It feels like the world is imploding and falling down at the same time and in the second before you throw up, you realise it’s been…
All
Your
Fault!
I’ve been dry for 11 months today. 335 Days, which, funnily enough, is the number of the London flat I lived in for almost 22 years. I love synchronicities like that, of any kind in fact.
I’m glad for the decisions I’ve made. Many of them have been very difficult. It demonstrates to me I’m more resilient than I give myself credit for. I’ve added resilience to the list – in a recent conversation with my friend Riley, he posed the question “Who have I been the whole time?” (Part of a discussion on bettering ourselves and acknowledging who we are as men).
I’ve rephrased the question to “Who have I been the whole way through?” and I’ve already written a quite satisfying list, including ‘frightened’, because that’s been true.
Frightened of what people have thought.
Frightened of spending money.
Frightened to voice my own opinions calmly.
Frightened of not having all the answers.
I’m heading over to a village today, on the bus. It’s called Eyam. It’s famous for its church, its Hall (that I will be visiting) and the plague cottages. My sister went to Ballet lessons there as a child. She is a fabulous dancer. It’s a part of her. I’m a fabulous dancer too, it’s something I am reviving for myself.
Learn to accept who you are and where you are.
Learn to acknowledge your gifts and invest in them.
The only way to make progress is to accept the current situation first.