Month: July 2025

Wowzers, don’t people get so angry! I’m quoting Shakespeare at you to try to remind you you’re a gentleman!

I made a comment yesterday on a post where a chap was sharing a video of people recording a policeman being assaulted by a civilian, commenting that he didn’t know why people were filming the incident rather than helping when he himself was using the video as a demonstration.

It’s what we call in the trade a performative contradiction.

The incredible thing though was several commenters calling me, and I make no joke, “a moron”, “disgusting”, a “pussy”, a “globalist”, a “lefty” (they don’t know me very well). Another remarking that I must find myself intelligent.

Vitriol. How much of it is real? How valid is any of it? From a one sentence comment I made. 350+ likes, 32K views.

It shows how the mildest of opinions can have the most dramatic of reactions and massive reach for something so common sensical.

1. Never doubt the impact you can have.
2. Never be afraid to speak up.
3. Always keep learning.

Everybody has some answer to what’s going on, some opinion, some explanation.

Or at least they take a stance and stick with it.

There’s little questioning.

The other day, I was on my village bridge and I was embroiled in a conversation over the potential installation of a Hydro electric facility immediately opposite where I live.

A chap intervened as someone involved in the project and, at one point, mentioned that the team of people he convened with were all ‘fat, white men’ and that the group wasn’t ‘very diverse’.

Ugh! Repugnant but I couldn’t be bothered to argue, not the time nor the place. He believes that by installing ‘renewables’ including solar panels on his house, ‘disapproving’ of gas and being ethnically masochistic/suicidal that he’ll get his brownie points and social status.

No thought, no questioning, it’s a thin way to live. Never just believe something because someone else says it.

What I am pursuing right now is bringing together all the wisdom and courage that I’ve developed. It’s satisfying, yet a slow process. It’s down to doing your own thinking, trusting yourself and listening out for the truth.

It’s your life. It’s your choice. You can do what you want.

You don’t need a ‘therapist’, you need the gym.

You don’t need a ‘coach’, you just need to ‘get on with it’.

You don’t need to talk, just ignore it.

Fine. See how it works when you’re slogging away at whatever and, under it all, you’re sabotaging yourself, you don’t feel you deserve the results you dream of.

I have seen it so many times.

People destroying themselves in the relentless pursuit of ‘proving people wrong’. The best revenge is living well?

Wrong focus and passive.

Do you really want to spend your life resentful, angry and reactive? No you don’t. Or maybe you do, much luck to you.

It’s talking, having a coach, that’s what it is. It’s actually very simple but so incredibly powerful.

Actors

Sportsmen

Businessmen

Entrepreneurs

The good ones will tell you they all have coaches.

Trainers, mentors, teachers, they’re all people to guide you and bring out the best in you. Whatever term you use, it’s a powerful opportunity working with someone who wants the best for you.

Take the leap and do what’s best for you.

Your choice.

Today marks eight months with no alcohol for me.

The longest I’ve been sober is two years, this stint will be far longer.

I feel awakened to life far more so than I ever have and I’m making better decisions for myself, of course, there are still many emotional echoes.

When I think, in particular, of my former relationship, I now feel a healthy sense of distance and a deeper understanding of how dysfunctional it truly was.

I have made many excuses for people but most of all for that man.

I was clouded and desperate when I was with him, a bad combination and I did many things when I was under his spell that were exceptionally damaging to me. Alcohol included!

Removing the mask, what can easily be dually-called m aking excuses, means greater responsibility and it can feel heavy to deal with. No hiding, no promising undeliverable acts, full focus, it’s no wonder most avoid it.

You don’t need therapy, you need the gym, they say. Hiding. We are physical but not exclusively.

We each have a soul, a purpose, spiritual needs (whether in balance or out of whack with our physical bodies), emotional needs, psychological needs. Complex – and complicated. Removing the mask of excuses and deleterious habits means becoming more adult and more accountable. It’s a vast opportunity and enormously overwhelming.

I trust ‘overwhelming’ more and more as the one true path to strength and resilience, authenticity too.

It’s all a gift, embrace it, enjoy it and live it.

I’ve second-guessed myself so many times, third, fourth, fifth, twentieth-guessed, haha! It’s been something of an addiction.

The world of ‘form’ makes it seem like everything is so rigid but we know that, in reality, everything’s bouncing off each other, it’s streaming and flowing and meandering all over the place.

The constant in your life is you. Whatever happens, you see it, you feel it, you attempt to make sense of it.

When you feel pulled in a million different directions at once, breathe, accept you can’t know all the answers, trust yourself that the decisions you’ve made are the right ones and learn to deal with what comes.

Acceptance and flexibility are key.

Panic

Rush

Hurry

Anger

Desperation

These are some of the names of my spiritual disconnection.

I am days away of being sober for 8 months. I truly feel more awake now than I have ever done. I am face to face with many demons. I subjugated myself to such detrimental forces that I denied who I am for a very long time.

We each have a spark of divinity in us. It is the true self. 

Violence to the spirit is willing self-destruction. We do it every day by panicking about the food we’re eating, how we can control other people (which we can’t), worrying whether we’re doing the right thing.

Increasingly, I look for the humanity in interactions, in daily life.

We have choices, many choices.

To me, the most important choice is to take care of ourselves first, to be integrated, kind, calm and rational.

This, to me, is the only foundation to build a solid and meaningful life, worthy of your dreams and your calling.

I’ve let so many little things bother me.

Noise, litter on the street, bits and pieces of politics.

Solutions, that’s what matters to me.

There’s so much stuff we can leave people to get on with, so much stuff we believe we can control that we can’t, it’s why I do my best to live by principle.

I pick up litter and put it in the bin, because I love beauty and firmly believe there’s a place for everything and everything can be put into its place. I don’t huff and puff and blow the house down over it. It’s there, you can pollute your system feeling resentful that people drop it.

It’s up to you to make things better.

Do it or shut up.

Fight, fight, fight. 

Hate, hate, hate.

This is all I see from people, what they express publicly anyway.

They say we must fight for England.

They say we must hate our opponents.

We know that war is an evil yet we indulge all our energy in attacking other people.

My journey is understanding we must

Stand up for ourselves.

Defend our borders.

Love the person behind the sin.

Those that dehumanise others will only ever disconnect themselves from the divine spark IN US ALL.

Law of Love.

Oh my goodness, what I know about asking permission!

Branching out feels criminal when you’ve been a people pleaser. 

Doing your own thing is what it means to be a man.

Masculinity is a powerful force but we waste it, fail to invest in it, it’s something that is developed and maintained. Use it or your lose it.

The more confident I become, the simpler life becomes and the more I get done.

I must confess, I still have traces of the perpetual voice of judgement, criticism too. 

“You’re not allowed to do that!”

“You’re naughty.”

“You’re going to get caught.”

What you need to accept is any starting attempts at standing up for yourself will feel messy, massively uncertain and you’ll likely feel totally out of your depth.

We all start somewhere!

And, just in case you’re still wondering, Yes.

You Are Allowed.

I’ve just finished eating beans on toast. In fact, they were the leftover beans from yesterday’s beans on toast and the black pepper has mellowed. On top of toasted white bread with lashings of butter, most satisfying. Highly English.

Now.

Non-natives will not understand this meal. It’s carbs on carbs and doesn’t make sense to their sensibilities or tastes. 

Such is life.

There are always insiders and outsiders. We can try and pretend that everyone will get along and value the same things and behave in the same ways but we know that this is merely politicking!

Even out of in-group preference, every single human being on Earth that exists and has existed has a unique perspective on the truth of matters. We do not and CANNOT see things the same way.

I’ve just sneezed out the pepper from the system. Others won’t.

And many try and persuade others to think particular things out of a desperate need to agree or get their own way but it’s so obnoxious and rude. We pretend to know all the answers and we just don’t. This is a terrible sleight to many’s egos.

Just because you believe something does not mean others can or should. We still haven’t learnt the humanity of trying to genuinely understand where other people are at in life. And we forget that at various points we behaved in the self-same way that we deride others for. 

It’s so historically ignorant – rude to boot.

You’re going to be hearing me say it a lot – the fulfilment of your own potential is the only thing that matters, do it with style and class and a sense of dignity.

I’m defrosting chicken breasts in warm water at the moment.

Outside, there is perpetual, nigh on torrential rain and I am communing myself playing around on different websites, looking stuff up, listening, drinking tea, eating bits and pieces.

It’s beautifully Saturday behaviour.

I’m also writing this. 

Thawing out the chicken breasts is immensely satisfying, I love simple, transformative acts because the water went into the bowl piping hot and the chicken breasts started out frozen solid and icy-cold. With time, these two temperature extremes balance out and they end up in harmony, in equilibrium at the same temperature.

They do not fight, they find an according. This is your natural state. It’s not about making anything else fit in with your conditions. I have to keep reminding you that that’s tyranny.

Your responsibility is to fulfil your own potential. Nothing else.

We don’t like ourselves. It’s blatantly obvious to me.

Listen to how people talk about themselves.

“I was so naive.”

“I’m ashamed of myself for believing that.”

“You should cringe at your past behaviour.”

We don’t forgive ourselves. (Is there anything to forgive!)

We don’t value ourselves enough.

Remember, we are born into such established, powerful and rigorous paradigms. Free thought and independence are seen as threats and are quashed from the earliest age – think of how school and university are organised. Are these places of free expression? Are they actually ‘liberal’ as they are painted.

No! Of course they’re not. It might not be a thing elsewhere but here in the UK we have what are known as Preparatory Schools, we have TV programmes. The clues are in the names and they are, for the most part, strong, inflexible and indoctrinating.

Using language like naive when you could just as reasonably say ‘unaware’, ‘influenced’, ‘at a different stage’, is damaging. 

Oh but Martin, you must believe in regret?! No, I don’t. Everything that’s happened has been useful AND I don’t hate myself anywhere near to the degree I used to. That’s the problem.

Stop hating yourself.

Start finding the solutions.

We English are said to be a very tolerant, respectable people and it’s true. People know what Englishness means without perhaps being able to articulate it. 

Fair play

Rule of law

Bonne vivants!

We have a great sense of humour.

I believe what’s forgotten, however, is how irreverent we can be, boisterous and, when it comes down to it, willing to protect ourselves.

Of course, we assume this means violent revolution but it’s not really in our character. And long-term, I don’t really think bloody rebellion gets you where you want to go.

The English are individualists.

We are laissez-faire (live and let live)

And people scoff but we have principles too.

When you’re constantly in other people’s business, you’re only ever going to be creating stress – and it makes you a tyrant.

I firmly believe in honesty, let people know what you will and won’t put up with but for the rest of it – start focusing on what you can do. That’s a far more healthy proposition and a healthier one!

I’ve been called every name under the sun for mirroring back things people have related to me.

Today’s soubriquet’s have been ‘harsh’ and ‘rude’, to repeat myself, for simply pointing out what someone told me themself.

It’s most tiring because, as a discerning man, I can distinguish one thing from many others.

Rude

Naive

Harsh

Childish

Spoilt

All things I’ve been called when I’ve been the one thing people truly take umbrage with – HONEST.

Living in reality, I know it’s not just the chap I’ve been chatting with today that doesn’t want to do it. In our conversation today, I explained how it’s a form of gaslighting to deny saying things I know he’s said to me. And, of course, the irony is whatever insult has been hurled at me is, in reality, what they’re doing.

But, naturally, people want to brush things under the carpet, I’ve seen it so many times. Little do they know, it will eventually resurface and bite them in the arse. You can’t actually avoid the consequences but it feels easier in the moment to kick the can down the street.

It’s not the kind of relationship I want where honesty is the enemy and denial is a coping strategy.

Simple things, I want.

Honest things, I want.

And yes, even if it’s uncomfortable.

I look forward to ‘uncomfortable’ more and more, it means getting more confident

AND!

Having real friends.

Responsibility is taking charge of what you have influence over.

Control is trying to take responsibility for things you have no influence over.

Simple distinction but the world’s problems lie in the mass inability to distinguish between the two.

A large part of my struggles has been in an environment where everyone has been vying for control and talking over each other.

No discussion.

No negotiation.

No reciprocity.

Power leans towards totalitarianism.

And we all have the proclivity to want our own way. So understanding this is of others is to understand it for yourself.

I am training myself to be less rigid when it comes to getting things done. I have a massive perfectionistic streak but I am also getting more used to standing up for myself.

It’s all a mess getting yourself sorted out, believe me, I know.

Everyone wants your attention.

Everyone wants you to agree with them.

Being noticed is the modern currency.

It’s always been the case, it’s just heightened now that people can make money out of it.

So people will employ tactics, frequently including lying, staging, fabricating and opining.

The test? 

Not to fall for it.

Use your eyes and ears, not your need to be liked.

Many quote that honesty is the best policy but they don’t live it. People actually hate honesty. They’re not equipped to deal with it. 

Numerous people tweet,

Harsh Trush: XYZ but it’s never anything really controversial, just something blatantly obvious. It’s an engagement tactic. Yesterday, I replied to such a tweet saying Harsh Truth: tweets that start with Harsh Truth are really fucking boring. And they are.

I am convinced that the vast majority of small living or imprisonment is self-inflicted. Hardly anybody goes to real prison, they’re just stuck in their own minds and their hearts.

Try and pin anyone down on anything definitive, they vanish. In a cloud of smoke, they disappear and the conversation’s over. I see it all the time.

So when something slightly irritating happens, I stress less and less about it because it won’t make a difference to sorting the situation out. E.g. My bathroom light isn’t working right now, the cord to switch it on isn’t engaging but, when I was growing up, this will have caused such consternation and stress, I learned to go out of my body to deal with drama.

It’s your choice how you live life, what I recommend? Solutions sought in as peaceful a way as possible. That’s my aim.

It’s said a problem never disappears, it only changes form.

The story of history is actually not what people are fighting, it’s the fact that a small few overcome the challenges of their age.

That’s what we find inspirational, aspirational and motivating.

So when we’re talking about historical movements…

Fascism

Puritanism

Communism

Totalitarianism of any kind

It is crucial to understand that the elements of these tyrannies exist still in many, many people. They don’t go away. They are annoying. They are dangerous. Trying to communicate with many can’t be a fool’s errand.

We humans are humans and everyone wants their own way on some level.

Resilience, that’s the key and a laser-focus on making things better yourself.

I am obsessed with the website ‘Rightmove’. It charts the vast majority of properties for sale in the UK (and some properties abroad I think).

Every now and then, I look up the building I used to live in when I was in London. Incredibly, after less than two years in the flat, the lady who bought it from me has re-marketed it. The pictures of it look quite nice actually but I squeezed more furniture into it.

This is the point. While you’re in your groove, things are moving on, it’s easy to get distracted. Different people have different tastes and methods of behaviour.

It’s why it’s a great idea to get yourself sorted out, to take advantage of opportunities, to feel great about yourself.

There’s a world of adventure and there are benchmarks you can track your progress against. We talk about living only in the present moment and I agree but we like improving, I don’t see anything wrong with that either.

Learn to ride the waves.

You can read as many people as you like, subscribe to e-mail lists, read newsletters, study your favourite creators but, guess what, they’ve got their own ideas.

Things change, algorithms shift. 

And even then, what works for them is what they’re willing to do, what works for you is what you’re willing to do and everyone has a different plan – a plan is as unique as the person doing it.

At the end of the day, you’re talking with people, that’s what it boils down to and offering them something.

Learn to find your own groove, your own niche, your own way.

I’ve said it many a time that people want their way. That’s one point.

The other node to this is that people don’t want to admit the truth. Evidence is inconvenient to them. Responsibility too, a stumbling block.

There’s a bit of a karmic war going on with a couple of people in my life who just want to brush things under the carpet. Ignore that they’re happening.

I’m leaving them to their part.

I’m doing my part.

It’s interesting because the last subject I discussed with my therapist was separation. One of the biggest things I’ve struggled with is knowing where I end and other people begin. It’s a consequence of relentlessly saying “yes” when saying “No” would have served me far better.

You cannot please all the people all the time. In fact, you can’t please anybody any of the time.

That’s their job.

And yours is yours.

Live strong and confident.

Drinking too much coffee.

Figuring out when to go to bed.

Exercise

Content Strategy

It’s all a big mystery and, to be honest, it continues to be until you find your natural groove in everything you’re doing.

Entrepreneurs are explorers.

It’s a voyage of discovery to establish what you want to do and how you want to do it.

We have ideas don’t we but no guarantees. It’s a brave man’s game, a determined one’s too.

You will feel crazy because you’re making stuff up as you go. 

You will feel crazy because you’re largely feeling around in the dark.

Resilience, my boy, and persistence.