Today marks eight months with no alcohol for me.
The longest I’ve been sober is two years, this stint will be far longer.
I feel awakened to life far more so than I ever have and I’m making better decisions for myself, of course, there are still many emotional echoes.
When I think, in particular, of my former relationship, I now feel a healthy sense of distance and a deeper understanding of how dysfunctional it truly was.
I have made many excuses for people but most of all for that man.
I was clouded and desperate when I was with him, a bad combination and I did many things when I was under his spell that were exceptionally damaging to me. Alcohol included!
Removing the mask, what can easily be dually-called m aking excuses, means greater responsibility and it can feel heavy to deal with. No hiding, no promising undeliverable acts, full focus, it’s no wonder most avoid it.
You don’t need therapy, you need the gym, they say. Hiding. We are physical but not exclusively.
We each have a soul, a purpose, spiritual needs (whether in balance or out of whack with our physical bodies), emotional needs, psychological needs. Complex – and complicated. Removing the mask of excuses and deleterious habits means becoming more adult and more accountable. It’s a vast opportunity and enormously overwhelming.
I trust ‘overwhelming’ more and more as the one true path to strength and resilience, authenticity too.
It’s all a gift, embrace it, enjoy it and live it.