.

I’ll be honest, I have a very specific end goal in mind, of buying back my family home. I know I can do it, the hows often evade me but I know I want to help financially and psychologically liberate men to living their best possible lives.

It’s not an easy road deciding every single, solitary step for yourself and it’s hard at times to keep to the path. That’s why I say asking for help is the best way to do. Accountability, knowing you’re not completely alone, someone to encourage you.

I am open and ready – to take the plunge at least! Are you? 

Let 2026 be your year – start now!

Painful, yes.

Humbling, yes.

Revealing, definitely.

There’s any number of events in our lives that we replay and wish hadn’t happened. We feel embarrassed by them, plagued. Doesn’t it all feel so unnecessary?!

Truth is though, they are all learning experiences and, for the most part, they can easily be relegated to the dustbin of history – to make you realise that they didn’t really touch or you make it any less difficult to do what you really want to do, living your own life.

Agony is replaying things imagining they could have been any different than reality. It’s all happened.

Are you living regretfully and stunting your own growth?

Are you living freely and absorbing the knocks like a man?

You are not a blank slate, no, no, no.

You have reflexes, instincts, inherited wisdom – inherited dysfunction too!

You also have you guts, your eyes, your ears, your intellect and intelligence. You’re nobody’s fool but, maybe, just as I have done, you make act towards your own demise – and also like me, you might have done it more than once.

We’re gluttons for punishment, so we are and I believe that, whether we admit it or not, we know, deep down, what we’re doing. I have postulated that we are drama lovers and I still hold to this for the most part.

Here’s the kicker for this article though, there are times we need to put our feet to fire for more time than seems necessary to hammer the message home. A bit o’pain! We have to feel it.

Of course, when we’ve reached the other end of the Shawshank Redemption tunnel, we’re left having to wash all the shit off and it’s really annoying (at best!), rage-inducing? Yes, very often.

That’s why I keep saying, as soon as you can, be honest, own up to your own behaviour and be an adult. The sooner you’re over the pain, the sooner you can live your own life.

I’ve been sober now for a year, congratulate me!

I’ve saved almost £4,000 (over $5,000), slept better, shed weight, gained energy and become far more clear about what I want and need to do.

It’s win after win after win.

Do I occasionally hanker after a glass of Champagne or a perfectly chilled glass of Sauvignon Blanc? Yes, naturally I do but I know the costs and the disappointments I’d incur. Alcohol is not just the dampening of sorrows, it’s the dampening of character.

WITH ALCOHOL

Anger increases

Control diminishes

Clarity takes a hit

Your purpose is pushed further away

SOBER

Joy is abundant

You are more proactive

You take more responsibility

The key to great life is making decisions that raise your levels of sovereignty and integrity. I see so many living under clouds, not just booze but sadness, desperation, powerlessness. Always pushing choices further and further away. 

When people talk about shopping, they’ll talk about making things more local, do this for making choices too.

What am I capable of deciding today?

What am I capable of deciding for myself?

Which one thing have I been avoiding that I can simply tick off the list?

Which one thing can I do that will shift the needle towards what I really want?

I’ve said it often, good questions and honesty with the answers is the simplest and most shunned habit to improve your life. You can do it anytime.

I quit drinking and my life transformed. I knew how it was holding me back and knew how much better off I’d be clean and free.

Raise your levels of awareness.

Raise your levels of honesty.

Be more authentic.

Get stuff done!

Not quite the post you’re expecting. This is a line from a dream I had last night. It was said by Pearl Davis (Just Pearly Thingz) as she escaped from a crumbling London down a slide leading underground. Dannii Minogue, the singer, screamed as modern buildings collapsed and I stood on, thinking it was good they were razing to the ground.

The subconscious is a strange thing. Some say to interpret dreams as if you’re every object and event happening in them. 

What to keep.

What to get rid of.

I bought myself a fancy coffee press yesterday, I’ve wanted to buy it for ages as when I moved back up North I bought the accompanying teapot and now the set is complete. Most satisfying. I drank real coffee from it this morning and the ritual felt grand and simultaneously simple.

Thusly, what you need to do is simple to achieve what you want. You just need to throw off the bullshit, keep things simple and

Trust yourself.

We might call it marketing.

We might refer to it as outreach (too Americanised for me, haha!)

We might call it research.

But really, when building a business it really comes down to conversation – talking with people, figuring out what their problems are and giving them tools and support to solve them.

And, of course, there’s scale. It starts 1-to-1 often but when I worked with one of my coaches, Rich Waterman, he introduced the 1-to-1 or 1-to-many distinction.

Of course, most are too afraid to talk with people.

It’s not just an e-mail or a DM, it’s branching out and embodying independence.

Freedom is frightening, it means no excuses.

But imagine a life unfulfilled, that is truly terrifying!

I buy shop made bread. There it is! In a see-through wrapping, with the yellow, adhesive label and everything.

I like it.

I remember from long ago, seeing a Facebook post, yes, I am that old of a generation. The post was from a Scandinavian chap, commenting on bread just like I described above. He said, “that’s not bread!”-“THIS is bread.” And, of course, “THIS” refers to what he’s used to.

Many such conversations go on.

You’re not a real Christian.

You’re not a real truth-seeker.

You’re not far enough down the rabbit hole.

Your theory is half-arsed and you’re talking rubbish.

Judgy, judgy, judgy. And what does it achieve?

How does any of it educate?

To me now, it’s any excuse to talk and not do.

Such bizarre and intricate conversations develop where people say that Catholics are not Christians and Orthodox is more authentic. Stuff I’ve never heard before.

What’s real about your life?

What are you doing?

That’s what counts. 

And believe me, I know I could be doing more than I am, seriously, just being honest and each week, I do a bit more, I’m going through all of it myself but the comparison game, it’s so old.

I’ve grown up around a lot of stress addicts. They like it, they won’t stop it.

“What’s that smell?”

“What’s squeaking/clicking?”

“I can’t figure out what that noise is.”

Absolutely relentless. 

Now, you could take it as an insult that when people come into your home and ask such questions.

It’s not you. Really. They are addicted to NOT resolving things. They won’t drop the issue. When you realise that people are addicted to the drama, it gives you the opportunity to be more direct.

People may call it harsh. I call it guarding your peace of mind.

Perfectionism is far more common than you’d think.

I believe more people have a strong idea of what they’d like to do with their lives but you won’t find a majority of people doing it.

Circumstances are circumstances. People are definitely afraid of branching out, they have dependents, they have financial ties, they have emotional ties.

I wonder that the most frequent question in the world is secretly, “what will they think?”, with perhaps the second most common, “am I allowed to do this?”

Who are we asking permission from? It’s a serious question. Adults feel like children and act in accordance with this, convincing themselves that their dreams and ambitions are ridiculous and unrealistic.

Maybe the latter is so for most. Maybe it is unrealistic but does it mean it’s impossible? 

Are you following the pack?

Are you believing the same self-limiting thoughts?

What if you just got started, no matter how stupid or inexperienced you felt?

I was recently chatting with a sweet chap who said he was a novelist. I asked him what stage of his endeavour he was at. Planning stage, plot lines, thinking about characterisation but no novel written and, in fact, he was talking about two different projects. The timing wasn’t right, he couldn’t devote his energies to it.

I remind myself that I have actually already written two books and I’m on my third. I will admit that I haven’t done anything with the original two. 

Set the ball in motion.

Start sharing what you’ve done.

Write the first line, the first paragraph.

Don’t be one of the people confined to the wasteland of history.

I’m always keeping my eye out for ways to be more present. I now understand the vital importance of steadiness, of responsibility – making your own decisions and acknowledging the small details that add up to a whole heap of joy.

Appreciation, I believe, is a fabulous way of doing this.

I found myself, quite naturally, saying grace before I ate my dinner the other day. It’s now something I will do before each meal. It’s a breath of gratitude before taking in what’s feeding you.

Now, imagine that in your everyday behaviour.

Seeing the plants, the flowers, the trees.

Seeing people smiling, or not, sending out well-wishing thoughts to people.

Chatting with a friend recently, I said “to be selfish is the least selfish thing you can do.” If you’re in a good mood, imagine the effect. If you’re in a bad mood, imagine that effect.

The world needs more joyful, appreciative people. You do it.

Think about it.

When you embark on decorating your house, you strip the walls of their paper and whether you’re going to paper it again or just paint it, you’re going to uncover a lot of mess.

It has to be patched up, made good and even. You wonder why on earth someone would behave so shoddily and irresponsibly. You think, why should I be sorting out someone else’s fuckups? Why do I have to make this better? 

Well, it’s the difference between a passive child or a responsible adult. You have the opportunity to make things better AND you can decide how to build up the new surroundings. You can make yourself dedicated and capable of doing a good job and it makes other people’s behaviour irrelevant.

Make yourself a beautiful mansion, leave the ruins to others.

I see so many prisoners. I deeply desire to send them love and to free them.

They will share tragedy.

They will cry over overflowing rubbish in English rivers (today’s example).

They will tweet that they are broken yet will not go out each day with bin bags and get to work cleaning up the mess.

That’s someone else’s job.

They will share horrors and infectious beliefs in the name of acting out ‘I don’t believe this, observe, ye lowly folk, how very good I am, what fine opinions I hold, unlikely this attention-miner.

They must like Trump still.

They must pose stupidly in photographs.

It’s an impossibility to be peaceful, principled and spread beauty. For most.

But there are a few of us. Pacifists, those that would have got the white handkerchief. We realise, now, that the World Wars were lies, those brave men shunned for not wanting to go vainly to do others’ bidding.

We must live our own lives.

Not blindly and stubbornly support the ‘thing’.

We discern, we decide, we live noble lives full of decency.

We try our very best.

I started blogging a little over five and a half years ago. Naturally the lockdown/jax stuff was ramping up, it would be a month later that I was the last man in the gym and the staff told me the gym was closing.

When I say the number out loud, it seems impossible, but since that time, I have written almost 340,000 words in blog posts. In that time, I have also tweeted out from tens of thousands of words, I’ve written sections of my current book. 

It’s an incredible achievement and, frankly, I don’t acknowledge it that much. 

But in those moments when you think “I can’t do this!”, remember what got you here. You have done stuff and you can do more.

I’ve been at Chatsworth, as usual, today. The Christmas decorations have gone up and they were, uhm, pretty but nothing to get bowled over by!

When you are a follower of fashion, the irony is you look the same as everyone else, you sound the same as every one else, you do the same as everyone else. Very monotonous and original.

What absolutely fascinates me is the mental jiggery-pokery and gymnastics of the staff who have been briefed that they must like the decorations, stand up for them and profess ‘yes, I like modern design, the contemporary.’

You can see they’re desperate to say ‘bit shit aren’t they!’ A little bit blah and sparse looking. I’ve picked the best photo of my trip to give an idea.

Stately homes and grand houses used to be the setters of fashion, not followers. Maybe we won’t have much sway in getting others to abandon fashion but…

We can, in our own lives, show how things might be done.

Go large. Go the extra mile. Be exuberant.

You start thinking for yourself?

You get clear on what you want?

You have sharp focus and dedication?

What’s the common denominator? 

Could it be that you need to stop worrying about what others think of you? You’d be surprised just how much this stops you from really going for what you want in life.

Every day, we’re all figuring out why we’re on this planet, why we’re alive, we’re curious about it, aren’t we!

We each has our place, our background, our hopes and dreams but they are nothing if you don’t risk the disdain of others.

Remember, it’s not much of a risk, when living purposefully is possible!

I went on an epic walk yesterday, four hours in total, covering 12.5 miles and almost 26,000 steps (I take metre long strides, so for most we’re easily talking over 30,000 steps).

It was from my village to the first village I ever lived in, I’d wanted to do this walk for a long time, mission accomplished.

On the edge of the village, there is a showroom, shop and café of a famous, now deceased, cutlery designer called David Mellor, his son is now running the show.

As I was paying for my coffee and brownie, I perchance saw a sign saying they were no longer accepting cash payments because of ‘charges’. What bollocks I thought. I won’t be shopping there again.

There are times that you need to cut off options because the freedom you sacrifice for ‘convenience’ are too great for the soul to endure. 

Most do not think of the consequences, the implications of following the herd, of doing what they’re told.

Understand transaction, understand freedom.

Move your body.

Move your mind.

Move along your path.

Eat well, sleep well, look after yourself.

It’s very basic, really but we’re addicted to rage and complication.

I see it absolutely everywhere.

We seem to equate adventure with violence or anger or confrontation.

My life has never been so clear, the more I am direct, calm and focused on what I want.

People move out of the way when you’re definite. They don’t mess with you as much. I will say, of course, it means a lot of people will vanish. They like the fight and when they see they can’t get anything out of you anymore, they don’t both.

Quality really does trump quantity when you start getting serious about living life to the full.

Focus on improving your mind.

Focus on treating and trusting yourself well.

Focus on improving your strength and resolve.

I rejoined the gym Monday this week, I am going back again today.

Last time I went, I observed a happy behaviour – just going with where my feet took me and doing whichever exercises I wanted, sat at the machines I fancied, not worrying about a ‘programme’, just playing.

We think, somehow, it isn’t adult to play. Of course it is.

Stop taking life so seriously but take living life seriously.

Play.

It’s exhausting noticing every little thing. I actually can’t help it. I’ve experienced many a time where I feel like my head is going to blow!

Picking up litter, seeing people chatting in the street, wondering what they’re talking about. What’s that sound coming from the next flat? Why is that person parked like that?

My best days? Free-flowing, noticing beautiful sunsets, not riding the emotional rollercoaster with every tiny event.

I’m thinking more and more about how perfectionistic I’ve been, where I’d be now if I had given less of a fuck but I have garnered many lessons along the way and when I think of the stages of my life, I do understand I needed to go through them to have the greater resolve and trust in myself that I am gaining.

Purity is a taxing position to put yourself in, it boxes you in and makes a prisoner of you not wanting to put a foot ‘wrong’.

Say Yes.

Say No.

Walk your path as peacefully and as prosperously as you can. We’re all learning each and every day.

I could write anything here, couldn’t I!

99% are sharing their highlight reels. You believe that photo was spontaneous? No! It was version 17 and they agonised over 13-16 for hours.

Most have no clue what they’re doing.

They will have the nights they don’t sleep.

You’re comparing yourself to fantasies and those that are actually getting results…

Well!

You can learn from them.

Bookmark their work.

Figure out what you’re offering.

Go out and sell it.

It is that simple but obviously you’re in your own way. That’s where I come in.

Talk with someone.

Talk with me. 

I’m actually a really great listener and we can get stuff sorted out.

Together.

We love to think of ourselves as so very rational. We’re intelligent, we’re not susceptible to manipulation, we can think for ourselves at all times.

But, if you’re honest, you know there are countless times you could recall where you’ve lost your shit, you’ve gone berserk, those times where, in the aftermath, you’ve thought “wow, that wasn’t me! I can’t believe I did that.”

Animal. We’ve all been there.

Emotions first, intellectual justification later. We are imbued with a sense of morality in everything we do. It’s why when we encounter people so cold and calculating that we are genuinely stopped in our tracks. How could they be so devoid of emotion, we think, that’s inhuman.

Somehow, we’ve been convinced to exclude our feelings, our morality, from the decisions we make as a way to be more civilised. Frightening idea and only pushed by that tiny percentage of people who want to divert your attention or persuade you into damaging situations.

Don’t discount your emotions, they form a vital navigational system and an essential part of your decision making process.

The Gym Group (UK) has an amazing offer on right now for three massively discounted months and none of that joining fee business. It felt a very bold, decisive move.

It’s good to mingle.

It’s good to challenge yourself.

It’s good to get out into the real world.

I’ve isolated myself for the last couple of years, it wasn’t by mistake. It was necessary. I’ve had my gym equipment in my garage that my father and I assembled, I will still use it of course but, truth be told, it is rather lonely.

Who knows who you’ll meet, wherever you go.

You knows what you’ll learn.

Just give things a try!

You’ll be glad.

Have a great week!

I’ve been sweeping up leaves today. It’s a weekly treat that I look forward to as I love things looking beautiful and orderly.

After writing this, I am going to prune a newly planted rose bush because whoever’s done it, hasn’t bothered to plant it properly and it’s been blown over in the heavy Derbyshire winds we’ve been having.

I am learning to gather myself, too, far more than I have ever done. Not second guessing, just getting on with things, it’s most edifying. I’m achieving more, doing everything in a more relaxed and easy way and I’ve never been more productive.

Sleeping better.

Letting things go more easily.

Trusting myself and just getting on with what matters – health, business and relationships wise.

And along this more prosperous way, I am gathering pearls of wisdom, more effective ways of doing things so I can compound my efforts into what’s becoming a productive and joyful life.

Gather everything you’ve done together, apply it, live your best life.

This morning, I thought about a brief yet meaningful comment exchange I had had with him on a video he posted a few years back – when he announced changing the name of his channel. You might have seen him around – he’s just shy of four million subs on his YouTube Channel. He’s also ‘not bad looking’ to put it mildly.

Because I’m a good man, I’ve rummaged around to find the comment exchange, it’s the image on this post. Do you recognise Chris?

I remember, at the time, how humbled I felt by what he had said. I also remember talking with my then therapist who said “why do you need to be ‘one of the guys’?”. I’m an intelligent and thoughtful man, I can understand all the points of view but my mission of late, and ongoing, is to learn to listen to myself.

Dreaming about Chris last night made me realise how reliant I have, indeed, been on other people’s opinions but it does also remind me that things move on, tastes, consumption shifts from one theme to another, when Chris started getting certain guests on the pod I lost interest.

Nothing is lost, only put in the respective proper place. Some things stick, others fade.

You always remain – hopefully with more wisdom and resolve.

Less attached, more grateful.

Social media’s full of advice.

“You don’t need to read, just work on your business.”

“Fuck therapy, go to the gym instead.”

I’m developing a stock response to such guidance, “Always has to be one or the other, doesn’t it.”

I’ve always said, and still hold, that you can have both. It’s about priorities AND how you balance things out.

I love the immersion of reading, how it takes my entire focus and I absorb interesting, fascinating and useful info. Those “oooh, yeah!” moments.

It’s about wanting to learn. Other artists and writers express things differently from me and I find that really stimulating. I find it inspiring too.

It’s the same when you talk with people…

Ask questions, listen to the answers, let it sink in and THEN figure out if you integrate it or keep on walking. Do it all at your pace and find your own way.

Most want attention and aren’t actually that interested in wisdom. You can tell by the binaries they push.

Be discerning, be interested.

People love a good complain, rarely do they want to do anything about it.

I am getting heavily involved in the maintenance of the communal garden at my apartment complex because I want it to be orderly and look beautiful. It’s most effective because I’m making the decision to do so.

What you’ll find is people are full of great ideas that they start to impose but, more often than not, they will abandon the project, assuming someone else will take the helm and take care of it.

Women love getting dogs but it ends up being the bloke looking after them, etc.

When you start to take charge of things, you’ll find the initial stages are taken up in dismantling things – this is where people usually get very angry because you’re ‘interfering’ or ‘not minding your business’. Ask them to take care of things themselves and you’ll usually find they go silent or they only deal with you ‘when they have to’.

It’s someone else’s job is a childish way to live. Responsibility/getting things sorted is the adult way to live. You’ll initially get some flack, later you’ll get praise. 

Do the good thing.

In fact, there are many, many ways to live life. A unique way for every human being that is and has ever been and always will be.

You don’t have to spend long listening to people to see that we all cherry-pick, that we’re all susceptible to bending the rules (and frankly I encourage this).

Who wrote this rule?

Was I consulted about this?

Does one human have the right to tell another how to live?

Living consciously means questioning so-called authority and when you realise all authority simply denotes someone has written something (see that word AUTHOR at the beginning?) – it’s then you realise how easy it is to con people when they’re sleepwalking through life.

I don’t blame people for being asleep nor do I blame them when they say ‘fuck this shit’, I’m off. Freedom assumes responsibility and that’s painful because it means you have to make the decisions proactively, not defer to someone else.

Them: BUT WHAT DO I DO?

Me: I don’t know, fellow traveller. I’m figuring things out myself.

It’s painstaking, it’s uncertain, it’s uncomfortable, yet it’s good, not nice but good!

Your choice.

In needing to be right, you wind up looking like a prick. I can’t sugarcoat it.

The aim of life is to do good things for good reasons.

We know taxation is immoral but there are many resentful people in the world who rely on it and don’t want the gravy train to end. It’s not complicated and most people believe they should pay taxes (the price of living in a civilised society, blah blah) because they’ve been so persistently guilt-tripped into the belief.

Income tax was levied in Britain to fund the Napoleonic wars. There’s nought so permanent as a temporary government programme.

I’ve just been in my attic finding yet more useful things hidden between the rafters, had yet another satisfying clear-out, going back to solid foundations, able to move around more freely and more easily. That’s the goal.

You have to ask yourself what you’re basing your decisions on. Are you another angry man who believes in ‘wealth distribution’? Do you believe it’s just for elected officials to say what you can and can’t do? Are you desperately trying to cram every event into your worldview no matter how ham-fisted or clumsy it is?

The truth is we need each other. Countries are their people. We go mad when we don’t interact. We can be selective, yes but there is no point in arbitrarily alienating people by writing them off for a different point of view.

Believe me, I am still very much a work in progress on this front.

I am reading a book about creativity. It’s by Rich Rubin and I chose it because I found the cover (in fact the binding in its entirety), very attractive. Shock horror! 

We shouldn’t judge books by their covers, we’re told but we do! All the time. We find people attractive, the human equivalent of judging a tome by how it’s bound. We’re told it’s morally reprehensible to be so base, to be so surface-driven but we are.

You realise that people are full of judgement. They’re berating people and things all the time. I’ve seen a few tweets recently with pictures of fancy churches saying “the people who built these churches weren’t motivated by profits”, of course, we know this is bullshit.

People want to sound clever and lofty. They want, it appears, to be so disgusted to show their moral or intellectual superiority – over whatever subject. 

BUT!

They offer no solutions and admit they don’t have any. “You’re being genocided!” was the repeated cry of a podcast guest I started and fairly quickly stopped watching this morning. Don’t need it. 

The amount that people gripe says to me that there’s something about strife that people actually enjoy, they can’t get enough pessimism in their lives. You can see them getting animated by it. 

We’re creating realities for ourselves all the time and the guiding principles of our behaviour will inform what your world looks like.

Getting stuff done that actually helps people, that’s what I want and what I’m working for. All this talk of ‘that’s what the normies think and do’ is getting so old. All criticism and no creativity for solutions.

Create good stuff!

It feels like the world is imploding and falling down at the same time and in the second before you throw up, you realise it’s been…

All

Your

Fault!

I’ve been dry for 11 months today. 335 Days, which, funnily enough, is the number of the London flat I lived in for almost 22 years. I love synchronicities like that, of any kind in fact.

I’m glad for the decisions I’ve made. Many of them have been very difficult. It demonstrates to me I’m more resilient than I give myself credit for. I’ve added resilience to the list – in a recent conversation with my friend Riley, he posed the question “Who have I been the whole time?” (Part of a discussion on bettering ourselves and acknowledging who we are as men).

I’ve rephrased the question to “Who have I been the whole way through?” and I’ve already written a quite satisfying list, including ‘frightened’, because that’s been true.

Frightened of what people have thought.

Frightened of spending money.

Frightened to voice my own opinions calmly.

Frightened of not having all the answers.

I’m heading over to a village today, on the bus. It’s called Eyam. It’s famous for its church, its Hall (that I will be visiting) and the plague cottages. My sister went to Ballet lessons there as a child. She is a fabulous dancer. It’s a part of her. I’m a fabulous dancer too, it’s something I am reviving for myself.

Learn to accept who you are and where you are.

Learn to acknowledge your gifts and invest in them.

The only way to make progress is to accept the current situation first.

When there’s stuff to do, it’s really great to get it done.

It doesn’t have to be “big”.

No need for it to be pivotal.

What we’re talking about is being proactive, ceasing procrastination, taking ownership.

If there’s something you can do that completes a project, makes something more beautiful and you take the responsibility, that is brilliant!

Seriously.

A lady approached me in the café yesterday after seeing me interacting with the staff and in her deliciously delicate French accent told me “you have a lovely energy…it really matters.” And with that she left. It was a meaningful, heartwarming moment.

I’ve taken on the job of sweeping up the leaves at my apartment complex. People are grateful. I didn’t ask permission or check whether I should be doing it. I simply decided it was my job. And that’s all it takes.

Decide on what makes you feel alive, share it and do the world some good. Stop judging yourself and allow yourself to get on with YOUR life. It really can be that simple – and powerful!

I’m arranging for the plumber to come round, he’s actually removing a defunct gas fire.

He’s texted me this morning asking if he’s removing the fire surround, which he isn’t.

I was genuinely perplexed because he’s already been in the flat doing other work and has looked at the fireplace and taken instructions.

There’s too much going on, people’s brains are fried, we’ve taken on too much.

Focus.

Simplicity.

These are what to focus on.

Comparing ourselves, all the time!

Someone’s outworking you, someone’s working harder than you, someone’s winning the competition.

Okey doke then. Acknowledged, what do we do?

Well, we look inwards.

There is nothing we can do about who’s out there, doing whatever.

We have our paths, my friend, our ways of doing things, our way of accepting we’re at the stage we’re at.

Now, I can’t tell just how much more progress I’ve made by slowing down the approach – being present with what’s going on, relaxing more, understanding the purpose of the end of each day is to say “that was a good one.”

It’s personal.

Your personal path.

Your personal progress.

Your personal transformation.

Keep going, keep believing in you, all you can do.

I’ve just seen a very famous artist, known for his hard-hitting portrayals during the Covid/Lockdown era, leave an incredibly scathing remark on an AI image. I particularly struck me as the picture in question was a far more sympathetic rendition than most and quite attractive in fact.

I debated replying to his comment but didn’t bother because I don’t want to contribute to the increasing trend of various figures demanding absolute purity that just isn’t possible in the real world.

The thing with great artists, like gold as a commodity for instance, is intrinsically because of their rarity. Most people do not have the gift of producing their own art. The question I was considering posing to this gentleman was whether they should be sharing his art or another’s unique work? Maybe that’s his position. I don’t know and I’m starting to not care because it’s all about the argument.

The funny thing is, I wouldn’t have seen this particular AI-image had this chap not commented on it. Irony dictates that people draw attention to these apparent evils thus giving them more reach than not.

Hatred begets hatred.

Good begets good.

And there’s no doubt that things are inverted in our time – people believe anger is a good thing and they should be angry more not less. 

Anger is a signal to improve things, to stop denying reality, to make things better and resolve the anger, thus rendering it obsolete. Not create more anger.

Those that want more unity, in their efforts, seem to create and desire more discord. If you don’t do what I do, you’re wrong – therein lies the tyrannical instinct people don’t want to admit.

Long story short drop the pomposity, it’s ugly and will never wake people up.

I am not what you would call ‘a reader’ but in recent weeks, I have taken up reading each night before bed. It’s profoundly uplifting reading the wisdom of people I admire, for several reasons.

Now, I have known ‘readers’ – people who read books in days, will sit down on holiday in foreign countries and just read all day. Total immersion.

But last night I paused partway through a chapter and thought about these people and the common denominator of all of them was the sheer speed they would go through pages and chapters!

Yeah, they didn’t ‘read’ those books, they simply wanted the accolade of “I read that before everyone else.” – “I’ve already read that.” – “Oh, I read that ages ago! Haven’t you read it yet?!” Ugh! Ego. Lots of ego.

I remember watching a school friend read a book, ‘reading’ two pages, I kid you not, in about 10-15 seconds. I remember being totally perplexed, astonished, by her. “Oh yes, I read really quickly.” Nope! 

It’s disrespectful and I’ll tell you why. Think of the amount of effort that goes into writing just one book, I wonder if you’ve ever thought about it. 

The sheer commitment to writing one book is something the vast majority never do, let alone multiple tomes. The pains and frustrations that authors go through to elucidate and express their thoughts and you’re ‘speed’ reading or ‘diagonal’ reading?! Rude and not real.

As I read each word clearly last night, I felt a profound sense of adulthood and gratitude. No hurry, no rush, just me with the author’s work, a true meeting of minds, forged over decades, wonderful! 

That’s how we should be doing things – calmly, respectfully, acknowledging the efforts and genius of people who have created things for our benefit. 

I learn to acknowledge these things more and more, we are surrounded by extraordinary people all the time – when we switch on the lights, when we wander along pavements, when we boil water in a pan, things people have figured out for us and we don’t even know their names.

Something to really think about and incorporate into your life.

We want to be involved.

We want the attention.

We want the notoriety.

Goodness we experience any FOMO! It’s such a prison as it’s relentless. The more you stop and observe, the more you’ll realise people thrive on getting a hard-on for the anger!

I had a Google Meet last night with two great friends, whenever I talk with them, I am reminded about choices – what I let in and what I keep out. Boundaries, they’re important and what really resonated yesterday during the conversation was WHY they are important.

It’s easy to draw a line saying, I need this particular time on my own, for example but why is it important? Clarity of thought, peacefulness, people interfering is upsetting to me, etc. etc.

Feelings. They are anchors in the body and we should absolutely learn to the trust them, they are ancient and they’re signposts to good places, to keep us on track.

Decide what You want.

What is your purpose?

What is your mission?

What is your calling?

What is your vision?

Now, this isn’t exactly a political post.

We can agree that an adult is someone who stands on their own two feet. People are going to do what they’re going to do, they believe what they believe, the point is not trying to convince everyone. It never happens that we all agree and, in fact, it doesn’t matter.

If you have any degree of awareness, it will be easy to get annoyed when people actively vote for their own destruction. 

I got into a sort of discussion about politics with a stranger the other day and, not surprisingly, he said we haven’t tried real socialism, going as far as saying communism hasn’t be done properly.

We need something ‘new’ he said. I asked him, reading between the Ines, “how much should we tax people then?” Of course, he wouldn’t answer because, so fuelled by resentment, he doesn’t want anybody owning anything. He believes money should go to ‘government’ and not be passed from parent to child.

We shook hands and parted ways, fortunately there was a bus waiting to take me home. It’s nice to actually see certain things working. New, competitive bus companies stood in recently for a shit firm that went bust. It was quite a smooth transition.

There is good stuff but if you’re online for any amount of time, it’s going to feel especially grim being reminded you’re not being listened to. 

People will fight and fight about Brexit as a) it was such a momentous victory against the machine but also b) the powers that be always need something to blame their failures on, even if said thing, Brexit in this case, hasn’t happened.

I don’t mind saying I voted for Brexit because it was for the spirit of the movement, the expression of the desire. Some say I’m naive or a normie for this belief, absolutely fine, up to them.

Most will say fight for your rights, I say stand up for them. You never know what a resilient mindset will do to show people what’s possible.

Other people will people.

Other humans will human.

Will civilisation be civil? Hmmmm!

We’re looking to others for the answers.

We have an inbuilt need to be told what to do, how to behave, what’s right and wrong. Always deferring our responsibility to the desires and whims of others.

We don’t realise how dangerously we live.

We live under a veneer, an illusion, of steadiness defined by others – often so far removed from our lives that even if they did care, they would not have any influence at all to improve our lot.

No, what you do, what you alone do, is what counts.

It’s not someone else’s job.

Always remember this when you’re looking for answers.

We’re faced with competition all the time.

Politics

Religion

How relationships should work.

We want our ‘side’ to win because we either just want to be right or we believe it would benefit the greatest amount of people.

But lost in the fight of it all, desperately needing to have the upper hand, have you stopped to think, do I actually improve my life getting lost in the argument?

Do we believe that our efforts will effectively change anyone’s mind?

I see many frantically trying to disprove events but in the same breath saying how unimportant said fashionable issue is. I’m finding it increasingly vulgar frankly. The pomposity I witness in people taking the moral high-ground is so off-putting.

How intently are you questioning things purely to find out the truth?

z§We like to think we’re sovereign, independent beings but we can’t deny how much we like to delegate jobs and responsibilities to other people.

I’ve just seen a two minute clip on Twitter of a man complaining about the state of a newly built bridge with weeds and even a tree growing from the bridge soon to cause damage.

OHHHHHHH! ‘They’ should be doing that! It’s a disgrace!

Well, yes, if you believe that paying your taxes like a good little boy is to fund local services. You might have noticed that your government is always at war with other governments. Funny isn’t it?

“We’re at war!” We contradict ourselves even saying it. Are we on the frontline? Do we want to bomb total strangers thousands of miles away? Are our limbs being blown off into smithereens on the battlefield? Nope!

If taxation were voluntary and someone came round asking for a donation to detonate explosives on innocent people on different landmasses, would you give? No. You wouldn’t.

Always someone else’s job.

I heard a story of village life fairly recently. He claimed a stretch of the high street by the church. He tended in particular to a certain road sign that was easily covered by surrounding plant life and ensured the sign was visible to make life easier. It was mentioned in his obituary the contribution he made.

When I’m out I pick up litter, part of it out of a commitment to beauty, the other that I see it as my job. How can I criticise others for NOT doing it when I’m not doing it either.

Responsibility

Ownership

Integrity

It’s your job.

Your job to make things better.

Your job to tend a section of street.

Your job to relentlessly contact the people to get the ‘proper’ people to do their jobs.

Don’t fall for the falsehood that people want honesty.

When push comes to shove, they want you agreeing, they don’t like being challenged.

Honesty is a mirror.

Honesty says “You said this, I say it back and then we fight.” This tends to be the rule.

I say this on the back of being accused of ‘snark’ in doing the above.

Legitimacy is a threat to many, it assumes accountability.

Never assume that being honest will make you loads of friends. And yes, I am aware of how black-pilled this sounds but I think many of us are discovering just how much we’ve been walking around on egg shells to keep friends or at least ‘buttoning our lips’ when it comes to sharing honest and reasonable points of view.

It really matters to me the definitions of things. I realise my Philosophy degree wasn’t a consolation prize or a last resort, it was absolutely the right thing for me to do – because I’m a genuine thinker.

I’m never surface-level about anything. I think deeply, I reflect deeply and yeah – I do ‘that’ deeply too.

I want to understand the point of things and I am relentlessly looking for answers in various ways.

Want to know the best way to find out? Do things. Get to the point rather than skating around issue after issue.

I have very little patience for fannying around these days, I want honest and I’ve also learned the best way to do that is to ask serious questions calmly.

Don’t flap. Get to the point – be direct, be genuinely interested. You’ll get what you want that way as people will take you seriously – because you’ll be taking yourself seriously.

Oooh my goodness, doing therapy unblocks a lot of drains and the shit’s got to get flushed one way or another.

I think my posts have been a bit of the darker variety recently but let’s call it Autumn Cleaning rather than Spring, I like to be accurate.

You have to be really sure of the direction you’re going in as once you decide, it can be very easy to get stuck.

Back, with all faith and commitment, one political grandee and you’ll find that if you utter one bad word about him, that’s half of your following hate-abandoning ship and then back whoever-it-is’s backer, there’s the other half gone too.

Principles, that’s what I like. Honesty being one of them.

New information, new declarations and a radical change of position when it’s necessary.

Live not by lies, don’t get trapped, live truthfully.

I thought a subtle title was suitable today.

I’ve been temporarily sucked in by political posts on Twitter the last few days, LOL.

Forgive Me Lord, for I have sinned! It’s a swamp, genuinely.

The amazing thing though that one sees is just how many idealistic, programmed beliefs still have about politics, culture, there’s so much rose-tinted glasses behaviour that still holds.

Trade Unions used to represent the common man but don’t now – nope, never have, all based on resentment.

Politicians used to be conviction based, again, no, not really.

Christianity says put not your faith in false idols. It’s very good advice but when you get entwined online or have a ‘family member’ generations back, it can extra hard to ignore the brainwashing that’s been prevalent from the beginning.

It’s all so subtle and subliminal.

We want to believe it because it feels like an anchor in the squall, a lighthouse in the storm but history tells us over and over, that the institutions are not on our side.

Eyes wide.

Ears open.

Heart incorruptible.

That’s the way. You have to be very brave to admit that what most belief is a dream at best and deception at the very worst.

There’s a really sweet lad I follow on Twitter, we follow each other in fact and he’s very supportive of my work.

He tweeted something the other day, something I see a lot that inspired this post.

They say that the best revenge to your doubters is to be successful. This is a passive stance. There is a need to motivate oneself outside of oneself. It’s always about proving people wrong, it’s always about overcoming objections. It’s not the way I do things.

I am fundamentally inspired by a need for goodness, vengeance of any kind is a poison to the system. You can’t feel resentment and be good. You can’t feel anger and be good, it’s always a submissive position.

Do the right things for the right reasons.

I saw a short video clip on Twitter yesterday. There’s a very famous soap opera in the UK (the longest running) called Coronation Street (known as Corrie). The clip was of four men sat around in the pub basically saying how much they were struggling in life and they came to an agreement that if they needed any help, they would share it amongst each other.

Now, of course, everyone was saying it was gay and cringe but, truth be told, I was expecting the clip to be embarrassingly unwatchable but I was, in fact, rather touched by the clip and thought to myself ‘if only most people realised what many men are actually going through.’ Would men even admit their struggles?

Doubtful, especially given the outpouring of scorn they’d get for owning up what was ‘going on inside’.

No matter how awake or down the rabbit hole people go, there are accepted norms of how we ‘should’ behave. What we should like and what we should ridicule.

The truth is I know there are many, many men like me who do so-called masculine things (work, do gym workouts, etc.) but we also have great depth of feeling that we want to sort through. We ARE sensitive and we don’t necessarily see it as a bad thing, we also don’t want to let our worries and anxieties ruin our lives.

It’s a balance but, honestly, I quite liked the clip. I found it comforting.

Without the noise, what do you think of yourself?

Without worrying about what you think people want of you, how would you behave?

Would you start to act in your own best interest?

What would you actually really like to do? How would you like to do it? Who would you like to work with?

With so much panic and frantic activity, are you actually conscious and living your own life or simply being reactive?

Who are YOU?

What is YOUR mission?

Are you actually living your own life?

I tweeted yesterday “A reminder that celebrations are one day, not entire months. This month, Halloween falls on 31st October, that’s it.”

We can’t wait anymore.

People will say the trouble with delayed gratification is that it takes too long.

People will start posting pictures of pumpkins on the 1st October, they will post Christmas pictures in November (or even earlier).

There’s a race about it, also a wishing away of life. 

We cannot sit still.

We won’t smell the roses.

We cannot steady ourselves out of guilt or whatever.

Always, always, always got to be doing something. Frantic!

And I’ve seen so much hustle-bro mentality. They always end up getting ill then comes the crash of the high-low cycle. 

Remember the tale of the tortoise and the hare, it has actually been replicated in ‘real life’ – there’s a lesson in. Time we listen.

In the Age of Attention, He who shouts loudest wins. Often it doesn’t even matter is he is right or wrong, He’s just the most heard and He’s converting the likes and retweets for money a lot of the time.

Not much substance to it though.

I’m not bothered about being famous, I’ve actually experienced it to some degree and it means you have no privacy, everyone wants something out of you but rarely returns the favour.

They’re so often trying to prove some kind of point, make sure what they need to say lands and then they’re gone. That’s happened a lot to me too because I haven’t stood up for myself or because I’ve perpetuated situationships for too long when I could have just walked away.

I find most conversations tiresome these days as it’s frequently being talked at rather than spoken with.

It’s why I’m curating my life to make sure the relationships I’m in work for me as well as the other person – Win-Win!

At various stages of my life, I’ve doubted my sanity, wondered if I am totally mad. I know, of course, that there’s nothing wrong with me, many have asked me “how do you know that?”

Observation

Immersion

Curiosity

I remember working in the centre of London and people would call to ask for directions to the office I worked in and my colleague would often remark “how do you know the street names, Martin? I have no idea.”

Well, I went out for walks at lunch time. Wherever I am, I like to be there, not letting the world pass me by. And also, wherever I am, I love to do things that are relevant to that place – walking around the countryside of my birth as an adult is an incredible privilege, it invigorates me!

To me, intelligence is about making connections – connections that the majority fail to see. It means I can predict things that others can’t, it means being misunderstood and, with many, resented. I’ve experienced this a lot! It’s why now I am physically and psychologically isolated. Have been for a long time in fact. Increasingly, however, I see this as a necessary stage of my development. I’m embracing it.

People will think what they’ll think – I don’t believe in forcing my views on people or hoping they will believe/act in a way that suits me, if I want particular treatment, I ask for it, that’s the only way.

It’s very much a watch this space stance I’m taking, dealing with things as they arise but going into every situation standing up for myself.

We live under several states of programming. One of them is linear time.

Wouldn’t it be so convenient that we had a clear, neat and totally objective view of history? This happened then that happened, which caused this to occur, which lead to the next valid stage. No, no, no. Sorry. Can’t do it.

We want a clear-line progression, simple, unambiguous but we know it’s a pipe-dream.

When we require, or even just request, that patience be baked into the mix, we react like children – I want it NOW! Immediately if not sooner! But you miss the point.

In rushing around, in being in such a frantic hurry, we miss the special, the rare, the subtle. Wolfing food down, not tasting every flavour, seeing it only as fuel, it abandons the spiritual state of life and shuns the opportunity to be grateful.

To me, peacefulness is not just a state but, increasingly, an approach. I find myself racing when out on my walks, sometimes I slow the pace, sometimes, I radically stop and take in my surroundings. I smell the aromas, I admire tree branches, gaze fondly at clouds, appreciate the bird song, the rustling of leaves as badgers and squirrels rummage through the undergrowth.

There are a million details at every step and we miss them – and it’s a chance to appreciate beauty as well as be inspired.

We live in an incredible world.

Slowing down, not seeing time as a line but as many circles bouncing off each other and us at the centre enjoying the interconnectedness of it all is a privilege we have access to.

Wanna take a ride?

Oh the ego wants excuses!

It’s not possible there’s a positive here, there’s no advantage there! Much easier to be hard-done-by than a responsible adult!

Believe me, I am not standing here saying I am perfectly autonomous, that I am wholly without procrastination or doubt. No, no.

I’m just as fucked up as the next chap, maybe more so, maybe less. I don’t know.

I’m figuring things out as I go.

I was inspired for this post by a mutual follower commenting on a doctor whose circumstances were greatly affected by speaking out during ‘COVID’. Regrettable, maybe yes but it occurred to me, yeah, he does get hero status though. 

Perhaps the hardships are worthy of an elevated position in this world?

Everything that happens is part of your journey.

What you embrace and what you reject.

And everything is an opportunity.

I can’t help being an introspective, analytical man. It’s simply who I am. The key is what you turn your focus to.

If you think of literally a couple of generations back, three or four max, there were men fighting in trenches during hideous world wars. Many were following orders, yes, many were woefully unprepared for what they would face. Many didn’t come back. Many returned shells of who they were.

I learned recently my father’s father was a WW2 bomb disposal expert! Brave!

We fear hurty words on the internet. I don’t deny we are of our times but we have in us great fortitude and opportunity to grow some balls.

Let’s do it!

In pivotal times, of deep soul searching, I go introspective. To go further, you must go deeper.

I think my intolerance is symptomatic of having no patience for fakery or bullshit – or manipulation.

I found myself lying in bed last night briefly thinking about my ex and still working through how infested my system is with the dysfunctional relationship.

I watch spiritual videos on YouTube, I rewatch podcasts to mine the wisdom therein, I read, I contemplate, I go for walks.

It’s peaceful but, at times, I feel tremendous frustration that things aren’t moving faster. Can something just land, can something make fruit!

But I remind myself of the many thousands of times I’ve heard there is a natural pace set out for my path and I can’t argue with it – for that is the greatest obstacle.

They say get out of your own way.

One more step, my friend. One foot out in front of the other. Keep walking, steady as you go.

As I sort myself out, I am becoming far more honest about what I do and don’t believe/want. I am also becoming far more irritable and intolerant. It’s part of the process of clearing things out, most satisfying to finally admit what I feel without apology but, no lie, it is emotionally dysregulating in the extreme!

What is the point of emotions? It’s all about placement. Are you at threat or at risk? Are you in alignment? Are you peaceful? Are you vigilant?

We ignore emotions at our peril. They transcend language but they are protective. We try to describe them but we can’t properly.

And there’s a key in the protective nature of our feelings. They are anchored in a particular point of time, they were a defence mechanism that, left unexamined, will slowly gnaw away and destroy you. Most people are living out unquestioned shields from their experiences. You see it when you either say “no” to people or say something they hadn’t considered.

Emotions are a pause, a pattern interrupt, an opportunity to assess if you’re living life well. Think of a sunset, it brings you back to reality with a joyful jolt, witness a car crash it brings you back to reality with fear and shock! 

Here’s the issue though – we judge ourselves for what we feel saying we’re too soft or too weak, too easily moved, too reactive but the feelings are not voluntary, they are responses in alignment with our values that go to the core.

We judge our emotions at our ultimate peril. Here’s where you can be free – radical acceptance. Denial is death. We feel what we feel and the feelings are useful, they are tools not weapons.

Doing the right things, doing the wrong things, we know by how we react emotionally.

Start to trust them.

Start to trust yourself!

I had a wild dream last night. Part of it was a cow giving birth to a sheep, who had in turn given birth to a badger. I think that was it.

Another part was dancing around with a chap at a party, who showed me his keys and told me to follow him home an hour after he left saying “That’s what everybody wants.” I’m assuming he was referring to sex but I’m not quite sure. I woke up a little hazy.

These days, if one person wants something then everyone else has to agree. And if you don’t, you’re bad. Reductionist I know but we feel it.

No room for individuality.

No room for having a different world view.

I think most people feel incredibly stifled by the current regime.

Stuff’s happening.

The mood is shifting.

And we can decide our place in it.

I know, my friend, other people want different things, isn’t it oh-so-inconvenient.

You know what I’m going to say.

Focus on what you want, what brings you joy, genuine satisfaction.

The initials of this title are Trademark Trademark. There will be a few others who will pick this out.

We seem to be forever seeking out edges and angles that others haven’t but I see a decided decline in dignity and humility.

Everybody thinking THEIR version of events is THE truth rather than their partially-formed perspective.

Yes, we recognise patterns.

Yes, we have less or no trust in particular institutions.

Yes, everything feels subverted and turned upside down.

It doesn’t mean declining into nihilism (the ‘h’ is silent in nihilism, by the way and mosaic has two syllables not three).

I’ve been called a grammar nazi, fine. Knock yourself out. Standards don’t feel like a choice to me. Yes, I do wonder if I am alienating people.

This isn’t an “I wish people would just come together” post because I’m not that deluded or tyrannical. 

Everything has to fit into people’s chosen worldview and it’s so arrogant. To think we carpet-fashion have all the info, all the wisdom, the ability to piece everything together in seconds. No, no, no.

I love being on the ground. I will go to the next Unite The Kingdom March because I want to experience, for myself, what it’s really like. I did the marches when I lived in London during COVID and they were transformational experiences of utter belonging and harmony. Festivals of Freedom. I want to smell the people, hear them singing and conversing, the doers.

We forget we are Peoples, shared common heritage and historic accomplishment and people everywhere let their egos get in the way of unity.

We who want the best for each other, stand up together.

Photo Credit: Alastair Hilton

If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times.

I am such a perfectionist!

BUT!

I apply it to other people. Getting embroiled in squabbles, wanting to retreat and believe me, there is definitely a place for discarding what’s really damaging you but I found myself getting lost in the Charlie Kirk saga, buffeting between loads of people and factions saying all manner of different things.

What am I doing?

What are you doing?

What is any one of us doing?

Making a mess. And it’s fine that way. I desperately want to embrace it.

I love watching different podcasts, reading different books and it’s helpful but all must be applied.

Celebrate the doers. I posted that on X a few days ago. What am I doing? I asked myself seriously and I will continued to do so.

I’ve changed the name of my X account, my YouTube channel too. Martin of Mercia has both a historic and a regal sound. I started to trim my beard earlier and decided to go full Lex Luther and take off all the facial hair and show you what I really look like under the mess.

Revelation. We are obsessed with it. Let people know what you think. I fail sometimes but I try, these days, to always do things with dignity and respect but sometimes, the truth is sharper and harder and you just have to get on with it.

I want simple things, mate. Something I told a friend the other day. Conserving my energies for the really important stuff, I told him. It was satisfying and TRUE. It is what I want and I want to contribute to a better England, a better me, imparting more wisdom.

Flash of inspiration, a couple of swift, decisive changes and now to keep the momentum going.

Focus on goodness.

Focus on what matters.

Be a strong man.

A decent man.

Be a doer!

Messily!

If it’s called common sense, why do so few have it?

Life is full of conundrums, I feel like I’m facing about 95% of them right now. Then there’s the stuff we just can’t know.

Many ask questions but don’t really want honest answers, this is easily observable by their reactions to direct feedback.

No ambiguity + open expression = their shock (usually)

I am developing a frequent habit of asking for genuine answers to questions, posing those things that feel uncomfortable to ask, opening myself to yet more mutiny. It’s very uncertain and nerve racking.

I trust nerve racking more though, it cuts to the chase and gives you the straight facts to deal with.

Efficiency!

Like common sense is a misnomer, so too is honesty is the best policy (for most). I wonder if we’re actually capable of widespread honesty, doesn’t look like it, does it!

Plough on my friend and get the info YOU need!

Above was the title I came up yesterday. It was going to be about a very different subject but here I sit, overwhelmed by shock and disbelief, at the savage sacrificing of Charlie Kirk.

A sweet, sweet young man with a wife and two children who will never know him. Forever. Gone.

I actually can’t believe it’s happening. It takes a lot to put me into total disbelief.

People point out the irony of Charlie being shot to death as he advocates for gun rights. 

People dance in glee on TikTok at his murder.

People subvert the event for politics and have zero empathy, ZERO, for a wife losing her husband and totally innocent children being deprived of their father.

So many millions undermine the sacred value of life in trying to score points for ‘their side’.

He was so sweet and good and I genuinely believe acting altruistically to help as many as possible live well and wholesomely.

Sweet man.

Value life.

I had another dream last night.

I had been somewhere or another and I boarded a bus, climbing to the top deck. 

Initially, I had sat somewhere on my own and was settling down to read my book (something I’ve been discussing recently that I’d love to set aside far more time for but, for some reason, won’t allow myself to do).

As the bus was setting off, a young girl with her mother sat next to me and started jumping around me, prodding me, refusing to leave me alone and I said to her the title of this post. The dream ended with me saying this.

I’ve got a long journey (it’s very prescient) to undo how damaged I feel and to finally take charge of the conditions of my life both in a personal/psychological sense and how I will allow and disavow how other people behave in our relationships. And I’d just like to read, immersed in interesting information, totally focused, totally present. It sounds like absolutely bliss but it always, for me, feels like there’s something pulling me from true joy – and peacefulness.

When we say “I just want….” whatever it is, what we’re actually saying is “I want to take this time for myself, to do what I alone want to do in my own way.” This seems to fly in the face of most people’s behaviour who, I am convinced, want to make things more difficult and shun simplicity.

I want the latter, I will have it and let the cards fall where they may. 

There’s a woman who has a flat in my complex, most of the time she lives in London but she visits every few months. Whenever she does, I am always astounded at just how much she faffs around with her car, putting it in the garage, taking it out again, leaving it parked outside the garage and returning to put it away again.

Whenever I see her I cannot help but think “what the fuck is she doing?” Even closing the garage door, she half closes it, checks God knows what, then finishes closing it. I’ve never seen such a load of faff!

I recently took charge of the garden situation too. Many said I had no right to clear things away from the lawns, but here’s the thing, at some point every single one of those people made some decision without consulting anyone and then proceeded to ignore the effects.

No, discipline, orderliness, taking responsibility – these are what matter and, I’ll tell you what, most people are resentful of people taking charge, doing the right thing.

Remember, most are dictated by wanting their own way not doing the right thing.

Don’t know about you but when I see people walking around, they look in a daze. Nothing seems to make sense to them.

They loiter, they gaze confusedly at roadsigns, they linger and stare but don’t go anywhere.

Are we hypnotised?

Have we lost our direction?

Have we become soft and stultified?

Occasionally, I’ve found myself connecting headphones to my phone and listening to some music when out walking but I haven’t done that for a while. It’s not present, one cannot hear the birds chirping, the wind rustling through the trees. It’s also not appreciative. 

Everything seems like whatever+plus. Nothing seems good enough in itself. My ex-boyfriend constantly talked people needing to accept when things are enough but relentlessly picked at people’s behaviour – including my own. The full of extent of this I am only coming to terms with now.

What matters is human nature and human connection. I have to say, right now, I am incredibly selective about who I spend my time with, almost to the point of total reclusiveness. It’s what I need at the moment to sharpen the sword, the point the pencil, to sharpen my senses and my purpose.

Maybe it’s the price we pay?

Underneath it all, what I’m always looking for is personal responsibility – a life without needless distractions, a purposeful mission that feeds me and helps others. That’s why I feel I am here.

I have many emotional blocks.

I sometimes wonder what the fuck I’m doing.

Sometimes what I’m doing feels futile and an endless slog.

I understand, however, that there is hope in it and lessons to be learned but it takes time.

It’s why politics seems a persistent war on our balance and health. Many still believe this one or that one is going to be the answer but dig not even that deep and you’ll find the people called to politics are too distant and too inconsistent to actually help.

And you’ll find the frequent argument will be that if you’re not joining Y party or Z cause, then you can’t complain.

Okie doke. I walk away from such people.

Life is quite simple. Make good relationships, real ones, make some money, keep as many of your assets away from government. It can be done. It is we who complicate it by placing faith in people who do not care about us, not really.

Be Your Own Man, Live Your Own Life.

Believe me, my friend, I often wonder if I’m doing the right thing.

There are so many topics and issues that I want to talk about but don’t because a) I get so stressed and angry that I know it’s harming my health and b) what will complaining about various things actually do?

Perfectly reasonable position.

But I don’t want, nor like, to be passive. I genuinely believe I could make a difference in many different spheres.

What do we do?

Over the last decade, had I have had a massive platform and even mildly expressed many of my right-wing beliefs, I’d have been doxxed and cancelled as well.

I was too busy being angry and claustrophobic in London. It is a relief to be back in the countryside but even here, I’m surrounded by ethnically-suicidal and depressive people who think it’s a sin to be White.

Said people who concurrently believe that plastering their roofs with solar panels rather than tiles and, prospectively, installing a hydroelectric power facility literally opposite where I live is going to make a difference to a climate crisis that doesn’t exist.

You see, it’s all under the surface. There are many things I could say that I don’t. I see personal/individual responsibility as a boon to make your own circumstances as positive and beneficial as possible but it doesn’t mean I don’t notice when things are, to put it lightly, not being done properly.

I’ve had several ‘small’ wins with getting the communal gardens at my building sorted out, of contacting a local office to remove barriers from a previous job of work that had been abandoned over a year ago, making things more beautiful, satisfying. 

But I constantly feel like I could do more and indeed am capable. It’s where to direct the energy and, I’ll be honest, still figuring it out.

You doubt your influence.

You doubt your capability.

You doubt what you can really do.

Don’t worry, I am not just addressing you.

I’ve always loved the image with this post. Focused, funny, fascinating – to think that something so tiny can be so mighty.

I also think of the wasps that buzz in and out of my flat when I leave the French Windows to the Balcony open. A wasp is 500-600 times smaller than the average human, they don’t mess about.

All these teeny beings let their presence be known, they make their presence felt.

You too can do the same!

When you look simply at the struggles you’ve been through, it’s either you or someone else telling you to act immorally or against your nature.

I’ve experienced so many people getting pissed off when I haven’t agreed with them or done things the way they’ve expected. There’s an awful lot of hubris, entitlement, going on.

Now, a lot of people hanker after the idea of telling people to go fuck themselves but the truth is, preserving my own peace is far more important than vilifying people and the ego wants you to get angry at people. Pointless.

I’ve encountered directly people saying how soft I am, how weak for walking away but you have a choice between love and violence. It’s what it comes down to.

So many people I’ve known have tried to teach me a lesson, to put me in my place, so to speak. The fascinating is I perpetuated said relationships.

Ha ha, not anymore.

I have a fantastic therapist. He and I have a fabulous relationship, he helps me, he listens, he’s understanding and wise.

Yes, I’m talking about therapy which many state to be irrelevant and useless.

I honestly believe this is ego, very few want to admit they need support, to be seen, to be heard, to be acknowledged as sovereign. And fair enough, it’s their choice and I’m not even suggesting that everyone should be crying in public a la Jordan Peterson (which I also found really creepy!).

But there are things that I’ve related to my therapist and the act of saying them out loud to someone sympathetic has made me realise just how much I’ve belittled myself and enormously underplayed the significance of how shitty certain people have treated me.

Everyone’s feeling it but most, I believe, keep it to themselves. Again, every individual’s choice but I’ll tell you what finding the right person to say it to does – it properly takes the pressure off.

Have a think about it.

I’m visiting my cousin in Manchester today (Manchester, England not Manchester, New Hampshire).

I was discussing how long it has been since I last saw her with my parents on our weekly FaceTime yesterday) and, it’s at least two and a half years.

I’m excited. We’re going to have a lovely lunch and look around a great gallery at some Old Master paintings. The cultural aspect of my personality is going to have a field day.

I’ll tell you what I’m also excited about, meeting new people, doing new business, fulfilling my life’s calling.

It’s happening, I can feel it, things are starting to pulse.

You’re always going to have some nervousness, it’s not a problem. Happiness, I have always said, is not a perpetual state of ease, it’s a toolkit to be able to deal with life’s challenges with gratitude and perspective.

The worst scenarios exist in your mind, not in the real world.

Spread your wings and fly!

I do sometimes worry I’m rather paranoid. That feeling dissipates when I talk with other people, perfectly regular people at that.

I’ve often considered the idea of ‘standards’, of doing things properly and, when you think about it, that’s going to be heavily dependent on who and what you’ve grown up with.

The notion of peoples is frowned upon these days and, so to with it, accepted norms and customs can easily go out of the window or be derided.

It’s why my focus is confidence – trusting and having faith in yourself.

Be a fire-starter!

We’re constantly being reminded of things, have you noticed? One of them is this ridiculous phrase often attributed to Einstein that ‘madness is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.’ but if you stop and think about it, you will be doing a handful of repeat tasks to build your business, grow your Twitter following, doing programmes at the gym and the cumulative effect is your progress.

Subtly, we’re always being directed and these days it’s often not that subtle!

You will be going over things, doing similar things, it sounds boring and it’s why people will talk about consistency because that’s what makes the difference.

Remember, too, we’re looking for simplicity here. Don’t think about continually adding in more and more tasks, get better and invest in the activity that will ‘shift the needle’.

Most effort is vanity.

Be effective.

Be consistent.

Drown out the fucking noise!

I like ‘stuff’. I do. There are certain objects in my house that bring me much joy, they’re beautiful, they’re useful. When I put my imagination down on paper and design great big houses (son of an architect), I can picture myself in them, I get strong sensations of what it’d be like to meander through the various rooms and corridors.

This is the material stuff. I don’t knock it, it’s a wonderful part of life. Then, of course, there is the spiritual aspect.

From an incredibly early age, we are pitted against each other, we’re told it’s cheating to confer and we’re put under exceptional pressure to sit tests that many of us are finding are useless in the real world.

My generation (Millennials technically, I bracket myself in the convenient Xennial generation sandwiched between Gen X and Gen Y), experienced a world before the proliferation of the internet and the Age of Information we see now.

We’re moving away from the realm of experience – getting out and immersing ourselves in nature. It’s why I moved back to the countryside, being able to is a blessing I will admit, this weekend, as a contrast, I am visiting my cousin in Manchester. A major city! I am intrigued and a bit apprehensive, I also want to take advantage of ‘culture’ (we’re visiting a major art gallery so I can get a fix of stunning old master paintings and go to a nice café.

Youngsters now are filling their faces with fillers and crap and they all look modelled from the same alien breed. It’s so weird and so uncomfortable to watch. 20 year olds with trout lips and airbrushed skin. It’s not the natural way of things.

My aim is to spread being as authentic as possible, accepting the fact that life these days is very messy and chaotic but we can find a sense of self by rejecting the anger and hurry many appear to operate under.

Be yourself, unvarnished.

Spend time communing with nature.

Establish strong human connections.

These are the things, you realise, actually matter.

“Hey, why do you dance like that?” – “Because I want to.” Walks off. Yes, this is an actual (and very brief) conversation. I realise I’ve had a lot of balls at various stages of my life. Talent too. Somehow, I let it go for a long time and not even just recently.

People want to be right.

People want to be involved.

Rarely do they want to be happy.

I see it all the time and it’s undeniable. Fight, fight, fight.

If you desire peace in your life maybe, yes, you won’t have the same desperate need to prove yourself but, I’ll tell you what, it certain makes life a lot simpler and more enjoyable.

When you placate people or try to make them happy, you won’t be living your life, you’ll be guessing theirs.

Whatever it is I’m doing, maybe it doesn’t appear grand or sensational but it’s my choice. 

I like it that way.

Less worry.

More You.

I’ve just been having a bit of a rant at myself.

Brainwashed eco-dogooders want a Hydro-Electric power facility installed in the river weir of our village immediately opposite where I live. They believe such a facility will have no noise or vibrational impact and that it will power 60 homes. It’s totally delusional but the project is steaming ahead.

I am, proactively, going to a meeting in a few weeks to get more info and attempt to inject some reason into the proceedings. I only know about such a project because I decided, contrary to my usual behaviour, to have attended a parish council meeting a little while ago.

I don’t believe these people are evil. I don’t believe that they have malicious intent. I do, however, believe they are massively propagandised and, also, want to ‘look good’.

There is definitely ego involved and, despite the fact they have cultural and institutional backing, they don’t necessarily have that much genuine community spirit given that no one, including myself and my fellow apartment block residents, have been consulted about any of the impact.

This is a situation directly affecting me and the peace and harmony I came back to this area for. I cannot deny it is irritating but I also have to acknowledge that getting angry doesn’t help me either.

We can viscerally feel anger damaging us when we indulge it. It is humbling to accept that there are things out of our control. I am putting myself into action to get more info and exercise any influence I can have on this situation because it is highly localised. You have to choose your focus and I believe you have to go into these situations positively, motivated by wanting things to be better.

Go in to win.

Go in believing you can.

There’s responsibility and then there’s letting yourself be dumped upon!

Being understanding and compassionate does not mean being a doormat.

I remember in my last long-term job, I had a project dumped on me and one could say it was an opportunity to shine but the environment was all wrong and the project itself a no-goer. You can’t sell a vision if no one wants to join you – literally and figuratively.

They say if you want to employ someone, choose the man that’s busy but don’t don’t let yourself fall for everything.

Being discerning is the name of the game.

Say Yes.

Say No.

I want solid things.

I’ve occupied my time with many different distractions, flaky people, ambiguous projects, untoward intentions. I’ve questioned them and realised they’re not the way.

My ex was the most acute example of this. There was a structure to what we had (dysfunctional as it really was!), I had things to occupy my day with for him, the same time FaceTiming in the evening, sharing Wordle results and, occasionally, going out of London to sightsee.

But so many walls and so much confusion.

When I moved back to my hometown a couple of years ago, there was a chap I chatted with and, have to admit, I found him very attractive and, on many occasions, felt like he was flirting back with me. I don’t know what the truth is but there are too many crossed wires to ignore and that’s fizzled out.

It leaves me faced with what I need to do – my true path and it’s overwhelming and I’m impatient, ha ha! A frustrating combination but an opportunity.

I only want solid things, definitive plans, focused action.

And I am watching this space.

The more self-determined I become, the less I appreciate pomposity. And it’s getting to a point, where I see it so often it’s putting me off watching many people whose content I thought I relied on.

We can come up with distinctions like creator and consumer, leader/follower, etc. but let’s face it, most are just trying their best to deal with day-to-day life.

And it’s funny, since writing the above, our gardeners have paid their weekly visit and after drifting around not doing that much for the last few weeks, I availed myself to them and let them knew what really needs doing. They loved it! The smiles on their faces for doing a good job today and the promise of a satisfying ongoing purpose, they were so excited – full of purpose and bid me a very warm adieu!

Take charge! That’s the point.

Let ‘em know what to do.

Let ‘em know what they’re really capable of.

I’ve felt guilty and embarrassed to step up for so long.

There’s nothing to be afraid of.

Go for it!

Chaos is the name of the game when you start sorting yourself out. It ain’t neat. It ain’t easy. It’s rough, tough and you’ll constantly feel like you’ve had enough.

Now, my ex-relationship was not that long, four-ish years from beginning to end but his previous relationship had been over two decades and the amazing thing is that, even after almost 9 months of being apart, I still think about him a fair bit.

Holy Mother of Fuck! Will it end?!

It’s a good question and even my therapist welcomed me to the club in asking it.

I think we all feel it. Nothing makes much sense.

Keep going and know you can contact me if you need help!

You’re a child of the universe. And it might sound corny but everything in history has preceded you and is all in you, make no mistake.

Are you here to be constantly asking permission?

Are you here to lessen yourself and drift into corners?

Are you here to ignore your own needs and wants and desires?

No, we know this isn’t the way but slowly, over time, we make allowances and compromises and I believe people are finally awakening to this fact.

There has got to be more!

Even I thought this title sounded cringey but here’s the thing.

People have always been standing in their own gardens, staring enviously at other people’s. The only difference now is the scale.

It’s not just national or international, it’s global and it’s fed by a desperate need to be seen. In the Age of Connectivity, we have never felt more isolated or more alone.

Now, for my perspective, I realise just how much of a desperate rush I’ve been in and, very recently, how quick I am to deflect what’s painful – which, let’s face it, will only stunt growth and progress.

I literally laugh it off. It feels selfish to acknowledge the things I’ve been through solely from my point of view. So wicked, so self-absorbed but, by the way, how are you doing today?

See, a little joke but that’s the script that’s running. I even ask my therapist what’s going on with him.

With a far-distance look, he commented in my most recent session, the energy drains from my face and my eyes go darker. It’s a very heavy feeling that I feel arrogant and entitled to just focus on what I need and I what I’ve experienced emotionally and psychologically. My instinct is always to say “but I know I am not the only one.”

“Are you deflecting?” He also asked me at once point two days ago. I couldn’t deny it but it’s a massive habit, probably my most ingrained.

But I am the only one to sort out my shit from my perspective alone.

It’s exciting but a massive mountain to climb.

But I believe it’s time.

During my therapy sessions, many different concepts, ideas, possibilities come to me.

What I am learning steadily is that I don’t necessarily need to attach myself to every single thing that comes along. I have been guilty of that, of diving straight down deeply in whatever comes along and I don’t regret it. 

We learn through experience and we examine the effects/results to gauge how we live life from that point on. Plans, wishes, predictions are all largely pointless.

One such concept that came up a couple of therapy sessions was this idea of ‘radical stopping’. I simply said it out loud in reference to the conversation at the time.

It is not passive.

It is not idleness.

It is the theme of noticing.

I find myself doing this more often now that when I can feel myself racing, rushing, however you want to put it. I breathe and I stop to notice my surroundings.

Where am I?

Who am I?

What is important in this moment? 

It is a contemplative and immersive feeling in the moment and I cannot tell how how grounding it is. It can be as long or short a moment as you like. I love to live more and more by the principle I have derived for myself – Wherever You Are BE There.

Breathe it in.

Savour the moment.

Whatever thought or feeling that may be troubling you, notice, observe, acknowledge it but do not attach to it. It is not who you are, it is ghosts of your past wishing to haunt you.

We are alive, awake beings – should we allow ourselves to take the plunge and…..

Relax.

I do laugh a lot at what people say, call me judgemental.

Whether we admit it or not, loads of us are using home delivery services, regularly on Amazon but at the end of podcasts will always virtue signal “I’m using the evil Amazon”. 

The only thing that matters is what you do. If these platforms are so terrible, then please stop using them. But you won’t.

Whether we like it or not, these facilities do the job, they do 99% of our thinking for us, they integrate payment systems, they display things nicely. Yes, they quash competition, yes, they have political backing. Yes, it’s all true but it’s why I advocate personal responsibility, individual sovereignty.

Up the work ethic and get talking with people if Amazon is so evil.

I can’t help but see performative contradiction everywhere.

From second one, we’re recording. Every breath, every second, every experience, it’s all being jotted down and it never goes away.

We’re often told the goal is to get the thoughts to stop but good luck with that. It really isn’t the point.

Thoughts happen, we are powerless to stop them. 

Do you believe everything you’re presented with? No, that’s the point. 

I think we all have repeated thought patterns that plague us, to some extent.

Am I good enough?

Do I trust myself?

Will I look stupid doing this?

What if I get it wrong?

What if I fail?

I honestly don’t see these questions as ‘bad’ things. I believe they’re signposts. Something to work on. 

You cannot hold back the tide but you can learn to dance in it!

Intelligence is making connections others don’t.

Relationships are making connections for mutual benefit.

Community is making connections for far-reaching advantage.

Always keep investing in making connections.

I messaged a chap again who I had a call with a while ago, to check in, to see how he was, to see if there had been an updates in his life.

Show interest.

Be interested.

Show you care.

Be a solid gent.

I went on a particularly epic walk four or five days ago. Before leaving, I ate a banana for sustenance and packed another in my bag as a contingency plan.

You know where this is going, I daresay.

A couple of days ago, I was reaching into the compartment of my bag to retrieve a paper towel. I wondered what the pungent odour was and discovered said banana in a rather mutant state. Into the bin it went and this morning I washed the fabric and all is right with the world again.

First point, in the past, occurrences such as this annoyed me greatly, now they pass me by like a cloud in the sky (we will term this progress!). Second point, you can plan as much as you like but the journey will consume you and show you the right way. Whatever you’re faced with, you can prevail.

There is a lesson in everything. Often many!

So it’s not just a forgotten piece of fruit, it’s a demonstration, an education. Approach everything this way.

I’m becoming aware of my own rigidity.

I’ve backed myself into many a corner. One persistent way I’ve done this is to reject my own intuition that I should have had the confidence to listen to and act upon.

And it isn’t just people-pleasing, I’m learning. It’s been an unwillingness to, sometimes, not step out into the unknown and face head-on the things I’ve been frightened of.

We miss great opportunities when we don’t trust ourselves, as we deny the inherent greatness we already possess.

Remember, there are plenty of things you consider that you can look into but not necessarily have to say yes to every time. Indeed, learning to say no more means leaving your bandwidth open to the things that matter your aspirations and your individual character.

You’re not meant for everything, you’re meant for the right things that align with your mission and natural leanings.

With the majority talking about everything being taken away from us, remember to stay in charge of your own mind, your heart and your vision.

Freedom is an approach you can always adopt even if it’s laughing at the madness.

Unavoidable observation – when people talk about rules, they’re normally trying to impose them on you yet never on themselves.

I’ve talked plenty about people wanting their own way, we also have to acknowledge that everyone believes they’re right. You will witness this in how they protest when you say no.

As much as I can be, I enjoy being motivated by goodness, by peacefulness and wishing that for as many as possible. It’s all about scaling out joy for the masses. It’s very few who are genuinely malevolent.

That is the individualistic path.

The path to perfect purity is such a brutal one and, let’s be honest, so totally unachievable because we’re human.

Whatever the given topic, we understand the basics – masculinity is strength and resource provision, femininity is nurturing/motherhood, we know what a man is, same for a woman. We understand it but we want attention and we want to WIN.

Why be silent when you can try to be right, yes?

This is what we’re dealing with online. It’s relentless and it makes for some awfully prickly personalities. Just getting fucking real and understand that no one has all the answers.

My background shit is that everyone in my family was vying for supremacy, to role everyone in to thinking, feeling and behaving in whatever way that one of them wanted and, frankly, I ended up being a witness to all this chaos and it was assumed that I was perfectly all right through all of it. Nope!

There are literally tens of millions of men like me that I want to help lift themselves up. I just don’t discount myself anymore. I often wonder why it feels so difficult at times to get things done but this is where I am.

It’s puzzling, it’s frustrating yet it’s an ongoing voyage of discovery and strengthening. Literally and figuratively. I used to go to the gym four/five times per week but I was forever starving and aching. That may be for some men, not for me now. I use my equipment a couple of times a week on average and the fat is coming off. Not as fast but these days, when I eat, I get full and it feels satisfying.

And when other men see me naked they use words like ‘hot’ and ‘sexy’ and ‘fit’.

I’m gay, most men are straight – you know what, it doesn’t make the blindest bit of difference. We’re fucked up and we want to sort ourselves out.

Quite simple.

The ‘ideals’ of whatever you’re talking about apply to such a vanishingly small group and who are the arbiters? Clout-seekers, webcam business owners, boxers-cum-wannabe-presidents of countries? Panto. Stage-show.

We’re real people, warts and all. Deal with it. It’s your life.

And it’s the power ALREADY in our hands, no waiting, no questioning.

POWER! Potency. The possibilities are endless.

I had the most vivid dream last night, involving old colleagues, a relative missing his teeth. It was actually quite a healing dream, putting to rest some old relationships from aeons ago, realising how much progress I had made.

Most of what you believe matters really doesn’t. I am curious and inquisitive beyond belief but I see more and more how unnecessary it is to get lost in the weeds of trying to figure out other people’s behaviour – why they don’t believe what I believe, why don’t they ‘get it’.

Pointless waste of time. Pointless waste of potential too.

There was a thread in my dream that I was temporarily taking care of some diamonds for my sister (now the diamond theme is directly related to my ex-boyfriend as he was obsessed with gemstones of all kinds, unhealthily so). I was carrying what appeared to be a couple of small stones but when I arrived at their proper destination a whole heap of them appeared when things were, in the dream’s terms, laid to rest.

Abundant dream and eye-opening.

There’s more to you than you believe. 100%. More you’re capable of, more you deserve, more you can do. 

Believe in yourself and let go of the ghosts of your past.

Maybe I sound like a broken record but so many are so very angry!

“You’re a moron!”

“Kirstie Allsopp is a bubonic cunt.” – Yes, genuinely read this today.

“No one believes this, except you.”

Ah, okay. We disagree. Plain and simple but why waste a good opportunity to scream out loud at strangers, eh?!

I’ve heard said that we used to be able to disagree and get on but I don’t know if this is true. We rose-tint in times of chaos but there’s always been drama, I think it’s just not been so in-our-faces as it is now.

Pubs get smashed up.

People affray at football matches.

Parents, shockingly, beat their child at the bus stop (yes, witnessed and still haunted by it almost a quarter of a century hence).

People have egos.

People want to be right

Some desperately NEED to be right.

Most identities are incredibly fragile and fractious.

My aim? Rise above it, witness it and acknowledge many know no better. Also, realise it’s nothing personal, it’s attention seeking but meaningless.

Peace to you, my friend – with some laughs along the way.

There’s what we tell ourselves and there’s what we do. Quite simple really.

We’re always looking for a way to explain things away.

But there comes a time when you have to get radically honest and admit what’s going on upstairs.

I’ve found therapy immensely helpful, I know many of you shun it. Choices, we all make them.

There’s no use in covering up how you feel. Pushing it down will only make it explode later on, it’s inevitable and I’ve seen it so many times.

It’s okay to be honest.

It’s okay to not know what’s going on.

Openness and humility are not weakness. 

You’re just admitting you don’t have all the answers yet.

Once a term is mainstreamed, it’s all you can hear!

The latest is ‘gaslit’.

Now, people have been trying to convince you of damaging things or untrue things for centuries. It’s nothing new. 

But honestly, keyboard warriors will say just about anything for clout and attention in response to what are very obvious and very reasonable stances.

You really are not crazy for calling out the destruction of war.

You really are not crazy for desiring peace.

You really are not crazy for wanting to define and keep your own boundaries.

You’re not but as soon as you do so, people get pissed off ‘cause they realise they won’t be able to attempt manipulation tactics on you or at least they know you’ll confront them over it.

You’re not crazy for wanting to live your life.

Wowzers, don’t people get so angry! I’m quoting Shakespeare at you to try to remind you you’re a gentleman!

I made a comment yesterday on a post where a chap was sharing a video of people recording a policeman being assaulted by a civilian, commenting that he didn’t know why people were filming the incident rather than helping when he himself was using the video as a demonstration.

It’s what we call in the trade a performative contradiction.

The incredible thing though was several commenters calling me, and I make no joke, “a moron”, “disgusting”, a “pussy”, a “globalist”, a “lefty” (they don’t know me very well). Another remarking that I must find myself intelligent.

Vitriol. How much of it is real? How valid is any of it? From a one sentence comment I made. 350+ likes, 32K views.

It shows how the mildest of opinions can have the most dramatic of reactions and massive reach for something so common sensical.

1. Never doubt the impact you can have.
2. Never be afraid to speak up.
3. Always keep learning.

Everybody has some answer to what’s going on, some opinion, some explanation.

Or at least they take a stance and stick with it.

There’s little questioning.

The other day, I was on my village bridge and I was embroiled in a conversation over the potential installation of a Hydro electric facility immediately opposite where I live.

A chap intervened as someone involved in the project and, at one point, mentioned that the team of people he convened with were all ‘fat, white men’ and that the group wasn’t ‘very diverse’.

Ugh! Repugnant but I couldn’t be bothered to argue, not the time nor the place. He believes that by installing ‘renewables’ including solar panels on his house, ‘disapproving’ of gas and being ethnically masochistic/suicidal that he’ll get his brownie points and social status.

No thought, no questioning, it’s a thin way to live. Never just believe something because someone else says it.

What I am pursuing right now is bringing together all the wisdom and courage that I’ve developed. It’s satisfying, yet a slow process. It’s down to doing your own thinking, trusting yourself and listening out for the truth.

It’s your life. It’s your choice. You can do what you want.

You don’t need a ‘therapist’, you need the gym.

You don’t need a ‘coach’, you just need to ‘get on with it’.

You don’t need to talk, just ignore it.

Fine. See how it works when you’re slogging away at whatever and, under it all, you’re sabotaging yourself, you don’t feel you deserve the results you dream of.

I have seen it so many times.

People destroying themselves in the relentless pursuit of ‘proving people wrong’. The best revenge is living well?

Wrong focus and passive.

Do you really want to spend your life resentful, angry and reactive? No you don’t. Or maybe you do, much luck to you.

It’s talking, having a coach, that’s what it is. It’s actually very simple but so incredibly powerful.

Actors

Sportsmen

Businessmen

Entrepreneurs

The good ones will tell you they all have coaches.

Trainers, mentors, teachers, they’re all people to guide you and bring out the best in you. Whatever term you use, it’s a powerful opportunity working with someone who wants the best for you.

Take the leap and do what’s best for you.

Your choice.

Today marks eight months with no alcohol for me.

The longest I’ve been sober is two years, this stint will be far longer.

I feel awakened to life far more so than I ever have and I’m making better decisions for myself, of course, there are still many emotional echoes.

When I think, in particular, of my former relationship, I now feel a healthy sense of distance and a deeper understanding of how dysfunctional it truly was.

I have made many excuses for people but most of all for that man.

I was clouded and desperate when I was with him, a bad combination and I did many things when I was under his spell that were exceptionally damaging to me. Alcohol included!

Removing the mask, what can easily be dually-called m aking excuses, means greater responsibility and it can feel heavy to deal with. No hiding, no promising undeliverable acts, full focus, it’s no wonder most avoid it.

You don’t need therapy, you need the gym, they say. Hiding. We are physical but not exclusively.

We each have a soul, a purpose, spiritual needs (whether in balance or out of whack with our physical bodies), emotional needs, psychological needs. Complex – and complicated. Removing the mask of excuses and deleterious habits means becoming more adult and more accountable. It’s a vast opportunity and enormously overwhelming.

I trust ‘overwhelming’ more and more as the one true path to strength and resilience, authenticity too.

It’s all a gift, embrace it, enjoy it and live it.

I’ve second-guessed myself so many times, third, fourth, fifth, twentieth-guessed, haha! It’s been something of an addiction.

The world of ‘form’ makes it seem like everything is so rigid but we know that, in reality, everything’s bouncing off each other, it’s streaming and flowing and meandering all over the place.

The constant in your life is you. Whatever happens, you see it, you feel it, you attempt to make sense of it.

When you feel pulled in a million different directions at once, breathe, accept you can’t know all the answers, trust yourself that the decisions you’ve made are the right ones and learn to deal with what comes.

Acceptance and flexibility are key.

Panic

Rush

Hurry

Anger

Desperation

These are some of the names of my spiritual disconnection.

I am days away of being sober for 8 months. I truly feel more awake now than I have ever done. I am face to face with many demons. I subjugated myself to such detrimental forces that I denied who I am for a very long time.

We each have a spark of divinity in us. It is the true self. 

Violence to the spirit is willing self-destruction. We do it every day by panicking about the food we’re eating, how we can control other people (which we can’t), worrying whether we’re doing the right thing.

Increasingly, I look for the humanity in interactions, in daily life.

We have choices, many choices.

To me, the most important choice is to take care of ourselves first, to be integrated, kind, calm and rational.

This, to me, is the only foundation to build a solid and meaningful life, worthy of your dreams and your calling.

I’ve let so many little things bother me.

Noise, litter on the street, bits and pieces of politics.

Solutions, that’s what matters to me.

There’s so much stuff we can leave people to get on with, so much stuff we believe we can control that we can’t, it’s why I do my best to live by principle.

I pick up litter and put it in the bin, because I love beauty and firmly believe there’s a place for everything and everything can be put into its place. I don’t huff and puff and blow the house down over it. It’s there, you can pollute your system feeling resentful that people drop it.

It’s up to you to make things better.

Do it or shut up.

Fight, fight, fight. 

Hate, hate, hate.

This is all I see from people, what they express publicly anyway.

They say we must fight for England.

They say we must hate our opponents.

We know that war is an evil yet we indulge all our energy in attacking other people.

My journey is understanding we must

Stand up for ourselves.

Defend our borders.

Love the person behind the sin.

Those that dehumanise others will only ever disconnect themselves from the divine spark IN US ALL.

Law of Love.

Oh my goodness, what I know about asking permission!

Branching out feels criminal when you’ve been a people pleaser. 

Doing your own thing is what it means to be a man.

Masculinity is a powerful force but we waste it, fail to invest in it, it’s something that is developed and maintained. Use it or your lose it.

The more confident I become, the simpler life becomes and the more I get done.

I must confess, I still have traces of the perpetual voice of judgement, criticism too. 

“You’re not allowed to do that!”

“You’re naughty.”

“You’re going to get caught.”

What you need to accept is any starting attempts at standing up for yourself will feel messy, massively uncertain and you’ll likely feel totally out of your depth.

We all start somewhere!

And, just in case you’re still wondering, Yes.

You Are Allowed.

I’ve just finished eating beans on toast. In fact, they were the leftover beans from yesterday’s beans on toast and the black pepper has mellowed. On top of toasted white bread with lashings of butter, most satisfying. Highly English.

Now.

Non-natives will not understand this meal. It’s carbs on carbs and doesn’t make sense to their sensibilities or tastes. 

Such is life.

There are always insiders and outsiders. We can try and pretend that everyone will get along and value the same things and behave in the same ways but we know that this is merely politicking!

Even out of in-group preference, every single human being on Earth that exists and has existed has a unique perspective on the truth of matters. We do not and CANNOT see things the same way.

I’ve just sneezed out the pepper from the system. Others won’t.

And many try and persuade others to think particular things out of a desperate need to agree or get their own way but it’s so obnoxious and rude. We pretend to know all the answers and we just don’t. This is a terrible sleight to many’s egos.

Just because you believe something does not mean others can or should. We still haven’t learnt the humanity of trying to genuinely understand where other people are at in life. And we forget that at various points we behaved in the self-same way that we deride others for. 

It’s so historically ignorant – rude to boot.

You’re going to be hearing me say it a lot – the fulfilment of your own potential is the only thing that matters, do it with style and class and a sense of dignity.

I’m defrosting chicken breasts in warm water at the moment.

Outside, there is perpetual, nigh on torrential rain and I am communing myself playing around on different websites, looking stuff up, listening, drinking tea, eating bits and pieces.

It’s beautifully Saturday behaviour.

I’m also writing this. 

Thawing out the chicken breasts is immensely satisfying, I love simple, transformative acts because the water went into the bowl piping hot and the chicken breasts started out frozen solid and icy-cold. With time, these two temperature extremes balance out and they end up in harmony, in equilibrium at the same temperature.

They do not fight, they find an according. This is your natural state. It’s not about making anything else fit in with your conditions. I have to keep reminding you that that’s tyranny.

Your responsibility is to fulfil your own potential. Nothing else.

We don’t like ourselves. It’s blatantly obvious to me.

Listen to how people talk about themselves.

“I was so naive.”

“I’m ashamed of myself for believing that.”

“You should cringe at your past behaviour.”

We don’t forgive ourselves. (Is there anything to forgive!)

We don’t value ourselves enough.

Remember, we are born into such established, powerful and rigorous paradigms. Free thought and independence are seen as threats and are quashed from the earliest age – think of how school and university are organised. Are these places of free expression? Are they actually ‘liberal’ as they are painted.

No! Of course they’re not. It might not be a thing elsewhere but here in the UK we have what are known as Preparatory Schools, we have TV programmes. The clues are in the names and they are, for the most part, strong, inflexible and indoctrinating.

Using language like naive when you could just as reasonably say ‘unaware’, ‘influenced’, ‘at a different stage’, is damaging. 

Oh but Martin, you must believe in regret?! No, I don’t. Everything that’s happened has been useful AND I don’t hate myself anywhere near to the degree I used to. That’s the problem.

Stop hating yourself.

Start finding the solutions.

We English are said to be a very tolerant, respectable people and it’s true. People know what Englishness means without perhaps being able to articulate it. 

Fair play

Rule of law

Bonne vivants!

We have a great sense of humour.

I believe what’s forgotten, however, is how irreverent we can be, boisterous and, when it comes down to it, willing to protect ourselves.

Of course, we assume this means violent revolution but it’s not really in our character. And long-term, I don’t really think bloody rebellion gets you where you want to go.

The English are individualists.

We are laissez-faire (live and let live)

And people scoff but we have principles too.

When you’re constantly in other people’s business, you’re only ever going to be creating stress – and it makes you a tyrant.

I firmly believe in honesty, let people know what you will and won’t put up with but for the rest of it – start focusing on what you can do. That’s a far more healthy proposition and a healthier one!

I’ve been called every name under the sun for mirroring back things people have related to me.

Today’s soubriquet’s have been ‘harsh’ and ‘rude’, to repeat myself, for simply pointing out what someone told me themself.

It’s most tiring because, as a discerning man, I can distinguish one thing from many others.

Rude

Naive

Harsh

Childish

Spoilt

All things I’ve been called when I’ve been the one thing people truly take umbrage with – HONEST.

Living in reality, I know it’s not just the chap I’ve been chatting with today that doesn’t want to do it. In our conversation today, I explained how it’s a form of gaslighting to deny saying things I know he’s said to me. And, of course, the irony is whatever insult has been hurled at me is, in reality, what they’re doing.

But, naturally, people want to brush things under the carpet, I’ve seen it so many times. Little do they know, it will eventually resurface and bite them in the arse. You can’t actually avoid the consequences but it feels easier in the moment to kick the can down the street.

It’s not the kind of relationship I want where honesty is the enemy and denial is a coping strategy.

Simple things, I want.

Honest things, I want.

And yes, even if it’s uncomfortable.

I look forward to ‘uncomfortable’ more and more, it means getting more confident

AND!

Having real friends.

Responsibility is taking charge of what you have influence over.

Control is trying to take responsibility for things you have no influence over.

Simple distinction but the world’s problems lie in the mass inability to distinguish between the two.

A large part of my struggles has been in an environment where everyone has been vying for control and talking over each other.

No discussion.

No negotiation.

No reciprocity.

Power leans towards totalitarianism.

And we all have the proclivity to want our own way. So understanding this is of others is to understand it for yourself.

I am training myself to be less rigid when it comes to getting things done. I have a massive perfectionistic streak but I am also getting more used to standing up for myself.

It’s all a mess getting yourself sorted out, believe me, I know.

Everyone wants your attention.

Everyone wants you to agree with them.

Being noticed is the modern currency.

It’s always been the case, it’s just heightened now that people can make money out of it.

So people will employ tactics, frequently including lying, staging, fabricating and opining.

The test? 

Not to fall for it.

Use your eyes and ears, not your need to be liked.

Many quote that honesty is the best policy but they don’t live it. People actually hate honesty. They’re not equipped to deal with it. 

Numerous people tweet,

Harsh Trush: XYZ but it’s never anything really controversial, just something blatantly obvious. It’s an engagement tactic. Yesterday, I replied to such a tweet saying Harsh Truth: tweets that start with Harsh Truth are really fucking boring. And they are.

I am convinced that the vast majority of small living or imprisonment is self-inflicted. Hardly anybody goes to real prison, they’re just stuck in their own minds and their hearts.

Try and pin anyone down on anything definitive, they vanish. In a cloud of smoke, they disappear and the conversation’s over. I see it all the time.

So when something slightly irritating happens, I stress less and less about it because it won’t make a difference to sorting the situation out. E.g. My bathroom light isn’t working right now, the cord to switch it on isn’t engaging but, when I was growing up, this will have caused such consternation and stress, I learned to go out of my body to deal with drama.

It’s your choice how you live life, what I recommend? Solutions sought in as peaceful a way as possible. That’s my aim.

It’s said a problem never disappears, it only changes form.

The story of history is actually not what people are fighting, it’s the fact that a small few overcome the challenges of their age.

That’s what we find inspirational, aspirational and motivating.

So when we’re talking about historical movements…

Fascism

Puritanism

Communism

Totalitarianism of any kind

It is crucial to understand that the elements of these tyrannies exist still in many, many people. They don’t go away. They are annoying. They are dangerous. Trying to communicate with many can’t be a fool’s errand.

We humans are humans and everyone wants their own way on some level.

Resilience, that’s the key and a laser-focus on making things better yourself.

I am obsessed with the website ‘Rightmove’. It charts the vast majority of properties for sale in the UK (and some properties abroad I think).

Every now and then, I look up the building I used to live in when I was in London. Incredibly, after less than two years in the flat, the lady who bought it from me has re-marketed it. The pictures of it look quite nice actually but I squeezed more furniture into it.

This is the point. While you’re in your groove, things are moving on, it’s easy to get distracted. Different people have different tastes and methods of behaviour.

It’s why it’s a great idea to get yourself sorted out, to take advantage of opportunities, to feel great about yourself.

There’s a world of adventure and there are benchmarks you can track your progress against. We talk about living only in the present moment and I agree but we like improving, I don’t see anything wrong with that either.

Learn to ride the waves.

You can read as many people as you like, subscribe to e-mail lists, read newsletters, study your favourite creators but, guess what, they’ve got their own ideas.

Things change, algorithms shift. 

And even then, what works for them is what they’re willing to do, what works for you is what you’re willing to do and everyone has a different plan – a plan is as unique as the person doing it.

At the end of the day, you’re talking with people, that’s what it boils down to and offering them something.

Learn to find your own groove, your own niche, your own way.

I’ve said it many a time that people want their way. That’s one point.

The other node to this is that people don’t want to admit the truth. Evidence is inconvenient to them. Responsibility too, a stumbling block.

There’s a bit of a karmic war going on with a couple of people in my life who just want to brush things under the carpet. Ignore that they’re happening.

I’m leaving them to their part.

I’m doing my part.

It’s interesting because the last subject I discussed with my therapist was separation. One of the biggest things I’ve struggled with is knowing where I end and other people begin. It’s a consequence of relentlessly saying “yes” when saying “No” would have served me far better.

You cannot please all the people all the time. In fact, you can’t please anybody any of the time.

That’s their job.

And yours is yours.

Live strong and confident.

Drinking too much coffee.

Figuring out when to go to bed.

Exercise

Content Strategy

It’s all a big mystery and, to be honest, it continues to be until you find your natural groove in everything you’re doing.

Entrepreneurs are explorers.

It’s a voyage of discovery to establish what you want to do and how you want to do it.

We have ideas don’t we but no guarantees. It’s a brave man’s game, a determined one’s too.

You will feel crazy because you’re making stuff up as you go. 

You will feel crazy because you’re largely feeling around in the dark.

Resilience, my boy, and persistence.

We want to fit in and it’s not just education.

It goes back generations, millennia, aeons ago.

But my goodness, the amount of rage porn that’s been going on with Glastonbury, politics, wars, all of it.

We’re all stuck in one loop or another (MANY!) and all that I am actually interested in now is solutions.

That’s it.

And guess what, that usually puts you in a minority of one!

There are any number of reasons why you’ve developed the thought traps and resistant behaviours you have. They were protection when you very, very, very young.

Look at the average person online, what they’re talking about, how they’re talking and you’ll see it’s reactive, it’s passive, there’s a lack of personal accountability. It takes a bold leap to achieve self-mastery.

What got you here, pleasing various people, will not get you to where you want to go. It won’t.

You have to start trusting yourself.

You have to start believing in yourself.

You have to value what you have to offer.

To this point, no matter how old you are, you’ve largely been given instructions and you’ve followed.

A leader this does not make. And a leader doesn’t have to be this massive, earth-shattering thing no, no. It just means you lead where your inclinations, abilities and heart lead you. YOU. What you’ve always wanted.

Learn to remember what you dreamt of before you tried to fit in. That’s the real you.

I’ve just seen a chap slagging off cardio saying it sucks!

Now, he’s in great shape, really great. His account is all about men getting fit and ripped, etc, etc, etc.

Fine. Absolutely fine.

Here’s the thing though.

I don’t believe in the false dichotomy of mind and body. Each is entirely dependent on the other to exist.

And I’ll tell you. Some of my absolute best times have been out on my long walks, in nature, experiencing the natural beauty of the world. 

When you go for impact for its own sake, it often necessitates radical oversimplifications. Many fitness guys go as far as recommending entire food groups, negating the need for cardio, extreme workouts that (I’ve seen many time) lead to often serious or irreparable damage.

Drastic. It’s so desperate. All for impact.

I also recently saw a YouTube Short of someone explain how to walk in sets, down to distances and timing and everything. So prescriptive. I find it so bossy.

We know they want attention but, alas, many will fall for their advice and tie themselves in knots.

Life is simpler than you think and most drama is not encountered, it is created. By You.

You may not garner as big a following, you might not have quite as much interest but you’ll be offering solutions – noble.

More and more evidence that people love the rage porn.

It’s the truth.

People are so angry with whatever’s going on in politics, their entire feeds are showing just how pissed off they are with politicians, billionaires, WEF people. They like it, they love showing just how principled they are by filling their feeds with bilge.

Still surprised and outraged that politicians lie? Please. And this isn’t just young people, it’s old, old, old men, behaving like teenagers sharing unfavourable screenshots of people they don’t like. It’s so childish and so vulgar.

AND!

What is it doing? What is it achieving? If people haven’t figured out yet that politicians lie every time they open their mouths, there is no hope for them. We know this but most still believe that public outrage is the way to make things better.

As I’ve said before, you’re just picking which person you want whipping you when you side with one party/politician over another.

Most stick with the paradigm and try to make the best of that, some of us see past it and use our brain power to think of better ways.

And maybe it sounds like a low-bar but even the capacity to see you could say “No” is a start. The ability to see that there are possible other ways to live life puts you at a massive head-start to probably 90% of people, at least!

Getting angry at these people provides no solutions. Let’s be honest. It just makes you angry and totally impotent to sort anything out.

See past it, there’s the real world beyond it.

It’s a strange thing to me but every now and then, I go back to the hookup app where I met my ex. I don’t really know why I do it. Force of habit I suppose.

Occasionally, I will get chatting with someone.

Last night and this morning, I chatted with a chap who listed his age as 98. Obviously this wasn’t his real age (it’s actually 74). His photos too were largely out of date. I advised him to update his age so it was accurate and to do the same with his pictures.

It’s a funny thing that people will report they don’t get much interest when they are intentionally lying. They don’t want to reveal the truth and own where they are in life.

No honesty means no connection.

I realise this is where my ex and I went wrong. He wasn’t invested in me, I idealised him. I didn’t want to see, neither did he. You can’t live your life properly if you’re hiding behind the sofa trying to shield yourself from a horror film.

The same goes with admitting the stage of life you’re at. You are the age you are. You’re in the condition you’re in. Your business is producing (or not) the results it deserves.

Honesty first.

Strategy later.

Live not by lies.

It’s easy to think you’ve done nothing – because you’re not paying attention to what you’ve accomplished.

It just doesn’t feel like much because there is a burning desire you are yet to fulfil.

I think about my longest job that ended over a decade ago and I still wonder how on earth I managed to put up with the work, my colleagues, the lack of freedom. Bonkers!

Now that I am days off seven months without alcohol, I wonder how I managed to afford the amount that I’ve saved (one has a spreadsheet charting the total and it’s thousands of pounds!).

How did you do it? Well, one, you must admit, is that you’re competent, able and willing to get stuck in. 

Remember, always to acknowledge it.

What a foundation to build your future success on!

’Twas my birthday yesterday.

You’ll know me to be a reflective man at the best of times, over the last few days it’s been heightened with the passing from my early-40s to my mid-40s. I’m not saying this, by the way, in a mournful way.

I realise I have many scripts running concurrently in my head, my heart too, it’s exhausting. There’s gold in it though.

I have a lot to sort out, it might take some time I realise but that’s something I’m learning to accept.

Make money

Sort out relationships

Pondering over where I am/should be living

It’s all happening up there.

In many ways I’ve been lucky, with major needs met. In other ways, there isn’t a sense of urgency or drive.

It isn’t a straight path. It’s a long, winding and oftentimes messy one. I know there’s a lot of stuff to drop along the way – chiefly the need to know all the answers, to get everything ‘right’. 

There’s so much crap to be distracted by, I know that saying “no” more is a way to sound out the hyper-skepticism.

We are here to live! To be excited, to be productive, to laugh, eat great food, have sex, make meaningful connections..

It’s all available. It is.

Going into age 44, try stuff and be not afraid to get it wrong. Get things done.

No matter how well-meaning people are, they are not you.

It’s the same for all of us, of course, to varying degrees.

When you go to work on what it is you really want, you’re going to inevitably encounter a lot of contradictory beliefs, urges, psychological traps, stuff that is totally inauthentic to who you are as a man.

It’s a lonely feeling and, often, a powerless one.

In my 20s and 30s, I had a sporadically recurring dream of being in a wilderness, forested location, trying to untangle strands of weeds and root systems. Usually there was someone standing over me and when I would wake up, the feeling of everything still being knotted up lingered in my body.

It was an entombed feeling, frustrating, distressing. I would have to get out of bed, wander around my room until the feeling wore off. I would sometimes have to audibly verbalise my anguish until it passed. Sounds dramatic huh!

Well!

That’s what’s going on inside us all the time, we just learn to mask and deny – we can become quite skilled at doing so – dangerous. It always erupts out later. That’s why I’m in therapy and it’s why I often feel anxious or angry. 

You are not alone in this.

The frustration you feel is a reflection of what you can become.

You can’t go around or over nor under, you must go through. You’ll be glad you do!

I am yet to go out for my walk today. Cabin fever is real. And it’s easy to start watching bizarre stuff, listening to weird people, doom scrolling and wasting time.

Yes, descriptive!

There’s definitely a need to be in the real world. The reason I’ve been talking about rage porn recently is I see people lost in it.

Not healthy.

Get out for a walk and breath in nature!

The block button becomes ever more tempting as time passes.

Like every High Street, the same continuum of shops, probably installed by the same team of people, the timeline is a relentless sharing of violence, rage, destruction and vast hopelessness.

And it’s not just what people are posting, it’s how people are commenting. They believe reacting against the people they hate is, in any way, going to make things great.

Passive! 

Reactive!

Childish in the extreme.

It’s too common a pattern for it to be ignored, you love the rage porn. You do. You think it makes a difference! It’s just a larger consortium of angry people.

THEN WHAT DO WE DO, MARTIN?!?!?!

Excellent question. 

Well one thing is to stop giving airtime to the stuff you hate. That makes you no better than people sharing the stuff originally. Have you not yet figured out that the “we’ve got receipts” doesn’t stop people?

It’s all woke, whether left or right wing.

You start sharing things that people can actually, proactively, do but the point is you like raising your voice but not thinking strategically for yourself.

You don’t know, do you?!

And that’s what scares you.

There are certain posts I consider whether to write or not. I have an idea, it’s strong and pervasive and it helps me to be unreservedly honest.

With such an introduction, this is obviously one of them.

I know I can be doing more. I do. Imagine my frustration at knowing just how much I can turn my life around and make the conditions what I really want.

And, believe me, I know that patience can often be used as an elaborate procrastination technique.

The thing I know shifts the needle the most is making decisions quickly, enacting them, loving ‘em and letting go. It’s very simple but, right now for me, very difficult.

I’m educating myself.

I’m training myself.

Doing better,

Day by day.

But it’s messy and certain interactions can be incredibly unpleasant but I am an optimist and I do know I’m capable.

Pondering.

We all like to believe we’re these together people, with everything sorted out, we know the reality is quite different.

I know I’ve been very rigid, perfectionistic too, trying to squeeze myself into tight spots that do not suit me at all. 

Beware “making the best of things” – it usually means you’re doing things so wholly inauthentic to you.

And don’t you feel pulled? In so many directions, trying to find where to place yourself? 

This kind of business, that kind of diet, this sort of exercise, morning person, night owl.

Rather than a prix-fix menu, see things as a buffet. You get to decide your parameters, you get to decide your boundaries. You get to decide what works.

If people object to you doing things differently (at the same time as doing them no harm), that is wholly and solely their business.

Play!

Inside out?

Want to shout?

Dizzy from being so busy?

Oh my gosh, having one of those days. Defo a coffee haze!

I’m going to stop rhyming now but I don’t know how!

Keep going, you’re really growing!

Oppression

Resentment

Corruption

Freedom

Self-Regulation

Self-Determination

Anger
War

Injustice

Conspiracy

Manipulation

They’re all realities. Just being honest here.

They’re all choices as well. They don’t happen by random.

But what I see, over and over, is people choosing to focus on those that harm them. It’s too widespread for it to be a coincidence.

Wishing revenge against those you hate or disagree with only hurts you. We all know this but we all get tempted.

I’ve watched countless podcasts and read articles declaring falsehood of particular people’s achievements. In the absence of knowing, wish these people well. J.K. Rowling for example. I’ve listened to people say that she didn’t write them, that she was fed every line of them. We have to admit that there is jealously in there and a lack of focus.

Critics are often said to be failed exponents of whatever discipline they rail against.

Think you’re going to get great results by hating what you’re aiming for? No, no, no.

Don’t believe extraordinary things are possible? Then they won’t happen for you.

Wish them well and don’t even pray for them finding salvation, pray that it might be possible.

That benefits you AND everyone else.

And denying this affects everybody.

If I cause myself harm by doing things I know are not my way, that creates another prisoner in the world. Bad.

I’ve just finished a second call with a prospective sales coach and I believe it’s the highest concentration of me saying “No” ever. I’m guessing at least 50 times.

It seems what everyone wants is a world where saying yes to them is people saying yes to themselves simultaneously. This is a somewhat long-winded way of saying that people want their own way but it’s slightly different.

If you have any wisdom, or simply enough honesty, we can admit that a lot of the time a yes to others is a no to ourselves. I know this enormously as having tried to please everyone but myself.

The Yes-Yes proposition I made above is, I believe, predicated on the belief that ‘the way’ one person does things will suit everyone and, of course, it won’t. There are many nuanced ways, principles can be the same but methods will vary. 

The really curious thing about the end of today’s conversation was him asking me “so what now” and even though I described the exact way in which he and I had met, he met it with skepticism and asked “but will that work.”. I told him, yes, that would it would work because it’s the exact way we’ve done thing. I went on to ask him if he doubted his method somewhat.

Of course, the reality is he was expecting me to run to the back of the room, sign up, take out the loan and start working with him and his ‘guarantee’. I think my ‘no’-ness shocked him, he certainly behaved shocked.

He did even ask “Martin, is you saying no to me also saying no to yourself?”. I replied in the non-affirmative

No, me saying no to others is definitely saying yes to myself. I’ve learned this over decades, not just years. I understand his position. I endorse my own. It gets my juices flowing, as I related to him.

Trust the process. It might take longer but the accomplishment and joy will be all the greater for the joy and wisdom you garner in your life, which, I must add, makes things better for EVERYONE!

Yes-Yes, not always.

Win-Win, definitely!

Any great endeavour requires focus, yes or yes?

I’m learning to accept that if there is any issue, big or small, that I am not doing anything about, it’s only detracting from said focus.

Of course, things can be annoying when you have standards but regardless, doing nothing to solve them is passive in the extreme.

Question how much annoyances are truly relevant. Are you creating drama and problems because it gets your juices flowing.

Those that achieve are laser-sharp on where their attention goes.

Lesson there.

I don’t believe it’s controversial to say that life is a series of actions and revelations.

Revelations don’t have to be these enormous, Damascene moments where everything in your world makes total sense. That’s not how it works. Everything you and I do carries feedback – it’s how we judge whether something has worked or not but dodgy thinking will discount a lot of feedback as ‘failure’ or a ‘mistake’ – this could not be further from the truth, it is all education.

And believe me when I say it can be fantastically useful!

Many will attribute this to merely ‘positive thinking’. It is an extraordinary thing that with the preponderance of how positive psychology can greatly impact your life, that the majority will still write off spiritual transformation as pseudoscience or nonsense. To me, it only speaks of people’s addiction to drama and chaos.

I observe all the time that people do not want to be better. Not better for me or for you or for anyone else, better for themselves (and the latter is no bad thing). Indeed, putting yourself first is the essential beginning of improving your life – how you feel about yourself, how you behave, what you do is all incumbent on your opinion of yourself.

I honestly believe that if you cannot treat yourself well, you are only destroying yourself. This is seen as a luxurious view, an upper middle class view, a spoilt view, a naive view. This to me only speaks of your self-loathing, if you advocate for perpetual suffering.

If we are here on this wonderful planet, with the marvellous gift of life, why would you make it anything other than fabulous? Seriously! What would that world look like?

One more person liking and loving themself and doing really fantastic things? That sounds like a tremendous calling, doesn’t it?! No? Then you have my sympathy and compassion because that must be some deep pain you’re experiencing.

I’m aware that over the last few years, I’ve talked a lot about my ex and sometimes I wonder if it’s healthy. I wonder if it’s encouraging him in some way. The likelihood is he’s reading and watching what I produce but the truth is I have enormous sympathy for him as well. Maybe it’s not a good idea to feed his ego but I look at it from my point of view of wanting to heal myself.

I understand, at this stage of my life, that honesty really is the best policy because I know that many, many people are struggling to find meaning and resolution for their woes. Life has always been difficult complicated at times and we have social media now to spread things. 

I honestly feel like I have gifts. I get massively overwhelmed at times. I’m always working on myself, I try and do better each day, I am resolved to make my life as peaceful and as prosperous as I can, I feel that’s my mission and I enjoy helping people, I am now unlearning just being a people-pleaser and embracing pleasing myself. I find that’s the best foundation – be integrated and help others integrate themselves.

It’s a tricky balance yet I find it extremely exciting – painful much of the time but my goodness, does it build resilience and drive!

It’s my birthday in a couple of weeks. Three months following, I will have been back in my hometown for two years.

I had longed to return here for more years than I can remember. Living in London for around the first ten years (from 2001) was an absolute adventure. It was vibrant, exciting, really sociable and friendly and, in fact, it wasn’t actually too busy.

Of course, over time that changed dramatically, noisy, cramped and claustrophobic, stressful. People think I am obsessed but cyclists! Oh my dear Lord, the lunatic cyclists ruining every where you’d go. This said……..

There are moments when I fancy a walk down Regent Street, a stroll over to Hyde Park, a morning visit to The City, passing St. Paul’s. London’s exceptionally impressive AND I lived in a fabulous area, within easy distance of places that most will only ever visit once, maybe twice, in their lifetimes.

As bleak as this may sound, longing for anything is a refusal of reality. I know that my life is infinitely better up here in the countryside, familiar with how and where I grew up and it suits me. The London I call fantastic doesn’t exist anymore and we can discuss the reasons for that as much as we like.

I understand that talking is not doing. It feels like an achievement to whine and pontificate over how things ‘should’ be but that’s delusional. Most believe, from what I can see, that life happens to them and they misplace loyalties and power in the hands of those that can’t do anything for them. And I am not just talking about politics (though clearly we understand the fundamental corruption of the current political system).

No, I am talking about the majority of peoples’ interactions and relationships. We hope that there’s someone to complete us. I made a million allowances with my ex and there are still moments when I wonder what he’s doing, how he is, if he’s made visits to my place. It’s all fanciful and detached from reality but our feelings and longings go deep.

We’ve persuaded ourselves that other people are the answer. They’re not. Your own sense of anchoring is the point.

Who are you? Who are you exactly where you are and what do you want where you are now?

Another video’s doing the rounds on Twitter.

This time it’s has-been comedienne Dawn French, with her mop of grey hair and oversized glasses.

It’s so cringeworthy, she’s never stopped being an actress, dutifully mouthing the words of the latest virtue-politico propaganda cry. It’s the same with all of them, an answer for everything with no wisdom or integrity behind it.

And every single ‘right-wing’ commentator, launching on it, repeatedly quote-tweeting it with their latest musings on it. Equally, if not more, cringeworthy.

Everyone fighting for relevance!

Everyone avoiding FOMO.

MUST be involved.

I’ve said it before, everyone trying to stand up for individual sovereignty with their timelines looking, reading and sounding exactly the same.

It’s so dull.

The beautiful thing recently in living in unfettered flow with my Twitter timeline, I’ve attracted some really fabulous new followers who literally post nothing but beauty, design, hands-on farming wisdom, it’s so wholesome I love it. And yes, politics/culture stuff pops up on my feed too and, yes, sometimes I comment on it but I’m curating a world of doingness on the timeline and not indulging too much in ‘sharing this wild change the world’ crap.

Why haven’t you shared this, Martin? It’s the question that precedes every prisoner’s self-immolation. 

I will not be trapped in the anger or resentment of trying to convince others of anything or needing to show how virtuous I am. Arrogant.

All I do is share what’s working for me, I leave you to make up your own minds.

Your feelings have two primary functions.

One, a reflection of whether you’re moving in the right or wrong direction – your intuition. 

Two, a reminder there’s a lesson to learn to treat yourself better or a behaviour to reinforce.

You ignore your intuition at your peril.

The key to a great life is not trying to control what happens, it’s developing your resilience and capability to respond healthily to events.

I’ve always felt that stress is the enemy of success. You cannot make great decisions in a state of panic or haste. 

I know this.

You know this.

I feel this.

You feel this.

In the last few weeks, I’ve granted myself far more permission to simply follow where my feet take me.

It’s me acting in accordance with my instinct, preference and unfettered flow.

It’s good and it’s garnering great results.

Don’t hide from your true feelings, embrace them.

You can weather any storm.

There is so much I want to do, I cannot tell you and I know I’m capable of doing it.

Wanting is one thing, doing and getting quite others!

I’ll be honest, I find progress rather agonising much of the time. I basically always feel like I could be doing more. I can SEE it so I’ve got visualisation covered, it’s the manifestation that’s the dividing line between the wantrepreneurs and the actual entrepreneurs.

With all distinctions, the vast majority are on the side of ‘wish’ rather than ‘have’.

I’ve advocated for acknowledging wins and building on a foundation of things already achieved but, inevitably, there’s a looking backwards to coming forwards in this approach. It’s a useful part of the strategy to start believing in yourself but we all know, ultimately, the only thing that matters is more doing, more proactivity, fewer excuses, fewer delays.

Yes, we can be doing more.

Figure out the direction.

Start walking on.

OKAY! OK! I know, I know.

But muh hustle!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pace and progress are different things. We all want to be productive, we want to do meaningful and purposeful things. Absolutely right.

But take it from me, I have never seen better progress than when I started to do two things, very recently.

1. Relaxing – No stress, not frantic, no rush

2. Trusting the process – learning how to sound out the noise of what other people are doing.

Now, I am a curious man. I ask people questions, I garner skills and techniques.  I take what resonates and, with time, am learning to ignore what doesn’t.

It’s my process.

Yours is yours.

Make things as simple as possible for you to get the work done.

In a world of sleepwalkers, many lack the faith that their efforts will be recognised or that they can even pursue their hearts’ desires.

Being awake is not easy. It’s intense.

It’s been over six months since I drunk any alcohol, so I hyper aware of everything I’m doing, I’m grateful, again, it’s intense.

The biggest advantage of being awake is that you will see things that others don’t. You will be able to make connections that others don’t. That’s how I’ve always seen intelligence. 

One has to have the cognitive ability and also the awareness.

We all know that harmful addictions mask our true nature.

We all also know that addictions are very, very, very tempting.

The first lesson is to start acting in your own best interest. This is what we can call being kind to yourself (and not the fake lefty sort of ‘kindness’ – seeing everyone as exactly the same, childish belief). You can’t be kind to yourself when you’re poisoning yourself.

This first lesson requires you be honest – admitting how you’re treating yourself will take off the mental and emotional burden of being shitty to yourself.

Desperation. There’s a lot of it. Don’t fuel the fire by hiding behind behaviours that distract you from what’s troubling you.

It’s only then you can take the time and space you need to ask yourself what you want, how you can live better and, ultimately, go and do it. This is when the connections come as there’s ‘room at the inn’ for them to healthily occupy your mind.

Trust me on this.

Trust yourself more.

Believe in yourself more.

Be kinder to yourself more. 

We’re so busy trying to force things into being.

The single biggest shift I’ve experienced recently is just being honest, saying what I want to say (in a very calm way) and garnering information from people by doing so.

Everything has its time and place. Yet, we’re so desperate to prove a point, exceed with the need for speed. I’ve never seen more growth in my following than by going with the flow. Honestly.

You

Have

Nothing

To Prove.

You have a calling and a mission and it’s your job to fulfil that.

Sometimes, I write first thing.

Other times, I wait a while.

Everything happens at the right time.

Today, I waited.

I had to ask three questions to get one very simple answer this morning from a friend and his answer included the ill-fated “Of course.”

‘Of course’ implies something obvious. It’s almost rhetorical.

In this particular case, it was not self-explanatory nor was it clear. Hence the questioning.

I’m discovering that asking good questions, any questions, is a good gauge of a relationship – whether you can ask them simply and get simple answers.

Have you noticed that when you ask someone what they do, you’re presented with some incomprehensible title and when you press for an explanation of what they do on a daily basis, they can’t?

It’s common, very common.

Someone I knew described himself as a Cultural Architect. It’s such wank. And pompous, in fact. It just means going into organisations and talking at them for a bit then leaving. I’m guessing???

It’s all very non-committal. It also masks a lack of focus.

The job titles sound made-up, there’s very little substance to grasp on to.

Everything’s interesting but not beautiful.

Everything’s interesting but not simple.

The latter is what I am looking for and you know what? People are hostile to simplicity. Very hostile. They will call you all kinds of names for asking very simple, and reasonable, questions. It will take huge efforts to have, what could be, a very simple conversation.

It’s a sign of our times. It’s this period of history, dear. Strive for function and confidence and spend time with the people who want the same.

Wowzers, I am writing my morning blog post late, late, late in the evening, chaps!

Ask.

Ask, ask, ask.

I’ve inflicted paralysis on myself so many times, trying to guess, figure people out, try to make sense of it all.

I have a calling.

I have a purpose.

I have deep meaning.

There are things to do, boys, much stuff to do.

Much stuff to BE.

Ask. 

When faced with any situation. Get info, get feedback, find out.

Ask, ask, ask.

Out on my walk yesterday evening, I passed the Community Garden on the far side of my village, which, in a few months time, will have apple trees in full bloom!

I laughed as I reached the site as, in all the time I’ve wandered over there, I have never once seen anyone in it. It’s an irony of language that what we call a community garden is rarely occupied.

You see, despite all the talk of no borders and any kind of boundary being a bad thing, we don’t actually practice that.

We like personal spaces. We like having control of our surroundings, we want to keep ourselves to ourselves. When people say they want to open things up to people, it’s on the proviso that they have the run of it and dictate what happens there or they don’t want to part of it themselves and order other people around.

You can observe it in their behaviour. What they do.

I also remarked on a recent Twitter post where someone had posted a video of them smelling some blossoms in an act of apparent meditation. My response:

“I pass a wonderful blossom almost every single day and smell on my way and on the way back.

But I don’t record it to use it as a virtue signal nor to prove a point. It is a private moment, a pause, of my connection with the divine. Nothing more, nothing less.”

We’re turning everything into a performance rather than a practice. Parents constantly pose with their children on social media to display how virtuous they are. It’s so tacky and ubiquitous.

Tend thy own garden, build the walls high when necessary and admit only the respectful and dignified.

A simple transposition of vowels makes a world of difference.

I get it.

You want to line up outside parliament and burn it to ground.

You want to overthrow the government.

You want your freedom back.

Well, the hows matter.

If you believe that revolutions make a positive difference, there’s little hope for you. If we’re honest, we know this but, as I’ve been talking about a bit recently, vengeance will only make you angry, resentful, destructive.

Mobs of followers are infiltrated.

Usurpers end up being the tyrants.

We want to know what we can do to get rid, never focusing on what to build.

If you raze institutions to the ground, you are no better than the people you want to eliminate.

And I also get that it’s a dilemma.

People call for revolution, just like they call for violence (same thing) out of desperation. A call to violence is perpetuating the system. There’s nothing peaceful about it.

You know it. I know it.

You have to reveal to yourself the need to peaceful.

Angry people wrecking things only makes for angry movements. Rubbish In, Rubbish Out.

The majority of people are good.

Think about all your first-hand interactions, they’re nice aren’t they?

Now, I’m no Pollyanna. There are blatantly obvious differences in culture and we’ve been placed in a position that feels increasingly hopeless.

There was a commotion at an event in the UK yesterday and people were piling on to share incredibly violent footage of the goings-on.

We have a propensity for violence, make no mistake. We find it exciting and satisfying. It scratches the itch of our vengeance.

Bad. Very bad. And we know it but many share it nonetheless.

I crave peace.

I also crave variety.

The two can work together well but I know I have to be doing things for the right reasons.

Curiosity.

Inquisitiveness.

A desire to be fully immersed in my immediate surroundings.

What kills the soul is the need to perpetuate the violence. To share it so people know what’s ‘going on’. We know it’s not spiritual. Most just ignore that.

All this said, people are trying. Some are just more successful than others.

Here’s a major observation I have for you.

Observe people in so-called conversations, observe how they’re not really engaged in the to-and-fro of discussion, they’re simply waiting to get their chance to speak.

They’re not really reflecting on what’s being said. Often you’ll see they’re like a horse at the stocks, desperate to chime in that they will make verbal gestures while the other is speaking, try to start speaking thus interrupting the other or destroying their flow.

There’s a rudeness and an entitlement to it. Some of it, I will concede, is due to technology and time lags doing things over the internet but still. I see it a lot.

We’re starved. I think we know this. The regular places we used to meet have vanished, fewer and fewer of us congregate in the church, the pub, the office, wherever.

There is an obsessive need to sound smart, to make our point, very, very little actual listening, scant pondering, just a relentless desire to prove not just our point but our worldview correct.

As a gentleman who commented on one of my recent videos, it’s exhausting. 

I go for my long walks to reconnect, on a daily basis, with nature, with myself, to steady my thoughts (but not necessarily order them). I’m a neat freak but the less I try and manipulate or demarcate my thinking, the more relaxed I am. 

Pace. Moments of space. Look how there’s a single letter difference between those two words. Look at what’s in front of you. Are you really present to it or are you just repeating, out loud, existing thought patterns you wrangle over in private? Are you taking in what the person’s saying? 

Things get sorted out in the right time, AT the right time. 

So frantic.

So stressed.

Starved of peace.

None of it is actually necessary. I said it in my post yesterday.

Stop! Look! Listen!

Guess what, you could actually learn something by slowing the fuck down.

People will chase notoriety for whatever reason. We now call prostitution sex work and miserable, disenfranchised women will get rich (not wealthy) and lonely in tasteless mansions. It’s really bleak when you look at it.

It’s so very, very easy to get whipped up into a frenzy, desperately seeking the validation and pushing anything to get attention. All the social medias are designed that way. 

I am inspired for this post by a really lovely comment I received on a recent YouTube Short. I’m quoting below,

“I really felt this one. The constant rush, the endless craving for control or status, the need to always be on the winning side – it’s exhausting. Your words are a much-needed reminder to slow down and step outside that race. Thank you for putting it so clearly.”

Everyone is feeling this, whether consciously or subliminally. There is a vast pointlessness (and meaninglessness) to people’s behaviour that they’re aware of but don’t know how to stop. The need to engage in the drama is incredibly tempting. It feels immediate and exciting and it satisfies the dangerous ‘need to be right’.

Out of that need to be right, people will desperately cram every ounce of ‘data/info/detail’ into their world to try and ‘make it fit’. Of course, it’s a fool’s errand because if you look at what you’re receiving for even a few minutes, you’ll realise most of it is completely bollocks and often contradictory.

I don’t think this is new but the craziness is reaching its zenith.

We have become so psychotically obsessed with being right and getting things right that we’re eliminating entire food groups from our diets because we believe we’re allergic or intolerant or sensitive to things we’ve been eating.

Where is the information coming from? Why are such prominent figures pushing this bullshit? Do you even know the source? Have you asked the question?

Why shouldn’t I eat cake?

What’s wrong with enjoying steak?

PAUSE.

When you learn to drive, one of the first lessons is “Stop. Look. Listen.”

Are you using your senses?

Are you believing things just because you think you should?

Are you living your life for the approval of people who don’t even know you exist?

Seriously.

Do Not Let Yourself Be Controlled.

Do nothing because you think it is good for you.

Do things that you feel are beneficial to you and chart and the results as you go.

I didn’t use the word psychotically earlier for nothing. I believe we have become so detached from our true natures that when we eat certain things, which have been so heavily demonised for so long that we have psychosomatic (which if you break down the word means mental-body) reactions that we bring on ourselves. I am convinced.

“But it’s different wheat. They hybridise it now.” Oh? Do they? That’s nice. Doesn’t stop it from being delicious. Doesn’t mean it is inherently bad.

Never underestimate the power of your mind.

We need to get back into our bodies. We need to start experiencing joy again. We need to learn to relax.

Seriously, start.

If you start out your life thinking everyone is against you, that ‘they’re’ out to get you. You’re only ever going to be a victim.

I know it’s not fashionable to say “I don’t know.” but it does appear to be the least arrogant position to take and the one that can leave you most open to finding the truth.

With the podcasts I watch, I see an increasingly desperate group of people who want to have a one-world, rabbit hole, everything must fit into this(/my) conception view to the exclusion of all else.

It’s a grossly entitled position to say anyone who disagrees with me is wrong.

I remember key moments in my life of people telling me I must listen or I must agree and me replying no I don’t. Profound moments.

There is stuff we know.

There is stuff we really don’t know.

What a lot of people want to prove is unprovable.

Don’t let yourself get stuck!

In the quest for delivering a unique message, or at least a unique perspective, it astounds me just how many people jump on the same bandwagons.

So whatever is happening in the ‘news’, I won’t see it once on the timeline, I will see it over and over and over again and all with, basically, the same caption.

There is groupthink absolutely everywhere and if you don’t share it, whatever side you’re on, you should be.

Nah!

No one wants to be left out.

Everybody wants to be relevant.

The result? Everything is a fight for attention and not for relevance.

We claim to know so much about so many things but ask people to prove anything and they will say “you need to get onside or shut up.”

Anger.

People are fuelled by it.

What are any of them actually doing except engage in the circle jerk?

To do what most won’t, you have to behave in ways that most are willing to.

Remember the prime motivator of the masses is security. Most want safety!

And make no mistake, we all want that on some level but to do something ‘other’, there are certain things we must embrace.

Unfamiliarity for one.

Uncertainty

Seeing things for the adventure they can be.

It’s bewildering

Overwhelming

But shirking from it is the worst thing you can do.

There’s no doubt in my mind that people are making things up as they go along, there’s no neatness to any of this and I’ll be honest, sometimes it does feel like my brain’s shutting down with the heaviness of it all.

But those are the moments you’ll look back on and thank yourself for keeping going, for believing in yourself, for trusting the process. It’s okay to not know every step you’re going to take.

You can do it.

Get to the bottom of it.

I’ve encountered so many people hostile to curiosity. 

“Too many questions, lol.” They don’t like it and it’s LOL! Naughty, naughty. Just like it’s 100K not 100k. Look at now lovely that capital K looks!

Be curious.

Be inquisitive.

Ask good questions.

Then you’ll get good answers.

It’s a great gauge for solid relationships to see if people are willing to be questioned. My ex hated it (being asked that is, perfectly fine for him to do it whenever he liked). You see? Reciprocity.

Nothing is ever completely equal but respect matters. Find out about people. So you know if you’re investing your time wisely or not.

Find out about yourself.

Ask yourself pertinent questions – so you can break free from any thought traps and limiting beliefs!

Find out.

There is The Truth. I have no doubt.

Of course, whether you like it or not, people see things differently.

If you want to get into endless arguments (as many do), it is very easy to to and fro over what you believe to be true.

We each have a unique perspective.

No one sees the world as you do and you are not capable of seeing the world as others do.

There’s a joke that it would be interesting to spend a day in someone else’s brain but it would blow your circuitry! Everything would be, at best, inverted, at worst, a totally disorienting head fuck!

Empathy is the ability to attempt to feel what others feel.

Intellect is the ability to attempt to see things how others see.

It’s educated guesswork.

The point is to focus on what you can achieve, encourage people to question things for themselves.

A couple of months ago, I had a great discovery call for a potential coaching client. It was a very uplifting and edifying experience.

We didn’t take up sessions with each other but last night, I messaged him to check in on how he was doing.

Turns out, he’s in the same position but when it’s a no, it’s a no and when it’s a yes, it’s a yes.

Your role?

Keep investing. Follow up (that’s where the success is, right?!), be interested. Keep the doors open and the windows too.

Also, as I write this, I am sat topless after a really satisfying gym session, the weight went up, the reps were strong (as was I!), more determined and focused. Fantastic! Wonderful.

Curiously too, I am in the middle of a conversation with a new Twitter friend and he’s not the only one to say that he doesn’t check DMs that often. It’s so strange to me. Leave no money on the table, chaps! You never know what interactions you have and connections you make could bring.

The world is full of opportunity, be consistent, invest in getting stronger and more agile.

Win!

Hold on! Wait.

Before you knee-jerk respond with “you just want to be lazy.”

No, no, no, no, no.

Relax! Calm down.

Relaxation is an action AND an approach. No matter who you are, you need to recharge your batteries.

No matter who you are, I’ve seen numerous examples of pulling the all-nighters and eventually they all crash and burnout. Some of them are brave enough to admit this publicly.

I am repelled by programmes I used to watch like Strictly Come Dancing, game shows, politics programmes (like Question Time) – a) because it’s all just fighting and no solutions and b) it’s all filmed in such an invasive and stressful style. There’s no substance to it and, increasingly, very little style.

It’s interesting, my parents visited me recently and when they left, my mum borrowed a beautiful book that I had found on Amazon of my local favourite spot Chatsworth.

It is a history reference book as well as a beautiful visual illustration of the house itself (both public spaces and behind-the-scenes private parts of the stately home) and my mum and I both agreed it is a very calming, relaxing book. The colours are ever so slightly muted, not high gloss but still very colourful.

It’s what I want.

Honest representations, dignified reproduction, fabulous works of creativity and composition. Much work has been invested in them but have no need to shout it out, they are more refined and more engaging.

Relaxation does not mean inactive.

It means a nonchalant focus, the difference between running and walking. They have uses but walking is more sustainable and fosters greater long term results and consistency.

Great food is made with love and people can taste the love and devotion that’s been baked in.

An open consideration……. 

No one likes a desperate man.

I doubt I am the only man in the world who feels like I’m trying to spin a hundred plates all at once.

Who are you trying to please?

Who are you trying to appease?

Who are you trying to prove a point to?

I realise that a big part of my problem has not been what I’ve been saying but how I’ve been saying it.

You’ll never get your point across confidently if you’re meek, shy or belittling yourself.

Directness is a key component of simplicity.

No hesitation.

You’re clear on what you mean.

You’re willing to put your point across.

Simple!

It’s why confidence is more important than what you’re doing.

Make your message land. Be a man.

Whoever the politician, public figure, celebrity, influencer, they will never give a straight answer to the questions you really want answered.

Why?

They don’t want to be boxed in.

They don’t want you to know the plan.

They don’t want to get in trouble and have their lives ruined.

It’s very simple.

None of them will save you. Not one.

This is disappointing to most.

Let it be liberating.

No waiting for a hero.

No procrastination over which ‘side’ to pick.

Rely on what you alone can do to make things better.

There is all the freedom of the world in that, make your own answers.

I want definitive answers. I am a truth-seeker.

Of course, some information is buried far deeper than most.

The proliferation of internet/social media means there is so much noise that when many possibilities present themselves (many contradictory), the brain shuts down and you think fuck it.

Oh so much noise.

I am increasingly convinced that no one really knows the definitive answers. There are fragments that we bring together and share amongst each other.

The only thing I believe works in reality is giving things a go. The ‘I don’t know’ mind is often the most innocent thus, therefore, the least fucked up.

I see so much purity signalling, it’s so pretentious and so destructive because it stultifies activity.

If you are motivated by goodness and industrious, you are onto a winner. 

Sound out the noise, figure out the instinctive ways, for you, to do this. Advice is often heartfelt but largely useless as we each have our individual ways to The Truth.

If you want endorsement or approval, you’re likely to have a long, if not endless, wait.

Start now, learn as you go, use your innate freedom to find the answers.

Here’s a qualifier for you….

You aren’t what you do, you are what you repeatedly do.

I had a great day yesterday but it will all be as naught if I do nothing today and the following day.

Building things takes time, Rome was not built in a day as they say.

You can have what you want and you deserve to have what you want.

You just have to do the work.

Don’t worry, I am talking to myself too.

I’ve just finished watching a great podcast with host Tucker Carlson and guest Dave Smith (Comedian/Libertarian commentator). The latter has recently come to increased prominence after his ‘debate’ with the generally ridiculed Douglas Murray on the Joe Rogan Experience.

I’ve quoted a touching phrase from the interview as the title, it really moved me. We like to think we are oh-so-very rational and able to perfectly weather every storm but, deep down, we all know that whatever age we are, there are those moments where we are reduced to mush, we can’t articulate what we really want to say properly and we’re rendered that angry child that doesn’t get its way.

We never fully stop being any past age we’ve been.

We never stop growing up.

In fact, we probably never fully reach adulthood.

We have ideas in our heads of appropriate behaviour at various epochs and we have an innate sense of what’s suitable in given situations but I remember hearing aeons ago that no has ever actually counted a so-called centipede with 100 legs. It’s always something like 97 or 86 or 92. Never perfect but perfectly fine as it is.

This is the point of the quote. Not even that we’re flawed or prone to bouts of silly behaviour. We’re human (we forget this often). I have my conditioning, you have yours.

It’s always made me laugh that most of the stuff we’re blamed for is never our responsibility. I’ve frequently been described as naive or spoilt because I came from a wealthy family. Spend five minutes with my dad and understand he won’t sit still (particularly in his working days!) and you’ll realise why he was successful – an enviable mix of clever, dedicated and industrious.

No family is perfect.

No person is perfect.

Things in a state of becoming are changeable.

It all sounds obvious in theory but in practice, we’re making it up as we go along.

When you’re motivated by doing ‘good’, stop hating yourself (because there are elements where you do!). Do you hate a 3-year-old for spilling milk or bashing itself? No, you don’t. So stop mentally wrecking yourself.

I urge you to read the title again.

Figuring out how you do things also doesn’t require you have to take everyone’s word as gospel.

So many men passing orders, ‘debunking’, ugh!

I saw a chap today say “you don’t need to network.”

Many others say you don’t need to engage on Twitter, or any social network. The clue is there in the name.

This post isn’t advocating for any kind of activity in particular. 

Don’t let yourself be lead away from anything that may be YOUR THING.

Also remember (this is less generously spirited), that people may be discouraging you from certain behaviours because they’re rubbish at them and don’t want to offer advantages to the competition.

Those you admire are always very encouraging when there’s a bigger difference between your and their follower counts! Okay, stingy, but you know what I mean.

We all have different aptitudes and methods. Give things a go.

And I’ll be at one with everything. Sounds like a great fantasy doesn’t it.

And it is. For now.

We cannot delude ourselves that we are perfectly pure, rational and capable of dealing with all human frailty at once.

I’m reminded of the joke where the buddhist monk walks up to the Hot Dog Man and says “make me one with everything.”

So simple sounding, so tricky to achieve.

My parents have just stayed for a few days. They left yesterday.

During their visit, everything else is dropped.

I didn’t write, I didn’t record my videos, I spent no time on Twitter and while it feels like a holiday, I am also aware that I don’t really like the lack of focus. 

I want to be my own man, wholly.

Isn’t it funny that, despite the different spelling, wholly sounds the same as ‘holy’ – a deep connection to the power greater than us all (by the way, we all have a ‘God’, we just have different names for the same thing). 

It would be so great to just accept the way people behave and not get over-emotionally involved. 

See/Feel, observe, react calmly, ahhhhhh – lovely!

Not a pipe dream, not a million miles away, but not 100% there yet. Never will be. We have different world views, we have different talents and temperaments, we do some stuff easily, other endeavours feel beyond our current reach.

Oneness with all comes when we have nothing to prove.

Show people the results, take time and patience in achieving these things. I hate hurry but I dislike procrastination.

There is a middle group (a way through) that is your true path. Resistance is futile, learn to be in flow by breathing your way through the chaos – realising you will not change people by getting angry. You will not ‘change’ yourself either, you will discover.

We are no blank slate, gentlemen.

We have inbuilt principles. Stand up for them.

I am thirsty for knowledge. Hungry, insatiable frankly.

I’ve also had massive demands placed on me to provide answers when I haven’t had them myself.

So the two of those combined has been a massive headfuck!

Things don’t seem to land.

When asked the question “what do you want?”, I have often said I don’t know but people haven’t dropped it.

Maybe they want to help.

Maybe they’re just nosey. 

I don’t know.

But a perennial theme for myself has been to have things that are mine. It’s felt scarce.

What I want.

In my own time.

For the reasons that matter to me.

Those are some good answers to have – for you.

You know what, my friend?

I have such long lists of things I want to achieve. I really do. It’s overwhelming.

Places to go.

People to do.

Houses to buy and build.

Stacks and stacks of it and my head sometimes feels about to explode. Honestly!

People label things as

Depression

Anxiety

Overhelm

ADHD

Austism

Burnout

99.9% of these diagnoses are totally bullshit. Truly.

Getting out of planning and intellectualising and into really doing is difficult, clearly, so few pursue their dreams.

I have periods of great productivity then I retreat. It’s a boom and bust cycle. At least, that’s what it feels like.

I know the best things to keep the pace going are talking with people, getting outdoors, moving the body. Getting proper rest, eating well. It can feel like a rigorous balancing act squeezing everything in.

All I can say right now – keep going.

I often wonder if I show signs of schizophrenia with my post titles (obviously I am kidding). They jump up in my mind and I sometimes think they’re not that consistent.

But here’s the thing.

The reason I go to therapy is to sort out all the crap in my head. I find it very helpful, having an objective person to talk with who has nothing to do with my previous life. I realise plenty hate the idea of therapy.

I wonder that it’s because of not wanting help.

I wonder it’s because we genuinely like chaos and drama.

I remember my ex telling me “he went to therapy because of me” (this, by the way, during a split!). Needless to say, he didn’t address any of the real issues. He went to torment the therapist that our relationship was so successful and enjoyed watching the therapist squirm in confusion. Such a joke.

No, the purpose of any kind of help is to make things simple and get rid of drama and excuses. Freeing up energy and space to get the important things done.

I’ve wrangled over schedules and the best ways of getting stuff done but things evolve. How we behave over time changes once we’ve thrown ourselves into activity and figured out the necessary as we go.

The desire for perfect answers is the most perfect way to procrastinate and end up in the same position as where we started.

This conception of simplicity is not meek, it is not lacking, it is not defeatist.

My conception of simplicity is efficiency, purposeful, embodying a total lack of bullshit.

Okay, I know we’re not supposed to compare.

But guess what, the fact that people talk about it all the time says one thing “we’re all thinking the same thing”.

Last night, I was watching yet another fabulous Katie Hopkins video of her breaking into farmland where a mound of solar panels were about to replace the vandalised English countryside. 

I watched astounded, constantly thinking to myself “what am I doing?”, “I need to get out there.”

We all have our paths, we all have the things we’re great at. Let’s face it, no one knows how to strike a pose like Ms. Hopkins. It’s why she now has 1.3m Twitter follows, over half a million YouTube subscribers, a similar amount on Instagram.

The lesson, she didn’t stop.

She was not intimidated.

She was open, honest and authentic.

And she’s evolved over time.

Smiling all the way through it. Incredible.

We get things wrong about other people.

We get things wrong about ourselves. We don’t have to be doing the same things but the spirit in which we approach them is a game-changer.

I have always optimistic, so much so that I’ve made allowances when I should have said no.

Who knows what each of us is capable of?

With time, investment and the knowledge we can succeed, we can do great things.

Bravery is making the decision, making the choice to live as big as possible.

She does.

I can.

So can you.

Don’t we just love some mental gymnastics?

Yesterday, I finally cleared a backlog of comments left on my YouTube videos. The earliest ones were from almost a year ago!

This morning I received another reply from a chap who retorted

“I believe in myself very deeply. But allowing myself to be forgiven is rough.”

What did I say? “Those two don’t work together. You need to pick one.”

I know for myself, I’ve always wanted to cushion the blow of admitting certain things.

I’ve minimised.

I’ve shrugged things off.

I’ve denied numerous feelings out of nervousness.

Here’s the truth though, the times I’ve shifted the most are as a result of hearing the things I’ve avoided. We don’t really want to hear the truth but we know it’s good for us. Eventually!

I could have pussyfooted around and been all soft and sympathetic but I went for the direct, succinct approach and planted my reply. The philosophy graduate in me knows you can’t live well and simultaneously accept blatant contradictions.

Show me someone who tries to get away with such behaviour and I will show you someone who’s stuck. He even admits it without admitting it.

And, believe me, I am not standing in hostility and ridicule. It is rough owning up to one’s own responsibility.

I chose to behave as I did with my ex.

This chap chose to behave in the way he did, whatever his circumstances.

Don’t let yourself off the hook. There’s no virtue in that.

Instead, own up and start to inhabit your own strength.

I’ve just finished my gym training.

I’m feeling very satisfied as I made a significant leap in reps and weight! I felt it. And I still feel it in my body now.

When I’m working out, I am my own coach. I push myself to squeeze out the extra rep, or two. It’s steady yet challenging.

You see, you can really surprise yourself when you get over the resistance to do better.

We’re a curious bunch of beings to shun what benefits us. 

Don’t let familiarity be your prison.

Prove yourself right that you can get stronger.

Do it, stop just thinking it.

You never know who you’re helping.

You may think your efforts are going unnoticed but they’re not.

Of course, it works the other way round.

Yesterday, hoping I wouldn’t notice most likely, my ex liked a tweet of mine and then withdrew the like. It was a teeny bit of a jolt but quite funny really. After four and half years to-ing and fro-ing, to hearing nothing and then childishly liking a post and running away. It shows how much he valued our time ‘together’ – not a lot.

These days, I am being far more ruthless (or maybe we can say selective) about who I invest my time in. I notice a lot that I’ll be in mid-flow conversation with someone (online this is) and they’ll just vanish, no “thanks for the chat”, no “I have to go now”, just vanish. It’s really odd.

Somehow we’ve become spies rather than envoys. I believe there’s a sort of twisted honesty to people just exiting without pretending they’re really interested.

We’re experiencing a massive shift in consciousness and most just aren’t equipped to ride with it.

Do what you can do.

My goodness, I had an intense dream last night!

So many different parts, two of which I remember vividly.

The title of this post is quoting what one man said as he was left in a locked cell, the lights inside going out! Googling the exact phrase indicates a strong sense of self.

Another section was of a very disgruntled man taking framed pictures off walls and throwing them down to ground in a mashing of smashing then as I questioned him, being threatened with a massive gun.

Clearly, I am making mental shifts. I must say, it was visually an incredibly beautiful dream and despite the content, very awakening.

Whether you realise it or not, things are always emerging, shifting – things are being revealed to you to help you get stronger, more focused, more principled.

I’ve been in a terrible rush, it’s no wonder that I’ve felt overwhelmed and burnt out so many times, life happens in stages, your awareness will expand the less you compare and the more you know you can win. 

It’s your path.

No matter how much advice you seek, no one will have a full grasp on what you’re meant to do. Methods and strategies are one thing, the key is understanding yourself.

Stop putting yourself in second or third or fourth place.

It’s your life.

Flow like water!

Okay, guilty!

I’ve talked a good talk, my friend.

Of course, it’s nerve-racking writing this down and sharing it.

Saying, we know, is not doing.

If I’m not willing to go the extra mile and do the really necessary work, how much do I want what I say I want?

For me, there has always been massive self-sabotage. For the last few weeks, I’ve felt on the brink.

It’s coming, I’ve thought.

I WILL do it, I’ve thought.

Not good enough.

Put myself out there!

It’s the only thing that turns dreams into reality.

I’m not the only one who’s lived passively.

I have pockets of experience where I was really forthright and confident, somehow I allowed it to be dampened.

I’ve often been drawn to hermitage, time to myself, wanting to do things my way but do that for long enough, you’ll find yourself yourself festering and irritated by everything.

If only people would do this.

If only people would treat me that way.

It’s a hiding to nothing. We people need people. We need each other.

BUT!

How would it look if you took an active role and chose the quality of your life?

Curate your social media feed.

Do the things you love on a daily or weekly or monthly basis – regularly at any rate. 

What would it be like to relax, to contemplate, to smell the roses, to observe natural beauty.

As we progress in age, the greater the need for intention and carving out time for ourselves. Youth is highly methodical and orchestrated. The major parts of our weeks, months and years are formulated and the majority roll with it – school/pre-school/nursery, formal education, university, job. It’s the standard playbook adopted over decades and centuries.

What do you want to do regularly? – that brings you joy?

A big question I am asking – why do I deny myself things I know bring me pleasure? And these are small things and proper serious things (the latter, for example, playing the piano, dancing, reading) – things that take time and concentration.

Be intentional.

I now believe ages brings practicality.

After spending many years trying to do things perfectly, I’ve discovered that a more flexible approach is necessary.

Motivations are one thing, methods quite another.

Generally, I don’t take book recommendations. I had to force myself through the last one I took.

People will suggest various things to me and I end up not doing them because they’re not me.

I hear a lot of people saying that purpose is made not intrinsic. I doubt this very highly. We are not born blank (tabula rasa), we have naturally leanings and proclivities and life is discovering those and going with them.

We have unique callings.

Try things and stop being afraid you’re getting things ‘wrong!’

I’ve been an optimist all my life. It’s been by design and by necessity I realise.

Amidst the confusion growing up, I developed a strategy to see me through – always know that things would turn out well.

It’s been somewhat effective but largely passive.

The strategy has, naturally, been compensatory for, let’s face it, a huge amount of anger and rage.

And I have felt enormous rage over what other people would deem insignificant events.

My blessing and my curse is that I notice and record. I’m recognising patterns of behaviour and thinking to myself “ah ha, here we go again.”

I’m definitely more discerning now and quicker to say no when I trust my instincts but there is still a lot of frustration at so-called wasted time.

We want everything to move fast and smoothly, of course, the path to success is, long, winding and more complicated then we originally expected.

Learner drivers in the UK were always instructed, “Stop! Look. Listen.” It’s a great pattern interrupt. Most of the rage you feel you’ve created, the situation is usually benign or far less serious than you’re making it out to be.

Will this matter in a few years time or even tomorrow?

The answer to this question will SAVE you time and energy and enable you to focus on what really matters.

It’s all a process.

Today feels like a bonkers, wasted day.

I’ve been bingeing YouTube videos. Serious ones. My head’s spinning.

It always feels like there’s something to sort out. There are irritating things that just need dealing with. Not going to lie, it can be a real headache.

But, of course, the bigger headache is not dealing with it and letting it fester. I know I always feel better once the rubbish is put out.

But it doesn’t surprise me, at all, that people feel pointless and small and frustrated. Burnout is easy, purposelessness is rife, and I know I’m not the only one who’s thinking “what the hell is going on!”

I had a title in my mind about reintegrating all the parts of yourself for today’s thought piece, I went for a more persuasive hook. Controlling other people is the most pointless waste of time. And I say this from being single, no children. I actually wonder how people do it. I have nothing but admiration.

We’re living in a world where we need a court ruling to say that women can’t have penises and men can’t have vaginas. Apparently they’re going to block out the sun (or at least that’s the latest distraction the media is going to lob at you!), oh and we’re now allowed to say that cloud seeding is a real thing.

What to do?

We could just say first world problems but it doesn’t really help now, does it?

It’s not actually easy to detach from the noise. Our circuitry is so enthralled to the availability of info, whether it’s true or not.

My mission is to live as good and as well as I can and help other people do the same. I think there’s a degree of nobility in that.

Good night’s sleep.

Tomorrow, another day.

You’ll have guessed, by now, that I am an incredibly inquisitive, analytical man.

The reason I focus strongly on principles, as opposed to rules, is because I want a solid underpinning to my beliefs and, thus, my behaviour. 

When we act, we all make certain assumptions, there is a pragmatic nature to what we do and we need to function on a daily basis but how many of those assumptions go unquestioned?

And the assumptions are multifarious.

Scientific knowledge

The state of human nature

Where we grew up

Who brought us up

Everything is obvious to us individually because it’s the experience we’ve had. It is ‘normal’ but what you find when you talk with people is how different the average person’s upbringing has been. Sometimes it’s radically different (and often opposing) to yours.

Everyone appears to have had some really dramatic thing or things happen to them that you’d never guess from looking at them. There’s no doubt in my mind that everyone is fighting many battles and doesn’t know how to deal with them. 

They plod along or put up with what is actually really traumatic psychological and physical difficulty. We hear about meditation and retreats and living as hermits a lot now because people’s brains are just fried. I’ve felt this myself.

It’s why I’m curious. I want my behaviour based on truthfulness and solidity. I’ve let myself be blown by the wind on many an occasion. It’s been rather baseless and chaotic. Stressful!

And this is all open-ended for me.

Figuring things out……

You must do this!

You’ve got to do that!

Why do you it that way?

It’s all so fragmented!

Arbitrary too.

I’ve been enormously susceptible to hearing things and simply assuming that’s how I have to behave. It’s pulled me in a million different directions is it’s no wonder I’ve lived so chaotically.

I often wonder, even, about the titles of my blog posts, my videos, thinking to myself “I hope this sounds okay.”

It’s ridiculous, I know it, if people are going to pull me apart for such tiny details, come on, not worth it.

I have no problem with inspiration, with learning particular things and adopting them. Absolutely fine.

It’s about what you resonate with. 

Never force. You have a nature, you have preferences. Accept ‘em!

I realise I have been prone to massive ups and downs. 

I’ve tried to disguise it with various ventures, relationships, jobs and hobbies but I’ve spent, in reality, a huge amount of time ignoring the stuff that pisses me off.

If you let yourself fall prey to all the messaging out there, the media, culture war crap going on, you’re going to feel low and you’re going to be confused. None of it adds up – and it’s by design.

I go onto YouTube a lot and get suggested numerous shots of policemen turning up at people’s doors and I simply do not click on any of them. Ignore. File under forget.

It’s a ploy.

People thrive on anger. Resentment too. They will try to sell you the solution in whatever form and get you believing that their problems are all that matter. Of course, it’s because they (whichever body it is) want to sell themselves as the only solution. No one, once they have supreme power, wants to relinquish their influence. It’s a drug.

You have a choice to say Yes or No to any of it.

I always remember Stefan Molyneux saying “To see the farm is to leave it.” We are, after all, referred to as tax livestock (that’s how they see you) and any way you try to placate governments or wars or molehill problems magnified to the size of mountains. 

Don’t treat yourself as a unit.

Learn to sound out the noise that only exists to damage you.

A simple act of self-determination is the most powerful. Learn to think for yourself. Invest in wonderful things. Don’t fall for the weird and wacky habits of those that hate you.

Be Your Own Person. Live Your Own Life.

Ooooh! I’m in an irascible mood today!

Whoever it was that invented the fucking leaf blower needs to be bitch-slapped and prevented from ever inflicting that pointless piece of machinery on us. Get a good hoe and a large sweeping brush!

And the next door neighbours nephews are stomping about in the next flat, reverberating on the partition walls! AGH!

There are days like this. There really are.

A friend invited me out to tea and he caught me mid-flow after my gym training when I couldn’t concentrate on the conversation. I ended up having to lay down in my bed to recover. I’m showered now and dressed for the day but I told him I wasn’t in the mood for going out.

Whatever I do now, I am invested in it and when I need time to myself, I take it – and I take it unapologetically. In the past, I would have felt guilty for stating my case to him honestly, now, I see it as a necessity and doing what I need to do.

There has to be a ‘there’ there means this – you have to do things for the right reasons not because you feel you ‘should’ or ‘must’ or ‘have to!’.

No, I do not argue from authority nor do I take arguments solely from authority.

The reason the ‘relationship’ ended with my ex was because there was no ‘there’ there.

No kissing

No long cuddles

No face-touching

No opportunity to sit in silence

It was all tension and power-playing

And I put ‘relationship’ in quote marks because, fundamentally, there was no conversation or discussion. For him, my way or the highway, that’s not a relationship, that’s a ‘situationship’ (my new, favourite made-up word), for me, something to do and focus on, someone else to make happy, plus it’s a tyranny. 

Still think about him, still wonder if he’s okay, still imagine scenarios unrequited. It seems to be taking a while to get over the experience but I will and I will exorcise all the demons.

Make sure you’re present.

Make sure you’re doing things for the right reasons.

Make sure you’re not just living a life of style over substance.

A big proper walk.

I took a different route on an extended walk yesterday and found a charming bridge over a brook that I never knew existed, a walker’s gate that I was totally unaware of, a totally different aspect of the valley I live in.

Heavenly.

I find it very exciting getting to know where I live, in a really immersive way. I did the same when I lived in the centre of London.

“Getting lost on purpose.” Finding out where the land lays. Those first few years were a dream. “Oh, I live here.”

It’s especially exciting for me exploring where I live now because I grew up here and there are, as I have discovered, an absolute plethora of places right on our doorstep that we never visited.

Never visited! Not once.

So here’s the point. It’s not just a walk. No, no, no. It’s an adventure. I think we’ve lost that sense of adventure. Of setting the intention, of deciding to go for it, of having a marvellous, magical time – getting stuff done. You might call it ticking things off the list but it’s so enjoyable.

Let yourself go for a walk! A massive one! Discover, relish, be free.

Right now, at least.

I seem to require a huge amount of sleep. I had a wild dream last night of apologising to an old man, someone sat next to me being shot at and me running to a car for protection.

Wild!

Life is wild. I think we’re starting to grasp this now.

I’m just riding each day as it comes, doing breathing when the electrical impulses are super strong, getting outdoors as much as possible, eating healthily. After writing this I will go and do my Monday weight training.

I do sometimes, not as often these days, but sometimes wonder where I am and feel slightly like I’m having out of body experiences, looking down on myself. 

I believe it’s starting to realise who I am rather than what I believe is expected of me. It’s a daunting yet exciting position to be in, where I can make my own rules but it is rather disorientating (and why I find my therapy sessions so helpful!).

I’m enjoying being more confident and direct and getting certain tasks done that I’ve been toying with for ages.

Find your own answers to all this stuff.

In fact! Valuing yourself IS the victory.

You have to decide you’re worth something for people to value you, your time, your efforts, your wisdom. And you have those in spades!

Set the intention (what you want).

Create the conditions (how you’ll do it).

And, remember, they have to work for you. What you want and how you do things should be valuable and meaningful to you.

One of the things I loved in my ex was his decisiveness. Unfortunately, he made his decisions not in a spirit of generosity but in a spirit of entitlement and disdain but I realise he was brought briefly into my life to show me that I could make decisions more confidently, married with my unique brand of kindness (and openness actually).

Fairly recently, I had a discovery call for a potential coaching client. We’ve exchange a few e-mails since and the most recent he sent me the report of several sessions he’d had with an employment coach, yet he is still in the same psychological position where he won’t get hired and asked me to give him advice.

Ironically enough, the details in the report mirrored exactly what he and I had discussed. So clearly he thought there was value in the conversation. I did, however, remind him that the money he had paid this person could have been money better spent with me and that I wouldn’t continue giving free advice. 

Some may say this is a wasted opportunity. No. I see it as a firm endorsement of my own value and there are millions and millions of men who need my help on Twitter alone.

I told him he was cheeky. I’m glad I did. I’ve done the free bit, I deserve to get paid. More ironically, he still won’t be able to get the work he wants as people will continue to smell his desperation.

He may see this, he may not.

Honesty. People don’t like it. It forces them to look at themselves. That’s what happened with my ex. It’s partially what has happened with this aforementioned chap.

I am actually really pleased that it’s awoken me to the fact I’m valuable and have genuine wisdom to offer. This is setting the intention. You will never get what you want if you don’t genuinely want it. You must know you deserve it.

Then, you carry on, emboldened, confident, decisive.

It’s no use drifting through life.

I remembered replying to comment a friend had made on a tweet (with the title of this post) and I’ve been storing it away to reflect on at the right time.

I am really starting to let my thoughts and feelings to percolate. It’s, in fact, a form of setting boundaries for myself. I have relentlessly given absolutely everything away not allowing any time or space to really process and breath in the wisdom I’m learning.

Flood, flood, flood!

No peace

No gentility

Throw it all away!

Good Lord, I have been so desperate.

Of course, no one could accuse me of being ungenerous. The work that I do and put out is genuinely offered in the hope you can live a better life, sincerely. It is my calling and I am establishing the best way(s) I can deliver it.

Today, as an example, rather than spread myself too thinly, I took all the sheet music on my piano and put it away in my piano stool, leaving only the piece I have wanted to learn for a long time on the stand. 

Set up your life so you dive deep into what you’re doing was my thinking. It feels decisive, honest – SIMPLE! Distractions are the enemy (and there are many). It feels a little scary to me to cut out the other options of pieces to play yet immensely exciting to face the piece I have wanted to learn for so long and determinedly signal to myself, this is the piece I will learn until it’s done.

Focusing on this one piece will give me peace. I know it. And prove to myself I can complete things.

Presence + Persistence = Progress.

Focus = Fortune. 

Relationships are an exchange. 

You do know this, yes?

A couple of days ago I talked about anger being a submissive position, not in charge, not present. Childish.

So to is needing to be liked. You will do crazy things in the name of not wanting to annoy people, wanting to be accepted (even if you are not behaving honestly).

We live now in a world of polarising positions that people will adopt so they are accepted in polite society. 

Why, oh why, do you want to be accepted by people who hate what you really want to say?

The point of life is not to be liked. Most people are unthinking.

The point of life is to be good. Are you brave enough to stand above the crowd and speak the truth?

Everyone wants a hero.

 It’s a means of wanting change and glory-supporting the figures that appear to do it.

Trump, as we speak, is getting marvellous recognition for his Tariff treatments (and of course great scorn). But, as excellently pointed out by Neil Oliver, is tweeting “Oooops!” at recent bomb attacks some where in the Middle East.

Now, don’t be lazy, do go back over any of my social media and see evidenced my support for Trump in 2016 and for 2020. Don’t write me off as a ‘Never Trumper’ but do, please, observe my change of mind when he blatantly praise the jab, dubbing himself ‘The Father’ thereof.

There is any number of other socio-political figures I could mention here but you know their names. You are starting to get it.

“Every hero becomes a bore at last.” – Emerson

They all reveal their colours. It’s why I don’t vote, “Uhhhh, then you can’t complain, Martin, if you don’t have skin in the game.” I respectfully remind people it’s the right TO vote not HAVE TO vote. If you are mandated to do anything, it’s not a right, it’s a coercion and, besides, there’s no one to vote for. I believe politics is the biggest scam going.

You’re just voting for who’ll steal from you. No matter how good looking your rapist and how big his dick is, you’re going to get shaft and bleed out!

Of course, these people get away with it out of compliance and the belief of the masses that they have your best interests at heart. In his Discworld series, Terry Pratchett reveals the method that ‘gods’ get more powerful the more people believe in them. The politicians need us more than we need them and most of the last few centuries’ talk has been how to limit or expand that power.

Let’s be real, anyone who wants a position of such power over you and your life is either, beyond measure, already corrupted or easily corrupted in not much time.

In being called naive so often for unreasonable opinions, I turn the mirror and say don’t be so naive that you believe you’d be the benevolent dictator. You really wouldn’t.

I know, my friends, it is very dangerous but usually in the morning I will go to my social media.

This AM, it was no different – people trying to prove themselves right, people sharing things they disagree with and being very resentful about it.

Of course, I get angry. We all do.

Channelling your anger into something more positive is infinitely superior.

Show people what they can do.

And I know, that ain’t easy. For thousands of years, we’ve been trying to figure it out.

Deny, no.

Deal with, yes.

People have often called me naive for suggesting this distinction.

Okey doke, then. 

Is your life any better?

Are you achieving your ideal states?

Are you simply wasting time trying to convince others.

Onward Christian soldiers are not worrying about what others are saying of their hometowns. They’re standing up for what they love, are they not?

It’s so overdone talking about addictions to drugs, booze, sex. The biggest addiction is anger, I swear. Unresolved anger is a far greater killer, I am convinced.

So, what ya gonna do?

I went for a very short walk yesterday evening. I was significantly into recording my daily video for IG/FB/Twitter but after a certain point I abandoned it.

Nothing felt right about it, I was waffling. I could have uploaded it but I didn’t want to put the energy out into the world.

When I got home, I rewatched a great podcast with Andrew Gold (Heretics) interviewing the marvellous Katie Hopkins. It’s a great conversation, particularly as it progresses when Ms. H. pushes Andrew more and more to do a better job.

There is a great line that Katie offers part way that is relevant to this post.

“You need to go out into the Wilderness and you need to find what you’re certain about.”

The last few weeks, I’ve honestly felt like I’m tromping through treacle. Things have felt incredibly laborious, I’ve felt enormously pointless and, as I’ve been conditioned to do, beaten myself up. It’s a relentlessly difficult state to break. 

It is these moments that feel the most bleak, the most difficult, the most uncertain. 

However!

It is not the time to give up. 

It is the time to do two things, question the efficacy of feeling so low and question what the way through the darkness is.

I have my therapist.

I have my writing.

I have my videos.

I have my walks.

I have my gym.

All of these are massive positives. I have great things in my life.

I also have a lot of doubts, insecurities and fears.

Those too are positives, there is no road map out in the Wilderness, but they are positives as I develop bravery and persistence.

Giving into the darkness can make things really grim but that’s your thought process not the reality. There is light if you open your ears, your ears, your heart to wonder.

Not all that wander are lost just at a harder part of the path.

Courage my boy, courage. 

Carry on forwards.

Connections, connections, connections.

That’s what it’s really all about.

Whether for money, friendship, education, everything. Good people matter.

Of course, some will come and go. If you want to live life properly, with great people around you, you’ll find the numbers go down. The crowd is unthinking and merely follow what they’re told. It’s hard to form strong bonds with those that have no principles of their own.

The enlightened path is usually a solitary one.

But you meet people on the way who will support you.

Last night, I cried for feeling rejected by my ex. Being so understanding and kind to him, I find it very hard to grasp why he didn’t care about me. It’s a painful reality that I am working on as we speak.

Pepper your life all over with joys and peacefulness.

Salt your being all over with resilience and gratitude.

Find fabulous people and be grateful for them.

Have a fantastic day!

I understand about death by a thousand cuts. I experienced it most pronouncedly with my ex. 

Teeny comments here, little jibes there. Endless picking, relentless testing and chronic belittling.

I’ve been there.

It’s why, especially since Brexit, I’ve been highly skeptical (at best!) about anything political. 

I both laugh and nod in recognition when people say “whatever they say, do the opposite.”

It’s not new of course, there have always been and always will be shadowy figures who use puppets like politicians and high-level CEOs to auger in certain regimes.

It’s up to you to notice the creep on your freedoms, and your abilities, so you can remain as self-determined as you can.

Aren’t you tired of the same old people, those relentlessly shoved down your throat experts, telling you that you can do this and you can’t do that?

Ugh!

Coffee

Sugar

Sex

Watching a bit of Netflix

We get it! You’re the Neo-Puritans and you have to live like a monk, except roided-up to the eyeballs, never taking a rest day from the gym. It’s these types that always end up divorced or with irreparable injuries.

The Pendulum swings to and fro and you never quite know where it’s going to go.

Ugh! 

Slow down, shut up and offity-piss (thank you Katie Hopkins for this phrase!). There was a gentleman big in the fitness industry who yesterday-tweeted that “if you’re drinking coffee, you’re doing drugs daily.” 

Fuck Off! I retorted to myself.

You have to test things, you try them, you see how they make you feel and you progress from there. Honestly, do you really want to live on top of a mountain, devoid of emotion, ‘toxin’-free? No, you don’t.

It’s the same with everything. We cannot achieve perfection in a moveable world. 

That is why I value the ‘good’. It is not perfect, it is case specific and it shifts as time goes on.

Your tastes and needs will change with time as you develop your character.

Smile more, worry less. 

P.S. Sugar is delicious. Eat some, some time. Or not. YOU decide and no one else.

Tomato soup!

Rickety kitchen hobs!

Throwing and smashing plates.

That was last night’s dream.

It’s needless to say I have underlying rage at not being listened to.

Today, it’s a sunny day. This doesn’t always feel the case.

It’s vital to listen and watch and understand what’s going on inside you. It’s only then you can be the master of it.

Short post today.

What is it we really value in the people we follow?

I certainly love humour, wit, insight in them. Of course, what sets people apart is what they do.

My therapist asked me a great question last time we met in response to me commenting I had been isolating for a long time.

Him: Isolating or waiting?

It hit me, smack between the eyes. The relationships I’ve formed and invested in were not the uplifting connections I had wanted.

Now that I am back in my native surroundings, one of the things I am doing regularly (and you may not consider this ‘doing’ something about my situation) is visiting a local stately home, a very famous one in England. 

Now that I’m taking more time to look around the place rather than racing through, I am talking with people. The ones I get along with. The ones I have a laugh with, the ones whose enthusiasm resonates with me most. 

Choice.

I’m choosing more, I’m being more discerning and I am feeling less and less guilty about moving away from the energies I don’t like.

You can’t live a proper life from the sidelines.

I make more and more decisions these days with greater confidence and greater simplicity. It’s very easy to pontificate from the shadows rather than getting out into the light of life.

You will have your definition of what ‘action’ is, what ‘getting out into the world’ is. It’s fine. We choose, authentically, dependent on our individual paths.

Stop churning over all the decisions you’ve made in the past. Discover where you made those destructive decisions, sort it and move on.

The world is waiting for confident and sorted men.

I’m buzzing from my conversation last night with two fabulous men I met on Twitter.

It was so calming and open and honest. Really beautiful.

By the way, this post is not intended to be a ‘you don’t need to make money, material things are rubbish’ rant. No, no, no.

I like stuff. I love nice stuff in fact.

But, obviously, having fabulous relationships with people is the cornerstone of any great life, of any great people.

Most cultures are low trust.

Western cultures have always thrived on high trust, exchanging value, sound contracts, uplifting exchanges, positive. Using the technology we have is a blessing when employed properly. Both the men I chatted with last night are in The States. Our conversation wouldn’t have been possible twenty or thirty years ago.

We all need support and speaking with these two lovely chaps has left me feeling really accepted and listened to and valued. Thank you, boys.

Most heartwarming.

I’m staggered at how many people use Twitter to inform us all at how painful and short and bleak life is!

There are challenges and times you can feel helpless, of course. We’re human (if you didn’t know!).

But it’s time to be counter-cultural. Start thinking of what you CAN do rather than what you can’t.

We’re all subject to the myths and propaganda of our time. Be discerning, be sophisticated, learn to rise above the noise.

I friend commented on a tweet of mine.

It got me thinking that we’re so obsessed with the procedure, that we forget the outcomes.

A long standing friend of my sister’s is splitting with her boyfriend with whom she has a child. Nothing serious or catastrophic has happened between them and not for a second will they think of their son. It absolutely baffles me.

I believe that people parrot advice because they’ve heard it so many times but don’t necessarily thing about how effective the advice is.

Having had a glowing endorsement from a potential coaching client, I realise the key is doing your own thinking. It’s not very common, I have to say. Most people, from what I observe, do what they’re told.

Looking at the results (of which you have many) means you have your eyes open.

I am spark.

I am an inspiration.

I am a moment of creation.

Say these back to yourself and ask how much do I realise these things and how much do I live them.

I recently had a discovery call with a potential coaching client and I asked for a testimonial from him. I followed up with him after a bit of a gap and he sent me back his thoughts.

When I ask for these things, I never quite know what’s going to come back but, frankly, I was very touched by what he said (which I’ve included as the image in this post).

It’s fascinating to get the opportunity to see myself through his eyes.

Always ask.

Listen to the truth.

Always believe in yourself.

I’m shedding a million skins at the moment.

It’s exhausting, relentless and, often, irritating.

It’s temporary, I know this but it’s intense sorting yourself out.

It’s probably, now, one of the most over-referenced films but I’m going to do it anyway.

Neo, in The Matrix: I can’t go back can I?

Morpheus: No, but if you could, would you want to?

Even I have offered the standard “keep going” advice but, obviously, it’s not particularly helpful when my sleep’s disrupted, when I feel angry for feeling like I’ve wasted so much time, when I feel disappointed I’ve made many impulsive decisions in my past.

Honest to God, every millimetre of frustration is coming up all at once and sometimes I genuinely get short of breath and have to find ways to calm myself down. Quite often now, I find myself having to just stop move when I’m out on my walks to collect myself.

I understand you don’t want to do therapy. I understand you’re young and think that going to the gym will sort your head out but it won’t. You’ll just end up taking your anger out on the lat pulldown machine and get an irreparable shoulder cuff injury. I’ve seen it so many times.

I am an advocate of the mixed method – do the gym AND therapy. So you can feel starving and pissed off at the same time and push yourself through the momentary period of feeling lost and curious and hopeful all at once.

It’s a mighty head-fuck, I agree, but it’s worth it because distractions are not you, thoughts are not you.

Peace, joy and clarity ARE you. By all means, call me idealistic, soft and weak but I believe this is why you’re avoiding asking for ‘that help’ because there’s an unspoken admission that you don’t want to go through this stage. People don’t talk about this side of therapy that just feels like shit.

But this too shall pass. It’s up to you to decide if you’re willing and brave enough to do it.

I’m glad to be doing it because I know ultimately it will free me but, right now, ugh!

One of the most curious things I’ve noticed is just how contrary and opposite people can be.

Since moving back to my hometown, people are imbued with a great sense of entitlement. Rules for thee and rules for me.

One of the earliest examples was the managing agents of the apartment complex I live in decreeing that we had to ask permission of them to make changes to our properties. I instantly felt confused and annoyed by this imposition.

When you have a state saying everyone has ‘rights’, people push as far as they can to get their way.

Part of the problem is the dissolution of the notion of ‘property’ and of ‘privacy’. We all see and feel this. Nothing belongs to us, it’s absolutely be design but there is an unlawfulness about it and an injustice about it.

It’s why confidence and firmness are more important than ever!

We’re an interesting bunch, the English. We apologise when someone else has done something wrong.

I was in the shop yesterday and because we’re not supposed to be using plastic bags anymore (bollocks), the staff are putting fewer and fewer of them out at the checkouts.

While the sales assistant was busily occupied with his back to her for several moments, she had to ask several times for bags, apologising profusely for requesting and it was honestly like witnessing some bizarre social experiment of inversion.

“I’m sorry” is one phrase, another is “excuse me.”

Again! Most often used when someone else is getting in the way, blocking a concourse, taking up all the space on a path.

You can tell that this stuff bugs me because it’s all unnecessary and I believe it is actually symptomatic of an ever-encroaching state and organisations that just won’t leave us alone, won’t stop interfering. There is also the fact that a lot of people have simply ‘given up’.

Standards are hard to find. I choose to be the man who picks up the litter when I see it.

I will acknowledge that people are confused, all of the old structures and principles have vanished (mostly because we’re not really Christian anymore as a people).

The solution, stop apologising when you’re asking perfectly reasonable things. Stop apologising when you’ve done nothing wrong.

Much of the time, I find myself short of breath. Anxious.

Not only am I doing deep soul-searching, in therapy, establish who I really am and what I really want to do, I’m doing it all sober so I am hyper aware of what’s going on.

No mask

No excuses

Nowhere to hide

It’s a brutal business.

And yet, there are people still trying to get their way.

I find a lot of it exhausting.

My priority is becoming the most resilient and peaceful I can be. It can feel very lonely. I’m still churning over things that happened with my ex, from people I knew decades ago. It’s all streaming out.

It is a process, not an end result.

Be strong.

Be honest.

I had a conversation earlier today with a coach I hired.

Let’s just say we have some differences of opinion when it comes to ‘style’ of coaching.

A few months ago, I would have been crippled with embarrassment to say the things in the way I said them to this chap today.

We’ve definitely lost a cultural sense of distinction – language has been watered down, we are referred to as ‘man’ or ‘bro’ or ‘brother’ rather than our names, it’s all impersonal and scientific.

I am cutting through this stuff. Being called man pisses me off, so I tell people to not call me that. This is distinct from the pronouns issue because I am talking about how I want to be treated, I don’t expect this to be a universal rule and I will not advocate legislation to penalise people but I will use it as a means to see who’s reasonable and who’s listening.

But being direct is different from being so-called aggressive or nasty or being a bit of a arsehole.

Learn to be a little more discerning and, despite the language in this post, be a bit more sophisticated. 

Adult.

No! 

Don’t tell me.

Don’t want to hear that!

What ultimately ended things with my ex was telling the truth, it was about being honest with myself.

The last thing I said to my ex was “why are you so horrible?”

It feels rather tame now and I’m sort of laughing at it but, like I tweeted out earlier today, common sense is a myth, most don’t want to believe things because it’s awkward.

Why awkward?

It’s an obstacle to them getting what they want.

And you’ll know what this feels like. You’ve had obstacles. Fucking hell, I know I’ve encountered massive roadblocks.

But most of the roadblocks are me believing them, automatically assuming they’re correct, like a reflex response assuming I must take on other people’s words.

They deny the truth.

You deny the truth.

I deny the truth.

We all do it, to varying degrees.

I am trying acceptance at the moment, radical. Hard, hard, hard. Painful. Embarrassing. Humiliating. Humbling.

Process.

Work-in-fucking-motion.

I’ve heard these words plenty in my time.

Beware.

It usually means they’re going to tell you to do something that they’re not doing.

“This troubles me.” – you’re not doing as I do.

“I’m slightly concerned…” – they’re not in control.

“We’re worried that…” – you’ve done some thinking of your own.

What am I looking for in relationships these days? Conversation. Discussion. Not orders. Not top down.

The reality is, my friends, it means a lot of relationships will fall at the wayside. As you understand the truth of the world and you start to actually question what you believe and how people treat you, you’ll find a lot of people wanting.

People will say to do things they don’t practice

AND

Will speak in code because they don’t want to be direct.

So equality means special treatment.

What’s wrong with that means why don’t you do it my way?

You’re too full on means I don’t have any confidence in myself or I don’t have standards.

You have to sift.

I’ve known a plethora of people who had loads of ‘friends’ who they relentlessly whinged about – all out of neediness and desperation to be seen as popular. Whole house parties full of people that were rude, who rolled their eyes at everything, who looked down their noses all the time. Ugly. Really ugly.

It’s a bold move to say “I want and deserve to be treated in a respectful way.” Especially when you open yourself up as a true friend who’ll listen. 

Some may say I’m being picky but this is code for “you should lessen your standards for me.” I’m being selective, yes, very selective but it’s my life.

Just because the wind howls, does not mean the tree is toppled.

I’m learning this now.

I can’t deny that I feel rather pathetic for being in therapy at 43 when I could have done it for my own reasons in my 20s. I hate admitting regret, it feels like a betrayal of my soul. It feels like fundamentally renouncing my nature.

But the fact is I have heard and listened and taken on many opinions that others have said assuming, unequivocally, they must be right.

It’s ridiculous, I know it is but everything I am saying is acknowledging feelings that rise so quickly I can’t ignore them and this is what I am working on at the moment. It’s a brutal and uncomfortable process, highly. 

I try to make light of it by saying I’m doing a Spring Cleaning of my life but, honestly, much of the time it feels like wading through a swamp of shit.

Get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Only way through.

Personalities want something. Always.

And people push for what they want. Believe me, I’ve been at the receiving end of much of this.

Criticism

Ghosting

Ignorance

Abandonment

Seen it all.

The reason we enter into ventures, relationships, education, there’s always some perceived advantage or need we are fulfilling.

Months ago, splitting from my ex, I realised just how desperate my behaviour has been, not just to please people but desperately to try and make things work because I didn’t want to admit failure. I wanted to believe it would work because I didn’t want to see an end to yet another relationship.

Literally in the last few days, however, I’ve grown even more honest with myself in a powerful admission – I haven’t wanted to endorse or acknowledge certain states and emotions. In fact, I’ve been terrified to do so. Chiefly, regret is something I have wanted to totally ignore, to the point of trying to convince myself it doesn’t exist. Failure too. Haven’t wanted to admit that.

I have, in effect, using ‘positivity’ as another psychological prison.

I discussed this with my therapist. The conclusion I came to was in acknowledging regrets and failures, I somehow castigate myself as ungrateful, pessimistic, hopeless. I had to remind myself of something I advise many people to do….

Wherever you are, be there.

Radical honesty – it’s brutal. I feel it is particularly brutal for me because, having for so long denied these things, I am now looking at all the times I’ve done it and am retrospectively beating myself up. I feel it viscerally in my body, my legs tingle, my stomach tightens, I get shortness of breath.

Oh, just put it behind you. Nah, not me, yet. If you’ve been piling up shit for decades, you’re going to have to clear it up and put it in its proper place and that is what the personal work is for me.

The exhaustion I’ve felt,

The mental heaviness I’ve frequently experienced,

The lack of focus and relentless inability to truly relax into the flow of life,

All these, now, make abundant sense to me. I’ve lived with a pervasive sense of confusion and much of it is this denial I’ve indulged.

Getting better requires getting honest. You will be required to admit stuff you’ve buried.

What’s the lesson?

Where’s the wisdom?

When will you give yourself a break?

You did things because you thought they’d make you feel better. You and I know it was at the expense of your soul and your better judgement. It is done, but you will need to get used to the fact that certain things, certain people, certain opportunities are gone. That’s the trade-off. And as you improve, you’ll have to trade security for flexibility. Life is not meant to lived rigidly, you know? Free-flowing, joyful, free full stop. That’s the natural state but obviously we get augmented and manipulated and persuaded into things that are damaging but that’s what desire does.

It seems like a good idea at the time but you will always live with the consequences.

Trade self-loathing for self-improvement.

You’re always going to be you.

You’re always going to be in your skin.

It’s time, and you known it, to get comfortable with being uncomfortable.

Or was I?

I spoke recently about having a discovery call with a very nice chap. He e-mailed me the other day to say, in round terms ‘that it wasn’t the right time for him.’

To be honest, I am not surprised.

Had I had this experience six months ago I would have been incredibly disappointed but I’m not today.

When you put yourself out there, you are going to get a lot of different responses, always remember that what feels like an end is only the beginning. If you’ve had a ‘no’ that means you’ve gone through the process to a certain point and you’re braver than most people.

I recall the conversation he and I had and you know what I felt?

Powerful.

I felt bold, confident, honest. I challenged the man and, of course, his decision is his to make. Who knows maybe he and I will work together at some future point but that is not the real point.

He was the first focused conversation I’ve had, there will be many more.

Keep going. 

It’s only the end when you say it is.

We’re incredulous AND we’re credulous.

Human nature bizarrely allows for contradictory positions to be held at the same time and that is how you’re manipulated.

Carefully offered models have been delivered to us to make us believe particular things.

Politicians are there to represent our needs and desires – HA!

Scientists™️ accurately deliver ‘truths’ about climate change – Please!

Experts know better than us how we should live our lives – OH, child!

These are some examples of how dangerously credulous we can be (and many tens of millions FALL into this category).

Here is the even more dangerous position we can take.

Our incredulity can lead us to ask “but why would they do this? How can they be so cruel? Why do they want to wreak such havoc, such destruction?”

They are motivated by darkness. They do not like you. They don’t want freedom for you. They want it for themselves. Just look at what they DO. Ignore what they say – this is a rule for anyone you deal with.

Talk is cheap, action is valuable.

Here’s the thing though. Are you one of the people who allows this tiny group of people’s behaviour to colour the entirety of humanity?

The Human faculty to extrapolate out from one to many is powerful but, at times, enormously destructive.

We see politicians and bankers and ‘leaders’ (all the same mob if you haven’t already noticed) and we assume that because they have a certain nature that everyone does. No, no, no, no, no.

Much of the bleakness and lack of faith in human nature comes from thinking that everyone is the same. Again, no, no, no, no, no.

I am constantly reminded of what Tania Edwards said on James Delingpole’s podcast,

James: It’s by coercion. – Yes, indeed.

Tania: But it’s also by compliance.

Why did the Australians suffer such hideous treatment during the Plandemic? It’s historically known as an island of convicts – half true, the other half staff the prisons. Get the full picture, get the full truth.

This is why I always advocate for two things.

1. Learn to say “No.”

2. Live Your Own Life.

You doubt your individual influence at your peril.

I am not painting a pretty picture of sunshine and rainbows. I am not ignorant of the problems people face but whether you’re happy or sad, we’re in the boat we’re in.

Always have in the back (and front) of your mind, what could I actually achieve if I really believe in it. What am I actually capable of if I really believe in myself?

My ex was obsessed with death. He was actually very dark!

Thing is, I’ve talked about him a lot recently but I don’t hate him. In fact, I am grateful for having been ‘involved’ with him. The relationship has taught me an awful lot about myself and how to do better.

Interestingly, I’ve just been taken up with a short comment exchange on a YouTube video I did a couple of days ago and see the need to be ‘right’ everywhere I go.

We all do it to some extent but it’s a waste of time trying to change people’s minds. No, I want to be uplifted. I want to stand up for myself and experience what it feels like. When I stand up for myself these days, I get a whole raft of emotions.

I get tingling sensations in my chest and stomach, my forehead feels like it’s raising up out of my body. I get a bird’s eye view, it is a bizarre situation to be in but here’s the shift I’ve made in the last few weeks…..

Rather than judge myself for feeling and believing what’s occurring in the moment, I get very curious and, as time goes by, stiller in the process. The words people use say nothing about me, they inform me of what they believe about themselves and we can trust this because they ask us no questions, only make statements.

Most people do not know other people, it’s too time-consuming for them and too inconvenient.

In my ‘culture wars’ YouTube stage, Dinesh D’Souza was frequently pushed. I adopted a phrase he used when speaking with a young, idealistic boy in the audience – “Turn that moral mirror on yourself.” I’ve used it quite a bit because, obviously, it’s far easier to seemingly criticise other people than look at yourself.

The truth will set you free but first it will piss you off.

I’m still unravelling all of the shit that went down with my ex, clearly and understandably, I opened this post talking about him.

Also, as time goes by, I focus on where I am, what I feel, which beliefs serve and destroy me, I’m learning to let go more easily – BUT NOT GIVE IN TO BE LIKED AND LOWERED! Giving in is passive, letting go is adult, responsible and uplifted (if you want a clear distinction).

It’s life, it’s not an end result, it’s a constant becoming but if you’re ‘questioning’ and open, you’ll make a better life for yourself. Anger is the truly global affliction.

What could you do if you allow yourself to feel uplifted? To be grateful for what’s happened so you can overcome any obstacle? A noble goal and very much a work in progress.

It’s been a pervasive theme in my life of not really experiencing things that are mine.

I can’t sugarcoat it, there have been many invasive people persistently questioning and shitting over things I’ve done and want to do.

Nothing, ever, and I mean ever, good enough. Let’s kill this with some questions now, shall we. ‘We’ have to be involved, can’t possibly be left out.

Also can’t lie, moving back to where I grew up was out of genuine desire to return to a living situation that I love but also a massive fleeing from London, from chaotic city life, from the colossal claustrophobia of it all, so many people, so much noise, so much surveillance.

I’ve always wanted something of my own and I remember even when I was growing up, just how hard it seemed to be to get that.

No privacy.

Objections everywhere.

Constant dissatisfaction from those around me with things people would kill to have.

I get overwhelmed.

I get annoyed.

Want to scream sometimes.

But I am proud of myself for the results I am getting now. It’s the beginning of crafting the life that I want and it feels brilliant.

Keep going!

In the aftermath of the first major conversation I’ve had on my coaching journey, I’ve talked about making things simple. 

But my goodness, what is really apparent to me now is just how frightened and nervous and weak-willed we have become as a people.

We truly have greatness in us.

Tremendous power to do incredible things.

Divine will to overcome what seems impossible.

Let’s live bigger.

Let’s live more beautifully.

Let’s live to our true potential.

Let it Rip!

It can feel like the efforts you’re making are worthless. YOU can feel worthless.

I’ve just had a blissful and cathartic conversation with a chap who contacted me through a link he found on my YouTube channel offering up my coaching services.

Oh, so you had a convo, big deal.

To me it is.

It is proof that the process works of putting myself out there and getting real life feedback.

It works! 

But of course, it only works when I work. Experiences like these are edifying because you feel the mirror effect of getting feedback.

Most of social media is a private and personal echo chamber. You might not see anything for weeks, months or even years and the beautiful thing in this case is he contacted me. There was no chasing, there was no panic or hurry, it was highly organic and I love that.

The universe is listening.

God is listening.

However you want to put it but ask and you will receive. I want to be a coach and this chap wants to be coached. Willingness on both sides, a fabulous learn experience on both sides, symbiosis on both sides.

Believe in yourself.

Trust yourself.

Put yourself out there.

It works – with effort and time.

Life’s an inside out process. 

You get what you ask for.

You also get what you don’t ask for – if you don’t make it clear how you will accept being treated.

You have to speak up and speak out for yourself.

Believe me when I say, you cannot rely on people’s common sense. Common sense is the biggest myth going.

As patronising as it sounds, you have to spell things out for people.

I have been hectored and pressured and pushed and jabbed at my entire life. I’m not joking. Long before lockdowns, I had isolated myself voluntarily to breathe my own air. When lockdowns happened, I developed a “fuck you” attitude, frankly.

So, when I accept a Twitter message request and the first greeting is “Hello Brother.” I now respond, verbatim, “Would people stop calling me brother!!!” You have to train people.

You may call me fussy, you may see me as reacting ungenerously to a stranger calling me brother but to me it’s just wrong. I get it, they’re trying to endear themselves but we don’t have the same parents, so it’s not brother. It’s not “bro”, it’s not even “Sir”. 

Call me by my name. I do often wonder how language has changed so dramatically, maybe it’s a generational thing, but being referred to as ‘man’ or ‘bruv’ but none of it is English talk or European talk.

With Americanisation rank in discourse, language and understanding have been watered down.

Make things clear to people.

Feel good about demanding standards.

Let people know what is acceptable and unacceptable.

Wowzers, just had a nap as I was wiped out from my gym session. One of things you forget about training is you end up very hungry and quite tired when you get back into it.

Shock to the system!

During said nap, I had a dream and in it I heard the old phrase “how do you end up doing the opposite?”

Even in the dream, I refute this.

I get it. It always looks like I choose the opposite from everyone else. I definitely believe in souls, that intrinsic part of us all that transcends time, that has been around forever, seen everything, experiencing ‘flesh and blood us’ in real time.

I’m an old soul, I know it, I feel it. Countless people have even said it ‘you have wisdom beyond your years, Martin.’, ‘you have an old head on young shoulders’. They feel it too though but are afraid to admit it. 

Now, I joke that there are old and new souls and arseholes but most people don’t think their own way to the decisions they make. They do it because they’re told to, they believe it’s the right thing to do, they want to fit in.

I think things through.

Quite simple really.

And it doesn’t really take much to think independently but it’s a massive hurdle to jump because we all want, on some level, to be liked. Of course, you and I know this is a trap.

Freedom is being able to choose your own path.

Freedom is thinking for yourself.

Freedom is not needing to be liked for every single detail.

This is what independent thought does.

I’m starting to realise just how much pressure I’ve felt from people and how much I’ve inflicted on myself.

My life has felt very tight! Being squeezed, feeling tense much of the time.

I have described much of people’s behaviour as “killing things with questions.” – a relentless need of everyone around me to know each and every single detail of my life in minute.

Another phrase that has gained more significance in recent history, particularly with my ex-boyfriend, is “death by a thousand cuts.” This mode has involved much questioning too but on a more subtle level.

The phrase that particularly griped me was “what’s wrong with that?”. The annoying aspect about this was its coded nature – he wouldn’t just come out and say, honestly, “why don’t you do it like me?”

He really didn’t like me being independent. Even down to when we ate out he got annoyed when I ordered a different drink from him, that I wanted a different starter. Everything uniform! And very restrictive. I realise now that “he” was another prison I put myself into.

Of course, I’m painting a picture, whenever I speak of him, that it was all bad. There were absolutely needs and desires that were fulfilled for me, otherwise I wouldn’t have tried so hard to make it work but, frankly, from the start there was a bluntness and a hardness that had set in within him that was nothing to do with me. It was all very “take it or leave it.”, dismissive and nothing collegiate about it.

He asked many irritating questions but found it almost impossible to talk about anything meaningful and he found it very uncomfortable to take real questions from me so conversation was out of the window very early on.

All this to say, take from life what you will, in other words, take what is useful. Despite my age, on the verge of turning 44, he was my first serious relationship and a very impactful epoch of my life.

Now, no matter what the relationship I go into, whether business or personal or professional, I serve my needs. It is uncomfortable still but I embrace the discomfort more and more. The dragon hides the gold, the Knights of the Round Table, in search of their Holy Grail, entered the forest at the point which they feared the most.

Believe me, the stark irony of associating my ex with danger and fear is not lost on me. I am starting to laugh at it now that I made so many decisions to stay when the obvious choice was to run away.

But we do things for bizarre reasons and, sometimes, we just have to go through the mud to get to the clear, free-flowing stream.

Cherry-pick, my friends, not everything will serve you but you’ll learn to exclude it as you go.