I had a very feminised upbringing.
Being surrounded by women all the time, things were rather chaotic.
The biggest lesson I’m learning now is to say ‘No’ – to define boundaries and stick to them – I’ll be honest, I find it very, very difficult.
So, I often feel rather trapped and neurotic, anxious too.
It’s all a process of unlearning for me. Getting stronger (i.e. being more decisive and feeling GOOD about it) and, frankly, feeling like I’m doing it all alone is very tough and slow and laborious.
Because of all this, I have subjected myself to………
Massive over-analysis
Feeling paranoid much of the time
Pretty much constantly scanning for ‘threats’
Thinking of, and actually referring to, myself as ‘the crazy ex-girlfriend!’
Welcome to the true insights of my discombobulated mental state, people. I’m not going to hide it nor will I sugarcoat it.
We all have our hangups.
We’re all fucked up in one way or another.
My current method is to isolate myself from people which I know is not a viable, longterm strategy. I am aware of it and I’d like to get out there more with other people, honestly though, I retreat from it because, right now, I find most people just too irritating to talk with and spend time with. I feel my blood boiling most of the time.
So, with this post, I am not going to offer the solutions I normally would, I’m just detailing the lay of the land for you.
Do remember this though, if any of what I’ve said even slightly resonates, you are not alone.