No matter how old you are, when you start to truly strike out on your own it’s going to feel very strange, frightening and uncertain.
Cultivating new routines, saying no to damaging patterns, being your own boss as it were will all feel very foreign and, much of the time, you won’t know what you’re doing.
I was watching a great YouTube video yesterday on the work of Carl Jung and one of the ideas which struck me was how we learn to perform for others to get praise such as ‘gifted’, ‘talented’, the ‘ooh aren’t you ‘clever’ compliments but leaving absolutely no space for the average, for not being instantly brilliant at certain things – certain things which you may end up really loving but won’t start because you won’t shine for those around you.
We are all trapped in cages of ego, we must make others look good and so we must abandon ourselves. I understand this. I am sure you do to or maybe you were the child who could never get things right.
It’s all painful to admit but liberating to accept.
We all start somewhere. There’s a great line in the 2000s’ version of Sabrina.
“You see embarrassed by loneliness, by being alone. It’s only a place to start.”
Embrace the weirdness of it all, go on your adventure.