Author: Martin Pavey

Stress is the enemy of success. 

No great thing has ever been done out of stress – passion yes, dedication yes, honesty yes.

If you really pay attention, you’ll observe just how much people love the drama! It’s arousing, erotic, exciting to people.

In the last few years I’ve seen it, just how many pressures and expectations outside influences try to weight us down with. This, as a side note, is why it’s so important to say no. It’s okay to disagree with bullshit.

Intuitive living means authenticity, leaving room! 

Again, observe just how desperately people want to know absolutely everything, immediately if not sooner! Having to have an opinion on every single issue.

I’ve done the same. Now, there are many things I really don’t give a fuck about. You won’t know the secrets of everyone’s hearts and trying to do so is totalitarian – a means of control. Those who want to know all about everything and everyone are never peaceful people.

I wrote recently about minding your own business. It’s one thing to just talk about other people and wanting to have no privacy, the stronger man will quit needing to relentlessly pry into their counterparts.

Openness is great but only pay attention to what you can change and that means learning to be satisfied with what YOU’RE doing. If you need to eat some junk food, do it, balance. I hear so-called influencers saying to completely cut out pleasurable things. Fuck that. 

Obsessed with Keto, they never manage to get into ketosis and insist they’re allergic to wheat. They’re not, they’re just obsessed, rigid and, again, observe how miserable they are.

I am going, whether you need it or not, to give you permission to FEEL GOOD and to FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF.

DON’T get trapped in a mentality that any single thing is the magic bullet solution to your entire life and now and forever. It isn’t. Life shifts, you develop (if you allow it) and your tastes will undoubtedly change as you grow up. I’m 42 and I’m only really starting.

Regret nothing. It’s all passed.

Embrace the small things you want and enjoy them, I guarantee that will get you over your supposed wheat allergy.

Have a grand vision for your life and pursue it, remembering at all times to be open to unexpected pleasures.

That’s what it means to live intuitively.

Are you a prisoner of people-pleasing? I certainly have been.

Every day, I witness people who are really struggling. They need to fit in, they silence their own intuition and make shockingly bad decisions as a result.

YOU decide!

Yes, that’s right. You decide. It’s your life.

Here’s the thing you have to do though. You have to face the wrath, pettiness and disagreeableness of other peoples’ reactions. These may be from friends, family, colleagues, spouses, boyfriends/girlfriends (Side note: I hate (and don’t use) the term partner in these cases – a partner is a business acquaintance – fact!).

Literally in the last few weeks, I’ve felt a wave of ‘I am not bothered anymore’ about such reactions bathe me in the relief.

Imagine what that would feel like – the freedom to say what you need to. You’ve always that freedom by the way, you’ve just been frightened and believe me, that’s understandable. Now that I’ve turned 42, I’ve realise I’ve either got to fish or cut bait. No more fucking about.

‘YOU decide’ means taking responsibility, naturally. It also means establishing what really matters (which is actually very little).

What can you change?

What can’t you change?

Which one are you focusing on?

What are you getting done?

That’s right!

YOU decide.

People are terrified of saying “No.” I’ve been one of them.

We’ve been so coddled as a culture to the point of total obedience.

When you say “No.”, you open the floodgates to all manner of behaviour from people and most people want an ‘easy’ life and neglect to stand up for themselves. Are you one of those people?

Here’s what I’m thinking……

Whatever the behaviour, and let’s face it, it’s not going to be much worse than being called some bad names and hearing some raised-voices, learn to embrace it.

The other day I wrote about making fun of whatever you’re going through. Let’s bring that to the table here too.

Every day, life becomes shorter.

Live it with confidence, live it peacefully and let other peoples’ behaviour wash over you.

I’ve been at the sharp end of many peoples’ opinions, listening to what they say they want and have wanted from me.

Never allow other peoples’ expectations to shadow your own ambitions. 

When people express doubts, in fact, when they say anything – they’re not talking about you. 

They’re worried for themselves.

They wouldn’t choose what you choose.

They’re living minutely.

And they don’t see it! Wilful blindness.

Embrace making massive, bold decisions. You’d be amazed at what solutions present themselves when you authentically express what you want and that you deserve to truly have it.

If other people have done great things, that means there are people to learn from and solutions to implement.

DREAM BIG TODAY!

DREAM BIG EVERYDAY!

You don’t hear this phrase often now. Everyone feels entitled to be involved in everyone’s business.

Fuck off I tell such people.

There are three kinds of business

Yours

Other Peoples’

God’s

Start locally! Charity begins at home and that starts with you.

You’ll never control people and attempting to is what we call Tyranny.

Be Your Own Boss – Live Your Own Life – In The Best Possible Way!

When you’ve been through a lot in your life, the temptation is to try and sort everything out, all at once, in a crazy hurry.

If you’re anything like me, you don’t want to suffer through life but sometimes it’s very difficult to escape the ghosts of your past.

People talk about gratitude but the way they address it is incredibly shallow.

The first step is to actually desire satisfaction, to want to be free. That’s before you do anything.

Next, define what is enough. What do you need to get done in the day that will leave you feeling satisfied and accomplished.

After that, observe all the good things in your life and either thank the Universe/God for them or, if they involve a specific person, for goodness sake let them know!

Success is a feeling as well as an act. Do you really believe you’re successful?

If so, rinse, repeat and you’ll find not only happiness comes but also peace.

It is a day-trip today. My man and I are going sightseeing in the countryside!

When I was first with my lovely boyfriend, I was very angry. Paranoid too. Everything was about power and rage for me.

Why?

Programming.

It’s hard to break patterns of behaviour when you’ve been so intrenched in them, for so long.

Why?

Security.

Most don’t want freedom – that means taking responsibility as an adult.

Most people want predictability – even if it means being miserable because it’s familiar.

It was last night that my boyfriend announced this lovely surprise of our day-trip and shortly after writing this I will head out.

I used to reject such spontaneous gifts.

Why?

Control-freak here.

The beautiful thing is, I learn to accept these happy instances, the more peaceful I become, the more grateful I become, the more open to experience I become.

Sounds good right?

Yes. 

It’s a hard place to be when you not only feel sadness, anger, frustration, anxiety, etc. but it’s even worse to judge yourself for feeling such things.

As hard as it sounds, when feeling arise, try as best you can to just observe what you’re feeling. Add nothing in. 

Try to enjoy it – here’s why.

The feeling is not a problem – it’s a signpost.

So you’re feeling anxious, say, what is that telling you? Well, my friend, it is telling you to, perhaps, stand up for yourself, maybe it’s telling you you’re more capable than you believe.

Most people want to be stressed, I observe it more and more every single day and, to be honest, it’s why I’m leaving London – to move back to the countryside and be amongst normal people again.

Problems give people the right to behave like arseholes, at least that’s what they think and when you are perpetually surrounded by such people who have given up, it takes its toll.

You are where you are, it doesn’t have to be a bad thing, let it be a springboard to do what you really want to do.

Ever noticed how everything is so fast these days?

No time to develop.

No time for peace.

No time to reflect.

When most people say they ‘need’ something, what they’re really saying is they want it and they want it now.

You don’t need big screen televisions.

You don’t need to go to the theatre.

You don’t need to have the most expensive car.

These are all wants.

I watch a huge array of YouTubery and I am further convinced that people just believe what they’re told.

“But it’s expensive to bring up kids.” – no. It’s expensive to bring up children when you care about what other people think of you.

“My children need this toy and that console and these shoes.” – again, no. Did you need those things growing up? How much of the things from your childhood do you still have? That’s right, practically none of it.

My boyfriend is chiefly responsible for instilling the idea of “enough” in my mind. Truly.

Let’s look at Andrew Tate. A famous example right now. Yep, he’s got the money, the cars, the women, he’s also infamously on trial. Don’t get me wrong, I think the guy’s brilliant. Entertaining, has a lot of wisdom but what is the outcome?

He’s admitted in interview that he can’t relax. He can’t stop, he won’t allow himself to sit down and ‘smell the roses’. Where is the balance? What’s the difference between 12 cars and 18 cars? Does contentment increase with every new vehicle? Neh, it’s just more stuff to look after.

If you believe you need everything you have, you’ll never be able to distinguish between what really brings you peace, joy and contentment and the nice extras that enhance your life but don’t define it.

And I say all this as a man who wants a lot of things, I have aspirations and ambitions and dreams but it doesn’t detract from the fact that I have the best time with my boyfriend, cooking nice things for him, having great sex and taking peaceful walks.

Define the essentials and, believe me, you’ll appreciate the optional extras all the more.

What do you allow into your life?

Are you assertive or passive?

Are you principled or weak?

Are you decisive or blurry?

Do you need to be liked?

Are you satisfied?

It’s your choice.

Yes, yours.

Full stop.

I’ve allowed people to walk over me. I’ve maintained shit friendships. I’ve doubted my own instincts and been afraid to break away.

Not anymore.

In order to live your own life, you’ll have to accept that some people may be pissed off. It’s likely they will and many will drop you anyway. Let ‘em.

Being decisive means knowing what you want, why you want it and getting it done. Nothing more, nothing less. It’s actually very simple but I’ve been hyper-sensitive to these things because I’ve been entirely surrounded, no, I’ve ALLOWED myself to be surrounded by people who just want to fight and disagree for the sake of it.

It’s a surprisingly common pattern of behaviour when you first realise it but not that surprising really when you consider it’s what we’ve been taught. From the beginning. Very few question it of course.

Be the person that questions it. 

Live life intentionally.

Live life consciously.

Observe most people, they’re sleepwalking through life.

I passed an international halls of residence the other day. A large group of students were gathered outside. Every single one of them on their phones, not talking with the people immediately in front of them. Bizarre.

People may think you mad but start to communicate with yourself. Start listening and trusting yourself more. I have conversations with myself all the time, often out loud – to make sense of things that have happened and that are currently going on in my life.

Again, it’s all down to not being passive.

Start mastering your thoughts and emotions.

Establish what it is that you want and what you believe. 

Think about it, you don’t need permission because everyone else is perfectly happy to do their own thing. You should as well.

Most people want to fight because they haven’t got much going for them, most likely they’re resentful you’re even trying to improve yourself and do your own thing.

Don’t be held down, move away from fight.

Earn your ground, move towards the light.

For 40 days and 40 nights, Jesus wandered the wilderness and was tempted repeatedly by the Devil. Promises of wealth and power and fame and influence.

Jesus, quite famously, said no.

We think this story is old-fashioned, archaic and irrelevant today.

Nope.

We all have temptations, it’s so easy to abdicate your responsibilities, to be purely hedonistic and end up, in the long-run, worn-down and disappointed.

The disappointment comes from not living up to your potential, by not being the man you really could be.

Such a good decision I made yesterday that despite my reservations and doubt, I followed through on something very important (doesn’t matter what it is) and I woke up today a man of my word.

Are you a man of your word? Really!

Why do I ask this? Because I want you to wake up 

• stronger
• more principled
• a man who’ll build an empire
• a man who will leave a legacy that improves the world

Yes, you may solely want to live for the day and there is plenty of space for having fun and enjoying yourself but that by no means precludes you from making decisions that will benefit you in the future.

Be the man today that your future self will thank you for.

What’s the one thing that makes the biggest difference?

Why, it’s action of course.

Getting stuff done.

When people say they don’t feel like it, what they’re actually saying is they’re not worth the effort.

Life’s about results and you get out what you put in. Simple law of nature.

Get the important stuff done today, no other way.

Oh my God! Have you heard this as well?

“And I was like, I feel like X” and she said that “she was like.”

Ugh! Such horrible English.

But guess where it comes from, I reckon!

It comes from wanting to be liked by not being decisive in your speech or in your actions.

Nobody simply wants to say “she said and I agreed.” Everything needs to be qualified today. The need to be liked is compounded by everything being relativistic, nothing is true or untrue anymore, it’s millions and millions of indistinct shades of grey.

Let’s try this. Let’s own who we are, let’s stand and earn our ground. 

Make “like” soy again.

It’s the nicest way to start the day, my boyfriend and me exchanging well-wishing messages via WhatsApp – romance for the digital age.

To quote my lovely man “it’s a lovely, bright day, the kind of light that harbingers great things!”

Inspirational and useful too.

Make sure you’re using your choices wisely.

What are you filling your day with?

I’ve been pondering the idea of business recently. There are three main kinds.

Your Business

Other Peoples’ Business

God’s Business.

I.e. What you can control

What you can’t control

What you don’t need to think about

We all have the proclivity to want to change everything. Yep, a tyrant that will make of you.

Decide what you need to work on today, something that you can affect, the rest, leave it to God!

I say it a lot, if you want to find problems, you will – and you’ll do so easily!

I am on the eve of leaving London after nearly 23 years here and am moving back to my native hometown, in the beautiful countryside.

Am I nervous? Yes, of course.

Am I excited? Yes, absolutely.

Am I thinking of good things? Most definitely.

Do you try to know everything?

Do you plan down to the minutest detail?

Do you ever allow yourself to feel satisfied with your life?

Everything has a positive and opposite reaction. Nothing is perfect, nor is it a magic bullet solution. You must have faith at times to be able to move (either literally in my case or figuratively).

Just as it’s easy to see the negative, it’s equally easy, if you want to, to find the liberating and positive.

Today, and every day, that choice is yours.

It’s easy to be down on yourself.

It’s easy to believe there’s something wrong with you because you don’t fit in.

It’s easy to push things under the rug and hope they’ll go away.

No such thing is actually true.

The biggest problem you’ll face in life is wanting to be part of the crowd, to desire inclusion. Big trap.

Every day, you have a choice.

Each morning, I text my fantastic boyfriend. I want him to know how grateful I am for him.

Whether you realise it or not, you make choices all day, every day.

It’s the taking responsibility for what you do that determines whether you’re a child in an adult’s body or an adult in an adult’s body. It’s a long, drawn-out process, but that’s fine.

We are not looking for perfection when deciding “what will today be?”, we’re looking for action. Getting the important stuff done – that is within your control – and leaving the rest to God. 

I’ve witnessed many people, including many close to me, battle away in the attempt to control other people. It’s so fucking boring and pointless.

When deciding what today will be, look for things that bring abundance, truthfulness and peace. War is the enemy of Love.

Love is grateful, prosperous, free-flowing and always present.

How will you make today great?