I’m doing far more for myself these days. I’m putting myself at the centre of activity and something else too. I’m doing things for the right reasons – because I’m engaging in ‘good’ work.
Strewn leaves in the communal area where I live were annoying me, they’re messy, so I decided to clear them away and the first time, once I had finished the job, I felt enormously satisfied and other people’s commendation was a cherry on the cake but not necessary, not the focus.
Do good work.
I know I’m not alone in having wanted to win people’s approval. Of course, we know it’s a trap but it’s also a massive waste of time. Energy matters, your attention matters and why you do things is how you get there.
I am sweeping up the leaves, as an example, because I want to take responsibility for making my home beautiful and orderly and want to avoid believing “oh, that’s someone else’s job.”. If I were doing it to please people, want if they ignore me, what if I’m flying in their face when they want things done another way, I shape myself according to their needs and not my own.
The fact that my ex constantly said ‘we’re not hurting anybody’ clearly demonstrates to me that he was constantly thinking about other people and never about the two of us.
Wherever you are, be there.
Some will agree with you, many others won’t but doing the right thing i.e. good, proactive work without the need for anyone else’s input, means you’re doing things for their own sake and not feeding your ego.
“Nice” is overrated as there’s a desperation in it, a need to gain favour and reward regardless of what you’re doing. It makes you scatty and disordered. Most people are living life on whims not principle.
“Reasonable” is overrated as you have no idea what premises people are operating from. One man’s meat is another man’s poison.
I’m not saying that people’s appreciation is wrong or that it isn’t enjoyable receiving it but it’s not primary focus for living your best life.
Never, ever be your own prison warden.
Don’t be nice and caged, be good and free.