My ex was obsessed with death. He was actually very dark!
Thing is, I’ve talked about him a lot recently but I don’t hate him. In fact, I am grateful for having been ‘involved’ with him. The relationship has taught me an awful lot about myself and how to do better.
Interestingly, I’ve just been taken up with a short comment exchange on a YouTube video I did a couple of days ago and see the need to be ‘right’ everywhere I go.
We all do it to some extent but it’s a waste of time trying to change people’s minds. No, I want to be uplifted. I want to stand up for myself and experience what it feels like. When I stand up for myself these days, I get a whole raft of emotions.
I get tingling sensations in my chest and stomach, my forehead feels like it’s raising up out of my body. I get a bird’s eye view, it is a bizarre situation to be in but here’s the shift I’ve made in the last few weeks…..
Rather than judge myself for feeling and believing what’s occurring in the moment, I get very curious and, as time goes by, stiller in the process. The words people use say nothing about me, they inform me of what they believe about themselves and we can trust this because they ask us no questions, only make statements.
Most people do not know other people, it’s too time-consuming for them and too inconvenient.
In my ‘culture wars’ YouTube stage, Dinesh D’Souza was frequently pushed. I adopted a phrase he used when speaking with a young, idealistic boy in the audience – “Turn that moral mirror on yourself.” I’ve used it quite a bit because, obviously, it’s far easier to seemingly criticise other people than look at yourself.
The truth will set you free but first it will piss you off.
I’m still unravelling all of the shit that went down with my ex, clearly and understandably, I opened this post talking about him.
Also, as time goes by, I focus on where I am, what I feel, which beliefs serve and destroy me, I’m learning to let go more easily – BUT NOT GIVE IN TO BE LIKED AND LOWERED! Giving in is passive, letting go is adult, responsible and uplifted (if you want a clear distinction).
It’s life, it’s not an end result, it’s a constant becoming but if you’re ‘questioning’ and open, you’ll make a better life for yourself. Anger is the truly global affliction.
What could you do if you allow yourself to feel uplifted? To be grateful for what’s happened so you can overcome any obstacle? A noble goal and very much a work in progress.