Awareness is not existence.
You have scripts that are running all the time, unquestioned, unacknowledged, hidden – repressed! They are inconvenient to getting things you want from other people or at least you believe you want.
You’ll have had one, two, maybe many more experiences like this…
You’ll be sat in a very familiar setting. Suddenly, there’s a ring in your ears, you’ll ‘come to’ and you’ll suddenly wonder ‘what am I doing here?’, it’s like an out-of-body experience (maybe it is!) and you’ll be awake. It vanishes quickly but the echo sticks with you.
Certain beliefs
Certain judgements
Certain assumptions
How many of them are actually yours? How much of your life has served to please other people, to not get into trouble? How much have you pushed down to your depths so you don’t strike out independently?
Once this happens, you feel lost because you’re actually observing what takes place rather than believing the propaganda – and this exists in every area of your life. What most say and what they do rarely match. It becomes painfully obvious.
Do not shrink from this observation, accept it and, from that point on, accept your role in allowing yourself to be lead down destructive garden paths. You did do it but it doesn’t make you a bad person – though you will feel gargantuan shame. The shame is not the end, it is the beginning – of being who you were born to be regardless of all the voices that have been shouting over and at you.