Ooooh! I’m in an irascible mood today!
Whoever it was that invented the fucking leaf blower needs to be bitch-slapped and prevented from ever inflicting that pointless piece of machinery on us. Get a good hoe and a large sweeping brush!
And the next door neighbours nephews are stomping about in the next flat, reverberating on the partition walls! AGH!
There are days like this. There really are.
A friend invited me out to tea and he caught me mid-flow after my gym training when I couldn’t concentrate on the conversation. I ended up having to lay down in my bed to recover. I’m showered now and dressed for the day but I told him I wasn’t in the mood for going out.
Whatever I do now, I am invested in it and when I need time to myself, I take it – and I take it unapologetically. In the past, I would have felt guilty for stating my case to him honestly, now, I see it as a necessity and doing what I need to do.
There has to be a ‘there’ there means this – you have to do things for the right reasons not because you feel you ‘should’ or ‘must’ or ‘have to!’.
No, I do not argue from authority nor do I take arguments solely from authority.
The reason the ‘relationship’ ended with my ex was because there was no ‘there’ there.
No kissing
No long cuddles
No face-touching
No opportunity to sit in silence
It was all tension and power-playing
And I put ‘relationship’ in quote marks because, fundamentally, there was no conversation or discussion. For him, my way or the highway, that’s not a relationship, that’s a ‘situationship’ (my new, favourite made-up word), for me, something to do and focus on, someone else to make happy, plus it’s a tyranny.
Still think about him, still wonder if he’s okay, still imagine scenarios unrequited. It seems to be taking a while to get over the experience but I will and I will exorcise all the demons.
Make sure you’re present.
Make sure you’re doing things for the right reasons.
Make sure you’re not just living a life of style over substance.